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Tag: Francis Ewherido

  • Japa via Libyan route – By Francis Ewherido

    Japa via Libyan route – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    It is no longer news that some Nigerians, especially youngsters and professionals, are leaving in droves. I said it a few weeks ago that the world is a global village and everybody has the right to decide where he wants to live. As I said in the article on Japa (relocating from Nigeria), you must have a plan, the right papers, and you must go through the legal routes. Without these, you might be planning for a worse experience than you are fleeing from. We know that for some years now, many Nigerian youths have been trying to get into Europe via Libya. They start this perilous journey by being packed like sardines into vehicles. These Nigerians start dying in Nigeria due to suffocation as a result of overloading of the vehicles.

    The number of casualties increases once they cross into Niger Republic. They die due to the desert heat, dehydration, starvation and gunshots from armed bandits in the desert. They go through unimaginable treatment. They drink their own urine or beg for urine of other migrants to drink to quench their thirst once their water finishes. The menstruating women squeeze their pads and drink their menses to quench their thirst. Reports from migrants inform us that there is a well in the Sahara Desert where dead bodies are dumped. These migrants fetch water from the well with dead bodies to drink. But all these are child’s play. Their woes multiply once they get into Libya. According to them, the Libyans see blacks as subhuman. They are beaten and maltreated. The extortion is massive, some of the migrants who cannot pay are sold as slaves and commodities while some of the women are forced into prostitution. According to some Nigerian Libyan returnees, as many as 20 per cent of the people who started the journey with them never get to Libya or die in Libya.

    A large part of Libya is currently a lawless with the death of their former supreme leader, Col. Muammar Gadhafi. If America had known that Gadhafi was keeping so many mad people in check, they would probably have let him be. The instability in Libya has spread to West Africa. The insecurity currently plaguing Nigeria has a lot to do with the collapse of Libya. It worsened the proliferation of illegal arms in Nigeria.

    The last and major hurdle that migrants face is crossing the Mediterranean Sea to get to Europe. Over 20,000 migrants have perished in that sea over the last 10 years. They embarked on that perilous journey mainly from West Africa, Central Africa, East Africa and Asia. Sometimes as many as 300 migrants can perish in a single boat mishap. Not surprising, many of the victims are Nigerians. And some people are saying they are fleeing from the hardship in Nigeria. Nigeria is tough right now and there is insecurity, but it is nothing close to what the migrants go through in this mindless journey. The insecurity on the Libyan route once you leave Nigeria and the hardship the migrants go through are unimaginable. Before you embark on a journey, you should do some research and ask questions to enable you prepare adequately. Apparently they do not. How can you embark on a journey through the Sahara Desert without basic things like water to drink and clothing to protect you from the element of the weather?

    I have been listening to the tales of woes from the returnees.  Sometimes, you want to slap them. According to one of them, he was a sales boy who “served” (worked for) his master for an agreed number of years. When he was done with his apprenticeship, the master settled him with N5m. That was a lot of money then. Even as at today, if some youngsters get N5m, they can start a small business and grow gradually. He not only had N5m, he had the knowledge necessary to succeed in that field of business. But, when his friends told him about the Eldorado in Europe, greed took over. Why not grow his wealth gradually over time like building a house one block at a time. But his friends convinced him that he can simply get to Europe and blow (become rich overnight)? Anybody who has gone to Europe and America knows there is no such thing. Even our doctors, nurses and other professionals go back to school or training to get certificates and other qualifications before they can get jobs. And that is for those who entered legally and have genuine documents. For others, it is Israelite journey. They do menial or odd jobs and nobody blows by doing odd jobs. Those who blow after a couple of years abroad engaged in illegal or criminal activities.

    Anyway, this migrant and his friends left Nigeria for Europe via Libya. He said as many as 200 of his friends died between Nigeria and while in Libya. What has hardship in Nigeria got to do with this case? This is pure greed. I can never praise the Nigerian governments at all levels over time. They put us in this mess and turned us to a laughing stock all over the world. But this foolish journey can never make senses to me.

