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Tag: Francis Ewherido

  • Increase in Third Party Insurance premium – By Francis Ewherido

    Increase in Third Party Insurance premium – By Francis Ewherido

    A circular dated December 22, 2022, from the National Insurance Commission (NAICOM) increased the premium and limit of liability of various classes of motor insurance. Private motor third property limit was increased from N1m to N3m; own goods limit was increased to N5m; staff bus was increased to N3m; trucks/general cartage; special types was increased to N20m; tricycle was increased to N2m and N1m for motorcycle. Ab initio, Motor (Third Party) Insurance is for the benefit of third parties.

    The Motor Vehicles (Third Party) Insurance Act of 1945, which took effect from 1st April 1950, makes it an offence for anybody to use a motor vehicle on the road (road here means any road to which members of the public have access) without having in place the minimum Motor (Third Party) Insurance to cover the motorist against liabilities arising from third party bodily injuries or death. The Insurance Act of 2003 extended the cover to take care of liabilities arising from damage to third party property to the tune of One Million Naira.

    What NAICOM did was to increase third party property damage for all categories of vehicles. There was no uproar for motorcycles, tricycles and others. We all seem to have accepted the culture that when tricycles and motorcycles damage your vehicle or property, the riders prostate before you to beg, you forgive them and life goes on. Sometimes, if the riders have numbers, they bully and can even beat up the innocent party. Some unlucky innocent parties have been lynched. No problem because we live in a jungle, abi?

    The damage of third party property by private vehicle owners was increased from N1m to N3m with a corresponding increase in premium from N5,000 to N15,000. That is where the uproar is, but why? We have carefully ignored the commensurate benefits and focus only on the increase in premium. You can look at the issue from many dimensions. One, more private vehicle owners are affected by this increment. Two, the N5000 premium people used to pay was “chicken fee” to many to get motor insurance certificate and get “irritant” and “nosey” law enforcement agents off their backs. Now, N15,000 is no more “chicken fee.” Now you need to take your time to know the benefits or relief your N15,000 can provide for you: If you hit a third party and he is injured, your insurance company is liable to pay the cost of treatment. God forbid, if your vehicles kills a third party on the road, your insurance company is liable. In the case of injury, the hospital bill will provide a basis for compensation. If it is death, the family of the deceased will meet with the policyholder/his insurance company to agree on compensation. Where no agreement is reached, you go to court.

    In the event of property damage, the limit is N3m. If the damage is beyond N3m, the insurance company will be liable to pay only N3m. The policyholder has to pay the balance from his pocket. Note that all non-life policies are subject to indemnity. In other words, the job of insurance companies is to put you in the financial position you were immediately before the incident, no more, no less. You are not supposed to make profit from a loss. For death or bodily injuries, they are not subject to indemnity because you cannot place a value on life, injuries or loss of limb. The remedies I highlighted earlier and others like the annual income of the deceased are what are applicable in determining compensation.

    Some commentators have been accusing NAICOM of being insensitive to the plight of ordinary Nigerians. Are third parties who will benefit from these new rates not among ordinary Nigerians? Did NAICOM increase the rate without doing its homework? Is it not the same NAICOM that knows many insurance companies are making underwriting losses and rely on income from investments to stay afloat? Is it not the same NAICOM that has cancelled licenses of insurance companies due to inability pay claims and meet other obligations? Is it a crime that NAICOM wants appropriate pricing to enable insurance companies meet their claims and other obligations? The questions can go on and on, but let me leave it there.

    At the risk of getting a backlash, I ask, there are over 200m Nigerians out of which less than N10m own cars. Are all car owners in Nigeria part of the “ordinary Nigerians?” At the minimum it takes roughly N10,000 to fuel your car and keep it on the road monthly, while the N15,000 new premium is the annual premium. Ten thousand naira a week times fifty two weeks a year comes to N520,000 to keep your car on the road per annum. Let us even assume you use it only half of the time; that is still N260,000, a far cry from the N15,000 premium per annum for third party premium. I personally feel the challenge people have with the hike in the rate of TP premium is the general lack of appreciation of insurance in Nigeria (insurance penetration in Nigeria is less than one percent) and lack of appreciation of the benefits of Motor TP Insurance. That is what I feel practitioners should deal with and how to build trust in Insurance, not arguments about appropriate pricing and other attempts to deodorize rate cutting. Let us be honest, what led to the demise of some insurance companies? Apart from lack of corporate governance and fiscal rascality by the board and management, a major factor responsible for inability to pay claims by insurance companies is the charging unsustainable premium rates. The primary task of insurance companies is to pay claims ALWAYS. To do that, you have to charge appropriate premium to enable companies have good pool of resources from which they can pay claims at ALL time. Or don’t you the insuring public want your motor TP claims paid without “grammar?”

    One thing for sure about the new rates that potential policyholders will take more interest in the benefits of the third party insurance they are buying as highlighted above. Fifteen thousand naira, unlike N5,000, is not chicken fee. Policyholders will also take more interest in where they get their motor policies. Certainly, you won’t go under the bridge to get TP insurance with N15,000. Local government offices are also not licensed to issue insurance policies. If an insurance company gets a space in a local government office to issue motor policies, it is a different matter. The only companies licensed to sell motor insurance in Nigeria are underwriting companies and Registered Insurance Brokers (RIB). Their names are on the NAICOM website: https://www.naicom.gov.ng, Nigerian Council of Registered Insurance Brokers website https://ncrib.net and Nigeria Insurers Association website: https://nigeriainsurers.org. If you go to anywhere else, you risk buying a fake motor insurance policy and the implications are grave: in the event of an accident, you are on your own. You have to bear all the third party liabilities, in addition to own damage. In addition, if you are caught, you risk a fine of N250,000 or/and a year imprisonment for not having a genuine motor insurance before using your vehicle on a public road.

    People saying that the hike in premium will force people to go for fake motor insurance certificates make me laugh. There is a platform called Nigerian Insurance Industry Database (NIID). Many police officers on the road have the app on their phones and can use your vehicle number or insurance certificate to check if your insurance is fake or genuine. If it is fake, you either pay N250,000 fine, or/and go to jail for a one year or the police will do what they like with you.

     

    Francis Ewherido, an insurance executive, writes from Lagos.

  • Stop bullying monogamists – By Francis Ewherido

    Stop bullying monogamists – By Francis Ewherido

    In Urhobo land, I grew up to meet it. Men with only one wife were looked down upon. My paternal grandfather was well over six feet and good looking, but he was not highly respected. In fact, some people saw him as lazy. His major crime was that he married only one wife, a short woman for that matter, although my grandmother was a black beauty. He did have a love child, although my father never mentioned or acknowledged his half-sister. I don’t know why. My mother only told us after my father died. I only saw her once from afar, but my late brother knew him and took care of him.

