Tag: Francis Ewherido

Tribute to Mama Powder at 90 – By Francis Ewherido

I am extremely happy today on the 90th birthday of my mother, Mrs. Paulina Powder Ewherido, aka Mama Powder. It has been 90 years of the love and mercy of God; joyful moments, celebrations, illnesses, heartbreaks and pains. You do not live for 90 years without joys and battle scars. She has had a mixed bag. She was born to Ojiyovwire Onotanimedo, a hardworking and relatively wealthy farmer and hunter in their time, and Eyovwunu Onotanimedo, a housewife who supported her husband in the farm, on September 5, 1933, in Omoku, present day Rivers State. They were Christians of the Catholic faith. Though not educated, they kept records of the dates of birth of their children with the aid of their baptismal cards.

Since he was not educated, my grandfather vowed that all his children, male and female, must be well educated. Mama Powder started elementary school in Omoku. Her father owned a hamlet in Omoku. Life was going on smoothly until 1946 when he fell ill. When it became apparent that he was not going to survive, they headed home (present day Delta State) by canoe (paddling). He died two days into the journey. Tradition forbade my grandmother from seeing the corpse of her husband. Mama Powder, then 13 years, was the eldest child on board (her two elder sisters were not around), so they laid her father’s head and upper body on her young laps until they got to Ewhu, my grandma’s hometown before proceeding to his home town.

After my grandfather’s burial, my grandmother refused to be “shared” to any of my grandfather’s relatives. She settled in Ewhu, where Mama Powder lived the rest of her childhood. She dropped out of school to support my grandmother to raise and educate her three younger siblings. In January 1954, she got married at 21 to a 28-year-old teacher, Joseph Ukaniedife Ewherido. Together, they had nine children. Death of children visited them first in 1960. It visited again in 2013 and 2015, wiping a third of her children. It could have been worse, but God said uwhubetine (enough of these deaths, which also means none of her children must predecease her again).

On May 31, 1988, death struck again. She was at the General Hospital, Warri, Delta State, where my father who was on admission. After having his bath, he laid down and made a sound that looked like he was clearing his throat. Mama Powder asked what the issue was, but there was no response. She went closer and asked, but still no response. She shook him, raised an alarm and called the medical personnel, but her husband of 34 years, the only man she knew was gone forever. Mama Powder belongs to the endangered species of married women who proudly tell you that they have known only one man all their lives.

She lived her marital vows of “for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part,” which she took in January 1954, to the end. She was with my father through it all. They married when my father was a grade three teacher. He did grade two, A ‘levels, acquired a university degree and a post graduate diploma. This meant he was away from his family for long periods, but there was no excuse of “since you are frequently away….,” or “there was no food in the house, so….” She was faithful and devoted to him till May 31, 1988, when he breathed his last.

She was traumatised for years by my father’s death. She also lost a grandson, her siblings and some other close friends and relatives over the years. She also has scars from her personal battles. From 1974 to 1980, her health was dodgy. On many occasions, it did not look like she was going to see the next day. Many were her afflictions during this period, but God saw her through them all. She had some respite from 1980. In 1997, illness revisited with a venom. This time around, it was like game over. A doctor even told her to go home and wait for death. Her situation was grave. She even said her goodbyes to all of us. That was chilling. But like the proverbial cat with nine lives which she is, God again intervened and Mama Powder pulled through. And so today she is alive to witness her 90th birthday.

Mama Powder’s numerous scars notwithstanding, her faith (esegbuyota) in God remains unshakable. She has had a great and fulfilled life. She is living well. She is exceptionally loved both by biological and other numerous children. Mama is like a babe with many boyfriends (children, adopted children and grandchildren) who have spoilt her silly with love, care and attention. Jude, one of my brothers, and I are the only ones who “fights” with her. I tackle her due to her stubbornness and conservatism. For at least 52 years now, I have not seen Mama Powder take any other milk except Peak. She only switched to new brands of tin tomatoes, seasoning and body cream when the ones she was using while I was growing up disappeared from the market. My brothers have advised me to let her be. I have relented because you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. But occasional “fights” are inevitable. When she accuses me of being too stubborn, I murmur, “wetin lion dey born, goat?”

Mama Powder lives her life on her own terms. Nobody can do anything about that. She is ultraconservative. She has only agreed to travel abroad a few times for pilgrimage, graduation, anniversary and medicals. Nobody can force her to travel outside Delta State, not to talk of Nigeria, unless she wants to and she decides when she must return. She will stay for a short while and tell you that her other children (biological and adopted) are missing her and she wants to go home. At other times, she will simply tell you, if you suggest travelling, that “ohwo vuovo kese whievwe n’uwhevwi vwee (Nobody can uproot me from my house). Mama Powder is strong-willed, but that is just her character.

Do not go to Mama Powder if you do not like the truth. When we were growing up; if she wanted to tell you the bitter truth, she would start by saying, “my son, you know in this life, it’s only the person closest to you who can tell you that you have bad breath…” Once you hear that intro, prepare for the bomb. She does not know how to deodorise what is bad. She can also embarrass or annoy people sometimes. A relative who is about 6.3 feet tall came to introduce his fiancée to Mama. The lady was barely five feet. Mama Powder responded, “What is this, my son? You are up there and your wife is down there?” The lady’s countenance changed. When I complained to Mama Powder later that she was too brash. She reminded me that she is too old to say it looks greyish when it is apparently black. Mama Powder used to see and hear so much, but said very little. These days, she talks more than she used to while we were growing up. I would tease her that “mama, you are deviating from what you taught us. You talk too much these days.”

Mama, like the rest of humankind, is not a perfect person, but I desire no other woman as a mother. Today is a wonderful day. I am very happy. I want to specially thank God for the gift and life of Mama Powder. I look forward to many more birthdays. For now, let me savour this day that the lord has made. I rejoice and I am glad in it. Mama, I know you do not need reminders, but let me all the same remind you that your children love you endlessly and unconditionally. Our joy is indescribable. Happy 90th birthday, Mama Powder. I know that longevity runs in the veins of the women of Ekrunrophori Quarters, Ewhu, but surviving all these obstacles and battles can only be by the grace of God. May God grant you many more years in health of body and mind. Happy birthday, our prayer warrior and historian.

Francis Ewherido is a chartered insurance broker and a Newsguru columnist

September 5, 2023
Quick-fix health remedies: Beware – By Francis Ewherido

I am tired of the continuous invasion of my privacy via my laptop and phone. More annoying is the falsehood being spewed. I have no choice but to publicly complain. I saw an advert a few years ago on remedies to control high blood sugar. When I saw the amount the remedy was going for, I decided to give it a try in spite of my misgivings. I justified my action by telling myself that if someone came to me to ask for that amount of money and I had it, I would comfortably give him. I used the green tea remedy as directed, but there was no change in my sugar level. When I exhausted the pack, I did not re-order because it did not work as promised.