    Families get together, sell the family land to enable them to raise money to send their daughters to Europe. Their only qualification is secondary school education and some did not even get certificates; they also have zero skills. What does that tell you? The families are sending them for prostitution. Is that because of hardship in Nigeria? Parents who send their daughters for prostitution are morally bankrupt.

    Nigeria is very tough, I will continue to say it. But trying to japa via the Libyan route is the height of foolishness. If you must Japa, have a plan of what you want to do with your life, prepare adequately and get professional guidance. Serious people who want to japa do so through the airport and fly by air to Europe and America. Africa is an Island and you cannot get outside Africa by road.

    In spite of all the sordid stories of the Libyan route, some youngsters are still warming up to go to Europe via Libya. I watched a video where youngsters were being tutored on the dangers of the Libyan route. I heard comments like, “it will not be my portion in Jesus name,” “those when die na their luck,” “everybody with im own destiny.” There is a proverb that the dog that is destined to go missing does not hear the whistle of the owner at the end of hunting. This perilous route is not worth the effort. The efforts individuals and families are putting into this perilous endeavour might just yield better results here in Nigeria if properly directed. Nigeria is frustrating our youths, but if you feel the only way to realise your dream is travelling abroad, go through the proper and legal channels.

  • Delta Central: Dafinone is the man for the job – By Francis Ewherido

    Delta Central: Dafinone is the man for the job – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    The Urhobo Nation, sent a man to represent us in Abuja (let us leave out the detail of whether it was the Senate or House of Representatives). When it got to the next election he came back to his party to inform them that he wanted to return to Abuja for a second term. The party leaders and faithful asked him to give an account of his stewardship so far. He had nothing to show for the almost four years he had been in Abuja. But he had a trailer load of excuses. When he was done making excuses, he was told to step aside so that someone else who could overcome barriers the listed and provide effective representation would replace him.  That was how he lost his bid to return to Abuja.

    The Urhobo Nation has always produced vibrant and strong characters to represent Delta Central in the Senate right from time. Except for one or so senators who came and left like a ship in the night (unnoticed), Delta Central has always had vibrant representation. With the incumbent, HE Ovie Omo-Agege, rising to the position of Deputy President of the Senate and doing exceptionally well, the stakes are even higher and the shoes, bigger. It is not as if Delta Central expects to produce the next Deputy President of the Senate, but any senator who knows his onions can provide his people and Nigeria at large effective representation. With all sense of modesty, my late brother, Sen. Akpor Pius Ewherido, was the lone Democratic People’s Party (DPP) senator in the senate during his time. He spent only two years before death came calling, but he distinguished himself; he came, he saw and he conquered. The record of the bills he sponsored or co-sponsored and the projects he attracted to Delta Central are there.

    The senatorial election is barely three months away. We have a plethora of qualified Urhobo sons jostling for the seat. As I have said and have not retracted, my choice is Okakuro Ede Dafinone. His father is also one of the best senators Delta Central has produced. He did not just represent us well in the senate, he was a national figure. But my belief in Ede Dafinone has nothing to do with his father, the late Senator David Dafinone, but the antecedents of Delta Central in producing very vibrant senators. It should not be different this time around. Ede is well educated, very intelligent and well spoken. He is an accomplished accountant. He has sat and still seats on the board of companies across all spectrum of the economy: finance, information technology, agriculture, manufacturing, etc. He sits on the board of one of the most stable and best run insurance companies in Nigeria. They are leaders in motor insurance business. I know because as a chartered insurance broker, I do business with them and have not had issues with them. Genuine claims are promptly paid. They are highly respected in the insurance subsector and financial sector. His network both in government and the business community is extensive and will come handy as our senator. He is at home in Urhoboland, and very comfortable at the national and international levels. He is ready-made as the next senator representing Delta Central Senatorial District.

