Tag: Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Sex education: A rejoinder to Adeleye-Fayemi’s letter to the minister

By Mary Ekemezie

First, I would like to thank the Hon. Minister of Education for directing that sex education should be removed from the basic education curriculum. In the directive, the Hon Minister acknowledged the inalienable roles of parents as the primary educators of their children. I eagerly await the enforcement of the Hon. Minister’s directive.

Now, let me respond to Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi’s open letter to the Minister, which was published in The Vanguard Newspaper on 6th November, 2022 (the “Letter”). In her letter, Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi urges the Honourable Minister of Education, to have a rethink about his directive and to consider retaining sex education in the basic education curriculum, albeit with some modifications.

Before responding to the specific issues raised in the letter, I daresay that it is a good thing that we are having a national discourse on our national values, the role of education, religion and parental rights.

In advancing the reasons for her support for the inclusion of sex education in the basic education curriculum, Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi recalled the story of Tanwa, the thirteen-year-old girl, impregnated by a neighbour. We must not lose sight of how and why Tanwa got pregnant – a neighbour who abused the trust that she reposed in him abused Tanwa. I sympathise deeply with Tanwa and with every other girl who has been the victim of sexual abuse. It is a terrible thing to be abused by persons who are responsible for you. I do hope she got the support she needed to get past that ugly event and to rebuild her trust in humanity and to forge a fresh path for herself.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi also alluded to the fact that parents are unable to discharge their duties of providing sex education to their children because of the economic situation in the country, which requires them to work round the clock to make ends meet. This is a sweeping statement if there was ever one. This statement does not take into consideration that many parents who, despite their incredibly busy schedule, make time to parent.

In the Letter, one of reasons she also proffered to the Honourable Minister of Education to support her position that we should leave sex education in the curriculum, is that religious leaders are some of the persons on the sexual offenders list. I have not seen this list, but it is safe to say that not everyone on that list is a religious leader. It is also safe to say that we do not know the moral values of all the teachers in the various schools across Nigeria. In much the same way as she has alluded to religious leaders being sexual offenders, stories abound in the dailies of teachers abusing children placed in their care.
Do not get me wrong, I am not condoning or excusing the vile act of abusing children physically, or sexually, or in any other manner. I am, however, constrained to point out that not all religious leaders abuse the position of trust conferred on them. There are still many good men and women who serve God with their whole heart and who do the right thing. Should we, then, because of a small percentage of irresponsible spiritual leaders, take away a service that these spiritual leaders provide? To spin-back Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi’s argument to her, how do I know that the teacher in the class is not a paedophile or a sex groomer who has simply not been caught?

I turn now to an issue the Letter did not speak to – the actual content of the sex education that is being provided to Nigerian children, under the guise of learning. Dear Reader, I crave your indulgence to reproduce some of the texts (a mixture of indoctrination, half-truths and outright lies) of what children are learning in school.

In the inspire video series, the Balance in Nature video which is meant for students in SS3 encourages sterilisation – the cutting of the sperm duct as a beautiful method of family planning – and the presenter in the video recommends it for all men since it is of a permanent nature.  The video also encourages hysterectomy.  To put it in context, this video will probably be seen by students who are aged 14 to 18 years. I leave it to your imagination to decipher why our educational system is encouraging young children to be sterilised.

The Active Basic science, 2014 edition, which is meant for Basic 6 (children aged 9 to 11) describes the actual nature (experience) of the sexual act. Why we need this level of graphic detail for children in primary school, I do not have an answer to.

Stigma, a literature textbook, downplays the dangers of HIV.  This literature textbook suggests that having sex with a condom keeps one safe from HIV. The text does not speak about the fact that condoms are not fool-proof and have been known to fail.  It also encourages kissing HIV patients.  Question – are we encouraging our children to experiment with having sex with HIV patients?

The Basic Science & Technology for Junior Secondary School 1, which is meant for children aged between 10 and 12 years (maybe 13 years), states that “safe sex” is a way to care for reproductive organs. Arguably, it could be said that this book is encouraging children to have “safe sex” as a way of caring for their reproductive organs. A review of the table of contents of for this book (Basic Science & Technology for Junior Secondary School 1) reveals that of the 30 weeks of study in the academic year, 11 weeks ((more than one-third of the contents of the textbook) is devoted to sex, sexual matters and the reproductive system). I am hard-pressed to understand why we need to spend so much time discussing sex with children whose primary aim at this stage of development is the acquisition of knowledge and virtues to guide their way through life.

One of the topics discussed in the Basic Science & Technology for Junior Secondary School 2 (a book meant for children between the ages of 10 and 14) is abstinence.  You would think that abstinence means abstaining from sex – which is what the children need at this age -, but I have news for you.  As presented in the textbook, this topic is ambivalent about the moral value of abstinence, and does not convey the importance and rationale for abstinence.  Given the developmental stage of the children, I would expect (as was my experience when I was in school), that the focus of the education would be to teach the children how to make objective judgment calls about the rightness or wrongness of an action.
Unless the intention of the NERDC and the authors of this textbook is to encourage children to engage in sexual activities, I would expect that the focus of the learning at this stage is to enable the children to cultivate good habits such as delayed gratification, discipline and respect for themselves and others.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, that as part of learning unfamiliar words in the English Language subject, they introduce children as young as 8 years to the word “masturbation”. Again, I leave it to your imagination to understand why an 8-year-old needs to learn this word.

I could go on, but I guess I have said enough to enable every reader of goodwill to decide whether we need this kind of sex education in the lives of our children.

What our children need, in addition to the acquisition of technical and vocational skills, is an education which helps them to understand and to develop healthy habits, good decision-making skills, and a strong sense of meaning and purpose.   They need an education that does not lower the bar for them but calls them to pursue excellence. They need an education that is valued based and recognises our cultural and religious heritage and the place of morals.

To address the concerns about parents being busy, I propose that as part of the commencement exercises at the beginning of every academic year, a session on sex education is organised for parents who can then pass it on to their children, taking cognisance of their physical, psychological, spiritual and emotional development.

In addition, we need incentives that support parents to fulfil their parental duties. We need more family-friendly policies and workplaces at the national and state levels, and we should implement these policies in both the public and private sectors. There should also be more opportunities for remote-working to enable parents to spend more time with their children. Finally, and very importantly, the government should provide tax breaks that encourage and afford parents the opportunity to explore the option of not having both parents working full time.

Mary Ekemezie
Legal Practitioner
Lagos

November 24, 2022
FREE READERS ASSOCIATION

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Joe: Oga Steven good morning. How una dey?

Steven: I dey well well, thank you Oga Joseph. How family?

Joe: Heh, we de manage jare. (Picking up a newspaper). ‘NDDC Interim MD Collapses at National Assembly hearings’

Benson: Yeepa! Come see cunny man o! Sebi him talk say the money whey dem chop na for dem to take care of demselves, make Covid19 no kee dem. How come he de faint now?

Moses: (Flipping through another newspaper). No mind am. Selfish and Yeye people. I done taya sef. You go dey talk bulabula say you don chop billions whey dem suppose to use do road, do water, do school, do light. Now dem dey ask you question, you come de form faint faint. Thunder go fire him head.

Joe: What if na true true him faint? Se person de play with faint ni?