Before then, I had patronised a product (a supplement that according to the marketer and manufacturer would sort out BP, sugar level so many things in the body, but I bought it specifically to bring down my blood pressure). Initially, when I started using it, I continued with the BP drugs I was taking. After sometime, I stopped taking the BP drugs and continued taking the supplements only. Before I knew it, my BP had risen to a dangerous level. I ran back to my BP medication. At this time, I had spent a reasonable sum on this supplement. When I told the marketer my experience, he advised that I add another supplement to the one I was taking for effectiveness. I was like “spend half a million over time on supplements with dodgy results? Let me continue with my BP drugs.” I felt he was more interested in meeting his targets and earning higher ranks to enable him to qualify for a sponsored trip abroad on holiday. I had no problems with his travelling on holiday, but any product that does not make the users priority is out of it for me. The welfare and interest of users must remain paramount. After the experience, I went back to the BP drugs where I was spending roughly N10,000 monthly at that time to buy the drugs. May be I was impatient, but I love seeing results after spending reasonable money. That was not the case, but I was seeing the results of the N10,000 drugs.

I saw another advert on a product that cures arthritis. I know arthritis has no cure. It is a mainly degenerative ailment you can only manage. I decided to follow through. As I read on, I saw wonderful testimonies from current and previous users of the product. Curiously, virtually the people testifying to the efficacy of the product were in their 20s and 30s! Since when has arthritis, a mainly degenerative health challenge that comes mainly with aging, become a challenge to youths?

There is another one being publicised online. The efficacy of the product was allegedly carried on the front page of Vanguard Newspaper. I read the Vanguard Newspaper daily and I never saw the news. I went to the archives. The front page on that date was totally different. I called the editor. He said such a story was not published. These fraudsters have become more brazen. These days once you go online even to read news, you are inundated with adverts on various products. If you use a search engine to check remedies for any health condition, for the next few days, weeks or months your social media or emails will be inundated with messages and remedies for the ailment. Internet has practically stripped us naked. It has stolen our privacy. Very few people can do without internet these days, but we cannot sweep the downsides under the carpet. Internet is a double-edged sword.

The health issues that the scammers seem to advertise most are diabetes, arthritis and other joint pains, prostrate issues, kidney challenges, liver issues, heart condition, high blood pressure and stroke amongst others. These are some of the major challenges people are going through and are desperately looking for solutions to. What better person to scam than a desperate man? But we can all help ourselves by reading, acquiring more knowledge and discussing with our personal physicians.

Some of the claims these adverts make do not make sense. One claimed they have a remedy that can shrink prostate enlargement in three days. How can prostate that got enlarged over a period of 10 years and above be shrunk in three days? The men here should help me out with answers. Some claim to have a cure for prostate cancer. Treatment and management of cancer is not simple and straightforward. Early detection is very key, but has a permanent cure been found for cancer? I am not aware.

There is also no cure for diabetes. It can only be managed with drugs and lifestyle changes. There is no permanent cure for high blood pressure. It is managed with drugs, herbal solutions and lifestyle changes. I have earlier said there is no cure for arthritis. It can only be managed. You can go online and verify all these.

The products we are most inundated with online are penis enlargement products and sex enhancement products to make men last for “two hours or more hours.” Though they are the most advertised products, I deliberately refused to talk about them earlier. I have done my extensive research and written about this issue on this column, so I will not go back to it, but you can click the link and read (Penis tinz – Vanguard News (vanguardngr.com). Suffice to say that sex enlargement products are a fallacy meant to deceive men who feel inadequate and insecure. Also, if you read the article in the link, you will also find out that you do not need a monster dick to procreate or satisfy your wife sexually. A monster dick is mainly a feel good factor.

The average erect penis size in Nigeria is 6.1 inches (15.50 cm), according to studies. Worldwide, the average penis size is 5.1-5.5 inches. Average erect penis size in inches in Thailand 3.7, Nepal 3.7, North Korea 3.8, Cambodia 4, Sri Lanka 4.3, South Korea 4.3, Pakistan 4.4, Hong Kong 4.4, Bangladesh 4.4. These countries are not among countries with most unfaithful wives. Meanwhile, Durex did a survey some years showing that at 62 per cent of married women in Nigeria are unfaithful and married women in Nigeria are the most unfaithful in the world. Another study came out with the same result, although a couple of other studies have different results. With our many churches, mosques, magun, erivwin and an average erect penis of 6.1 inches, I do not know how we got that embarrassing ranking. It does not correlate or make sense. These fraudsters should let Nigerian men breathe. It is not the size of the penis of Nigerian men that is responsible for the high level of infidelity.

Meanwhile, aside from these sex products, advertisers of other products who dispute my assertions can step forward (mand13@gmail com or text only to 2348186535360). Once we verify their products as fit for consumption, I will get volunteers to test the efficacy of their products. I start by volunteering.

September 2, 2023
What is marriage? – By Francis Ewherido

My first article on this column on November 17, 2013, was titled “What Does Marriage mean to you?” Almost 10 years later, I am forced to ask the same question under different title and circumstances. What is marriage? For me marriage remains “the matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole life, which is ordered by its nature towards the good of spouses and the procreation and education of offspring…” (Wikipedia). Left with me I will substitute merger for partnership, but it is okay.

The reason I am asking this question again is because many young marriages are collapsing. Some young people have no basic understanding or the implications of the institution they are going into. Some of the implications of the above definition are in the marital vows which we exchanged during our wedding. They are clearer to me almost 25 years after. Let us assume that at the commencement of your marriage, you had this second-hand vehicle without a factory-fitted air conditioner. You used your hard-earned money to install an AC. Your hard-earned money created a new problem for you. If you are stuck in traffic, your engine starts overheating within 30 minutes.

Also, you must open the bonnet of the car every day to check the water level in the radiator and gauge the oil. Many years after marriage, you now drive a vehicle where AC is taken for granted. You can now use the vehicle for a month without opening your bonnet.

You were living in a mini-flat when you got married. Now you live in a mansion. At the beginning of your marriage, sex life was good. You did it in the room, kitchen, bathroom, sitting room, just anywhere, provided there was privacy. Now, sex “once in three months is celebration,” according to a female friend. Her friend who was with her nodded in agreement, while their husbands were there feeling very uncomfortable.

Another friend wanted to do what is every married person’s entitlement. “Ol’boy, the thing no gree get up! Na so me and my wife just dey look each other,” he narrated the experience. Over 30 years ago, the same friend was pounding his chest on his numerous conquests. I felt and still feel that the “over 200 girls” he claimed to have slept with was an exaggeration. How many available girls dey Effurun-Warri that time? But his conquests were many. Now here he was, unable to muster ordinary erection. A common erection was no longer common. The summary of the above is for “better for worse.” You sort out the problem together. Abandoning the marriage or infidelity is not an option.

