During a recent television interview that featured music superstar, Innocent Dibia (2Baba) and his actress wife, Annie Dibia, 2Baba said men’s penises have minds of their own and a man might not be in control of the actions of the penis. He also said that a man can have sex with a woman he is not emotionally attached to. He is in it strictly for the sex. Annie was upset and embarrassed. She asked 2Baba to clarify, “Are you talking generally or yourself? Is that you or is that your belief?” 2Baba replied, “It’s what I believe.” In other, words, that is his opinion. My only problem with him was his saying that before his wife and to her face. I felt that he should have looked for a diplomatic way to handle the question and showed some respect for his wife.
Some people dragged him on social media and I feel is was unnecessary. The man’s name might be “Innocent,” but he has never pretended to be a saint. Music brought him fame, fortune and the celebrity status, not righteousness. This whole idea of seeing celebrities as superhuman irritates me. Besides the craft which brought them fame and fortune, they are regular human beings like the rest of humankind. If you make him a role model because of his music, you are on the right track. But if you make him a role model in terms of righteous living, it is your problem.
Some commentators have latched on to 2Baba’s statement that men are wired to have sex with women and they do not need to love these women or have emotional attachment to them. That might be true. There are some men like that, but right from creation, God gave humankind the freedom of choice. Everyone simply chooses what he wants to do. Monogamy and polygamy are choices. Having one sex partner, multiple sex partners or no sex partner are also choices. You do not need 2Baba or anybody’s opinion to defend your choice or justify your actions.
Some people who are pro-polygamy make reference to King David and King Solomon who had many wives and concubines to justify their polygamous status. They conveniently ignore the fact that Uriah, whose wife, Bathsheba, David coveted and converted to his wife, was a monogamist during David’s era. While David chose polygamy, Uriah chose monogamy. David made him get drunk so that he could go home and sleep with his wife, but he chose to spend the night with the palace troops. These were choices. David had no dick control, but Uriah had self-control. These too were choices.
It is a free world and now people revel in relativism. Make your choices and live with the consequences. There are consequences for whatever choices we make in life. God told David that the child from the adulterous liaison with Bathsheba would die. In spite of the fasting, wearing of sack clothes and sitting on ashes when the child fell it, he died. God also told David that the sword would not depart from his household. It came to pass. His son, Ammon, raped his half-sister, Tamar. Consequently, Absalom killed his half-brother, Ammon for that act. Absalom later rebelled against his father and temporarily drove him from his thrown. To add insult to injury, Absalom slept with David’s concubines before all Israel. At the end, Absalom got killed. These were consequences of David’s actions.
Uriah also paid the supreme price for refusing to go to his wife, opting to spend the night in the palace. David got him killed in battle and took his wife, Bathsheba, thereafter. There are consequences for our choices. The issue here is to ruminate on the consequences of our choices before making them. The problem we have is thinking we might escape the consequences. Sometimes we do, or so we think. At other times, we pay the price.
Men’s libido is a monster. That is a fact. Every man has to deal with his libido. Only impotent people are free from the challenge. The issue again is whether you want to tame your monster or you want to allow it roam. Solomon was the wisest king in his time, but be lacked dick control. He had 1000 wives and concubines. There were consequences for his actions. Some of the women turned his heart from God. The jealous God he worshipped would not allow such disloyalty to go unpunished. He spared him, but divided the kingdom during his son’s reign. Ahab was a monogamist, but he was wicked. He also married a wicked wife who refused to take no for an answer. His weakness in putting his wife in check came with consequences.
The myth that men are naturally polygamous is just what it is, a myth. Each man decides what suits him. In Africa, many men embraced polygamy because the culture allowed and still allows it. Having a large family was also prestigious. It was a symbol of affluence and a large family provided a large labour force in the farm. Today, anybody going for a large family is motivated by different reasons. The richest men in the world today are monogamists with many of them having five or fewer children.
Men are sight (what they see influences them more than what they hear). That is natural. It is up to everyman to make a choice to see everything and take action, or control himself. In truth, the times are very difficult for men because there are beautiful women in every corner you turn to. But ultimately, you still have a choice to make. When Joseph beheld the beauty of Potiphar’s wife, he knew that if he tarried, he would cave in, so he fled. How many men can survive with a beautiful naked woman if they are alone? Very few. So why allow it get to that stage if you do not want sex.
Some men, who want to stay faithful to their wives, put themselves under unnecessary pressure. A young man came to me. He had been barely married for a year, but was getting attracted to a junior female colleague. He said he needed help because he was on the verge of tipping over. “How often do you see her?” I asked. He said that they only got to meet in the office. That is a positive sign. Then I asked him if he closes his office door. He responded in the affirmative. “Have you ever seen people having sex in public?” He said no. Why, I asked. He said because there is no privacy. “Simple. Start leaving your office door open and your problem is solved,” I told him. Fidelity and infidelity are choices. Everyman who wants to stay faithful to his wife must put checks and balances in place. If not, you will fall at some point. Without a deliberate decision to stay faithful and the will power to implement your decision, you stand no chance. Even at that, you need God’s gift of self-control, in addition. I do not know about women, but fidelity is a tough business for men, but it is possible.
