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Tag: ABUSE

  • Sub-Saharan Africa not safe for girls – UNICEF laments abuse

    Sub-Saharan Africa not safe for girls – UNICEF laments abuse

    The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund has reported that Sub-Saharan Africa is one of the most dangerous places for girls globally.

    In its latest report obtained from its X handle on Thursday, the region has the highest number of victims, with 79 million girls and women affected (22 per cent), followed by 75 million in Eastern and South-Eastern Asia (8 per cent), 73 million in Central and Southern Asia (9 per cent), 68 million in Europe and Northern America (14 per cent), 45 million in Latin America and the Caribbean (18 per cent), 29 million in Northern Africa and Western Asia (15 per cent), and 6 million in Oceania (34 per cent).

    UNICEF estimates that worldwide, around 370 million girls and women have endured sexual violence, with approximately one in five in sub-Saharan Africa suffering abuse before the age of 18.

    UNICEF Executive Director Catherine Russell stated, “Sexual violence against children is a stain on our moral conscience.”

    The new data, compiled from national statistics and international surveys conducted between 2010 and 2022, aims to bring visibility to the scale of the crisis, despite inevitable gaps and underreporting.

  • Man Utd suspend Antony from training

    Man Utd suspend Antony from training

    Manchester United have announced Antony has been suspended from training.

    United have taken action as Antony is under police investigation for domestic violence.

    The Premier League club announced today: “Manchester United recognize the allegations made against Antony.

    “Players who did not take part in international matches will return to training on Monday, however it has been agreed with Antony that he will delay his return until further notice to deal with the allegations.

    “As a club we condemn acts of violence and abuse. We also recognize the importance of safeguarding all those involved in this situation and the impact these allegations have on those who have experienced abuse.”

  • Sex education: A rejoinder to Adeleye-Fayemi’s letter to the minister

    Sex education: A rejoinder to Adeleye-Fayemi’s letter to the minister

    By Mary Ekemezie

    First, I would like to thank the Hon. Minister of Education for directing that sex education should be removed from the basic education curriculum. In the directive, the Hon Minister acknowledged the inalienable roles of parents as the primary educators of their children. I eagerly await the enforcement of the Hon. Minister’s directive.

    Now, let me respond to Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi’s open letter to the Minister, which was published in The Vanguard Newspaper on 6th November, 2022 (the “Letter”). In her letter, Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi urges the Honourable Minister of Education, to have a rethink about his directive and to consider retaining sex education in the basic education curriculum, albeit with some modifications.

    Before responding to the specific issues raised in the letter, I daresay that it is a good thing that we are having a national discourse on our national values, the role of education, religion and parental rights.

    In advancing the reasons for her support for the inclusion of sex education in the basic education curriculum, Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi recalled the story of Tanwa, the thirteen-year-old girl, impregnated by a neighbour. We must not lose sight of how and why Tanwa got pregnant – a neighbour who abused the trust that she reposed in him abused Tanwa. I sympathise deeply with Tanwa and with every other girl who has been the victim of sexual abuse. It is a terrible thing to be abused by persons who are responsible for you. I do hope she got the support she needed to get past that ugly event and to rebuild her trust in humanity and to forge a fresh path for herself.

    Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi also alluded to the fact that parents are unable to discharge their duties of providing sex education to their children because of the economic situation in the country, which requires them to work round the clock to make ends meet. This is a sweeping statement if there was ever one. This statement does not take into consideration that many parents who, despite their incredibly busy schedule, make time to parent.

    In the Letter, one of reasons she also proffered to the Honourable Minister of Education to support her position that we should leave sex education in the curriculum, is that religious leaders are some of the persons on the sexual offenders list. I have not seen this list, but it is safe to say that not everyone on that list is a religious leader. It is also safe to say that we do not know the moral values of all the teachers in the various schools across Nigeria. In much the same way as she has alluded to religious leaders being sexual offenders, stories abound in the dailies of teachers abusing children placed in their care.
    Do not get me wrong, I am not condoning or excusing the vile act of abusing children physically, or sexually, or in any other manner. I am, however, constrained to point out that not all religious leaders abuse the position of trust conferred on them. There are still many good men and women who serve God with their whole heart and who do the right thing. Should we, then, because of a small percentage of irresponsible spiritual leaders, take away a service that these spiritual leaders provide? To spin-back Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi’s argument to her, how do I know that the teacher in the class is not a paedophile or a sex groomer who has simply not been caught?