Benson: Na lie jo, which kind faint be dat? Dem put hand for him mouth, his hand still dey move. Person whey faint true true no go fit lift anytin

Steven: Benson, you don become Dr now abi? (Everyone laughs)

Joe: (Reading from paper) Minister appears before NASS Committee, accuses them of being beneficiaries of NDDC contracts.

Moses: That one na Level 1 Nollywood drama o! De one whey me I like na when de Honourable Madam dey ask Minister who dem give contract to, say she no de among. The Chairman come tap Honourable Madam make she leave matter for Mathias!

Steven: Poor madam. She no know say House member get levels. Na so some go de talk big big grammar, look for bill to pass, go de do monitoring up and down, de ones whey own de house gangan go just de chop clean mouth.

Benson: I sure say dem no call Auntie when they dey do the sharing. People no de call women for dat kind matter, na so so accountability dem go de shout.

Joe: Hear yourself, you de alright so? No be de kain leaders we need be dat? If na women go do am better, make we get them boku pass dis now. We men, our thief thief dey too much.

Moses (Still flipping through his paper) Which kain talk be dat? So women no dey steal? No be ordinary woman chop oil money sotey, she come disappear, we no see her tailight again? Abeg, men and women na fifty-fifty no cheating. E be like say dem cheat that Honorable Madam sha! (Everyone laughs) Haba, see this one, ‘Minister told to turn off his microphone at NASS hearings’. Yeepa, Minister wan kobalise dem o! How come? Why dem no want make he talk?

Steven: Sebi dem know say na true him talk. Who dey collect all those big big contracts. Dem no de even mention millions again. Na billions, billions. Small time now when you ask dem how come, dem go dey tell you say woman whey get four husbands no fit talk anyhow. Wetin concern us wid dat one? Whey our money dey, na de koko question be dat. If I ask una Geography question, no come bring Biology answer for me.

Benson: ‘Minister Given 48 Hours to provide names of NASS members who received contracts’ . For where? Who dem dey deceive? Dem name no go dey the contract lailai, no be dem brothers and girl-friends de do the contracts for dem?

Moses: (Nodding) Abi o. No mind them. ‘Hear this one o, ‘US9.8m found in home of former NNPC senior officer was a gift from friends’ Haba! How come I no get friend whey go dash me N1m, not to talk US1m?

Benson: Listen to yaself. Na dat one pain you, or de money we dem suppose take do development, na so dem dey share am like sweet? We no go address de issue, we go dey talk say de money dem steal no reach our hand, make we chop our own. Naija we hail thee! We go de alright las las.

Steven: Na true you talk o! How tins come be like dis now?

Moses: Naija no fit change till we de people change. Pikin wey no get work go de drive Bentley up and down, go dey buy house for Banana Island, carry babes upandan, we go de hail am. Hushpuppy plenty all over, na de one whey dem catch we know.

Steven: No mind them. Lazy people. Na so de girls go de buy big house, big car, put for Instagram, ‘Small girl, big God’. Which kain God be dat?

Benson: Steven, mind yaself o! Na you sabi de God whey you de serve, everyone get their own God o! (Everyone laughs)

Moses: ‘Ekiti State Governor tests positive for Covid19’. Eeeyah. Dat fine man whey get gap-tooth. Make God heal am o! (Everyone says Amen).

Steven: Dis Covid19 self, the matter never settle finish. Na so the number come de plenty every day. A beg, make we all be careful o. Dis one no know big person or small person. (Everyone nods in agreement)

Moses: All de people wey de chop billions billions, and all of una whey we dey chop penny penny, na same six feet de wait for all of us. Vanity upon vanity.

Joe: ‘Big Brother Naija Season 5 Begins’ Amadioha thunder all these demonic people. Agents of Satan.

Moses: Oga Joe, haba, that one too much na. Which one be Amadioha for dis matter? Dem hold ya hand make una no change remote control? Wetin concern you for small boys and girls whey wan catch fun and blow for life?

Benson: So na dem naked bodi dem go take blow? Dis one join put all de problem whey we get right now. Young people whey no wan work, stay put for one big house, de chop free food, free booze for three good months, dey allow to chop de oda tin put in front of everybody. What kain life is dat?

Steven: Una get work give the young people? Abeg leave dem jare. Dem no steal, dem no do Yahoo plus, na act dem dey act. Na so some of dem go comot de place, get better tin like endorsement, Nollywood go de look for dem. De ones way serious go make am. That one better pass Hushpuppy tins.

Joe: ‘Police Officer Humiliates Young Woman Caught with Armed Robber’. I see dis video for Facebook. De Police Officer get case, make dem deal with am. The tin wey he do for dat girl no good at all. Haba! He dey ask her question about who disvirgin am. Wetin concern him? These police self, we need police to protect us from police’

All the others: Amen!

Pedro (Owner of the newstand). Guys, una well done o. How many you go buy, abi na only free reading today?

The guys: (Laughing) No, we go buy. (They all buy one newspaper each).

Moses: I fit read di paper for my phone, but I no wan miss my morning jist with all of una. See you tomorrow.

The guys: Yes o, till tomorrow.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She is the First Lady of Ekiti State, and she can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

July 25, 2020
WHO IS A WITCH?

By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

There was a report some days ago about a group of women in a rural community in Akwa Ibom State who were rounded up and burnt on allegations of witchcraft. In the year 2020. While we wait for the police and government to confirm or refute the news, here is an abridged article I wrote about Witchcraft a few years ago. The more things change the more they remain the same.

We all grew up hearing about ‘witches’. Even though no one around us had ever seen one for sure, we were all fed tales about how witches are dangerous, female creatures who afflict people with incurable ailments, offer up their own children to be eaten, strike down successful young people and make women barren. These witches could be anybody. They could be the cantankerous old woman selling provisions near your house who always snarls at you when you go to make a purchase. She could be a family member who always laughs, smiles and prays for you but wishes you evil. She could also be a co-wife who is the ready-made suspect should any calamity befall other wives in the household. From the way we understood it, witches could be young or old, male or female (but predominantly female), with the powers to leave their bodies at night to attend meetings, or inhabit animals such as birds or cats to carry out their nefarious activities.

Belief in witchcraft is as old as civilization itself, featuring in all cultures around the world. During the years of the Catholic inquisition which swept Europe for up to four centuries, thousands of women were burnt at the stake on accusations of witchcraft. The persecution of witches seemed to end with the emergence of industrialization and respect for science. In many African communities, a firm belief in witchcraft is still in place, with the themes virtually the same – witches are responsible for all evil in the community, they prey on the young and innocent and they block people’s fortunes. I have argued over the years, that beliefs in witchcraft in many African communities are linked to the need to control women’s agency. Due to the significant role women played in the economic, political, social and cultural lives of their communities, they obviously rubbed patriarchal powers the wrong way, and accusations of witchcraft were a good way to silence or delegitimize them.

With these beliefs about so-called witches comes a clear persecution agenda. Anyone who is suspected of being a witch or who ‘confesses’ to being one faces the harshest of punishments, ranging from beatings and torture, to banishment and even death. These punishments are often meted out or sanctioned by religious and traditional rulers. As a result the lives of thousands of women are put at risk across Africa every day. Majority of witches are old, poor women, or widows, some mentally ill, with either no one to speak up for them or offspring who have been brainwashed into believing their guilt. Recently, there was the report of a young man in Nigeria who killed his mother by throwing her into a well. He claimed that she was responsible for all his misfortunes.