There are many spouses who used to be very active. They were restless. Today, the boisterousness is gone. Some have gone blind and need assistance in almost all spheres of life. Some have been vanquished by arthritis. Other debilitating illnesses like high blood pressure and diabetes have messed up otherwise boisterous spouses. So what happens? The vow of “in sickness and in health” should reign. You enjoyed the moments when you were both healthy. Now that one of you is sick, the healthy spouse has to stick around. Recently, ace comedian, Julius Agwu, announced that his marriage has packed up. He followed it with an assertion that his wife married him for his money and fame, not love. Remember he had a brain tumour which kept him off the scene for a while. Until his ex-wife comes out to debunk what he said, I believe him.

Marriage is glamour and grind. There is no cherry picking. You cannot choose one and leave the other. That is why it is “for richer for poorer.” In those days, many men got married when they were poor or just starting life with little and became rich after marriage, so cases of wives abandoning their husbands were rare. But some men abandoned the wives they struggled with when they were poor for “more presentable wives” after they became rich or men of substance. The “benevolent” husbands among them simply married additional wives who went to occasions with them. In my part of the world some of these first wives were not educated and “sophisticated” and therefore not “presentable.” These days, many young men marry when they are comfortable and have achieved some relative success. But if they go broke, their wives abandon some of them. They also abandon their husbands if they suffer a debilitating ailments or become handicapped as a result of an accident. Some today’s husband do the same thing. Love has become so conditional. It is very sad.

Some young people see divorce or separation as the first option when marital storms arise. Marriage is not bread and butter. I make that very clear to everyone going into marriage. Marriage can be tough. It is inevitable, but you do not jump out because of flimsy excuses, for instance, “irreconcilable difference.” If you investigate, most times clash of egos and unwillingness to make compromises are the real issues. There are two main conditions I have always believed where marriage might not continue: Marriage contracted based on falsehood (It is up to the deceived party to continue or opt out) and marital violence. Bishop Anthony Ewherido of the Catholic Diocese of Warri put it succinctly. “No one should die in a marriage because of spousal abuses and threats to life. Save your life if you cannot save your marriage.”

You need divine guidance in the choice of a spouse and the grace of God in navigating through marriage. This is something many young people ignore. Agwu mentioned something very important that many young people ignore when preparing for marriage: seeking the face of God. God instituted marriage and created a spouse for you. Pray to God to lead you that spouse. If you are very prayerful the signs will be there for you that this is your future spouse (Gen. 24). The signs will also be there for those you should flee from. Ignoring the danger signals is what has made many married people miserable today.

For many young people, courtship starts and ends with gbenshing (sex). Let us apply common sense here; how many hours can a couple have sex a day, week or month? Minus the time for sex, what happens to the other time which is more? As important as sex is in marriage, there are other equally important, if not more important, aspects of marriage. You ignore them at the peril of your marriage.

Young people continue to get their priorities wrong when preparing for marriage. They spend all the time preparing for the marriage ceremony (wedding) and zero or little time for the marriage (a life-long journey together). Their idea of marriage is about exotic venues, designer IVs, wedding gowns and suits, bridal dresses, choreography of nuptial dance, drinks and food, etc. While I am not against all these, they are the flesh of the marriage ceremony, the embellishments. The main issue is the skeleton of marriage. It starts with a meaningful courtship where the focus is on getting to know whether the person you are dating is suitable as a spouse, seeking the face of God, having a good understanding of the slippery terrain called marriage, etc. Before and after marriage, you have communication, companionship, friendship, gratitude, mutual respect, apologies when you are wrong, a forgiving spirit, compromise, patience, tolerance, etc. These are some of the skeletons of marriage.

Just in case you have forgotten your biology, a skeleton typically provides the following functions for the body, artistic arrangement of the body, protection of delicate organs like the womb, liver, lungs, spinal cord, etc.; manufacture blood for the body, assisting the body to move, holding the teeth, enabling people to breath, etc. The skeletons of marriage are as important and relevant.

August 26, 2023
Tasteless medical professionals – By Francis Ewherido

The Nigerian medical sector is bedevilled by many problems. As a patient, I have experienced a trailer load of them, but those in the medical field are in the best position to elaborate. They wear the shoes, so they know where the shoes pinch most. Therefore, I will restrict myself to my experience. My earliest experience in the early 70s when my parents used to take me to hospital was good. My only nightmares were injections and swallowing quine tablets for malaria treatment. The first time I went to a public health facility on my own was at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, during my undergraduate days.

I was shivering badly. When I got there. I met two nurses on night duty. I was in terrible pains, but they were busy chatting away and laughing. I did not understand the language, but from the tone of the conversation, it was nothing serious. After what looked like eternity to me, considering my pains, they finally started attending to me by asking the preliminary questions. When it got to eating, I told them it is normal and they started making jest of me. It was something like “so you are still ‘gazzoling’ food like normal, normal.” They had no idea that in my younger years, once I became ill, I vomited anything I took: food and drugs. The problem miraculously stopped at some stage. I starting eating more when I was ill because of the prescribed drugs I took. Out of shame and embarrassment, I would eat only a portion of the food served though I could finish the whole food and more.

Anyway, that was the last time I went to a government hospital for treatment to the best of my knowledge. I am aware that government-owned hospitals have arguably the best personnel and sometimes best equipment, but the attitude of the medical personnel is a write off. I am generalising, not because I do not know that some of them are good, but because anomalies, wickedness, insensitivity, arrogance and bad behaviour reign. It is an entrenched culture. Well behaved medical professionals are actually in the minority.

But my wife and daughter go to government hospitals, especially for dental issues. They rate the Lagos State Government hospitals they patronise very high in dental medicine. Their only complaints are the long queues, extortions and favouritism. But eyewitness accounts on the circumstances that led to the death of Dr. Oghenevwaire Diaso in Lagos Island show that it is not yet Uhuru as far as the health sector of the Lagos State Government is concerned. From health facilities to standard of care, to the attitude of the management, to the wellbeing of staff, everything is not yet up to standard. But the aspect I want to focus on today is the ATTITUDE of some healthcare practitioners. It is appalling.

I had a major health challenge. The private doctor who diagnosed it strongly advised me to get treatment abroad. He said that there are specialists in Nigeria but the success rate was low due partly to attitudinal problems. An incurable believer in the Nigerian project, I decided to explore and was linked up with one of the few specialists in Nigeria. His tone on the phone was so brash and arrogant when we called him. He also told us upfront that consultation is N60,000. I was put off by his attitude and lost interest in proceeding with him. He works in a government hospital, but he was going to see me privately. As far as I am concerned, an uncaring and arrogant doctor without empathy is as good as a carpenter in the hospital ward. Later he did get back, but I felt he was more interested in the N60,000 consultation fee than my welfare. In the midst of the search for another specialist, my wife and I went for scheduled trip. I had been assured that I had time to sort out the issue. It was while I was away that I had a series of crisis. I was told that I should not have left Nigeria in that condition. I had no option but to do the medical procedure there.