    I turn now to an issue the Letter did not speak to – the actual content of the sex education that is being provided to Nigerian children, under the guise of learning. Dear Reader, I crave your indulgence to reproduce some of the texts (a mixture of indoctrination, half-truths and outright lies) of what children are learning in school.

    In the inspire video series, the Balance in Nature video which is meant for students in SS3 encourages sterilisation – the cutting of the sperm duct as a beautiful method of family planning – and the presenter in the video recommends it for all men since it is of a permanent nature.  The video also encourages hysterectomy.  To put it in context, this video will probably be seen by students who are aged 14 to 18 years. I leave it to your imagination to decipher why our educational system is encouraging young children to be sterilised.

    The Active Basic science, 2014 edition, which is meant for Basic 6 (children aged 9 to 11) describes the actual nature (experience) of the sexual act. Why we need this level of graphic detail for children in primary school, I do not have an answer to.

    Stigma, a literature textbook, downplays the dangers of HIV.  This literature textbook suggests that having sex with a condom keeps one safe from HIV. The text does not speak about the fact that condoms are not fool-proof and have been known to fail.  It also encourages kissing HIV patients.  Question – are we encouraging our children to experiment with having sex with HIV patients?

    The Basic Science & Technology for Junior Secondary School 1, which is meant for children aged between 10 and 12 years (maybe 13 years), states that “safe sex” is a way to care for reproductive organs. Arguably, it could be said that this book is encouraging children to have “safe sex” as a way of caring for their reproductive organs. A review of the table of contents of for this book (Basic Science & Technology for Junior Secondary School 1) reveals that of the 30 weeks of study in the academic year, 11 weeks ((more than one-third of the contents of the textbook) is devoted to sex, sexual matters and the reproductive system). I am hard-pressed to understand why we need to spend so much time discussing sex with children whose primary aim at this stage of development is the acquisition of knowledge and virtues to guide their way through life.

    One of the topics discussed in the Basic Science & Technology for Junior Secondary School 2 (a book meant for children between the ages of 10 and 14) is abstinence.  You would think that abstinence means abstaining from sex – which is what the children need at this age -, but I have news for you.  As presented in the textbook, this topic is ambivalent about the moral value of abstinence, and does not convey the importance and rationale for abstinence.  Given the developmental stage of the children, I would expect (as was my experience when I was in school), that the focus of the education would be to teach the children how to make objective judgment calls about the rightness or wrongness of an action.
    Unless the intention of the NERDC and the authors of this textbook is to encourage children to engage in sexual activities, I would expect that the focus of the learning at this stage is to enable the children to cultivate good habits such as delayed gratification, discipline and respect for themselves and others.

    Oh, and I forgot to mention, that as part of learning unfamiliar words in the English Language subject, they introduce children as young as 8 years to the word “masturbation”. Again, I leave it to your imagination to understand why an 8-year-old needs to learn this word.

    I could go on, but I guess I have said enough to enable every reader of goodwill to decide whether we need this kind of sex education in the lives of our children.

    What our children need, in addition to the acquisition of technical and vocational skills, is an education which helps them to understand and to develop healthy habits, good decision-making skills, and a strong sense of meaning and purpose.   They need an education that does not lower the bar for them but calls them to pursue excellence. They need an education that is valued based and recognises our cultural and religious heritage and the place of morals.

    To address the concerns about parents being busy, I propose that as part of the commencement exercises at the beginning of every academic year, a session on sex education is organised for parents who can then pass it on to their children, taking cognisance of their physical, psychological, spiritual and emotional development.

    In addition, we need incentives that support parents to fulfil their parental duties. We need more family-friendly policies and workplaces at the national and state levels, and we should implement these policies in both the public and private sectors. There should also be more opportunities for remote-working to enable parents to spend more time with their children. Finally, and very importantly, the government should provide tax breaks that encourage and afford parents the opportunity to explore the option of not having both parents working full time.