In Ghana, the practice of banishing poor, old women or widows suspected to be witches led to the establishment of witch camps in communities across Northern Ghana. One of the oldest, the Gambaga Witches Camp, was established in the 18th century, as a safe haven for witches fleeing persecution. In return for shelter, they worked on the Chiefs’ farms. These camps still exist, and the Gambaga Witches Camp is one of the projects we supported at the African Women’s Development Fund for a number of years. We also funded an interesting documentary on this phenomenon called The Witches of Gambaga, produced by Yaba Badoe, a Ghanaian-British filmmaker. The Ghanaian government has tried to shut down these camps, running sensitisation programs in communities to try and wean them off their belief in witchcraft but their efforts have not been successful. The reverse has been the case – the camps keep filling up either because more women are being chased out of their communities or simply because being poor and alone, there is nowhere else for them to go.

Many factors fuel our irrational belief in witchcraft. Superstitious beliefs is a major factor, deeply embedded in our cultural DNA, and passed on from generation to generation with fantastic tales of the activities of witches. Fraught family and community relations is another, with the familiar themes of the rural-urban divide, the well to do relatives in the cities are envied by the poorer relatives in the villages who seek to do them harm. It is never the other way round. Another reason is the toxic combination of poverty and ignorance.

A key factor is the religious leaders and their actions and utterances. It is alright for religions to wage war against forces of evil, however they might be defined. But when, in the name of religion, innocent children and women are named as witches harming their family members, this is criminal. We are all familiar with how, due to the antics of a prominent female preacher in Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria, thousands of children became labelled as witches. These children were beaten, tortured and starved, with most of them abandoned by their families. Left alone in the world, these children roam the streets as starving scavengers, without access to education, and vulnerable to all kinds of vices which will make them unproductive citizens for another generation. I don’t understand how charges of child abuse and incitement have not been brought against this awful woman. A Danish woman, Anja Loven, who lives in Akwa Ibom State, saved a young boy she named ‘Hope , who had been left to die by his family. The photographs of the little boy were dreadful to see, with Anja cradling his emaciated body to feed him. Is this what we have been reduced to in this day and age? Witch-hunting is a very lucrative industry. Preachers and pastors make a fortune out of people who need deliverance from spells cast on them by witches, and popular culture, especially the film industry, sees a lot of success with films which feature witchcraft stories. Themes of witchcraft is one of the things that has given Nollywood the competitive edge it has enjoyed across Africa and the Diaspora, because the stories are ‘relatable’ – everyone has a witch in their community.
The persecution of children and women in the name of witchcraft has to stop. We cannot be a society of deeply religious people who pray in so many Mosques and have a Church on almost every street, yet we prey on the vulnerable in our midst. Where is our compassion? Is it a crime to be a child, poor, alone, old or widowed? Why do we always need a scapegoat for our misfortunes?

Do we have forces of evil in our midst? Yes we do. These are the forces who steal, loot, kill, swindle, maim, rob, rape and kidnap. There is nothing supernatural about them. They are criminal, greedy, evil people who want to reap where they did not sow. They abound all around us. When they are apprehended, they should be handed over to law enforcement agencies and not subjected to mob action. Their actions will be investigated, and hopefully, they will be held to account. Pouncing on an old woman and claiming that she had just fallen from a roof and changed from a bird into a human being has no place in a civilized society. Casting little children out as witches is an act of lunacy. The next time you hear about a witch, ask yourself, ‘Is this verifiable?’, ‘What would I do if my mother was called a witch’? If you have a Pastor who points out people in your family to you as witches, you need another place of worship. The rest of the world is making great advances in science, technology and innovations. And here we are, wallowing in ignorance, terrorizing helpless children and old women. Superstition probably still has its place, but on the whole, it is generally incompatible with progressive thinking. It is a tool that is manipulated by unethical people for reasons of power, control and money. We do live in a world where there are people who are angry with us, jealous of our success and rejoice at any misfortune that might befall us. All we can do is keep faith and leave them to God. Forward ever backwards never.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She is the First Lady of Ekiti State, and she can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

July 3, 2020
MOREMI CLINIC

By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

In April 2019, I was invited to a seminar at the Ekiti State Ministry of Justice by the State Attorney-General, Hon Wale Fapounda. The seminar was about how to focus efforts on the needs of survivors of Sexual and Gender Based Violence (SGBV). Wale, my husband, and I go back a long way with regards to our human rights journey. We used to be young, idealistic human rights advocates, fighting for a world that is fair and just for all. The three of us have been involved in many initiatives around the world and across Africa, working on human rights issues, trying to bridge the gap between theory and practice. Since our training ground was social justice movements, we have also been keen to provide a connection between civil society organising and politics and governance.

All the laws, policies and action coming from Ekiti State on GBV at the moment is the result of this history we all share. At the seminar I mentioned, Wale invited an old friend, Ms Itoro Inaba, Founder of the Mirabel Center in Lagos, to talk to us about the need for a one-stop facility that could provide a full range of services for survivors of GBV. Such places are known as Sexual Assault Referral Centers (SARC) and they are usually given operational names relevant to the local context. We all agreed that we needed such a resource in Ekiti State, and we proceeded to work on it. From that event, every time I gave a speech on GBV within our outside the State, I would talk about the forthcoming SARC.

We had wanted to get it up and running before November 2019, but things kept getting in the way, a lack of resources being key. We were offered a few small rooms in the Ekiti State University Teaching Hospital (EKSUTH) to start off with, but we turned up our noses because we wanted a much bigger facility. We asked for, and were allocated, some land next to the Funmilayo Olayinka Diagnostic and Wellness Center based at EKSUTH. We agreed to start with whatever the University could give us and then raise money to build the permanent structure. We started identifying various team members and providing training for them. We were operating an ad hoc SARC already, because survivors of GBV were being identified, treated and supported through the legal process on an ongoing basis. In December 2019, Barrister Seyi Ojo who had been the lead person on the SARC project, went to attend a training program on the management of SARCs in Abuja, alongside another colleague from the Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development in Ekiti State. Seyi came back so excited and full of ideas about how to proceed. It turned out to be her last official assignment because she slipped away from us on December 24th 2019 due to complications from Sickle Cell Anaemia. We were all devastated, and of course our plans were put on hold.

Just was we began looking into the project again, COVID19 struck and the lockdowns began. During the COVID lockdowns, like in other places, there was a spike in GBV reports and the various responders in the State tried their best, but were still working with minimal coordination. In April I called an emergency meeting of the Gender Based Violence Management Committee, which I Chair, the body responsible for implementing the GBV Law in Ekiti State. We agreed that we needed to proceed with the SARC as soon as possible, and we would start with whatever we had. For seven weeks we all worked non-stop, calling in all kinds of favours. On June 23rd, the Ekiti SARC was declared open and we named it the Moremi Clinic. Two days before we opened the SARC, I got the wonderful news that we have successfully raised the money required for the building we were hoping for. This will be ready by October at the latest.

The Ekiti State Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) is a free, one stop, survivor-centred initiative that prioritises the rights and needs of survivors of sexual violence. The SARC aims to foster a supportive environment where a survivor’s rights are respected and where she is treated with dignity and respect.