    Many Urhobo people viewed Christianity with suspicion in the early stages. They saw it as a religion that the white man brought to force a strange culture (monogamy) on us. Do not forget that many wives and children equated to wealth because the larger the family, the more the workforce and therefore wealth. You now know why monogamists were seen as poor people, who could not make enough money to marry more wives, have many children and a large workforce. The spread of Christianity brought more disdain from non-Christians. My father was the only Christian amongst his siblings. “Unfortunately,” he was the last male child. His elder siblings could not understand why their well-educated baby brother would have only one wife. It was a recurring issue: marry a second wife.

    One would have thought that women like my mother had a case (having many male children) to make them an exception, but no. My mother had eight children, all males, but that was no guarantee. If we were all girls, my mother could have been thrown out and I do not know how my father could have resisted his elder siblings. When we were seven before our youngest brother was born, my father’s elder sister came on a visit. One day, she asked my father in Urhobo: “Ukaniedife (my father’s middle name), when are you taking a second wife,” she asked. “Ay’ovo wh’oshoo (literally translated to mean having sex with only one woman kills the penis),” she added with biblical finality. Properly translated it means, having sex with only one wife can lead to impotency. True, having one wife can lead to monotony and low interest in sex, but there is no scientific basis to say it leads to impotency because it does not. Some monogamists simply look for ways to spice their sex life and keep it evergreen.

    There has been a resurgence of bullying of and ridiculing of monogamists this time social media and other fora and that is responsible for today’s article. We live in a free world. The constitution does not tell us the number of women to marry, so what is this subtle bullying all about? I made a decision to be a monogamist as a little boy because I did not like the injustice, jealousy, envy and rivalry I saw in polygamous families around. That is not to say monogamy does not have its share of shortcomings: spouses who starve their other halves of sex, wives who wear tight and thick jeans trousers to bed to teach their husbands a lesson for not acceding to sometimes unreasonable demands, etc. Monogamy is monopoly and has its shortcomings and as a person, I hate monopoly. I often joke with my friends that the only area where I have accepted monopoly is marriage. Otherwise I detest monopoly.

     Monogamy or polygamy, which is better? My firm Christian beliefs notwithstanding, I do not get involved in such mumu arguments. Polygamy is part of our culture; embrace it or turn your back on it. It is a matter of choice. Make your choice and live with the consequences: the good, the bad and the ugly. I have chosen monogamy, let me live with the consequences of my choice. You cannot come and taunt me in a free society where I have made my choice.

    I went for a milestone birthday in Lagos some time ago. The celebrant has over 30 children. The guests, especially the women, were murmuring about the man’s “rascally” dick and weakness for women. But one thing was remarkable. The lowest qualification the children had is a first degree. He trained all his children to university level. I will not know how well brought-up they are because I was seeing them for the first time. I will not also judge them because one of them was smoking while the ceremony was on or one was smooching a girl in one corner. What did you expect? Lions beget lions, not goats.

    What impressed me was that all of them are well educated. Compare that to some other scenarios I see. A man has 17 children, none of them is a graduate; they do not have requisite training as artisans. The father has abandoned them to their fate. The girls are doing “runs” to keep body and soul together, while the males, without good enough knowledge to engage in sophisticated 419, are engaged in petty crimes and armed robbery or just loafing around. Don’t you see such scenarios around you? 

    Growing up, my parents always advised us that you cannot stop a child from growing protruding teeth; he should just grow enough lips to cover them. These youngsters making noise about polygamy and having many side chicks after getting married; it is your life. As you make your bed, so you will lie on it. Some of the protagonists of polygamy and side chicks are youngsters, who do not even have the resources to “camp” a girl at home. Bride price is very cheap in Urhobo land. My wife’s was N60, but I could only pay N55. I will never be able to pay the balance because I need to bring all the people who attended the marriage together to pay the N5 balance. My father-in-law, two of my wife’s siblings and two of my siblings, who witnessed the marriage are dead, not to talk of relatives and family friends who have since passed on. That is just by the side. But some of these noisemakers do not even have the resources to pay bride price and do traditional marriage of one wife.

    In Urhobo land, you can see “couples” who have lived together for 20 years and have had many children, even grandchildren. Then the father of the woman dies. All of a sudden, you hear that the man cannot bury his “father-in-law” because he has not paid the bride price or formally married the woman that he has been living with for 20 years. Then the man starts running around and mobilising relatives to pay the dowry or do the traditional marriage before he could bury his father-in-law (sh’ogor). You see partly why I am angry with these noisemakers?

    If you come to social media to justify taking to polygamy, you are insecure. You need nobody’s permission. I am a monogamist and I owe nobody any explanation. Make una let me hear word. Live your life the way you want, you are not answerable to anyone as long as you live within the law. When your time to depart the earth comes, you will only be answerable to God. You believe in God sef? Anyway, it doesn’t matter.

  • Leaked s3x tapes and n*de photos – By Francis Ewherido

    Leaked s3x tapes and n*de photos – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    “Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead” – Benjamin Franklin

    I came across this quote as an undergraduate about 37 years ago. Since then, it has been one of my life’s guiding principles and it has kept me out of many troubles. My understanding of this quote is that the best kept secrets are those known to only one person (you). Once more than one person knows, it can easily become an open secret because you are no longer in total control. Just give it time, it will blow open, unless all those who know keep sealed lips. But that is not the nature of man. Some people are leaky taps, while some who keep secrets sometimes seek at least one “reliable” person to unburden their hearts to. Before you know it the unburdening continues until it gets to the ears of too many people. These days, people get to hear of the death of parents and family members from strangers on social media. That is the world we live in. Everyone wants to be the first to break the news. News breaking in mass media, also known as scoop, used to be exclusive preserve of practising journalists, but it is no longer so.

    Probably, less than one per cent of people with secrets of others go to their graves with the secrets. Even at the best of time when there was honour and integrity, there were leakages, not to talk of an era when everyone is a media person or influencer. In this column, I usually do not focus on individuals often, except for deeds I consider commendable. Otherwise, I write generally on issues and I am going to do same today.

    In September 1983, Vanessa Williams made history when she was crowned the first African-American Miss America in an America that was still very racist then. But soon after, n*de photos of Williams were plastered on the pages of Penthouse Magazine. According to the story, Tom Chiapel, the photographer who took Williams photos, years before Williams was crowned, made a firm promise never to make them public. Then he fell into hard times and remembered he had a gold mine. He sold the photos to Penthouse Magazine. Williams lost her Miss USA title. She was distraught and could have taken the path of suicide it she was not a strong woman.

    For some time now in the Nigerian media space, we have been hearing of leaked n*de photos and s3x videos of “celebrities.” When these photos and videos go online, the “victims” cry out publicly of betrayal and blackmail. They become “distraught.” Each time I see that charade and foolishness, I remember the above quote: “Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” When someone takes your n*de photos, don’t you know it is no longer secret? What was going on in your head when you sent your n*des to your boyfriend? Lust, I guess. Were you not in this Nigeria when someone said her ex-husband is a one-minute man? Where were you when a man filed for divorce because his wife has foul-smelling privates? Have you not read where spouses publicly accused their other halves of bedwetting? If someone can reveal such damaging information about a spouse he/she had children with, who are you an ordinary girlfriend/boyfriend to think that your secrets are safe with your lover? Must it happen to you before you learn?