     

    Mary Ekemezie
    Legal Practitioner
    Lagos

  • Late Osinachi begged me not to report husband’s abuse – neighbour tells court

    Late Osinachi begged me not to report husband’s abuse – neighbour tells court

    A neighbour of the late gospel singer Osinachi, Grace Nnaji on Thursday told an FCT Court in Abuja, that the singer on several occasions begged her not to report her husband, Peter Nwachukwu’s abuse.

    Nnaji, who is also a tailor, told the court that she met the singer when her husband approached her to make a dress for her.

    Nnaji while giving her testimony led by the prosecution counsel, Aderonke Imana said that she became close to the deceased as her Aco Estate, Airport Road, Lugbe, Abuja’s shop and residence was close to the Nwachukwu’s house.

    “The first time in 2014, when Nwachukwu brought her for her measurement when they got to the house, he said idiot come out for your measurements”.

    Nnaji said that she was shocked that it was his wife he referred to as an idiot.

    She added that the deceased confided in her that the defendant was always hitting her at the slightest provocation.

    ” Ekwueme, as I used to call her, came to my shop one day with injuries on her daughter’s head and she told me that the defendant pushed her and the child into the wall”

    ” The daughter had fever at the same time and I was the one that gave Ekwueme money to buy drugs from the pharmacy to give her daughter

    “Another time she came and showed me injuries on her back and told me that Peter kicked her on her back with his leg and she slammed into the wall with her chest.

    ” One day she ran to my house at about 5am and said that the previous night she locked her door and he kicked it open with his leg and proceeded to hit her on her chest.

    ” She fell to the floor and remained there crying until she slept off”, Nnaji alleged

    She further said that the defendant was in the habit of locking his wife out whenever she went to church and she would be at the gate knocking for hours.

    She said that at times it will take the intervention of neighbours before she would be allowed in and that she slept in her house for two days on one of the occasion he refused to allow her into the house.

    She also testified that on one occasion he left her in church after a vigil night and while she was trying to find her way home, she was attacked by hoodlums who disposed her of her phone and bag

    ” When Ekwueme got home and told him about the incident, he said you are lucky you were not killed as that will have been the best thing that could have happened to you” Nnaji alleged.

    Nnaji equally said that the defendant threatened that he was going to destroy the deceased’s reputation, kill her brother and that was the reason she was afraid to tell anyone about her ordeal.

    Nnaji also said that when told the singer to report the abuse to the police, her family, church and also a human rights radio, she refused.

    ” When I told her that I was going to report to the church, she begged me not to, saying that her husband will change”

    Speaking about when the deceased was ill, she said she had to sneak into her house to help me clean the house to avoid the defendant getting angry and complaining about an untidy house.

    ” Even when she was ill, she traveled for ministration and came back complaining about chest pain and she said she didn’t have money to treat herself

    When the witness was asked the defendant’s nature of job for him to be at home always to beat the wife, she said

    ” I asked Ekwueme, she told me that her husband was her manager and that he does not have any other job”.

    The defence counsel, I.A Aliyu who was slated to cross-examine the witness after prosecution was through, craved the indulgence of court to adjourn until Friday.

    The judge, Njideka Nwosu-Iheme, however stepped down the matter until 2:30pm.

    Ttwo former employees of the deceased testified for prosecution on Wednesday and alleged that the defendant verbally and physically abused the late singer.

    Nwachukwu is standing trial on 23 count charge bordering on domestic violence and culpable homicide is accused of been responsible for the death of the late gospel singer who was popularly known for her song “Ekwueme”.

    Nwachukwu has been remanded at the Kuje Correctional Facility since April after his wife’s death.

    NAN

  • Domestic violence in marriage: Way out – By Chima Nwosu

    Domestic violence in marriage: Way out – By Chima Nwosu

    Domestic violence/abuse is when one person in a marriage or intimate relationship tries to dominate, or excessively control the other. An abuser is someone who treats another person in a cruel, violent or unfair way. An abuser uses dominance, humiliation, isolation, threats, intimidation, denial and blames, etc. to get control over his/her victim. An abuser can be a man or a woman. Usually, it starts from threats, verbal assault, to physical violence.

    Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, etc. The physical injury may pose as the greatest danger. But the emotional and psychological aspects are also very damaging. It can destroy the victim’s self worth, lead to anxiety and depression, can make one feel helpless and alone; which can also be suicidal. Men, as well as women, also suffer these kind of abuses. But most times, women tend to be victims of physical abuse more.

    Most people in abusive marriages may not know. Some feel they’re the reason why their spouses are abusing them. So they try everything possible to please their spouse, which in most cases, they’re difficult to please.

    Signs of abusive marriage

    1. You’re scared of your spouse anytime s/he is around.
    2. You avoid certain topics or discussions because you don’t want to offend your spouse.
    3. Always afraid to talk to your spouse or make a request.
    4. You feel you are the one always at fault. Anytime you’re abused, you caused it.
    5. You feel you are not good enough for your spouse.
    6. Rather than appreciate you when you deserve it, your spouse belittles or criticizes you.
    7. You feel embarrassed to meet your friends and family members because of what you’ve been reduced to.
    8. Your spouse blames you for their abusive behaviour.
    9. S/he feels threatened by your achievements.
    10. Limits your access to family, friends, money, phone, car, etc.

    Way out of abusive marriage

    One major way out of an abusive marriage is to involve both families if dialogue with your spouse has failed. That is the reason why marriages involve both families from day one.

    ALSO READ || Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and the frictions that destroy marriages in the new age

    But where there is a serious threat to your life, take a time out. Taking time out does not mean divorce. It’s a healing process. It can help both parties to heal and have a change of behaviour. It’s only the living that celebrates Marriage/ Wedding Anniversaries.

    By the grace of God, we will gradually get it right and have healthy and enjoyable marriages.

  • Kurt Zouma charged with 3 offences over cat abuse video

    Kurt Zouma charged with 3 offences over cat abuse video

    West Ham defender Kurt Zouma has been charged with three offences after video emerged in February of him allegedly kicking and slapping his cat.

    The France international will appear in a London court on Tuesday alongside his brother Yoan for a first hearing.

    Yoan Zouma is alleged to have filmed the incident and is charged with two counts of aiding, abetting, counselling or procuring Kurt Zouma to commit an offence.

    Kurt Zouma is charged with two counts of causing unnecessary suffering to a protected animal on Feb. 6 this year by kicking it in the abdomen and slapping it in the head.

    The 27-year-old is also charged with not taking reasonable steps to protect the animal from pain, suffering, injury or disease.

    Two cats belonging to Zouma are still under the care of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA).

    West Ham fined their player in relation to the incident and made donations to nine animal welfare charities in Britain and overseas.

  • Remarriage: Coping with Abused, Damaged Spouses – By Michael West

    Remarriage: Coping with Abused, Damaged Spouses – By Michael West

    The most difficult and delicate person to marry is a person who came out of an abused, emotionally damaged and mentally tortured marriage. It is akin to a wounded lioness that survived a hunter’s snare. Any animal that dare to intrude on her space or tries to hurt her cubs will not live to tell the story. That is how delicate it is to marry a deeply hurt soul.

    Coming out of an abusive marriage is not a joke. Victims of bad marriages that venture into another relationship need to be encouraged and supported. Not a few people have vowed never to have anything to do with marriage again because of their miserable experiences.

    They become excessively sensitive, easily irritated and abnormally suspicious of whoever shows interest in them. They find it difficult to forget hurtful experiences from their failed marital relationships. Any unpleasant traits similar to that of their abuser found in the new partner will automatically trigger strong resistance and self-defence. In many cases, they lose emotional balance to manage and control their reactions.

    It is courageous of abused persons to give love a chance in their hearts. It is not always easy as healing and recovery pace in individuals differ. While some could brace up, take the pains in their strides and move on, others may brood over, lament and massage their hurts for a longer period of time. People may get abused in similar ways but they won’t be healed at equal pace.

    A man stayed away from his home for weeks before he was persuaded to return because his new wife was nagging too much. He feared that he might be in for another unpleasant marriage if his new wife has the same behavioural patterns like his divorced wife. He parted ways with his first wife because, according to him, she frequently unleashed verbal assaults on him which often led to emotional breakdown coupled with her refusal to cook for him whenever they had issues.