Moremi Clinic, will provide medical assistance including use of rape kits, screening and preventive treatment for HIV and sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy prevention, collection of forensic evidence, screening for drugs where drink spiking is suspected, and providing a medico-legal report. Professional workers will meet anyone attending the Centre, explain all the processes and ensure informed consent to the forensic examinations. Examinations are conducted by a team of forensically trained female examiners. The Moremi Clinic will also be involved in:

Collection and management of relevant data: Primary data will be generated from SARCs for reporting rape and/or dealing with its immediate aftermath, in order to improve Criminal Justice System responses.

Counselling and psycho-social support will be available for survivors and others who have been sexually assaulted at any time in their life.

Information, support and counselling for parents, family members and partners.

Education and information for community or professional groups.

Support for going through the legal process

Collaboration with other government agencies for prevention, protection and care.

The Ekiti SARC will also provide services for child victims of sexual abuse, for which there are special provisions to note. On June 5th 2020, HE DR Kayode Fayemi, Governor of Ekiti State, signed the Sexual Violence against Children (Compulsory Treatment and Care) Law, 2020. Every child victim of sexual violence is entitled to free, immediate and adequate treatment in any Hospital in Ekiti state. Under the provisions of this law, no hospital in Ekiti state must reject or refuse care or treatment of any child who is reported to have been sexually assaulted. Failure will result in the payment of a fine of a steep fine. Any Hospital who fails to report any case of child victim of sexual violence it receives to the nearest police station and any other government or non- government organizations relevant to child care or welfare will upon conviction be liable to a fine as well.

The Ekiti SARC has 6 teams which include the Rapid Response, Medical, Counselling, Legal, Police and Community Outreach teams. All the team members are well-trained, experienced and deeply committed to the project.

Currently, there are 15 SARCS spread across 11 States in Nigeria. This is woefully inadequate. There needs to be a SARC in every State at the very least. It is hoped that by the end of the year, this would be possible. I am very thankful to all those who made this project possible. I am saddened by the fact that we need this kind of facility in the first place, when we should be looking for resources for our children’s education, for vocational training and growing businesses. However, these are the times we are in. While we continue to hold perpetrators of sexual violence accountable, we need to focus on the work that needs to go into helping survivors rebuild their lives. A compassionate face, a soothing voice, prompt and gentle medical attention, and an assurance of safety is a good place to start.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She is the First Lady of Ekiti State, and she can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

June 25, 2020
Memories of the living, By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Last year, I spent time with an older friend of mine, a veteran African women’s rights activist. She played a major role in the United Nations 1995 Women’s Conference in Beijing, and has been very active since in her home country, across the African continent and globally. She is now in her seventies. We were at an event to reflect on achievements of the Beijing Conference in the Africa region, 25 years after. I asked her if she was working on her memoirs and she gave me a rueful look. She confided that she really wanted to, but did not know where to start. She is well connected, so I advised her to ask one of the donor partners for help to hire a post-graduate student to assist her. I sent her a simple framework that I had developed for writing autobiographies that I had shared with another older friend who too had agonized over how to write her story. This friend of mine is one of so many older people who are reluctant, indifferent, weary, unwilling or simply unable to share their stories with the world. There are many critical actors who pass away, taking all their knowledge and experience with them.

In February of this year, I wrote about the passing of Princess Jolaade Osho, a destitute centenarian from Ikere-Ekiti who I met last year and adopted as a mother. Mama Osho passed away peacefully, after many years of loneliness and suffering, but living her last days in comfort and peace of mind. As we set about preparing for Mama’s funeral, we discovered that there were no photographs of her to be found anywhere. All her children had predeceased her, and even though she had members of her extended family, none of them could produce a single photograph of her. The narrative we had of her life was what we could glean from her patchy accounts, and the uneven verifications of others around her. Every single image of Mama Osho that is out in the public domain was taken by my team. I am now in the process of starting an Oral History Project in Ekiti State, to document the images and stories of forgotten senior citizens who have no one to remind the world of who they were.

In 2004, my husband, Governor Kayode Fayemi (JK to me) published his memoirs, ‘Out of the Shadows’, most of which was an account of his activities in the pro-democracy movement in exile and struggles against the military dictatorship in the 1990s. When the book was published, one of the people who we had worked with briefly in London said that something JK wrote in the book was not how he remembered it. JK’s response was very simple, ‘Write your own book’. We never heard a word from him after that.

I wrote my autobiography in 2013 in time for my 50^th birthday. I procrastinated, dithered, invented excuses and tried to cut corners. I had a collection of essays I had written over a period of twenty years and I planned to publish that. I told JK I did not need to write an autobiography since I was publishing a book of essays. He told me that it was not the same thing. So that is how ‘Speaking Above a Whisper’ my autobiography and ‘Speaking for Myself’ the collection of essays and poetry came into existence.

Not everyone has the urge to share their thoughts or explain themselves to the world, nor should they be compelled to. Yet, everyone has a story. Not everyone might be interested in hearing it, but it would do a lot of good if public figures in particular, could share their thoughts and experiences and leave posterity to be the judge. Only a tiny group of people who have played leadership roles in our communities share their experiences. I am not referring to the ‘whitewash’ propaganda pieces written by paid authors, there are many of those.

Last week, the nation mourned the passing of Mallam Abba Kyari, Chief of Staff to President Muhammadu Buhari. Quite a number of Nigerians took to cyberspace to celebrate his passing, describing him as a symbol of all that is wrong with governance and leadership in the country. The outpouring of vile comments was appalling to put it mildly. We were taught never to speak ill of the dead, but this no longer seems to be applicable. Some of the friends of the late Mallam Kyari spoke up about his decency, loyalty to friends, nationalism and deep commitment to duty. Many claimed they were not impressed with the testimonies of those who knew him beyond seeing him on television or on the pages of newspapers. It really does not matter what we think of the dead or living. In my opinion what should matter is that they did their bit. They lived their lives, made choices good or bad, and left legacies for better or worse. I would however like to learn more about people beyond the opinions or perceptions of others and there is no better way of achieving this other than encouraging people to speak for themselves. I believe that one of the reasons why we do not speak ill of the dead is because when they pass on, they are supposed to be beyond our judgement or reproach. They have transcended into entities that can only be held accountable by whatever creator they believe in. Every time we are tempted to engage in judgement of the dead, we should remember that our own day of judgement will be upon us. Call me old school, but this is one core value that we should not give up on. It is in extremely bad taste to go on and on about how evil someone was in life, a person we never met and who we really know very little about. There are things we can do when a public figure passes away. We can either express our condolences or simply keep quiet. We should not be found running negative commentaries on people who are no longer around to defend themselves.

One of the more reflective reactions to the testimonies of the friends of the late Mallam Kyari wondered why this information was not in the public domain before now, how come he never wrote or spoke about any of these things. Mallam Kyari was perfectly entitled to his silence and discretion, and to whatever confidences he took to his grave. The Historian in me would however like to see more public figures telling their own stories. The younger generation might be inspired (or repulsed) by what they read and learn, but any reactions, positive or otherwise, should not be the main concern of the writer. What should concern the writer is a sense of duty. I consider it as part of our responsibility as public figures to invest in communal knowledge building, reflection, teaching, mentoring, understanding, and healing. In other parts of the world, public figures write their memoirs to mark milestones or transitions, or on retirement from public life. Some might be motivated by the generous advances major publishing houses might offer, but it is generally understood that they are willing to share their experiences in order to set the record straight and give their own account of their stewardship and the roles they played in influencing the world they live in. It would be a good thing if public officers entrusted with so much, could consider it a part of their duty to tell their story. Some people I have spoken to have admitted a reluctance to talk about things that are too painful to dredge up or stand the risk of being misunderstood. Autobiographies are not meant for you to justify yourself to the world in expectation of a favourable judgement. They are for you to just tell your own truth and reflect on what you have learnt, if anything. If anyone wants to argue with that, either in your lifetime or long after you are gone, in JK’s words – let them write their own books. For those who are contemplating documenting their stories, you can use a competent ghost writer. I wish our Liberal Arts curricula had not been so badly compromised and devalued over the years, we would have had a pool of talented young writers to draw from.