    What is this craze about taking n*de photos? What is your purpose? I am just curious because you should have a reason for all your actions in life. Without that, you are no better than a ship that is adrift? I know some girls have sites online where their fans or patron visit to view their n*de photos for a fee or people subscribe. The purpose is clear: money. But when you just take n*de photos for fun, what is that for? I have warned my children never to allow anyone take their photos when they are n*de, not even their spouses after marriage. You never know, some people can be very nasty when relationships go awry. They forget the good old times you shared together. After relationships become sour, you hear sordid details during divorce proceedings and in media interviews.

    If the photos were taken without your knowledge or permission, it is a different matter and there might be legal remedies for that, but you cannot complain over photos taken with your full knowledge. Someone I know almost beat up his wife for taking a photo of his penis. It was a serious matter. The wife thought it was just fun, but it could easily have ended her marriage. She has since learnt to draw the boundaries when bringing new trends into her marriage.

    The other group I want to talk about are those who leak their s3x tapes to get attention and followership, then come back to play the victim. They are pathetic. They irritate me so highly. I hate hypocrites and I guess it is the hypocrisy that irritates most. It is a publicity stunt. Why play the victim to deceive us? As I have said before all humankind have elements of hypocrisy in them, but not everyone is called a hypocrite. You are labelled a hypocrite when it becomes habitual or prevalent. Most people in Sub Sahara Africa, have malaria parasites, but not everyone comes down with malaria. That is hypocrisy for you. Most of us carry the “hypocrisy parasites,” but not all of us are called hypocrites. Some of us are actually referred to as honest, decent and straightforward, though we carry the “hypocrisy parasite.” Like malaria, it is the “overdose” of their hypocrisy that makes them hypocrites.

    Since they have chosen the path of infamy, they should be deliberate and not pretend. “Kim Kardashian catapulted into fame when a scandalous video showcasing her s3xual exploits with former boyfriend, rapper Ray J., was leaked online. Having gained fame and notoriety. She added shrewd business sense to amass a fortune now estimated at 1.4 billion dollars. Nigerian celebrities who leak s3x video online, what is your game plan since you have chosen the path of nudity and notoriety to wealth? Come out clean and stop this hypocrisy and foolishness. Stop playing the ostrich, or is it the media I should discourage from promoting meaningless content?

    The s3x business in all forms is worth trillions of dollars worldwide. I do not know what anybody except God can do about that. Once iron and magnet get too close, they cling together. My own is that if you decide to eat toads, look for fat ones to eat, not foolishness that will ultimately take you nowhere. We live in a s3x-obsessed and nudity-obsessed world spiced with relativism. As I grow older, I try to mind my business, especially with a generation who want to teach their grandparents wisdom and life’s experience. But some of these youngsters sometimes provoke you to talk. And I am not shy to take up that challenge to point them in the right direction.

  • The subjects of marriage – By Francis Ewherido

    The subjects of marriage – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    Many people agree that marriage is a school where you remain a student until you die; no graduation. That is why you get your certificate at inception to show that you enrolled in the institution of marriage, but no certificate of graduation. Of course, there is death certificate and divorce certificate, which are outside our discussion today. But to remain in the institution, there are the subjects – compulsory and optional – that you have to pass. Marriage (monogamy) is a union of a man and woman. Marriages differ, just as the subjects you write to gain admission into higher institutions differ; also the courses you intend to study to get a particular degree or specialisation.

    A credit in Mathematics and English seem to be compulsory to have a meaningful secondary school leaving certificate, but compulsory courses for a successful marriage seem to differ from one person to the other. For some couples fidelity is compulsory. Fail it and your marriage in jeopardy or over (separation, divorce or annulment). But for some married people fidelity is not a compulsory course, if not the statistics by some “experts” that more than 50 per cent of married men and women have cheated on their spouses will not exist. In fact you have what they call swinging and open relationships where couples cheat with the full knowledge of their spouses.

    Love is supposed to be a compulsory subject, but it is not so for some married people. We often hear of cases where married people approach the courts asking for divorce because they no longer love their spouses. Even the word, love is amoebic. It comes in different shapes and colours like the chameleon. If we attempt to dwell on what love is, we will deviate from today’s topic. But however you look at it, from my personal experience in marriage, I do not know how you can stay for 10 years and above with a spouse you do not love. You can live a lie for a while, but not for too long.

    For our discussion today, let’s define love as a deep feeling of affection for your spouse. It is this deep feeling that makes it possible to love your spouse substantially. I will rate love as a compulsory course because “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” In fact God instituted marriage and God is love. Though I Corinthians 13: 4-7 is talking about love generally, it also includes marital love.

    There is no room for pride in marriage. Humility is a core subject in marriage. Honouring a spouse is also a core subject. Patience and perseverance are core subjects. How do you intend to sustain a marriage without patience and perseverance? From my experience, it is not possible.

    Forgiveness is one of the most difficult courses of marriage. It is compulsory. Anyone who wants a successful marriage has very little option. “Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well” (Wikipedia).

    The subject of forgiveness is very tough in all spheres of life, more so marriage. The deeper you love, the more difficult the forgiveness of deep hurts. But daily, Christian spouses are reminded in the Lord’s Prayer that forgiveness from God is predicated on forgiving our neighbour (spouse) who wrongs us. Specifically, Jesus said: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14:15). To tell us that He means business, Jesus told Peter, his disciple, who was also struggling with forgiving his neighbour, that he should forgive 70 times seven, which means always (Matthew 18:22).

    When we sin against God, God expects us to come to Him with a broken and contrite heart to ask for and get His forgiveness (Psalm 51). But here we are being asked to forgive spouses who have not even agreed that they are wrong, spouses who have not apologized for their transgressions, spouses who are still very bullish about their wrongs and will do greater wrongs if given the opportunity. Yet we are supposed to forgive.” You see why it is a very difficult subject?

    Lack of forgiveness is the cause of many marital break ups. Forgiveness in marriage can be very easy and at the same time most difficult. It is easy because there is a bond, you have also taken vows of “for better, for worse,” “to love and to cherish” and “until death do us part.” If you take these vows seriously, you will overlook your spouse’s transgressions. When you truly love and care for somebody too, forgiving transgressions is easier. At the same time, forgiveness within marriage can be very difficult, because, like death, you feel more pain if it involves somebody close to you. Spousal betrayal or breach of trust can be very devastating and difficult to forgive. So all parties should be careful lest you fail.

