By Michael West
Reactions to last week’s topic reflect shades of opinions and varied perspectives on the issue. Readers crave to know what can be done to ward off such heartbreaking occurrences and in a situation where it happens, what is the way forward. I will address the issues as requested because, to my amazement, several people called to share their bitter experiences of betrayal and ditching by partners they have built their entire worlds around.
To start with, any man that drops you for another woman or vice versa does not deserve to have you. To put it succinctly, the insatiable partner does not worth your standard. He may be more privileged or better placed than you, but the virtue you possess cannot be quantified in monetary terms. Even if such a partner tries to retrace their steps, It is risky to give them a chance because their second exit maybe more devastating. I see such characters as fair-weather friends who are in your life for what they enjoy or benefit from you. More often than not, they are parasitic in nature, sly in character and selfish in demands.
Relationship is about mutual interests, aspirations and benefits of those involved in it. That’s why selfish partners hardly have lasting relationship. They are viewed from the prism of self-centredness. They are happy and romantic only when the milk is flowing and honeycomb is dripping. They are pretenders whose love language is money and what they stand to gain in order to advance their careers, pursuits and ambitions through you. In a twinkle of an eye, they will disappear on your radar of friendship when there’s nothing to benefit from you again. Such people are capable of ditching their partners for another with or without external influence or pressure.
I discovered that those who jilt their partners without valid reasons are in the category of people one should be wary of. Last minutes disappointment could be shattering, suicidal and devastating. Let’s asume that you find your partner’s friend or relation more appealing or befitting, you should see beyond transient beauty in your partner whose future you cannot predict. One has to be disciplined in areas that will define your integrity and image. No matter how beautiful or handsome your partner is, you will always find a more beautiful person elsewhere. Even talents, skills and brilliance are in levels. Just be contented with the person in your life provided you’re at peace and not enduring or struggling to stay in the relationship.
Peradventure they do not understand that peace and trust are what matter the most in relationship and ultimately in marriage. Peace of mind is basic. Trust engenders peace while peace breeds prosperity, good health and enhanced productivity. The Word says that a home where peace reigns is much more desirable than a home filled with riches but always in conflict, acrimony and bitterness. This accounts for why many so-called rich families are in shambles. In view of the apparent comfort, yet, separation, divorce and crises are common denominators in their families. Family life goes beyond having money, posh cars, exquisite houses and being fashionable. These luxuries cannot placate sadness, bitterness and regret in marriage. Wealth without the inner peace will result to frustration. Happiness displayed in public by warring couples is feigned and superficial.
Investing in relationship is a serious business because it is done with the intention of building a future together. It is a good idea to cooperate with your life partner on such worthy ventures provided the trust is assured, but doing that with a greedy, flashy and insatiable partner will be a fruitless effort. When fair-weather friends quit your life, please don’t mourn their exit. You will be better off in the end.
A Yoruba ideology is that a spouse that will remain with you won’t be a thorn in your flesh. Sometimes the exit of ‘walk-away’ friends are actually answers to prayers. I remember a couple whose wedding was a few days away when the groom-to-be took a walk out of the commitment. Every effort was geared towards ensuring that the wedding took place and it did happen. The following weekend, armed robbers raided their apartment and when the robbers couldn’t find money or much valuable things to cart away, their gang leader decided to rape the wife. In protest, the husband resisted the dare-devil robbers. Without blinking an eyelid, he was shot dead instantly. They also threatened to kill the wife if she screamed. She was gang-raped and they left the young home in ruins. If they had allowed the man to go when he quit and they sought the face of God rather than being emotional and desperate about it, the man might have escaped the untimely death. In this wise, some acts of disappointment could indeed be a blessing in disguise.
If a partner decides to walk away at any point despite the commitment, and attempts made at reconciliation fail (in case there’s any issue involved) the estranged should be allowed to go. Only God knows what nobody knows. Accept the situation as an opportunity to make a better choice. May the perfect will of God be done. Amen.
The name, Hushpuppi, was strange to me. I have never heard it until he was arrested by Interpo in Dubai. I started asking around who is Hushpuppi and what is he into. My children gave me information they know about him. I still did not show much interest in his case because it is a sad saga to me as a parent.
I learnt he has a very humble background. He had vowed to defeat poverty in his life at all cost. Knowing how difficult it is to make it and ‘blow’ in a big way in Nigeria, employment, skilled vocation or contracts will only earn you a little above average living. The chubby guy took to Internet crime. No matter how profitable illegitimate sources of wealth might be, a day of retribution will surely come. Hushpuppi’s own has come.
Because of the way he acquired his stupendous wealth, ostentatious lifestyle catapulted him into the spotlight for scrutiny. He is Internet savvy. How he was able to breakthrough the brick walls of digital security to hack international bodies’, corporate and individual’s accounts is amazing. I’m of the opinion that Hushpuppi represents a misused energy, misdirected talent and perverted digital wizard.
Three factors, in my view, are largely responsible for the making of an Hushpuppi in a family. Namely, parental failure, bad peer influence and desperation. An average Nigerian youth does not believe in hard work as a means to prosperity. That’s why online scams powered by diabolical manipulations code-named “Yahoo Plus” became rampant among them. “Who does hard work epp (help)?” Is the watchword on the lips of our youths. To such youths, Hushpuppi is a role model.
Parental failure occurs through negligence, indulgence and recalcitrance by the ward. “Teach a child the way to go, when he becomes an adult, he will not deviate from the path of honour” says the book of Proverbs. We are also enjoined to instill discipline in our children especially in their formative years. Parental negligence or indulgence at this critical period in the life of children will ultimately define their adulthood.
However, some notoriously stubborn children become wayward through the negative influence of the company of friends they keep. Some fraudsters have disciplined parents and decent backgrounds. The mixed multitudes that instigated the Israelites to become rebellious in the Bible days are still responsible for moral decadence among the youths. The hub for misdemeanours is usually in academic and social circles.
Let parents stop overlooking manifest moral compromises in their wards. The ethos of legitimate means of earning a living should be reaffirmed. Never encourage children into crime by celebrating unverified source of ostentatious lifestyle of other people’s children. Encourage them to study, work hard, live right and pray more so that families will stop being a breeding grounds for Hushpuppis.
Quote:
“Selfish partners hardly have lasting relationship. They are viewed from the prism of self-centredness. They are happy and romantic only when the milk is flowing and honeycomb is dripping.”