But compare him with the professor who handled my case abroad. He is internationally renowned as one of the best in the field. His profile online is intimidating. Going through it alone gave me peace of mind that I was in safe hands. When we (my wife and I) met him, he was so warm, friendly and humble. Our interaction over the period my treatment lasted remained the same. He was humble, warm, empathetic and very professional. I remember him with fond memories.

Now listen to this. If you think the nonsense behaviour of SOME of these our medical professionals ends in Nigeria, you are in for a shock. When some of them migrate to Europe or America, they wear their rubbish behaviour like a garb. I will tell you my experience with Nigerian-born nurses and medical attendants abroad. Three of them left me unattended to for over 30 minutes when there was clear instructions and inscription on my bed to the contrary. Another one made me to stand for almost 10 minutes when she knew my knees were very weak and I was not supposed to get out of bed without supervision. There were other shocking instances.

But if you think this rubbish behaviour is peculiar to Nigerians, read further. One Ghanaian-born nurse was so rude and nonchalant to me as if we had unresolved issues before. Another one was more interesting in the mess I would create if I vomited on the floor than my wellbeing. A South African-born nurse told me that if I had a brain, I would know what to do with a gadget I was seeing for the first time. In all the cases, these people could have lost their jobs or be disciplined if I reported them, but I refused to be responsible for their downfall. It was only the South African nurse I demanded and extracted an apology from. She went far beyond bounds.

On a brighter note, I met some Nigerians and other African medical professionals who were exceptional. One young Nigerian sister, a Sierra Leonean sister and two sisters from Kenya were very kind and professional. Two Ghanaian eye medical professionals made me to know that arthritis can be diagnosed from eye examination. I am also grateful to my namesake, a medical doctor from Nigeria who was working as a nurse there. I thank that nurse who is a chief from Delta North. I am grateful to many others.

I am not sure if I will run into any of these people someday. I could not get personal because of the strict patient-medical personnel policy, but may God reward you all for your professionalism, love, care and empathy. You are a complete package of what medical professionals should be. As for our medical professionals who behave like demigods, remember that your duty is to care, show love, empathise and save lives where possible. If not, you are as worthless as salt that has lost its taste.

August 19, 2023
Osondi, Owendi – By Francis Ewherido

In the 80s, I just loved Osita Osadebe’s hit song, Osondi, owendi. I never really knew the meaning until around 1986 or 1987 when the legend came to the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, to perform. I just had to attend the show, but before the day, I decided to find out the meaning of the song to enable me enjoy it more. I was kind of subdued when I was told that Osondi, Owendi means “it pleases some and displeases others,” or “one man’s meat is another man’s poison.” It can also be interpreted to mean some rejoice while others mourn. I was subdued knowing the meaning. It was at variance with the sweet melody I enjoyed so much. Anyway, I still went for the show and thoroughly enjoyed myself. But the meaning has continued to remind me of the irony of life.

This week was a mixed bag. The DP of my old friend’s, (more like a sister) WhatsApp sent shivers down my spine. I reached out to her, but she did not respond. But the story that the DP inferred was not good. The DP was the photo of a friend’s late wife, who happens to be her brother-in-law, and my friend’s daughter who recently got married. I was too scared to probe further, but I had no choice. She still refused to take my calls. I got frustrated and called my friend directly. He was apparently devastated and it showed in his voice. He lost the daughter, a young and intelligent young lady, a graduate who became a chartered accountant at 23. He lost his dearly beloved wife in August 2019. It was a tough loss for him because the family was well bonded. Now the daughter has followed her mother in the same August barely four years later (I am withholding the family name because the family has not formally made any announcement). I did not know what to say. You know, it is easy to quote bible verses when you are consoling the bereaved. When it hits you, you forget the same bible verses.

I remember when my father died in 1988 and my mother went berserk. One of our very close family friends, who is more like a daughter to my mother, was among those who were with my mother. Some years earlier, her very promising husband had died in an accident. My mother was one of those who stood by her to help her cushion the effects of the sudden loss of her husband who was in his early 40s at best. She was now consoling my mother, but my mother was inconsolable. “Mama, it is me, Felicia, consoling you o! You remember you were also the one who consoled me when my husband died.” But my mother did not notice her presence.

These days, when I console bereaved people, I do not preach any bible. I do not do long talk. I am okay with simply expressing my condolences and allowing the bereaved to breathe. Bereavement is hell. You can easily become an irritant with long talks. Too much preaching can also make the bereaved say in her mind, “why you no go run your mouth? If e happen to you, you go know how far.”

I was still on that when the news broke of a young doctor, Oghenevwaire Diaso, who died in an elevator accident. I was immediately saddened because I know what it takes to bring up a child to become a graduate. Diaso’s life was blown out before blossoming like a candle in the wind. Ab initio, it was apparent that her death was caused by negligence and gross dereliction of duty. In Nigeria, ethnicity has become a heightened issue, but there was no ethnicity in this matter. It was just pure negligence and dereliction of duty. But it did not take time before it was established that she is Urhobo from Ewhu, my hometown. That was when I called my mother. Once I mentioned the family name, she confirmed that they are not only from Ewhu, but Ekrunrophori, my maternal grandmother’s quarters. My mother knew Diaso’s grandfather very well because they grew up together there. At this point, the loss became more personal.

I was still on this when my high-flying young friend, who is more like a daughter called me on Saturday morning. I was surprised she was calling me with her Nigerian number. Normally, the very level-headed and respectful Tega would call me from the US before coming to Nigeria. After the short pleasantries, she said, “uncle, I know you will not be happy to hear it from somewhere else. My daddy is dead.” I was momentarily thrown off balance. Then I expressed my condolences. She was unbelievably close to her father, Sir P. O. Ejegbavwo, but I told Tega that in spite of her closeness to her father, she must steel herself and be a comforter and pillar to her mother. “You can cry your heart out when you retire to the room, but not when you are with your mum.” The parents were very close.

On July 21, a friend I met on Facebook, Princewill Ejogharado, celebrated his eldest daughter at 36. Three days later, he made another post announcing the death of the same daughter, Maudlyn Ejogharado-Nana, a mass communication lecturer in Ogwashi Uku, Delta State. What a world!

Death of a loved one scares me. Why shouldn’t I be scared? I left my father to write my degree exams. In the midst of preparing for exams, he died. He never saw me graduate. I spoke with my late brother, Sen. Pius Ewherido, for over an hour. It was getting late and he said he was going to call our mutual friend, after speaking with me. That would be almost midnight. I told him to call our friend and I would call the next day to continue our conversation. About 45 minutes after we spoke, he had a stroke. I did not know until the next day. Our discussion was never concluded because he died a few days later. About 19 months later, I got a call that my eldest brother, Aloysius Ewherido, suffered a stroke. He died the next day. My sister-in-law, Patricia, came to Lagos to spend time with us. A very wonderful woman, you always felt her presence in the house, especially in the kitchen. One morning, she came to me. “Bros, I wan go back to Effurun.” Wetin you dey go do? Stay small now.” I pleaded, but she was adamant. That was the last time I saw her alive. I travelled to Delta, saw Moses, my brother-in-law. The next time I saw him was in the mortuary. I can go on and on. Losing a loved one is traumatising. I sincerely sympathise with all the families above and all bereaved people. I have nothing to tell you. I leave you in the hands of God, the comforter of the afflicted and the bereaved.