    Communication is a compulsory course in the institution of marriage. I describe it as a livewire of marriage. No marriage can work without communication. But it is not just communication but empathic communication. Stephen Covey says, ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ In other words, when discussing, your first duty is to understand what each of you is saying; where you are coming from. Having done that, you are in a better position to respond appropriately. This is not what happens in many marriages. In addition learn to talk less and listen more. Communication should also be real and appropriately timed. Non-verbal communication is as effective or devastating as verbal communication.

    Knowing your spouse is a paramount course. No one spouse can make a marriage successful without the input of the other spouse. Human beings are complex by nature and evolve over time. New circumstances throw up aspects of your spouse that you never knew existed, so knowing your spouse is a continuous study you must engage in, if not….

    There are many other important courses in the institution of marriage. Spending quality time together is important, but the task of providing for the family can become a stumbling block to spending quality time together, especially in the early stages of marriage. Conflict resolution is another very important course. Mutual respect is a core course. Companionship is the first reason for marriage and paramount course. There are many other courses including prayers. The number of courses you need to study and do well is one of the reasons why marriage is a difficult institution. Inevitably, you have to know your priorities and find out how to juggle your courses.

    One thing is clear; marriages pass or fail some of these courses in various degrees. Is there anything like electives in marriage? I am not sure. No marriage gets distinction in all courses, but you just keep studying and putting in on your best. Make improvements in your marriage one of your New Year resolutions in 2023. Happy New Year once more.

  • HAPPY NEW YEAR – By Francis Ewherido

    HAPPY NEW YEAR – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    Happy New Year to you all and welcome to 2023. Though I am not a prophet I know and I said it last week that not everyone celebrating Christmas will see 2023. It has always been like that year in year out. Sadly, it happened again via police brutality, accidents, natural deaths and other means. May their souls rest in peace.

    I am not the all-seeing and all-knowing God, so I do not know how 2023 will turn out for me not to talk of other people, but I wish us all God’s protection, guidance, prosperity, health of mind and body. Though we do not know the future, we still plan for it. Make your plans, set targets and work towards achieving them. As they say, you do not win a lottery without first of all buying a ticket. In other words, it is difficult to achieve targets unless you set them.

    Planning is very important for us in 2023. The year 2022, as close as it was to 2023, is almost gone. The year 2024, though just a year away is in the future. Year 2023 therefore offers us an opportunity to make short term, medium term and long term plans. Where plans are already in the place, 2023 offers an opportunity to take a second look and make adjustments where necessary. The New Year offers new beginnings and new opportunities for everybody. The young and in deed others should go on a self-discovery or rediscovery. You need to know who you truly are, your strengths, your weaknesses, your opportunities, the threats you face; what works for you and what does not work for you. You need these pieces of information to make meaningful progress. It is difficult to make meaningful progress without sorting out this puzzle. Without goals, you are not different from the man who dresses up in the morning and sets out without a destination in mind. How you want take do that kind waka? And if you are on a wrong road, retrace your steps; a wrong road will not lead you to your destination.

    For young people, be pure at every stage of your life. What you failed to do or dodged now might return to haunt you. Look at what some politicians and workers in the private and public sectors are going through. Ordinary secondary school certificate has become a huge stumbling block. I do not want to talk about university and NYSC certificates. Be pure abinitio. Also flee from Yahoo-Yahoo; it is a building without foundation; soon it will collapse.

    People above 40 should remember their annual check-up and healthy habits. Our clinics and hospitals should sit up. How can someone who managed to get to your facility collapse and die of low blood sugar. A bottle of coke or a cube of sugar was all that was needed to avoid this death. It is painful and shameful. Blood pressure and sugar level (if you have issues with sugar or diabetes) are the first tests nurses carry out once you step into the facility even before you see the doctor.

    The JAPA wild fire is still burning. I have dwelt on it extensively before, but let me just touch on it because it is still a major issue. I will continue to reiterate that you have a right to live anywhere you like in this whole world, but it you must JAPA, go through the right channels and have the right documents. Don’t JAPA with a tourist visa. When it expires, you might live subsequently like a fugitive. Also, what are your plans when you get there and who is guiding you? I see some people who have not travelled outside the country giving tips on JAPA. If a blind man leads another blind man, where do they end up? The top notch environment, orderliness, effective transportation and good security are for all. But you still have to sort out accommodation, up keep and other personal matters. Paying tax is unavoidable unless you want to go to jail. You earn in dollars/pounds/euro and also pay in these currencies, not naira where $1,000 can transform to about N700,000 and make you awash with cash easily so do not use exchange rate to plan your stay in the UK.

    With the right documents you can get a job about a month after arrival, if you are not picky. But can your take home pay take you home and sustain you until you get your next pay cheque after paying taxes, rents and meeting other commitments? I see them for UK and America o, e no easy as many of us dey see am here. Unless you have concrete plans to JAPA, I still believe there are great opportunities in Nigeria in spite of the enormous challenges. There are myriad of problems, but there also lie the opportunities of providing solutions and getting your break through. But I have to confess that getting out school or gaining technical skills and being unemployed is annoying and unacceptable. Our society should develop to the level where all hard working people can at least put food on their tables. Hardworking people should not be jobless and go hungry.

    It is partly why the 2023 general election is very important. Our presidential and national assembly elections are slated for February 25, 2023, while the governorship and house of assembly elections will take place in March 4, 2023. We crave for better country/society and that can only happen if we vote competent, conscientious, empathetic and visionary people at the federal, state and local government levels. Let national interest and common good guide us in our choices of presidential, governorship and house of assembly, House of Representatives and senatorial candidates. Ordinarily these should take precedence over ethnicity or party membership. You are a member of your party, not a slave to your party. I know selfish and personal interests are heavy in this election, but we are better off with a society where all hardworking people can strive, not a few people with big mansions and exotic cars, while the majority live in abject poverty.

    The new electoral act though not perfect has put a lot more powers in the hands of the electorate. Whether or not you are a party man or party woman, be involved. Have your candidates for the presidential, governorship, national assembly and state assembly elections. I know there is hunger in the land and many will sell their votes. Just remember the far reaching implications of your actions. Esau sold his birth right for a plate of porridge due to hunger and the consequences were life long. There should be no sitting on the fence, but vote with the future in mind, not N2,000 to quench immediate hunger.

    On a final note, the Ewherido Family had a great news earlier in the week to close year 2022 on a good note. On Wednesday, the Administrator of the Catholic Diocese of Warri, Archbishop Augustine Akubueze, announced the appointment of our eldest brother, Monsignor Anthony Ovayero Ewherido, as the Bishop-Elect of Catholic Diocese of Warri by His Holiness, Pope Francis. Until his elevation, Monsignor Ewherido was a Professor of Biblical Theology and Languages and Rector of the SS Peter and Paul Major Seminary Bodija, Ibadan.  Please join my family in praying for Bishop-Elect Ewherido to be a good shepherd of God’s flock in his care.

    I wish all a fruitful 2023 and beyond.