    He is a trustee of Okpe Community Leaders of Thought and Chairman, Sapele Okpe Land Trust Association. Through the Dafinone Foundation, he has been providing scholarships for our people back home for postgraduate studies. The foundation has a skills acquisition centre and hundreds of our people have acquired various skills that have made them self-sustaining. The foundation offers micro-credit loans to women within Sapele. These are concrete contributions to Urhobo land by a true Urhobo son.

    One aspect of his quest to go the senate I like is his concentration on himself as a senatorial candidate and what he is bringing to the table. I have not seen him allude to the fact that his father, a distinguished senator, provided effective representation to his people and so the people of Delta Central should vote for him as a son of Senator David Dafinone. Ede is accomplished and campaigning based on his accomplishments, which are very obvious, and what he is bringing to the table. Every “mallam” has his kettle and Ede is using his own kettle not the kettle of Senator David Dafinone, in his quest to be the next senator of Delta Central. Personally I have problems with people who go about with a sense of entitlement.

    In this critical time, anyone who wants to represent the Urhobo nation, whether in the Delta State House of Assembly, House of Representatives or the Senate, should have a good grasp of what our current challenges are. You cannot solve a problem you do not understand. Whether you go ahead to help solve the problems when you get elected or abandon your promises is a different matter. The day of reckoning is just ahead (four years maximum). But understanding the issues at the initial stage is very critical and Ede does.

    The minimum age for going to the senate is 35 years. Anybody who is 35 years and above is eligible age wise to contest. Now in his late 50s, Dafinone still has the element of youthfulness to enable him represent us with the needed vibrancy. He also has decades of experience and multi-sector knowledge to discuss all sectors of our national life beyond his finance sector background in the senate. Many people might not know, but before climate change and its devastating effects hit the front burner, Dafinone was already a member of the Lekki Conservation Foundation and he is the current chairman of the foundation (What conservation foundation stands for is self-explanatory). What does that tell you? Vision: Okakuro Ede Dafinone is a man of vision, an essential ingredient for great leaders. At this point, the senate seat of Delta Central fits him like a tailor-made-to-fit suit. Okakuro Ede Dafinone of the All Progressive Congress is the best choice for Delta Central Senatorial District in 2023 election.

  • Happy 10th anniversary to Marriage & Family column – By Francis Ewherido

    Happy 10th anniversary to Marriage & Family column – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    My first article on this column was published in Saturday Vanguard of Nov. 17, 2013. That was 10 years ago. I say happy 10th anniversary to the Marriage and Family Column. The list of those who made this column possible and have helped to sustain it is long. I have an overwhelming urge to mention all the names, but I refrain for fear of missing out names of some vital people in the project. My eternal gratitude to you all. But let me make one exception of mentioning Mr. Mideno Bayagbon, the Publisher of the Newsguru. He was the editor of Vanguard when the column debuted and in fact approved it. I also thank all the readers without whom the column will be superfluous. I get messages from as far as Australia. When I was about to start, my elder brother Fr. Tony liked the five sample articles I sent to him for review, but he wondered if I could sustain the column over time. I had fears too, but 10 years after, the column is still very much alive.

    The first article was titled WHAT DOES MARRIAGE MEAN TO YOU? In the article I adopted the definition of marriage that resounded with  me: “the matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole life, which is ordered by its nature towards the good of spouses and the procreation and education of offspring…” (Wikipedia). Ten years on, my perception of marriage has not changed. I just want to add one word in the definition, “Covenant:” a binding agreement between spouses going into the marriage. Every marriage goes through testing times, times when you feel it is not worth it or when you feel you should just walk away. But the covenantal aspect of marriage helps to bring you back to your senses and gives you the impetus to carry on.