Why the title, Osondi, Owendi? As I was sending condolence messages this week, I was also sending congratulatory messages to those who had new babies, celebrated birthdays, got appointments and had other reasons to celebrate. As the bible says, mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. But truly, life is osondi, owendi.

August 12, 2023
Save lives first – By Francis Ewherido

Medical doctors in many parts of the world, including Nigeria, are required to take the Hippocratic Oath. The Hippocratic Oath is “an oath stating the obligations and proper conduct of doctors, formerly taken by those beginning medical practice.” Under this oath, “the first duty of a doctor is do no harm.” This includes saving lives. I am not certain if other medical practitioners take a similar oath, but whether or not they do, the primary duty of a medical practitioner is the wellbeing of a patient. As we say in Urhobo, ame rot’osho jiti’ivwrite (The same water washes the penis and the scrotal sack). So Hippocratic Oath or not, you have that obligation.

A medical practitioner handled an emergency case and a young mother had a safe delivery. This professional act of saving the life of mother and her new born baby has put a marriage asunder. The story was widely reported by many media outlets, but faded out almost immediately because there is always a breaking news in Nigeria and no story hugs the limelight for long. But the fact that the story was widely reported means it is odd. The story was that a man in Katsina State reportedly divorced his 14-year-old wife for allowing a male medical practitioner attend to her during childbirth. She was reported to have developed complications, something common with under aged pregnant girls, while in labour. She was rushed to the hospital but no female medical practitioner was available to attend to her. Consequently, a male medical practitioner who was available attended to her and safely delivered the teenager of her baby thus saving her from death during childbirth. The initially husband was elated but got infuriated when he learnt that a male doctor attended to her. Promptly, he divorced her.

This sad news was disclosed by the Executive Director of Nana Women and Girls Empowerment Initiative, Dr. Fatima Adamu, in Abuja, while speaking as a keynote speaker at the Human Resources for Health Production Dialogue. I want to thank Dr. Adamu for her humanitarian work and revealing this news to Nigerians. But I am also not happy with her. Rather than condemn this insensitive behaviour of this man, she focused her attention on governments, especially state governments, urging them to ensure that there was equity in the recruitment and deployment of medical personnel to rural communities. I agree with her, especially in the north where many husbands insist that only female medical personnel must attend to their wives. But the issue here is an insensitive man who was more interested in the gender of the medical practitioner than the wellbeing of his wife. He should be totally condemned without excuses. What he did is morally reprehensible. There should be no “if” or “but.”

This was an emergency, not the usual ante-natal for God’s sake. We should call a spade a spade. What this man did is despicable and should be condemned. The primary duty of medical officer is the wellbeing of patients. That supersedes religious, personal or other beliefs. I cannot see what was wrong with what the medical attendant or the teenage mother did. Should she have rejected being attended to by the male medical practitioner and die with the baby? If we want to make progress as a society, we must call a spade a spade.

Some Nigerians hold beliefs that put their lives and the lives of their relatives at risk, especially during emergencies. There are people who do not subscribe to blood transfusion and other practices meant strictly to save lives. Many lives have been lost through such stiff-necked beliefs and practices. One particularly sad and annoying case was a sickle cell carrier. She was in crisis and needed blood transfusion. The family refused. They were still trying to convince them when she died. With due apologies to your religious beliefs, allowing a relative to die in such avoidable circumstances is evil, meaningless and cruel.

Down South some Muslim women register for ante-natal in clinics and hospitals where only female medical professionals attend to them. I have absolutely no problem with that. Freedom of choice is very important. Some Christian women also insist on only female medical personnel. The issue above was an emergency situation where the woman could have died. Saving the life of his wife and the baby should have been uppermost in his mind. When my wife had our first child, the team had two male doctors and a female doctor. I was with them throughout in the labour room. Childbirth is a bloody and nude affair. Hence the popular saying that “pregnant woman nor dey wear pant for labour room.” “Na for nakedness the belle take enter, na for nakedness e take dey comot.” For me, I was going to be a father for the first time, the safety of my wife and child and the excitement of fatherhood were all I was concerned with.

By the way, while some girls start menstruating at age 10, some experts advise that the best time for women to start getting pregnant is from age 20. Age 18 upwards looks fine from my personal observation. Many of the Vesicovaginal fistula (VVF) cases we have all over the world are as a result of damage caused to young girls while giving birth at an early age. In many cases of VVF worldwide, the men abandon the girls once the complications start. A “vesicovaginal fistula is an abnormal opening that forms between the bladder and the wall of the vagina.” VVF often happens to young girls who start childbearing too early. It might be more prevalent in some parts of Nigeria, but it cuts across like early marriage. My mother told me that at 21 years, when she got married, much younger girls, some as young as 15 were already married. Girl-child education has helped significantly in reducing girl-child marriages because sensible parents allow their daughters to at least complete their secondary education before marriage. At that time she would be at least 16 to 18 years. That is still early to me, but at least they are biologically more developed than a 14-year-old. Ignorance and poverty remain major causes of early marriage.

I know child marriage is a very sensitive religious and cultural matter, but wetin 14-year-old girl know sef? Beyond a vagina that is big enough to accommodate a penis, what else? Does she know what marriage is? Can she navigate the slippery terrain of marriage, a terrain where even adults fall with impunity? As I was writing, news broke that the Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, has announced his separation from his wife, Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, after 18 years of marriage. Marriage no be beans.

How does a child-mother raise a child? Does she understand motherhood and parenthood? It goes far beyond lactating and being able to stick a nipple into the baby’s mouth. Societies that set age of consent and majority (the age of consent when you are considered an adult) are not stupid. Let us move beyond some of these archaic practices. This is 2023.

August 5, 2023
Everywhere don red – By Francis Ewherido

I am not an economist. If you want to listen to or read real economic analysis, both the ones you understand and the ones that are alien to you, go and listen to Mr. Bismarck Rewane and his likes. But I did economics in secondary school and got a credit, plus what I have learnt since then, especially in a turbulent economy like ours. That is the foundation on which I am tiptoeing into this unfamiliar terrain.

I have been an advocate of the discontinuation of fuel subsidy. I am not averse to enjoying a little of the natural gifts God gave to us, but the poor management of our economy made the stoppage inevitable. More annoying is our inability to police our borders properly which made us subsidise fuel for at least four other countries. Common sense readily tells you that it is senseless. Fuel subsidy had to go.