  • Merry Christmas – By Francis Ewherido

    Merry Christmas – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    Tomorrow is Christmas, the celebration of the birthday of Jesus Christ. I have said it a few times in this column that some people still disagree on the actual day that Jesus was born. I have never been interested in that discussion. All Christians agree that God the father sent his only begotten son Jesus to come into the world in human form to save the world. He did come through Mary, his mother, with Joseph as foster father. That is what is important. Commemorate it whenever it suits you, but just leave the rest of us to celebrate ours tomorrow, December 25. Live and let’s live. 

    Many Nigerians are not going to eat the traditional rice and chicken this Christmas because prices of food items have skyrocketed beyond their reach. I empathise with such people and families. In my younger days, I would have been inconsolable, but I scarcely eat rice these days. While I sympathise with those who cannot afford it, they have to be grateful to God that they are alive. Not everyone who celebrated the New Year at the beginning of 2022 is here to celebrate Christmas tomorrow. I have seen obituaries of people who died on December 24. They prepared for Christmas, but never celebrated it. Some who will celebrate tomorrow might not enter the New Year in eight days’ time. 

    Chief Johnson Barovbe, a great man of many paths and an accomplished educationist (he preferred to be called a teacher or educationist), had a father-son relationship with me. The last time I saw him alive was in September 2021 in London. We spoke at length on what we wanted to do in the last quarter of 2021 and in 2022. We agreed to meet on our return to Nigeria. He did return to Nigeria and celebrated Christmas surrounded by many people as usual. By December 27, two days after Christmas, he died suddenly. It was by the grace of God that I escaped from the fowler’s snare. I would also not have seen 2022. 

    I know you have not met your targets, you still have not gotten a job, you are still unmarried and you do not have a car or personal house. But you are alive, celebrate with joy this Christmas and hope; be merry, be happy and pray for a better tomorrow. Don’t just sit in one corner and bemoan. You have no idea what others are going through. By the special grace of God, you will live to see many more Christmas celebrations. 

    For some time Christmas now, my Christmas has essentially been having the immediate family and sometimes the larger family together. Last year was different. I spent my Christmas all alone with family members thousands of kilometres away. I couldn’t even see my wife who was in town with me due to COVID-19 restrictions. Now we are all together under the same roof. Onajite (that is enough). I have not bothered to ask my wife whether there is still rice and other food items in the house. The family is together and that is all that matters. That is my Merry Christmas. 

    Christmas is a time for merriment. When I was young, Christmas without Christmas clothes, complemented with cheap sun glasses and wristwatches that were not functional, was incomplete. These mean nothing to many young people in the cities these days. I do not know how it is in the villages. 

    For some people, Christmas is a time to live a life of debauchery, engage in drunkenness, sexual promiscuity and engage in crime to raise money to meet up with the Joneses. All na Christmas celebration for them. But we all know the real essence of Christmas: LOVE, love for God and love for neighbour. If you are able, buy rice and other food items for those who need them, wonderful. If you do not have the resources, send your Christmas wishes, call those you can call. Not everyone will appreciate gestures that have no financial value. Poverty and misplacement of priorities have poisoned our reasoning. I do not bother myself about people’s lack of appreciation. How God sees my actions is what matters. Merry Christmas. 

    HAPPY 80TH BIRTHDAY, UNCLE J

    Omiragua John Aaron Okenabirhie, an Effurun-based business man and industrialist, is 80 years today. I have been hearing of Uncle J since the 70s before I met him in the 80s. Sometimes, in the 70s, when we travelled from Ozoro to Warri, when we got to Effurun at Glorylux Venetian Blinds Company, my father would proudly tell us, “You see that company, it is owned by a son of Ewhu (my hometown). I am far older than he is o, but he is very rich.” If my father were alive, he would have been 96 years, so you understand why he said “mi vieren gangan” (I am much older than he is). The age difference between Uncle J and my father was 16 years, while Uncle J is more than 20 years older than I am, but he prefers to call me “my brother.”

     I love Uncle J for his humility and simplicity. He comes to church on Sundays tying wrappers (Ankara) that costs not more than N3,000 and tops ( kolapa) done with materials of about N500 per yard, complemented with  a bead of about N2,000, not coral beads that now costs hundreds of thousands and even millions of Naira. 

    He refused to take a chieftaincy title and prefers the prefix of Omiragua (Mister). You will not appreciate this if you are not Urhobo or Isoko. In Urhoboland, the eldest person on a table during events breaks the kolanuts and shares the wedge (money). If a host refuses to wedge kolanut, it is a mark of enormous disrespect. Some guests will not even touch the kolanut because they are (“emuvwie”) freeborn people, not slaves. These days, virtually everybody is a chief (olorogun). If your son’s age mate who is an olorogun is sharing a table with you, he wants to break the kolanut instead of you, the older person. They call it tradition.

    There has been pressure on me to take a chieftaincy title for a while. I even got two (one in Imo State), but refused to formalise them. When the insults of younger people breaking kolanuts where I am present got to me, I wanted to take the titles, but my wife, mother and siblings were not impressed. I consulted with Uncle J on how he copes when younger people want to break kolanuts when he is present. After our discussion, I closed that chapter forever. I do not even chew kolanuts anymore and the so called wedge can be as little as N200, nothing for me to split hairs over. I have absolutely nothing against people taking chieftaincy titles, but it is not for me. Let me continue to live my life on my own terms.

    Happy 80th birthday and many returns, Uncle J. In spite of the grey hairs which started “oppressing” you at a very young age, you still look very young and sharp at 80. As a young man at 80, let me take the liberty to say my guy, you are a great man.

  • Little foxes in marriages – By Francis Ewherido

    Little foxes in marriages – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    Once people hear that a marriage has collapsed, the first thing that comes to people’s mind is infidelity. All over the world, infidelity is a major cause of collapse of marriages. The problem, I guess, is not the act itself, but the betrayal of trust. In Urhobo land where I was born and grew up, in those days, 90 per cent of the married women who cheated would be sacked by their husbands, only about 10 per cent would be forgiven and taken back by their husbands after necessary sacrifices (Iye) have been performed to appease the gods, forefathers and cleanse the woman. As a result of polygamy, the men cannot really be accused of adultery except those who did civil and church wedding.

    With reports saying that at least 50 per cent of married men and women in Nigeria cheat or have cheated at some point, the paradigm has definitely shifted. I was stunned when a friend told me recently that in the unlikelihood that his wife cheats, he will not divorce her, he will forgive her and move on with his life. The same person told me 15 years ago that he will “fling” the wife out of the house if he found her cheating. What has changed for him? Let’s leave that for another day and face today’s topic.