    The new wife, on her part, admitted being temperamental because of the nasty experience of her close friend in her marriage which she doesn’t want to smell at all. “This is how my friend’s husband behaves. He looks so cool but he’s dealing with his wife silently. His harmless mien is deceptive. He rarely raises his voice but he’s a hard and difficult man. I wouldn’t wait until he starts showing his bad side before I preempt him. If I have to nag to prevent bad treatment from happening to me I think it’s okay,” she said.

    Meanwhile, the man took a walk from her because his failed marriage was hinged on bad temperament and verbal assaults by his first wife. “And because I don’t want to be involved in domestic violence or wife battering, I decided to end the union. Now that I’m seeing a similar trait in my new woman, I then decided to leave the home to serve as a warning to her. I hate nagging and verbal abuse with passion. This is a way to let her know that I will call it quit if she would not allow us to live in peace.” He said in a telephone conversation with me. As we speak, they have settled and she has apologised to her man. I made her to know that there are no two people who are exactly the same in everything.

    Uncountable loving and caring souls have been unjustly tormented by those they loved affectionately. They were rewarded harshly for their commitment and sacrifice in relationships. Rather than being appreciated and celebrated, they get insults, intimidation and punches in return for their courteous behaviours.

    Emotionally crushed person needs a gentle, mature and understanding partner to heal fast. Smarting from an abusive relationship could alter one’s reactions and perceptions. Whoever will marry a hurting soul must insulate himself from anger. He must be calm and friendly enough to make the bruised partner talk. He must demonstrate tolerance that would earn the trust of the hurting soul. He must see the crushed partner as a sick that needs utmost care and attention to heal.

    One of the helpful ways for the hurting partner is not to engage in transferred aggression. That is a common reaction in many people. We should be mindful of the fact that the new partner is not in anyway connected with the pains and disappointment of the past. That a woman caused you to cry does not mean that every other woman that comes your way must pay for the ‘sin.’ Likewise, there are women who do not see anything good in other men simply because they were unlucky to pair with wrong men in their failed marriages. None of these scenarios is correct. Men are not the same in many respects just as women also differ in behaviours. To stereotype people along negative traits is a sure way to stay hurting even years after. Such a toxic disposition is capable of denying one the joy of friendship and happy marriage.

    Relating with a deeply hurt person in a relationship requires patience, tolerance and understanding. However, one must engage the bruised often in conversations. Talking lightens a burdened heart and brightens the mood. The more they talk and interact, the faster they heal up.

    The idea of visiting pains and hurt on everybody around is wrong. We should deal with the new partner on their individual merit and not to embark on transferred aggression. Remember that the person in your life now is not the cause of your misery. Learn to deal with people separately. This is why it is advisable not to see the new partner from the prism of your abuser. Being human, people unknown to one another could share one of two similarities perhaps in some ways but the fact remains that there are no two persons that are exactly the same in everything.

    A forgiving heart is a peaceful one. Forgiveness should rather be a lifestyle than being forced. It heals and rebuilds broken walls of relationships. By this, hope for a better and sweeter relationship is developed.

    In an event whereby it is becoming difficult to let go and thereby not enjoying the new relationship because of the hurting experience of the past, they should seek help. A visit to clinical psychologist and emotional intelligence expert will go a long way in restoring sanity and normalcy in the abused spouse.

    Applying the power of prayers and embarking on retreat for spiritual restoration is as important as the air we breathe. This is in addition to cultivating friendship and socializing with family and friends for a peaceful and happy marital life after a devastating and horrible experience of abusive marriages.

    Do have a fun-filled weekend ahead.

    • West wrote via

    mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • One in four girls abused before clocking 18 years in Lagos – Commissioner

    One in four girls abused before clocking 18 years in Lagos – Commissioner

    The Lagos State Commissioner for Justice, Mr Moyosore Onigbanjo says that one out of four girls will be abused in the state before the age of 18.

    Onigbanjo, who is Chairman, Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT), said this in Ikeja on Wednesday during a news conference commemorating September as the Domestic and Sexual Violence Awareness Month.

    ”Recent statistics conducted by the Lagos State Government in partnership with UNICEF reveals that one in four girls would be abused before the age of 18 years old.

    ”Also, one in 10 boys would be abused before the age of 18 years old,” he said.