No one story is ever the whole truth, that should be a given. Every story however has the power to bear witness for generations to come, and it would be nice if we could speak for ourselves rather than have words taken from our mouths or spoken on our behalf.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

April 24, 2020
Self-Isolation, By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Sometime in February, I was having a conversation with someone who wanted me to provide a date in March for an event at which I was meant to be the Guest of Honour. I told the person that I would not be able to give any dates before May. To prove my point, I took out my phone and showed my guest what the months of March and April looked like on my phone. He shook his head in sympathy. I then gave a tentative date in May and advised him to confirm as soon as possible because even May was almost full. I also had chunks of time blocked out for each month of the year for engagements at home and abroad. Then COVAID 19 struck and the world started to grind to a halt. I woke up this morning, and clicked on my revised calendar for March. It was blank, save for a Zoom Virtual Meeting. I opened up my notebook and checked my list of tasks for the day. Just one. ‘Clear out closet’.

Last week, I wrote about being in the US and praying that I would not be stuck there after President Donald Trump announced a ban on flights from Europe. I heaved a sign of relief when the UK was excluded from the initial number of countries, only for me to start fretting when the UK was rightfully included in the ban forty-eight hours before I was scheduled to leave. I got a message from British Airways on my phone and almost panicked before I had even read the message, which was to simply advise me to check in online and look out for further information about my flight. I made it to London okay. My flight arrived Heathrow at 11am in the morning. I had planned to spend the rest of the day and the day after meeting up with friends and family in London and popping into some shops. By the time I arrived in London, the city was beginning to shut down, and was in such chaos that I decided to head back to Nigeria. I tried to change my flight so I could get back to Lagos a day earlier but there were no seats. So, I stayed in my hotel room at Sofitel, Heathrow Terminal 5, right from the time I landed on Tuesday morning till it was time to leave on Thursday. I figured that the cost of paying for room service would be much cheaper than picking up a nasty virus from the restaurant or buffet service, so I ate all my meals in the room. When one of the hotel waiters brought my dinner to the room on one occasion, he told me that Terminal 5 might have to close, and the hotel along with it. He was Spanish, and my heart went out to him to see the fear on his face and hear the worry in his voice.

When I landed at Murtala Mohammed International Airport on Thursday evening, I could barely control my sighs of relief. The airport was hot and unaccommodating as always, but I did not care, I was home. The usual courtesies extended to VIPs of being met by Protocol Officers had been suspended. We all had to file into the immigration hall for necessary checks, and I noted that this was a good thing. All protocol officers had to wait for us at the immigration hall. There should be no allowances for ‘big people’ at times like this. I had already filled out my contact tracing form when I was on the flight. I wrote out my full name, address and telephone number. I gave my own details, not that of an aide. Apparently, many people have given fake contact information on the forms, for fear of being tracked down by thieves and kidnappers. Considering the country we live in, these fears are not unfounded. However, these are trying times, and if there is a chance any of us have been exposed to a deadly virus, we do need to be reached to alert us of the dangers to ourselves and the potential for us to endanger others. My temperature was taken, as well as my photograph. My passport was stamped and I was free to go. I was not given any direct advice on self-isolating for 14 days since I had just returned from a high-risk country or a number to call should I develop symptoms. Perhaps this has now been put in place, but as of Thursday March 19th when I arrived this was not the case. Since the National Center for Disease Control (NCDC) in Nigeria had by then issued directives on self-isolation if arriving from certain countries, and I know the responsible thing to do, I have been in self-isolation since I got back. In the over thirty years we have been married, my husband and I have never slept in separate beds if we are home together. The fear of Coronavirus has changed that for now. For the past five days, apart from my husband, I have only seen and spoken to two people in person. I have daily tasks. I read. Check social media platforms. Write. Make calls. Watch TV. Work on correspondence. Yesterday, I had put down my main task as ‘Finalise manuscript’. I worked all day and finished the task. Today my task was something I have been procrastinating about for the past six months. I cleared out my closet. I thought it would take at least four hours and that is why I have been putting it off. It took less than an hour. For a foolish moment, I was almost angry that I had completed what was meant to be such a humongous task!

Last week the infection rates across Africa were around 100 in 11 countries. Now there are over 1,000 infections in over 30 countries with rising fatalities. The now famous ‘social distancing’ that is meant to protect people from infections is meaningless in communities where people live with so many others, and where essentials such as water, food and cleaning items are luxuries. Apart from the dire and obvious problem of poverty, some of the main challenges we continue to face are disobedience and ignorance. When people who are supposed to know better continue to endanger themselves and others, we truly have a crisis on our hands. No nation wants to cripple its own economy. No leader wants to be held responsible for a total collapse of economic, social and political systems. No adult wants to be told to stay home and not go out for days on end. Yet these things have to be done when there is no choice. There is a proverb in my language that a child who does not have a mother does not develop sores on his/her back. Only a mother has the time and patience to nurse you that intimately.

Here on the African continent and in Nigeria where we have such scarily fragile healthcare systems, obedience is better than sacrifice. Our governments have limited financial resources to come to our aid. We have no ‘mother’ to nurse our sores, we are on our own. Sadly, this COVAID 19 pandemic will place even more burdens on women in particular who always bear the brunt of care giving, household and community responses. Women who have some respite during the day from violent partners are now cooped up with them for twenty four hours. Our Federal and State governments have tried with providing information and some resources for sensitization, tracking, testing and treatment, but a whole lot more is needed. As many citizens have pointed out, the health facilities we have in place, in whatever shape or form, will now be used by everyone, since no ‘big people’ can fly out for treatment at the moment. This means our leaders will be forced to invest more significantly because you never know who might end up needing to use a hospital bed or ventilator.

Let us pray a time will not come when whatever little we have in place will be totally overwhelmed. Let us all take responsibility. If you have money, donate to the relevant authorities or charities. If you are a political, business, community, faith-based, youth, civil society or any kind of leader, now is the time to step up and to prove that to whom much is given, much is expected. Now is not the time for spreading fake news and wishing death upon all our enemies, real and imagined. Now is not the time to mock anyone. It is not the time for careless talk. Now is not the time to test God. Now is not the time to presume to be holier than the Pope, or to know better than the Saudis who have suspended pilgrimages. We live in a world where science and faith should be able to co-exist without us making foolish choices that will push us into extinction.

I have eight days to go. Did I say now is not a time to mock anyone? I take it back. When my self-isolation started my husband teased me non-stop, calling me ‘Madam Coro’. Last night he had to go into self-isolation because he has been exposed to two confirmed cases. Now it is my turn to tease him! I also told him that the isolation center in our State had better be a good one in case we both end up there. May our land be healed and may affliction be far from our homes.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

April 9, 2020
Naked Abuse, By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

The COVID19 crisis has led to a reordering of our lives as we know it, at least for the foreseeable future. Many important events have had to be postponed. One of them is the public presentation of ‘Naked Abuse: Sex for Grades in African Universities’, written by Mr Olusegun Adeniyi, the acclaimed Public Analyst and Author. The event was supposed to have taken place March 31 st in Abuja. I was looking forward to it, and even though the event did not take place, the publication is being released. I was pleasantly surprised when Mr Adeniyi asked me to write the Foreword to the book, and with his permission, I am sharing it here.