But I agree with people who feel that the subsidy removal should have been better managed and measures should have been put in place to lessen the inevitable negative effects on Nigerians. Now that we have realised that, how are we going to go about it? Please note that we are all affected. We go to the same petrol stations to buy fuel and markets to buy food and other items. Some state governments are getting buses for civil servants to ease transportation challenges, etc. Some states are also about to pay civil servants N10,000 monthly to cushion the effects of the high cost of living. I have no problem with that, but the gesture should be extended to other citizens. Many of them are taxpayers and therefore stakeholders.

Two, sometime ago, the federal government exempted companies with less than N25m annual income from paying certain taxes. It is about time the federal government and all state governments implement such a policy in PAYE for low income earners. Righty now, the Nigerian Labour Congress and other trade unions are asking for a review the minimum wage to between N200,000 and N300,000 monthly for their members. When the new wage age is agreed on, where is the money to pay government workers going to come from? Apart from the federation account and federal allocation to states, internally generated revenue is the only other source of revenue states have. IGR includes PAYE of employees within the state. Right now, many private businesses are unable to pay the subsisting N30,000 minimum. When government now increases the minimum wage of civil servants, it will now use income from PAYE of non-government workers who are already underpaid to pay the new salaries of civil servants. That does not make sense to me. Some of the companies remitting PAYE to states owe their own staff salaries in arrears but they are forced to remit PAYE every month to avoid sanctions!

Talking about minimum wage, if it is increased to N200,000, only oil companies, telecoms companies, banks, fintechs and a few others can afford that amount. Most accounting firms, insurance broking firms, architectural firms and other practitioners within the building industry; retail shops and many others in the informal sector are struggling to pay the N30,000 minimum, not to talk of increment. They just can’t afford it. The government needs to look into this to stem the attendant of massive unemployment.

The major problems that most Nigerians have right now is dwindling purchasing power. The weak purchasing power has been worsened by increase in price of petrol and depreciation of the naira. A wholesome solution should be on how to boost the purchasing power of many more Nigerians, not just civil servants and those who work in companies that can pay N200,000 minimum wage. They are a small percentage of the population. MSMEs and the informal sector employ more people. Small businesses need more support to be able to pay better salaries and employ more people. The ease of accessing loans at minimal interest rates need to be improved on. Government needs to come up with policies to breathe life into MSMEs. As I said at the beginning, I am not an economist, I am writing as a small business owner who is also feeling the pinch.

Finally, let me add my voice to the plan by the federal government to give 12 million vulnerable families N8,000 monthly over a designated time to cushion the effect of the economic hardship. Many people have criticised the plan. I also feel N8,000 monthly is not enough. It needs to be increased and the process has to be transparent. But I do not share the view that N8,000 is rubbish money. Our NGO worked with many vulnerable people in those days and I appreciate the value of every kobo. We gave one woman additional N5,000 for her roadside akara (bean cake) business and that helped her to see two or three of her children through the university. The release of one inmate in Kirikiri Correctional Centre was delayed for months until we met him paid the N5,000 and got him released. Many Nigerians currently earn below N30,000 monthly. An extra N8,000 will do them a world of good.

At a personal level, I used to buy goods from Aba in the 90s. I travelled with the first flight to Port Harcourt, concluded my transactions and came back with the last flight. On this day, there was a heavy rain in Aba and everywhere was flooded. By the time I got to Port Harcourt, the last flight had departed and I had to spend the night in Port Harcourt. I had limited cash left. After paying for accommodation and taking dinner, I had exactly N2,650. The ticket was N2,610. I could not go to the airport in a chartered taxi anymore. Sharing the taxi with others cost N40, so what was left was exactly money for flight ticket was exactly N2610. The taxi driver had earlier told me that he would charge N10 extra for excess luggage which I vehemently opposed. When we got to the airport, I gave him a N50 note. He refused to give me the N10 change and I needed it to complete the money for my flight ticket. At that point, I knew I had to eat humble pie. I waited for all the passengers to leave. Then I pulled him back and explained to him that I needed the N10 to complete the money for my flight ticket. “Is that true,” he asked me in Igbo. “Yes o,” I responded. He returned the N10 and that was how I was able to fly back to Lagos. I had left my car at the airport. Instead of taking the shorter route through the toll gate, I went through the longer Ikeja-Maryland route because I had no money to pay for toll. As a result of these experiences and a few others, I learnt to treasure every kobo. Before debit card took over, I used to have every denomination of note either in my wallet or car. No money is small.

I agree that the N8,000 should be increased, but no take your big man eye look N8,000 as small money. The sum of N8,000 means the world to some people. For people who earn N20,000 monthly, additional N8,000 will bring a lot of relief. I once worked with some “agbaya” (unserious) artisans. They would be absent from work for days. At the end of the month, we deducted money for the period they were absent. I saw in their eyes that if it were possible they would kill me. I insist N8,000 is not chicken feed, but government should please increase it. What is worth doing is worth doing well.

July 29, 2023
Where is our humanity? – By Francis Ewherido

I have been somber for much of the week. I had a bumpy week. Beyond my personal issues, a news item I saw on Monday made me really sad. A headline in GWG, an online news platform, sent my heart racing: “First-Class UI Graduate Beaten to Death for Allegedly Stealing Bread.” I asked myself questions. Why will a graduate, not to talk of a first class graduate steal bread? Is it another case of envy? A butcher, Usman Buda, was killed in Sokoto State last month by a mob in the guise of blasphemy. It was later alleged by those who are privy that his death was instigated by those who shared the same market with him out of envy. With a sunk heart, I raced through the story. The initial story was that Opuofoni Ebimotimi Freeborn, 32, a University of Ibadan first class graduate of business administration, was killed for stealing bread. My initial reaction was why anybody should be killed for stealing bread. Stealing is wrong, but killing someone for stealing bread is killing a fly with a sledge hammer. I do not want to make excuses, but there is hunger and suffering in the land. In such cases, being right is good, but being compassionate is better.

The removal of fuel subsidy and the unified exchange rate regime have led to inflation and exacerbated an already bad economic situation. Let me quickly add that I support both policies. The old policies were not sustainable. They were riddled with fraud and a huge drain on our dwindling resources. No one had the guts to take the bull by the horns. They were not just a bulls, but bulls that a red cloth was waved at. Like cancers they spread to other parts of the body polity. Had the cancers been removed when they were still localised, the impact would not have been so devastating.

Now we are all feeling it. Rather than income growing some of us have had our income shrinking. As I was reading, I saw a story that the networth of Mike Adenuga, the owner of Glo, has reduced by over $2b. Aliko Dangote was temporarily displaced as the richest man in Africa, before he regained the spot due to a surge in his networth. As an insurance broker, for instance, my motor insurance and fire insurance portfolios have shrunk. Some clients now opt for motor (third party) insurance, to take care of third party liabilities for death, bodily injuries and property damage only, while their vehicles they invested millions to buy are without insurance protection. It does not matter to them that should the vehicle be stolen, burnt or accidentally damaged, some have no resources to repair or replace them.