    The DSVRT chairman said that due to the findings, the team had included ”Safeguarding and Child Protection Day”, as one of the activities for the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Awareness Month in September 2021.

    According to him, it is of utmost importance that children are engaged timeously to prevent them falling prey to paedophiles and perverts in the society.

    Onigbanjo said that children would be engaged via an interactive workshop to combat the growing trend of sexual abuse.

    ”This would be an avenue to engage children drawn from both public and private schools on their rights and responsibilities.

    ”This programme would be led by trained peer educators, who have experience in gender relations, socialisation and sexual violence prevention.

    ”Asides from verbally engaging students on their rights and responsibilities, children would be equipped with relevant materials, textbooks and posters which can be displayed conspicuously in the school premises,” the commissioner said.

    He said that since 2015, the DSVRT had commemorated the Domestic and Sexual Violence Awareness Month, which had traditionally been in the month of September to coincide with the month the team was established in 2014.

    Onigbanjo said that the theme of this year’s activities was ”Institutionalising Our Reforms”.

    He said that this was based on the critical need to ensure that all the interventions made were institutionalised.

    The DSVRT chairman said that it was to ensure that systems were in place to ensure that the states response to sexual and gender-based violence was well structured and service delivery was fully optimal.

  • A peep into police brutality – Ozioma Onyenweaku

    A peep into police brutality – Ozioma Onyenweaku

    By Ozioma Onyenweaku

    Just stopping by to guess at what could be behind the incessant police brutality. It has got to a level where there is need to x-ray the situation with a view to identifying the root cause or causes.

    I got emotional while reading, the other day, about a woman who was crying out for justice over the murder of her 45 year old husband by the Police. The woman has lost her husband, and the children have lost their father.

    What grew into what we know now as the Nigeria Police Force was set up by the colonial masters in 1820. The unit was set up basically for the colonial masters’ selfish interest and inert desire for total control and oppression of the colonial territories.

    The news is that the 45 year old Jelili Bakare popularly known as Baba Abu in Sangotedo area of Lagos State was murdered by a mobile police officer simply identified as Jonathan. The mobile police officer was attached to Thera Peace Estate, Sangotedo. He got drunk on duty and went on a shooting spree, and shot Jelili who was at Quinox VIP Lounge at the time. He shot sporadically into the air and got members of the whole community and everyone around scampering for safety. But Jelili was not fortunate enough to get to safety.

    The other day, at Iyana- oworo area of Lagos State, one Tina Ezekwe, a 16 year old secondary school girl died by Police bullet. The report has it that the girl was killed by a police officer who, after shooting a commercial driver who refused to give the usual ‘ejunje’, shot at the crowd that gathered to disperse them. The bullet hit and killed the little girl.

    It is not that Police brutality is new in Nigeria. There are so many case cases of such incidents. And of course, it is part of what triggered the EndSARS protest in October last year.

    What could be the reason or the trigger factor to the police brutal actions? Thinking aloud, you know. This is because it is not just normal that a government unit entrusted with protecting the lives and property of citizen could so blatantly abuse that power to the extent that the power is only unleashed on those meant to be protected.

    Could the fault be in their name or their origin?

    What grew into what we know now as the Nigeria Police Force was set up by the colonial masters in 1820. The unit was set up basically for the colonial masters’ selfish interest and inert desire for total control and oppression of the colonial territories. These ones making up this force unit were simply the selected representatives of the colonial state. The colonial masters used them against their own people in the face of any agitation against oppressive rule. These ones enjoyed some privileges which made them overzealous ‘kotumas’

    It could still be that the same colonial mentality is still affecting the operation of this government agency charged with protection of life and property of indigenes.

    Possibly too, the ‘Force’ attached to their name could still rubbing off negatively on the officers; there could be something in a name, after all. I believe that the NPF needs a total reorientation and overhauling. ‘Force’ can be removed from the name, and replaced with ‘Service’, leaving us with Nigeria Police Service. That way, it imparts on them that theirs is a call to service.