When I was a student at the then University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University) in the1980s, there was a story about a female student in the Pharmacy Department, a few years before our time. This student had been propositioned by one of her lecturers and she turned him down. At the end of the semester, she failed his course. Quite naturally, she repeated the course. But she failed again. When she went to check her results for the third time, after spending almost two additional years working towards her degree, she went berserk. On realizing that she had failed again, she started unbuttoning her blouse and yelling at the top of her voice, ‘Dr XYZY, se o fe se ni? Oya, wa se!’, (‘Dr XYZY, do you want to have sex with me? Come on, let’s do it now!’)

Hysterical, the poor girl started walking down the stairs towards the lecturer’s office, stripping as she went, before other female students gathered to restrain her. The university authorities waded in and the student graduated eventually. But nothing happened to Dr XYZY. That part of the story did not come as a surprise. After abusing his authority and driving his student literally insane, there ought to have been consequences for him. Wishful thinking. Things did not work that way then, and it seems nothing much has changed.

In my third year, I registered for a course in my department. A day after the first class on this course, I took a document to my lecturer to sign. He made a pass at me, and when I refused, he said he would wait and see if I would change my mind, after all I had just started the course. I was scared and I was not sure if what I had heard was a joke, a veiled threat or both. I mentioned my concerns to another friend who was in the same department but not
taking his course. She told me there were stories about the man. After registration, you had up to two weeks to change your mind and register elsewhere. The next day I withdrew my registration from his class. When I was in postgraduate school, another lecturer tried the same thing. I reported him to my thesis supervisor who had a quiet word with him. Of course he denied the harassment, claiming he had only been joking with me. He however got the
message and backed off.

In October 2019, I attended the screening of the BBC Documentary, ‘Sex for Grades’, at the Sheraton Hotel in Lagos. I could not believe what I was watching. I laughed at the pitiful sight of a grown man bumping and grinding in front of a girl young enough to be his daughter, claiming to be praying for her. I cried when it turned out that the brave young
woman who produced the documentary, Kiki Mordi, had to drop out of university on account of the sexual harassment she faced. I sat with my mouth open at the sight of ‘The Cold Room’, where young female students were taken to be ‘frozen’ by their lecturers. I was angry at the lack of respect for the young women and the absence of any sense of decorum by the male predators. However, I was also pleased that the dreadful culture of silence
about sexual harassment in our higher institutions was finally being broken.

I was therefore delighted when my good friend and brother, Olusegun Adeniyi, asked me to write the foreword to this book, ‘Naked Abuse: Sex for Grades in African Universities’, which is a concise study of sexual harassment in tertiary institutions across the African continent. The author is a well-respected public intellectual, a brilliant analyst, and a
thoughtful writer who has meticulously borne witness to some of our most critical moments as a nation. Sexual harassment is one of those insidious practices that continues to go unchecked and is quite frankly not taken seriously. As stated in the introduction to this carefully researched book, sexual harassment in higher institutions is a global issue.

Considering the lack of policy frameworks, inadequate or non-existent procedures, the dearth of support systems required, and zero political will to drive these issues, a culture of impunity is rife in most African tertiary institutions. Adeniyi paints a painfully true picture of the state of affairs in tertiary institutions from one country to another. Starting with several disturbing case studies in Nigeria, and on to at least 29 other countries spread across all the
regions of the continent, a clear pattern emerges. The pattern tells us that many male lecturers all over, have a sense of entitlement to the bodies of their female students.

These male teachers have enormous power over their students, and they use that power to threaten, cajole, obstruct justice, collude, persuade and reward. It is therefore extremely difficult for allegations of sexual harassment or misconduct to stick. Many university authorities quickly close ranks to protect the image of the institution. Predators do not operate in isolation; they are part of a culture that indulges in, and encourages preying on vulnerable students.

Young female students attend tertiary institutions to receive an education. They look up to their teachers, male and female alike, for guidance and mentoring, all of which require trust. The female students likely see a big brother type or a father figure. More often than not, their teachers see hot young bodies that are available for the asking or taking.

There is a worrisome narrative in the last chapter, ‘The Other Side of the Coin’, concerning the increase in the number of female students who themselves are aggressors and do all they can to lure their lecturers into sexual relationships for marks. There are sadly many of such cases, and the author is right to point this out because a number of male lecturers keep repeating this like some kind of mantra. This does not change the main narrative,
which is the accountability of adult teachers and the duty they owe those who are placed in their care to learn. It’s not unusual that some young girls will have crushes on their teachers, and there are always the lazy ones who would rather play around than study.

Faced with the prospect of failure, they resort to seeking ‘Sexually Transmitted Grades’, a phrase the author picked up from his research in Gabon. When this happens, the onus is on the adults concerned, who are entrusted with a sacred responsibility, to say no. It is an abuse of power and breach of trust for teachers to take advantage of impressionable young girls. That said, the fact remains that the vast majority of victims of sexual harassment are
those who have unwanted attention forced upon them, the ‘naughty’ ones are a minority.

For Adeniyi to take the time to address the issue of sexual harassment this diligently is a huge contribution to knowledge and public awareness, which will hopefully inspire further action. Sadly, patriarchal oppression works in many ways. Silencing is one of them. African feminists have lent their insights and experiences to the issue of sexual harassment and sexual violence for a long time. One of the ways in which we can see traction on this
agenda is to broaden the audience as much as possible, and at the same time encourage as many voices as we can, both male and female.

In adding his voice to this topic, Olusegun Adeniyi is on the right side of history, as he has always been. No society can make progress if it treats 50 per cent of its population with disdain. If young girls are unable to acquire an education in a safe environment and in peace, and go into the world to be the best they can, we will never achieve the development we seek. If our daughters have to spend their time in university dodging the erections and desperate clutches of teachers who are supposed to be their role models, then it should be no surprise if we end up with generations of physically and emotionally scarred women who are unproductive and dependent. Where there are laws and policies in place to prevent and deal with sexual harassment, they should be implemented to the full.

Every tertiary institution needs a policy on sexual harassment and a zero tolerance culture. The leadership of tertiary institutions need to demonstrate that they are serious about the issue and will not condone a culture of abuse, silence and impunity. Women’s organisations that are working to provide support for young women to deal with these issues, need to be encouraged. I hope this book is read and used widely for advocacy and capacity building.

Thank you, Olusegun Adeniyi, for a job very well done. You have given a lot of food for thought, and as the young people say these days, you have ‘shaken a lot of tables’.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

April 2, 2020
Dance and let Dance, By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Dance and let dance

You own your rythm

Live and let live

Your life is your own

Eat and let eat

As long as it is your food

Sleep and let sleep

As long as it is with your eyes

Why not Dance and let dance?

What quarrel should I have with your legs?

Your arms? Your waist? Why should the twist of your hips bother me so?

Is it the joy I see in your eyes?

The orgasmic ecstasy I see in every movement of your body?

The sense that you do not care?