Virtually everyone is feeling the negative impact of the economy. That is not to say I am comparing the impact of the economy on small me with someone who still earns the miserable minimum wage of N30,000. That will be cruel and insensitive. A friend asked me how the very low income earners survive. I told her there is no way I can know. Those who wear the shoe are in a better position to tell her where it pinches, but it is depressing to even imagine it.

It is in this light that I saw the killing of Opuofoni Ebimotimi Freeborn. So many things have been going on in my mind. One, UI became a university college in 1948 and a full-fledged university in 1962. It is a first generation university with pedigree. I am not disrespecting the newer universities, but UI has a longer history of excellence. Coming from a comparatively educationally disadvantaged state, Bayelsa, why is Freeborn not employed? It might not apply in his case, but our recruitment system sometimes puts merit aside and it is not good for a society that wants to get to its destination. Many Nigerians in diaspora are excelling today because they operate in societies where merit counts.

Two, this idea of taking laws into our hands has led to the premature death of many Nigerians. It is unacceptable and should have no place in our society. You cut a young man’s life short because he stole bread? After he was caught, some people were willing to pay for the bread he stole, but the mob chose to lynch him. Can the killers bring him back to life? I advised two weeks ago that people should refrain from taking people’s lives unjustly because we do not have the powers to create life. That is God’s exclusive preserve. So, do not take it.

Three, the incidence of jungle justice in Nigeria is rising because many Nigerians have lost fate in the police. I slept behind the police counter once even though I was the complainant. They knew what they were doing was wrong, that was why they did not have the courage to put me in the cell. Even though it was a church matter for which I became the scapegoat, the investigating police officer (IPO) still wanted to collect bribe before releasing me. When my parish priest refused to play ball, my release was delayed. Later when the injustice became very clear, the Divisional Crime Officer verbally apologized to me and my parish. When we requested him to put it in writing, he refused. The police needs to clean up its act. Only good deeds can solve the trust deficit, not publicity, propaganda or “the police is your friend” slogan.

Four, now to the family and friends of the deceased, my sincere condolences. For a poor family, according to the report I read, his death is below the belt. But excuse me even if I sound insensitive. “According to sources, he had been stealing bread from the bakery. He had successfully stolen loaves of bread that night but returned on another round when he was caught red-handed and beaten to death.” Apparently, he was not eating the stolen bread alone. If it is true, where they not seeing him with bread, especially knowing he was jobless and without income. Who else was he sharing the bread with? How come no one cautioned him? Is it possible other family members or friends were partaking in eating from the stolen bread?

Five, if the story is true, Freeborn had a major character flaw. Please spare me the excuse of the hardship in Nigeria. He could have applied and worked in the bakery as a casual worker and received legitimate bread. My in-law who owns a bakery regularly gives his staff bread. Construction work is going on in Yenogoa and other parts of Bayelsa State. Working temporarily at a building site even with a first class degree is more honourable than stealing bread.

Finally, the report said that some people have been arrested in respect of Freeborn’s killing. If after investigation, they are found culpable, the law should be applied to the letter. No one has the right to take other people’s lives. Flawed as the police is, it remains their responsibility to arrest offenders and many Nigerians have found justice via the Nigerian Police.

July 16, 2023
Full-time housewives – By Francis Ewherido

I had always hated the idea of full-time housewives. My hatred stemmed from the fact that I felt that every human being should engage in some economic activities or at least exercise her mental muscles. In other cases, I questioned the essence of full-time housewives because I have seen some very lazy full-time housewives. Their houses are unkempt and filthy, the children are ill-mannered, wayward and are not doing well academically. Many of these full-time housewives are mostly on the phone or watching one television series after the other. The question is, why is she at home full-time? Some of them are not even married to comfortable men and the family can do with extra income. I will continue to have issues with some of these scenarios. The COVID-19 pandemic opened our eyes to working from home and earning income. So there is currently a big question mark on full-time housewives. I have also seen men who were breadwinners, but got financially incapacitated by health challenges and unemployment. What becomes of the fate of the family? There are wives who are currently the breadwinners in their families because of loss of job or health challenges of the husbands. What if they were full-time wives?

One of the discussions I would have with my would-be sons-in-law is to get guarantees that my daughters would be allowed to go out there and unleash their potentials on the world. But after marriage if they decide voluntarily to be full-time wives, that is their choice. But looking into their eyes and hearing their dreams, I doubt.

At this stage, let me make some clarifications. I want to separate the grain from the chaff. I was impressed with three full-time housewives I knew personally. One had seven children, the second six and the third five children. They raised outstanding children. There is no black sheep in their families, male or female. The daughters had sound formal education and are very good wife materials. Some are married and doing great in their own families. The males too are well educated and well behaved. The married ones are also doing great with their own families. They are gentlemen, not wife beaters. When I see them, I tell myself that the sacrifice of these women was worth it. They understand parenting.

The truth is lazy housewives cannot raise diligent daughters. Their daughters do not know their right from their left. They do not know how to cook and do laundry even with a washing machine. They do not know how sweep or mop the floor. Their domestic staff do everything. If it was possible, they will even tell domestic staff to give their teenage children their bath, clean their bum-bum and brush their teeth for them. When you ask, they tell you they do not want their daughters to “suffer.” They are building other people’s daughters to the detriment of their daughters. Lazy women’s daughters can only be diligent by default because deliberate actions were not made to groom them.

I have said a few times here. Based on my personal experience and research findings, the first 10 years of a child’s life are the most important in terms of character formation. Once you get the first 10 years of a child right, you just build on that solid foundation from there. Children will always do stupid things and make mistakes as they journey on in life, but as the bible says, “train the child the way he should go and when he grows up, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Responsible mothers raise their daughters knowing they are bringing up wife materials: sound formal education, and teaching them how to juggle work and household chores. If the daughters are the eldest among the children, they participate in raising their younger ones. They join their mothers in the kitchen in cooking meals. If the mother is not at home, they run the home front very well and prepare their fathers’ meals. The presence of domestic staff does not stop the daughters from doing domestic chores. The chores are split between the children and the domestic staff. By the time the daughters attain adulthood, they are complete package.

But these diligent women did not do the work alone, the husbands participated in the upbringing of the children. The husbands of these three women had some common traits. One, they were comfortable enough to provide for their families. I guess this gave the women peace of mind. Two, they were away often for work and business, but when they were around they participated physically in the parenting of the children. One of them is a multi-billionaire, but he always did school runs when he was around to relieve his wife. I did not ask him why, but he probably wanted to be in the children’s lives. They had a driver, but the wife was in the car when he took the children to school. They scarcely had domestic staff, though they could afford a dozen. That is why the daughter is domesticated. She joined her mother in the kitchen. There is a fourth couple. At age 16 to 17, they sent their three children abroad to study. No story of drug addiction, dropping out of school or the other matter we are forbidden from discussing these days, was heard. The eldest daughter is back in Nigeria and happily married with two children. I am not at liberty to disclose their identities, but the first three couples are Urhobo and Isoko, while last couple is Itsekiri and Urhobo. They are all proudly Deltans. We no dey carry last. That is not to say parents of other ethnicities do not bring up great children.