    We can also not rule out frustration as one of the root causes of police brutality. We all do have wants and desires. We have goals and aspirations. We work hard to have them satisfied and attained. But certain times we find out that our efforts to satisfy these desires, or attain our goals and realize our dreams are being frustrated by the system. We get frustrated. These frustrations could lead to anger. These policemen, like every one of us, have their fair share of unfulfilled desires, and unrealized dreams. Some of them have goals and aspirations frustrated by our system. So they too can get frustrated, angry and get depressed. These could lead to taking to alcohol and drugs as a succor; and the next thing, they lose it!

    Frustration leads to aggression, according to the Frustration–aggression hypothesis. The theory states that frustration causes aggression; and explained that when the source of the frustration cannot be challenged, the aggression is unleashed on an innocent target. This is quite correct if we understand that when frustration breeds, there is desire to let it out.

    This is definitely not giving a stamp of approval to the reckless life style and brutal acts of some of the police men. I am only looking at possible triggers.

    The government has to wake up to the fact that protecting life and property is serious business, and can only be left in the hands of people whose jobs are dignified, and who are appreciated and well taken care of.

     

  • Child sexual abuse: The boy child too needs protection – Ozioma Onyenweaku

    Child sexual abuse: The boy child too needs protection – Ozioma Onyenweaku

    By Ozioma Onyenweaku

    When my team and I were on a Speak out campaign to schools, (a program in which we educate and encourage the young ones on the need to speak out about any sexual abuse or harassment) some schools made available only the girls. When I asked one of the teachers why it was only girls that were in the hall, she was like, “is the program not about sexual abuse?”

    Whenever rape or anything sexual abuse is mentioned, most people’s minds simply go to only the female as the victim. This is because within most jurisdictional context, child sexual abuse usually connotes abuse predominantly of the female child. For this reason the female child is the one that is seen as needing the protection from sexual abuse or rape. This, unfortunately, results to the neglect of the male child sufferer of sexual abuse.
    Given our culture of male supremacy and chauvinism, the males are kit up to believe that they ought to be in charge of every aspect of their lives. When abused, the boys would readily think and feel shame of not being in charge as to be able to stop the abuser, and then would rather keep silent about the abuse, and hurt internally.

    The truth of the matter is that as many boys as girls are sexually molested. The sexual abuses in which the boys are the victims are the least reported. Yet they go through all the mental, psychological and emotional trauma silently to the greater harm of their overall health and welfare. Sexual abuse affects the males as much the same way it affects the female. The torture is not gender defined. One unique point in the case of sexual abuse of the male child is that the perpetrators are mostly males. There are only very few female abusers of the male child.

    So it is mandatory that attention and protection be extended to the male child with respect to sexual molestation or abuse. Report has shown that sexual abuse is the underlining factor in the depression and suicidal attempt of some male children. They feel the hurt; they go through the trauma and nightmare, and cannot even voice it out; and no one seems to notice. They fall into depression and then attempt suicide. Those who survive it brave to speak out only at older age mostly when they have become parents. That’s even the brave ones.

    I remember one man who I choose to simply call Ben here. It is as an adult that he was able to relate his experience in the hands of his father’s best friend. He was his dad’s friend’s favourite. Ben was receiving special attention and gifts from the man. Ben was in junior secondary school and in boarding house when one day his father’s best friend volunteered to take Ben back to school. Before proceeding on the journey, the man took Ben to his house and had anal sex with little Ben. Ben bled all the way to school, but received a stern warning from the man never to mention it to anybody. Ben, of course, never mentioned it but started distancing himself from the man. Ben was highly disappointed when the parents could not read the subtle signs.

    We must pay attention to the male child so as to protect them from sexual abuses. One area we must pay particular and urgent attention to now is the Boy’s Boarding Schools. A lot of the junior ones are going through nasty experience of sexual abuse in the dormitories at the hands of the senior male students. A man reported, in one forum, of the kind of sexual abuse he went through as a junior student and exclaimed that it is even worse now in many schools.

    So, parents please be more attentive to subtle signs; and engage the boys in heart-to-heart discussions to find out if any abuse is going on around them. Do not dismiss or ignore that frown that comes up on the face of your boy whenever it is time to go back to the boarding school. Do not expect that your boy would easily relate everything immediately; do not forget that they are usually warned that they or their parents would be killed if they talked. So be patient and consistent, and tenderly probe. Investigate and take action promptly. Boy’s life matters too.