    The story broke last weekend of a man who allegedly stabbed his wife to death. The issues involved are: there was prior argument over water to take his bath, the man had returned from work in the night to discover there was no water for him to take his bath. He was said to have scolded his wife on why she did not buy water into the empty Jerry cans at home because there is no public water supply in the area. The man ordered his wife to accompany him to buy water in three jerry cans for the house. On the way the woman diverted to buy batteries for their wall clock that had stopped working. Her action stirred up another round of argument as her husband accused her of always buying the wrong battery. He said they had agreed that she should not buy batteries for their wall clock again, as she was always buying the wrong ones.

    In the course of “the quarrel, she abused my parents, which was a regular thing whenever we quarrelled.   When we got home, she continued abusing me. I climbed upstairs, and she followed me, cursing me. When I came downstairs, she still followed me. I got angry.” In the ensuing quarrel, he was said to have made for the kitchen knife and stabbed his wife in the neck, thereby leading to her death. These are story and allegations out there. One person is dead and another facing manslaughter charges.

    This brings us to today’s topic: “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, the vineyards that are in bloom” (Song of Solomon 2:15). What are the little foxes that ruined this marriage?  The wife was probably in the house all day, what prevented her from buying water before the arrival of the husband? Life in Lagos is very hectic? It a is no brainer that many Lagosians head for the bathroom once they get home or take dinner first depending on what is more urgent. When the man saw, there was no water, why did he not go there alone to buy the water since he knows where they sell it? Why drag along a wife who never bothered to buy water in the first place?

    On the way to buy water, why divert to buy batteries for the clock? How can these batteries be a priority? Everybody has a phone and wristwatch, how many people still remember to look at their clocks in the house? I cannot understand how clock batteries can take precedence over water for the house in this regard. Water is life. This was a wrong time to divert. The man is already upset. This action shows lack of regard for the husband and his feelings. I know many wives also want to “quickly stop” and do something before facing what took them from the house. My wife also does it. But she now knows that once I leave my house for a reason, I want to accomplish that before any other matter. Initially, I used to complain loudly. These days, I grumble without saying a word. Peace must reign, but I see it as lack of focus. But she also has a right to see me lacking flexibility. It is the number 6 or 9 argument, depending on the angle from where you are seeing the number.

    She was alleged to continue abusing the husband. Abusiveness (physical or verbal) ultimately provokes violent reactions from some spouses. Many husbands and wives have lost their lives in the process. We should avoid abusive words and actions in marriage, but sometimes, you can only control yourself, not your spouse. But you get to the point where you will lose control of yourself, walk away or flee if you need to. If not, you can find yourself in a similar situation.

    It was also alleged that she abused the husband’s parents. That is a no-no in marriage. When I was to get married about 25 years ago, one of the pieces of advice my eldest brother, Fr. Tony, gave us was respect for each other’s family. I have held to that firmly since then. Disagreements with in-laws can happen, but never allow it get to the point of abusing in-laws. The Husband, wife and children, if any, are the immediate family, but some spouses are still well bonded with the families they came from, especially loving and close families. Respect your spouse’s parents, siblings and other close relatives. If they get on your nerves, discuss it with your spouse and find a solution.

    Talking about respect, Apostle Paul admonishes, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Did both of them follow this injunction? How can you stab a woman that you really love? Also, I advise women close to me that many men will take a lot of sh*t from you, but not disrespect. The collapse (once one spouse is dead and another faces time in prison, the marriage is over) of this marriage did not happen overnight. The small foxes that destroyed it have been around. Apparently there was no more love in the marriage.

    For the rest of us, what are the small foxes in our marriages that have the capacity to ruin our marriages? They are present in every marriage: impatience, anger, disrespect, avoiding conflicts (you do not avoid conflicts, you resolve them peacefully), unforgiveness, living a false life (do not come to social media to deceive people that your marriage is perfect when it is actually troubled, quietly fix it) and many others. You know what small foxes are threatening or can threaten your marriage. Identify and fix them.

  • The health wars of people in their 50s and 60s – By Francis Ewherido

    The health wars of people in their 50s and 60s – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    When I was growing up, death was so distant. Once in a while, my parents discussed someone who died. Most times, I did not even know the person. Not anymore; as I grow older, news of deaths has become more regular and closer: death of two siblings, relatives, in-laws, friends, acquaintances and people I know from afar. Some of the reasons that caused these deaths are stroke, hypertension, diabetes, cancer and heart failure, amongst other ailments. Somebody I got to meet about six weeks ago suddenly died in the presence of his wife, daughter and uncle. His aged mother went to bed about an hour earlier and did not get to witness the sudden and horrendous death of her son, but now the octogenarian knows. Also, the blood sugar of someone I know suddenly shot up. He has been managing the sugar level, but not this time: he died before help could come. An acquaintance travelled home for a ceremony. He slumped and died. We are all aware of the popular gospel singer, Sammie Okposo. It is just crazy.

    “Death is a necessary end; will come when it will come.” Personally, I have stopped worrying about my own death. Why worry about what I have no powers over? But I do what is within my power to avoid deaths that I can avoid. A diabetic woman had a sore in one of her legs that refused to heal. She was told the leg had to be amputated or she would die. She preferred to die rather than live with one leg. Not long after, she died. Another old man agreed to be amputated. It was done and he lived to 89 years before he died of unrelated causes.

    A woman was diagnosed with breast cancer. She refused a mastectomy; she felt a woman without breast is a man not a woman. But she still had her vagina, not a penis! Gradually, the cancer spread to the second breast and the rest of her body. By the time, she faced reality and agreed that the breasts be chopped off, it was late. Why would you keep breasts that have become cancerous? If it’s because of your husband, will he agree to suck cancerous breasts? Won’t he be worried that the cancer might spread to him though unlikely? If you do a mastectomy and your husband now finds you unattractive, to hell with him. It is the vagina not the breasts that is the primary sex organ? If you die tomorrow, he will mourn you for a while, remarry and move on with his life. Who knows what is beneath once you dress up? I know a few women who have had mastectomies on one or both breasts. If I had not been told, I would not have known. I am very happy that more breast cancer survivors, including those who underwent mastectomies, are now coming out. Soon it will become normal, not something to be ashamed of.

    Some men who suffer from prostate cancer also get to a stage where they need to chop off their balls. Hopefully they would have had their kids. But even if they have no kids, what is more important, childlessness and be alive or risk death when there is even no guarantee that you will have the children you have not had before the cancer? The primary reason for marriage remains companionship, not procreation. One polygamist was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was told his balls needed to be removed to tame the rampaging cancer. He took a look at his harem, wondered what would happen to them. He refused to do the procedure. Not too long after he died. These are the avoidable deaths I am referring to.