People think you do not care

Not about the rivers of blood flowing through the country

The screams of the tortured

The wails of those who mourn

The silent cries of the voiceless

The diseases that have arrived and those on the way

It does not matter what they think

Think and let think

Care and let care

Dance and let dance

Azonto, Shoki, Shaku Shaku, Zanku, Gbese

Whichever way your body wants to move

Only you can take it there

The peace we seek

The sanity we yearn for

The wisdom that eludes us

Can only come from within

From our love, passion, creativity, courage, selflessness, freedom, gratitude and all those things that bring us alive

It cannot be policed, censored or controlled

That right there is the problem

We leave real problems and manufacture crisis where none exists

We leave the leprosy patient to chase after the sufferer of ring worm

No matter how many storms rage or how hard the rain falls, the sun still shows up

Dance and let dance

We are not judges

We are not the jury of life

Dance your own dance

Share your own joy or keep it to yourself

Let it be your right

Don’t tell others when, how, why or where to dance

Dance and let dance

Dance like David

Dance like the devil himself

Who cares?

When we all get to the gates of heaven, we will be asked

How many times we were kind, how many wounds we healed and how many tears we wiped away

We will be asked about the screams, wails and cries and what we did to help

No one will ask how many times we danced

Let us think about this and prepare our answers

In other words, let us mind our own business

Dance and let dance

See, my moves are slicker than yours!

February 21, 2020
Praying or Preying?, By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

In 2016, I wrote an article, ‘When will ‘Servants of God’ stop preying on women and children? Five Lessons from the ‘Reverend’ Kingsley Ezeugo Saga’. Almost on a daily basis, there are reports about religious leaders abusing members of their congregation.

This problem is a global one, and has been around for a long time, considering the volume and frequency of cases involving young boys and their priests in the Catholic church for example.

Some of the relationships involving religious leaders and their flock that have ended up as public scandals appear to be consensual in nature, however, there is a limit to how we can extend that argument because where there is power and authority concerned, consent becomes rather problematic.

Sadly, the majority of the reported cases are simply about abuse of position, faith, trust and authority. The sheer number of cases is alarming and the impunity with which the so-called leaders carry out their abuse is a serious cause for concern. These are the five issues I raised in my article three years ago, though this is a slightly revised and abridged version.

Our religious leaders should prioritise the need to address violence perpetrated against people in their congregation.

The majority of cases we get to hear about concern women and children, though we have also heard cases of men used as slaves in the business empires of their leaders and sometimes estranged from their families who get taken over by leaders of the church. ‘Pastor defiles 13 year Old’, ‘How my Pastor raped me’, ‘How my Pastor had sex with me to drive evil spirits from me’, ‘”It is the work of the devil”, says Pastor who raped 5 year old’, the headlines now seem to be endless. It is not enough for our religious leaders to say ‘This can never happen in my church’. When they adopt that kind of attitude, what happens is that when such a case is indeed reported in their church, they do all they can to cover it up.

When confronted with a case of sexual abuse in his church, a famous church proprietor allegedly said,’ What happened to you happened in the house of God, which means God is aware. If it had happened out in the world, it would be very bad, but because it happened in the house of God, it is okay’.

People go to church to seek refuge in God’s grace and love. They ask for God’s protection from the travails of life, and to be strengthened in the spirit to be able to face all their challenges. When the men and women who God has entrusted with the responsibility of caring for his flock become the abusers, then we have a serious crisis.

It would be helpful if religious bodies could develop self-regulation policies to address questions such as How do people become Pastors? What modalities are in place to deal with complaints from the congregation? ‘What happens when the leader is the alleged perpetrator? ‘We have many progressive, dynamic male and female Christian leaders. They need to break the culture of silence around these issues and take decisive action.

2. Religious leaders should stop preying on vulnerable women and children

A lot has been written about how many of our ‘big’ churches have become serious business conglomerates. One of the key strategies here is a simple ‘Bums on Seats’ one. The more the flock, the greater the profits. However, competition for flock is fierce. Like business enterprises who thrive ‘in the world’, branding, innovation, entertainment and ‘shock and awe’ feature regularly. So we set the scene for a grand revival/deliverance event, an average ‘Angela’ starts to convulse in front of the Man of God, and as if on cue, gasps out certain details of what she has done and who she has done it to. She is a witch! The confession takes place, she is ‘delivered’ of her demons and the audience is convinced not only of evidence of her witchcraft, but that they have made the right decision to worship there. Everyone is reminded of all the witches in their family, village and workplace who are holding back their progress. Maybe if they pray hard enough, those witches too will pitch up here and confess. More prayers are needed. Followed by more donations. This exploitation of vulnerable, gullible women plays out around the world. In Kenya, a deranged ‘Pastor’ sucks the breasts of his female followers to ‘take away all their troubles’. In South Africa, another demon in a cassock feeds his followers live snakes. On a beach somewhere in the Caribbean, another ‘Pastor’ is pictured kissing the naked backsides of spinsters in his church searching for husbands!

We need to address our capacity to manage mental health issues in Nigeria

Our healthcare systems are always overstretched. For many years now, there has been occasional reference to the dearth of qualified personnel and institutions to provide a range of services to ensure mental health needs are addressed. What we have now is a system that classifies people into two categories – the ‘mad’ people (the ones roaming the streets or those in designated mental health institutions) and the ‘normal’ people, which is everyone else! Experts in mental health issues have told us consistently that these classifications are very dangerous and unhelpful, but we do not seem to be listening. For those who do not understand (or are in denial) about mental health issues, or those who simply cannot afford any other kind of care, they turn to religious institutions for ‘deliverance’. This only tends to further stigmatise and traumatize victims. Of course faith has a key role to play in healing, but it should not be at the expense of orthodox medical intervention.

People need to be more careful in their quest for salvation.

I do not want to blame those who turn out to be the victims, but we need to be more vigilant in our choice of how and where to worship. Many a charismatic leader has led their congregation straight to hell. The 1978 Jonestown massacre in Guyana of 908 church members led by Jim Jones and the 2000 ‘mass suicides’ led by Joseph Kibwetere and Credonia Mwerinde of the Movement for the Restoration of the Commandments of God (MRTC) in Uganda are just two examples. The challenges of religious indoctrination and brainwashing are universal as seen from the examples above. In our communities here, when we consider the levels of poverty, desperation, predisposition to superstitious beliefs, levels of education and the inability of our governments to address citizens’ needs, we should not be surprised when people create alternative avenues for succor. We should also understand how the faithful in some churches often get confused about who God really is – the one in heaven or the one here on earth who they can see? In their religious institutions and leaders, some of them find the employment, healthcare, education, counselling and support that they need. And sometimes it comes at a very high price. I am aware that discussing these issues with friends and family members can be problematic, but we should try and use whatever platforms we can to warn people of the dangers of blind faith in man and not God. Many parents have endangered the lives and well-being of their own children by placing them in the hands of some of these dangerous ‘Men of God’

Our law enforcement officers, and the judiciary, have a key role to play in protecting citizens.

We know that there is a tendency for our law enforcement officers to baulk at the thought of bringing a ‘Servant of God’ to justice. For all you know, the officer concerned might be a member of the congregation, or his wife, his brother and so on. There are those who will remember the famous pseudo prophet ‘Jesus of Oyingbo’, who was untouchable for many years, in spite of many allegations brought against him by members of his commune, hidden away in plain sight in the heart of Lagos.