I was watching a video recently where one man was lamenting that his children have abandoned him in his retirement age, having provided for them over the years. He was never in the children’s lives. Even the money he provided was given to the children through their mother, giving the children the impression that their mother was the provider. I wrote an article some time ago that providing money for your children is not enough; be in their lives. Go for their school meetings, attend their sporting activities and other school functions. When you have the time, drive them to school. That is the sacrifice they see, not the school fees you paid, especially when you are rich enough to comfortably pay their bills. The man also reminded me of the fact that we need to prepare for our retirement. From time parents become less of a priority once their children get married and start their own families.

In the mid-90s, my very busy and rich MD always found time to attend the children’s school activities. By the time my children started school, I forgot this valuable lesson. I dropped them sometime in school, but left participation in school activities to my wife. When my eldest daughter was leaving primary school, I went for the “graduation” activities. There I saw one tall girl dancing in Atilogu costumes. I was blown away by her dancing skills. I was enmeshed watching until I looked closely at the face. She was my daughter. I knew she danced well but not traditional dances. It was a wake-up call. Now I attend as many school activities as I can for my children still in school.

July 8, 2023
The blood of Abel – By Francis Ewherido

“What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground.” (Genesis 4:10). I am not sure that some people think thoroughly before taking rash actions with grave implications. Killing a fellow human is a rash action that comes with grave implications if you are caught, and some people do get caught. Even if you get away with murder, there will be consequences at some point. Ifuen (antidote) cannot protect you forever. You just kill fellow human beings for the flimsiest of excuses and assume you will get away with the act? The hot blood that ran through the veins of Abel still runs in the veins of many people and it does not delay. It cries to God for instant justice. Where there is delay, it is interim. Ultimately nemesis will catch up with the killer(s).

When Dr. Rahman Adedoyin, hotelier and proprietor of Oduduwa University in Osun State, decided to kill Timothy Adegoke, a post graduate student of Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife, Osun State, who consistently lodged in his hotel, he must have felt that it was another routine job. Timothy was murdered in cold blood. His only crime was that he trusted and patronized Adedoyin’s hotel, enriching him from his comparative little resources. What Adedoyin did not know was that Timothy’s blood was not cold. It was red hot like Abel’s and in no time things started falling apart. It is not necessary to recall the details, but he has been sentenced to death. As I was writing, the news came that the Governor of Osun State, Ademola Adeleke, has come out to debunk the rumour that he plans to pardon Adedoyin by exercising his prerogative of mercy. The governor has no choice. He is eying reelection and how he handles this case will partly determine his reelection bid. Nigerians have become increasingly critical and vigilant of those who govern them. Why use another man’s reggae to spoil your blues? Gov. Adeleke has to do what Timothy’s sympathisers expect of him.

There are two things I want to remind us of: the first is one of my favourite and often used quotes, “three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” Adedoyin’s accomplices’ squealed on him while his son is still at large. They did not want to go down with him. Two, always let your spouse, parents or family know your where about. Timothy gave his wife details of his movement and that helped in solving the case. Any outing you cannot disclose to anyone is bend-bend waka. As a rule, my wife or family member must know my where about 24/7. If it is in the office, I inform my colleagues. I developed the habit as a bachelor. While I was living alone, if I was going outside my usual routes, I would write where I was going to, who I was going to meet, put it in a sealed envelope, addressed it and placed on my table. There are some men who feel that it is a sign of weakness to tell your wife where you are going to. That is their choice and we are in a free world.

Our second case today is the General Overseer of Altar of Solution and Healing Assembly in Rivers State, Chidiebere Okoroafor. He has been sentenced to death for killing of his choir mistress, Orlunma Nwagba; her friend, Mrs. Chigozie Ezenwa and her 11-month-old baby, Christabel Ezenwa. Those of us who believe that life starts at conception can add the unborn baby of Orlunma to those he killed to bring the number to four people. What was the reason for these senseless killings? Okoroafor impregnated Orlunma. Orlunma asked her friend to follow her to meet Okoroafor. Instead of owning up to his actions, he resorted to a killing spree. How he thought he could pull this off and get away with these murders still beats my imagination. He had probably never encountered a determined Nigerian Police Force.

He is not the first man of God or clergy to get entangled in a sex scandal. Some smart ones owned up and honourably resigned. But he is a hypocrite. He wanted to have his cake and eat it. In addition, he is not just running a church, but a business. The scandal that would have arisen from Orlunma’s pregnancy would have been injurious to his church/business. But it still would have been better than the killings. His lawyers’ grandstanding of appeal notwithstanding, I doubt if he can escape the hangman or lethal injection.

Our last case is a catechist. He killed his lover and kept the corpse for days before he was caught. He might face the death penalty if convicted. What reputation was the catechist trying to protect? I have met some very pious catechists, one who lied a lot and another who stole church money. Some people who kill do not have an idea of how difficult it is to dispose of a corpse. My dog died some years ago. Burying it was a challenge. There are no cemeteries in Nigeria where animals are buried. I felt if I buried it in the compound, neighbours across might feel I am performing rituals. I also felt that if I took the dead dog and buried it in the bush out of town, the owner of the land might just turn up and make trouble. If I buried it in an undeveloped plot of land, those who have developed theirs might feel I came to do rituals there and cause trouble. Things you consider simple and straightforward can easily become complicated.

I used to watch a crime and investigation channel. The evidence that nailed some culprits happened in the course of disposing of the corpse. It can be blood stains in the car booth. Some culprits washed their cars with bleach, thinking they had erased the evidence. In the course of investigation sniffer dogs, infrared lights and other special chemicals unearth the evidence. Tyre marks on lonely earth roads where the victims were buried also exposed some culprits.

Sex is a pleasurable human activity that God created. I have not been able to find words to fully describe the pleasure it gives. God created it to take place within marriage only, but its allure is so powerful that it has been impracticable to keep it within marriage from time immemorial. It is this spread that has put many people in trouble. Always remember that sex is a double edged sword. Before you engage in it, think of the downsides.

I was listening to a YouTuber who advised that we should not allow our erection to dictate our direction in life. Erection here covers sexual urge of both sexes. Sexual urge is powerful. It makes people let down their guards. It makes wise people become foolish. It makes disciplined people become undisciplined. It makes pious people impious. Everyone owes himself/herself a duty to avoid getting into “yawa sex wahala” (sex that brings trouble). In addition, may God inflame the gift of self-control that he has given to us as an additional weapon against yawa sex. Amen.

July 1, 2023