    The first line of battle to stop avoidable deaths is self. About four years ago, I recommended these measures: “Once you are 40 years, annual medical checkup becomes a necessity. The checkups recommended by medical practitioners include physical examination, visual examination, blood sugar level, Lipid profile, Liver function test, electrolyte, full blood count, urinalysis, prostate specific antigen (men above 40yrs), Chest x-ray (Above 40yrs), prostate scan (Men above 50yrs), ECG (Those above 40yrs), colonoscopy (men above 50yrs), mammography (for women above 40yrs and some other tests. Each of these procedures serves a particular purpose. Chest x-ray, for instance, is meant to show the state of your lungs. Chest x-rays can detect heart-related lung problems, cancer, infections like tuberculosis and pneumonia or air collecting in the space around a lung, among others. Blood sugar level is for all persons 40 years and above, especially people from families where there is a history of diabetes. In fact, such persons should have been doing their checks long before 40 years. Normal blood sugar level is between 70 and 99 fasting (that is when you wake up in the morning) and not more than 140 two hours after a meal at all times.” For financial reasons, you can stagger them starting with what is most important depending on your health conditions.

    Sometimes, I get unsettled. As I am writing, five of my friends are battling with prostate enlargement/cancer. Though I have already done two tests this year, I intend to do another one before the year runs out. I scolded one of my friends recently. His father died of prostate cancer, but he has never checked his and he is over 50 years. Urhobos say that the stick you see must not pierce your eyes.

    I am pre-diabetic. Consequently, I took a few drastic steps. I have stopped taking soft drinks and malt. I am okay with water. Once I found out champagne is filled with sugar, I stopped taking it and the economy has made my job easier. Red wine is the only drink with sugar that I take and it is restricted to an occasional glass. Garri, my addiction for over 50 years, is forbidden in whatever form. Cake is restricted to birthdays and I take just a small portion. My diet is restricted to oat, unripe plantain and cornflakes. I check my blood sugar twice a week. Once in a while, if my diet gets boring, I eat rice, or spaghetti or anything I fancy, but not sugary stuff. These measures, though extreme, have worked for me because my fasting sugar is scarcely above 99 and I no longer take any diabetic drug.

    High blood pressure is still an issue though I take my conventional drugs religiously. My ultra-protective teenage daughter was by my side when I was checking my blood pressure one day. At the end the sphygmomanometer (BP monitor) “announced” that my BP is “abnormal.” My daughter retorted that “you’re the one that is abnormal, not my daddy’s BP.” I consoled her that the monitor was only reporting what it read, but she went on ranting. I am still looking for alternative effective herbal remedies. The ones they told me will “crash” my BP did not crash anything. I have also stopped watching competitive live matches of Nigeria and my team, Arsenal. They make my BP shoot through the roof. One woman told me how her elder brother died while watching an Arsenal match in those Arsenal horror days. Now I am okay with knowing the results at the end of the match. If it is favourable, I can then settle down and watch the replay.

    Everyone should take his medication religiously. I was once on admission abroad when I fell ill during a trip. The nurses would bring the drugs and insist I take them before they leave. One Indian nurse was most notorious for that. I started resenting her. At a point I felt she was being racist. That was until my Nigerian sister explained to me that many oyibos do not like taking their drugs. If you leave them, they will either flush the drugs down the toilet or throw them into the bin.

    My dear people in your 50s and 60s, especially, please take your health more seriously. It is expensive, but treatment (of cancer, stroke and others), burial and the sudden vacuum you leave behind are more costly. You really have two options: kick out deadly habits or risk kicking the bucket.

  • SUICIDE – By Francis Ewherido

    SUICIDE – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    There is a plethora of reasons why people commit suicide: economic hardship, heartbreak, loneliness, mental illness, depression, drug addiction, sexual abuse, bullying, verbal abuse and many others. From my personal observation, many of the recent cases of suicide in Nigeria were as a result of the economic hardship and youngsters who had issues with their lovers. The two most recent cases were the young man, who committed suicide because a girl dumped him, and a lady, who jumped into the lagoon from Third Mainland Bridge after a heated conversation with her fiancé. I do not know the details of the conversation. As a much younger person, committing suicide as a result of heartbreak never made sense to me. In fact, always I found it amusing. Suicide will never be acceptable to me as a Christian, but haven experienced heartbreak, I can empathise because I know what it is like to be heart broken.

    I was weeks away from my first traditional marriage when my relationship with my fiancée broke up. Introduction had earlier been done. Like marriage, no single person can make a relationship work. It takes the two people involved to sustain a relationship. Once one party wants out, the relationship is over. There is nothing the other party can do about it. I was like a mad man after we broke up. It was like my body was on fire. The pain was unbearable. I lost weight. Then it hit me that I could not bear the weight alone. I travelled to Warri, Delta State to meet my family. Once my mother saw me, she knew something was fundamentally wrong. I narrated everything to her. I could feel her agony. My elder brothers lent me shoulders to lean on. With the support of my family, I pulled through the heartbreak. Family support is very important.

    I have written articles on the need for strong family bonds and being in the life of your children. Family helps people to go through difficult situations. Family bond and being in the life of your children do not happen overnight. They are built over time. Something got me thinking some time ago. We (my wife and I) went to drop two of our children in school. Since they are first timers, we stayed back to help them with their registration, accommodation and settle down. While on it, they met their former school mate in secondary school. I always like doing small talks with my children’s friends to know a little about them. When he came to greet us, we asked about his parents. “Gone as usual. It has been like that since secondary school. I am used to it,” he said apparently pained. Shivers went down my spine. The parents are certainly not in the boy’s life. How can you drop a youngster with his pieces of luggage in the parking lot of a new school and zoom off. They feel picking the bills is enough, while the boy has a contrary view; he expects a lot more. I once told you how my friend went to pay the son’s school fees. He asked the son to remind him of the amount. “Dad, how am I supposed to know that?” he replied in astonishment. That is the mind set of many youngsters

    Young people do have boyfriends/girlfriends who jilt them at some point. They also get bullied and threatened. They have no experience and are not mentally ready to deal with these complex life situations. They need help, they need support and they need a shoulder to lean on? At such times which institution is more appropriate than the family? Protect your children from potential suicide because of heartbreaks and bullying by being in their lives. 

    The other major reasons for suicide in Nigeria, in my opinion, are the hard times. Times are very hard. There is no need deodorising it. Some men cannot meet their commitments anymore. Feeding the family is a big problem, keeping the children in school is a tough task, maintaining hitherto lifestyle has become virtually impossible. When the going gets tough, you have to be real before frustration drives you to suicide. You are the first bus stop. You lost your N30m PA job, let go of all non-important domestic staff. What are you still doing with a driver? Drive yourself and do school runs; change the school of your children to another one where the fees will not choke you. The fees do not necessarily reflect the quality of knowledge that schools impart. I mentioned jettison in an article previously. Practice jettison as we know it in marine insurance. Cut down your expenses to a manageable extent, so that you do not allow yourself to be driven to the point of committing suicide. When family and friends see the genuine efforts you are making to stay afloat, they will assist. But if you maintain your status quo, you are on your own. Nobody likes funding luxury. People just want to help you meet your basic needs. If you want to live a luxurious life, you must fund it yourself.