There is a sad truth that has emerged in the ways in which we worship God in contemporary Nigeria and to a large extent, the rest of the world. Today, our places of worship as Christians have become deeply polarized, with class, poverty, ethnicity, desperation, levels of education, and greed playing a key role. A religion that was built on values such as humility, simplicity, honesty, love and compassion has now spawned places where impunity reigns and the vulnerable are manipulated, abused, raped, beaten, ridiculed and even burnt to death. Let us all remember the day of judgement. We will be judged by a God who created all things in his image and not in the image of man.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

June 12, 2019
A time to reset – By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi
By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

I thank the leadership of Nigerian Union of Journalists (NUJ) Ekiti State chapter for their kind invitation to give this lecture. I am particularly pleased that I have been asked to talk about ‘Reclaiming our Land, Restoring our Values: Beyond Slogans’. All over the country today, online and offline, there are conversations going on about the decline in our values as a nation. The summary of all these intense conversations is that we have become a people quite comfortable with compromising integrity, character, service, sacrifice and a good name. Virtually every institution that affects our lives has been compromised, leaving the poor and vulnerable at the mercy of the powerful, and those who are supposed to serve as protectors have become the worst predators. We live in times when desperate people are making desperately poor choices, often due to circumstances beyond their control.

I met John Kayode Fayemi (JKF) in graduate school at University of Ife in 1986 and we got married three years later in London. The things that I found attractive about him all those years ago are the same things that make him an extra special person today. He has a relentless, often brutal, work ethic. He has a mind that works like a clock, he is focused and disciplined, and his thirst for knowledge is insatiable. I knew, all those years ago, as I still do now, that people like him are very rare, and if given the opportunity, they make the most amazing leaders. I however learnt that it is not easy for people with a certain set of core values to get into leadership spaces. The first inkling I had that all was not well with our value system was in 2005 when JKF first made an appearance on the political scene in Ekiti State. His hefty CV had been printed in the form of a pamphlet by his proud handlers and circulated to opinion leaders in the State. One of them, a PhD holder, read through the CV carefully. After reading through, he said, ‘This sounds like a very impressive young man. However, why do you want to bring him to be Governor of Ekiti? He should go and run for President and leave us here. We will not be able to manipulate this one, he is too smart and has seen too much of the world. Why don’t you go and pick Chief XYZ, he is not that bright, we can work with him.’

In the aftermath of the June 2014 elections, a number of narratives emerged about the reasons why JKF lost, most of them tainted with distortions and outright lies. As Governor, JKF woke up at 6am and started his day at 7am, receiving people in the lodge before leaving for the office. At 12 midnight, I would place a call to him, which was the signal to start winding down. He would be back home at 1-2am in the morning and the cycle would repeat itself. Many times, if I had something important to talk about, I would write the points down and reel them off to him while he took his shower. This man was replaced by a system with a totally different set of values, grounded in deceit and demagoguery. In the soul searching that followed, it dawned on concerned people that it was not JKF who lost, it was our State that was the real loser and central to this was the evaporation of values.

Professor Niyi Osundare, the famous Poet and Public Intellectual, spoke extensively about the Ekiti experience in his JKF Inauguration Lecture on October 15^th 2018, ‘Still, in defence of lasting values’. In his charge to the new Governor, Professor Osundare said, ‘You have an impoverished populace to empower; a swarm of jobless youths to engage; rundown education system to fix; the people’s psychological clock to reset’.

We all have to reset the clock together. There are plans to address this agenda through partnerships with schools, parents, religious leaders, traditional rulers, old and new media, popular culture practitioners, women’s networks, youth groups and other relevant stakeholders. Governor Fayemi is also planning to set up a Values Academy in Ekiti.

These are some ideas I have for us to think about:
1. IT IS TIME FOR OMOLUWABI 2.0.
A good friend of mine, Wale Ajadi, a scholar, activist and development practitioner published a book in 2012 called ‘Omoluwabi 2.0: A code of transformation in 21^st century Nigeria’. Wale’s analysis of the concept of Omoluwabi takes it out of the realm of a solitary, simplistic definition of the Yoruba Omoluwabi as a ‘gentleman/woman’ or ‘good person’ (Omoluwabi 1.0) and elevates it to the status of a full- fledged alternative African leadership paradigm.

An ‘Omoluwabi 2.0’ is someone who is able to make use of a range of tools which enable the individual to function at full capacity on all fronts – emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and professionally. Some of the tools are as follows; a) Embrace Positive change (Olaju), b) Engage in Self-mastery (Oju Inu), c) Understand and teach Good Character (Iwalewa) and 4) Build and use Social Capital (Eniyan laso mi). An Omoluwabi 2.0 believes in a world in which women have a voice and presence and the rights of everyone matter. An Omoluwabi 2.0 is also a life-long learner and teacher. We cannot impart values we do not have or understand.
1. WE NEED TO KNOW AND REMEMBER WHO WE ARE.
We have some of the oldest civilisations on the African continent, yet our languages are dying out. We don’t teach History any more. We are losing community and institutional memory. Most of our symbolic expressions have been hijacked or mediated by Christianity and Islam. For example, many Yoruba people now avoid the rich symbolism of weddings, funerals, festivals or naming ceremonies, because they are written off as fetish practices. We should never romanticize any harmful traditional practices in the new world we want to see, yet there are still many expressions of our culture that are positive but we have perfected the art of throwing the baby out with the bath water.
1. WE HAVE TO BRIDGE THE INTER-GENERATIONAL GAP
One of the saddest things happening now is the crisis of confidence and mutual disrespect across generations. The older generation believe that young people are lazy, entitled, unimaginative and rude. The younger generation believe that the older generation has failed them and denied them a decent future. Not only do older people not care about creating opportunities for young people to learn and grow, they shamelessly take up positions which ought to go to young people. There are kernels of truth in these competing narratives. We need to have more inter-generational programs and dialogues, this will help minimize tensions and serve as learning spaces for old and young alike. The crisis of leadership, values and governance cannot be solved by one ‘camp’ alone.
1. WE SHOULD BE SELFLESS AND SELF-FULL
We cannot build healthy communities if we are not willing to serve selflessly and sacrifice when necessary. However, we also need to appreciate the value of caring for ourselves. We have to start recognizing self-care as a core value. Due to the immense pressures that abound around us, and our refusal to take care of ourselves the same way we take care of our material possessions such as our cars and homes, we place our lives at risk. There are so many sudden deaths around us. As if that is not enough, should something happen to us or people we know, there must be someone else to blame. We need to make a distinction between being selfless and self-full.

As I close, I would like to add one more comment about HE Dr. Kayode Fayemi as a leader at this moment in Ekiti’s History. A very important aspect of affirming the social contract between a leader and his/her people is the issue of trust. Without trust a leader finds himself/herself hamstrung and the people are cast adrift. Dr. Kayode Fayemi is passionate about his people and he will do his best to serve them as he has done before. The trust that Ekiti people placed in him when he set out to help reclaim our land is not misplaced. Together, we will all work hard to restore our lost values.

I would like to thank NUJ once again for inviting me to address this conference. I wish you the very best in all your endeavours.

This is an abridged version of a lecture ‘Reclaiming our Land, Restoring our Values: Beyond Slogans’, delivered at the NUJ Ekiti Chapter Press Week, December 14^th 2018, Ado-Ekiti.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She is currently the 1^st Lady of Ekiti State. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com
December 27, 2018