    Some people are sick and cannot afford the cost of treatment. Some are lucky because family and friends are supporting them in this difficult time. Some have no such support. They cannot bear to see themselves or/and their families suffer. They choose what they consider the easy way out: suicide. I used to call such people cowards, but I cannot anymore. I will rather advise them to fight to the end. Sometimes solutions come at the 11th hour when all hope is lost; the light might be at the end of the tunnel. I still maintain that suicide is not an option. For those whose relationship with their family is broken, repair it. The family ought to be your first port of call when you are in distress. If you do not have a “good” family, have reliable friends, be active in your town union or join a good club or society that takes the welfare of their members serious. The problem that some people have is that they were never there for family and friends. When in need, there is scarcely anyone from both family and amongst friends who wants to there for them. 

    Finally, let me end with the following pieces of advice. Even if you are a billionaire and you think you do not need anyone, I advise that you change your mind-set. You need your family and friends. Go ahead and mend fences. Where has one tree ever made a forest? If you are in a critical health condition or in coma, can you drive yourself to the hospital? Whom have you seen in this world that conducted his own burial? Even the most powerful in the world will ultimately be put six feet below by someone else. 

    Conversely, some people also that because they do not have money they cannot be there for others. Inability to know that you can be there for others is the real poverty. You can use your time and God given talents and skills to help others and make the world a better. Nobody is all in all; also, nobody is totally useless unless the person decides to be so. Above all, let God reign supreme in your life.

  • The sex of your baby is in your hands – By Francis Ewherido

    The sex of your baby is in your hands – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    I was discussing with one of my younger friends, Emma. I told him that one of the major agreements intending couples must have is the number of children they want to have, all things being equal. He responded that he wanted two children and he prayed to God for a boy and a girl which he now has. I told him that I also prayed before every pregnancy of my children, but I never prayed for the sex of the children. Rather, I thanked God for giving me the privilege to determine the sex of the baby I want every time. He was curious. I told him that God has already given us the power and we (my wife and I) used the power (knowledge of reproduction in biology we all learnt in school) and it applied to determine the sex of the baby we wanted at all times. I went on to explain to him. When I was done, he said many young people are not aware and hope on luck to have a baby boy or girl. He begged me to share the knowledge. I told him I have done so in my book, Life Lessons from Mudipapa and on this column. He pleaded that I share it again. I, therefore, shelved the article for this week to share again. 

    NATURALLY preselecting the sex of your baby is no rocket science. So it is painful to see couples unfulfilled, sad or breed like rabbits because they are looking for either a son or daughter, son most of the time. Today, I am giving an abridged version of steps that you need to take to naturally preselect the sex of your baby with stunning accuracy.

    First, we must remember or know that the male sperms carry either X or Y chromosomes, while the female eggs carry only the X chromosomes. The egg carrying the X chromosome and the sperm carrying Y chromosome produce a male child, while the egg carrying the X chromosome and the sperm carrying X chromosome produce a female child. So a man determines the sex of a baby. 

    The sperm carrying the Y chromosome swims faster, but has a shorter lifespan while the sperm carrying the X chromosome is slower, but has a longer lifespan. If you want a male child, intercourse should take place just before or during ovulation. The faster sperms carrying the Y chromosome would get to the egg and fertilise it before the sperms with X chromosome make their slow and steady journey there. And only one sperm can fertilise an egg. If, however, intercourse takes three days (sometimes two days) or more before ovulation, the result will likely be a boy. This is because all the faster sperms carrying the Y chromosomes with short lifespan would have died leaving the egg for the slower sperms carrying the X chromosomes with longer lifespan to fertilise.

    The critical elements here are the ovulation, which occurs when an egg or ovum is released from the ovary and usually lasts for about 12 to 24 hours, and timing of intercourse. Ovulation normally occurs between the 12th to 14th day of a woman’s 28-day cycle, but like most human phenomena, there are no absolute certainties and it varies from one woman to another. Even within the same woman, there are variations. Many women find this unpredictability challenging. Such women can engage in charting, that is daily recording of changes in the mucus discharge from the vagina that is related to ovulation, to enhance predictability. 

    Please note that how long the sperm lives in the body of your wife after intercourse is determined by a number of factors. One, the vaginal environment is very important. If it is alkaline, the sperm carrying the Y chromosome can survive up to three days, while the sperm carrying the X chromosome can survive for five or six days. But if the vaginal environment is acidic, it is less habitable for the X and Y sperms and they die much earlier. That is why knowing the day of ovulation is very essential to pre-selection of the sex of your baby, because if you do, the vaginal environment, friendly or hostile, becomes inconsequential. 

    The other important factor is the health of the husband’s sperms. Studies have shown that the sperms of men decline both in quality and quantity from age 40. It is earlier for smokers. Lifestyle and the type of food you eat also influence the quantity and quality of sperms and ability to impregnate your wife. In fact, the egg does not accept every sperm that comes its way. It is very selective and attracted more to healthy sperms. This can be a challenge for men with weak sperms or low sperm count when they want to impregnate their wives, according to research findings.

    You also need some discipline and cooperation between spouses if you want to naturally pre-select the sex of your babies. For a start, pre-selection is easier when the woman is practising natural family planning as against the use of artificial contraceptives, because artificial contraceptives disrupt the cycle of women,  stopping ovulation or making ovulation more unpredictable, and you do need some level of predictability in the ovulation cycle to naturally preselect the sex of your babies

    In addition, the couple needs to stay off intercourse for at least five days before ovulation. This is to ensure that residue semen in the woman’s body from previous intercourse does not interfere with her vaginal discharge and create confusion.  There are a number of natural ways women know they are ovulating: the thick slimy vaginal discharge which is like phlegm (catarrh, as some refer to it), some women feel a sharp pain on the side or lower abdomen when the egg is released, heightened sense of smell, breast soreness or tenderness, increased sexual urge and change in body temperature..

    Just in case you are wondering why I write categorically on the efficacy of this method, I used it to preselect the sex of all my children – Two girls and three boys.

    DERIVATION FUND

    During the week some Niger Deltans were incensed when they learnt that part of the derivation funds withheld since 1999 have been released to our governors. Many of us never knew this. Specifically Delta got N142b, Akwa Ibom; N91b; Rivers, N83b; Bayelsa, N87b and Edo, N17b. These are humongous sums of money and they are special funds: DERIVATION. How much of these monies were devoted to oil producing communities for physical and human development? These communities bear the brunt of the effects of oil exploration. Our governors need to personally tell us what they did/or are doing with the money, not delegating the responsibility to a commissioner or government spokesman. Some state government officials are treating the matter with levity as if we have no right to ask. 

    I join my voice with other Niger Deltans that our governors should handle the matter with the seriousness it deserves by personally telling their citizens what they did with the money. The President gave the governors the money and they should talk to us directly. If they cannot, they and their parties do not deserve the people’s votes in 2023. Do not treat us with disdain. Without these communities these states will not be entitled to this fund. I am not talking about politics; it is about the people and humanity which this column represents.