    The above definition captures the essence of marriage, but the rate at which young marriages are collapsing is making me to wonder if intending couples should not ponder and answer this question, “what does marriage mean to you?” before going ahead. That way, both parties’ understanding of marriage will be clear and rhyme. The marriages of at least three couples with whom we are familiar have crumbled in the last couple of few weeks. The usual refrain after the announcement is for their privacy to be respected. This column is meant to promote the marriage institution, not breakups. I have no interest in promoting marriages that failed. I do not even have interest in mentioning your names. Young marriages fail everywhere.

    The family is the bedrock of any society. The best way to destroy a society is to destroy the family unit. So my interest is how to promote the marriage institution and by extension the family unit and reduce the number of failed marriages.

    For me, the main reason why young marriages fail is lack of proper courtship. “Courtship is that traditional period before engagement and marriage when couples date to get to know each other and decide if they should go ahead with the relationship.” Another definition I love so much is “a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other. In the first definition knowing each other means knowing your core values (character), your assets and liabilities (areas where are good and areas where you have drawbacks); it means friendship (soul mates and a strong bond. It means if you take sex out of the courtship, you will continue to flow together). The truth of the matter remains that sex during courtship blurs the vision of the courting couple. They gloss over fundamental issues to which they should pay attention.

    Latitude of acceptance (both parties must know what is acceptable and what is taboo to each other and stay within boundaries). You should know each other’s family. Courtship is not a hide and seek affair. You must know each other’s family as much as possible. For instance, if you visit your fiancée and you notice your mother-in-law to be is bossing her husband around, you should ask yourself if that will not be your fate later? What does your fiancée think about it? If her mother’s behaviour sits well with her, you risk marrying a woman who will boss you around. The question is, are you ready to take that until you die? If yes, no problem, but if not, you need to reevaluate the relationship.

    Also, if your fiancé’s father maltreats his mother and he sees nothing wrong with it, maltreatment might be your portion if you go ahead to marry him. You need to evaluate the relationship.

    Beyond knowing each other’s family, I will get involved in my children’s courtship. I have no intention of intruding in their privacy, but I intend to interact with my potential sons-in-law and daughters-in-law. From my experience, I can get a trailer-load of information to advise my children. They will take the decision, but I will be an adviser. I also intend to pursue the age-old tradition of knowing the family of your potential in-law. You might see things that your son/daughter’s immature eyes did not or cannot see.

    All these measures and many more are just to increase the chances of the success of your marriage. Even if you have information that can fill a book of 1,000 pages, there are still no guarantees. Changes occur after marriage and as the marriage goes on. Some of these changes are fortuitous while others are caused by situations or outright mischief.

    Pregnancy, for instance, can bring about changes. Some women suffer from morning sickness. They vomit frequently and spit per second. If you are a man who loves kissing your wife regularly to show love, that can become a challenge. Some pregnant women switch off sex. It can be challenging for some husbands. My advice is, adjust and learn to deal with it. Even animals control their urges. Going outside to satisfy your urge is insensitive and selfish. It should not be an option. You are responsible for her situation and she’s carrying your baby. Unsatisfied sexual urge does not kill. It is only momentary. To be continued.

    PARADED WIDOW

    Last week, I wrote about the widow, who was paraded naked in Agunese Afam-Mmaku Community in Awgu Local Government Area of Enugu. According to GWG.NG, the victim, named Anthonia Okonkwo, narrated how she was brutalised for an offence that she did not commit. She alleged that the people who spearheaded the attack are: “Sunday, Jonathan, Obi, Chigazu and Okechukwu… Others are Chukwudike Anikene, Chukwuebuka Agu, one Maduabuchi and his father as well as a girl who videotaped her during the attack.” The report said seven people have been arrested. The matter should be thoroughly investigated and those found guilty should be punished to serve as a deterrent to others, who carry out such abominable acts. I commend Prof. Joy Ezeilo and her team who visited the widow. I urge her and her team to follow up this matter until justice is done. Creating a just society is everyone’s task.

  • Women deserve better treatment – By Francis Ewherido

    Women deserve better treatment – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    I am not into women liberation the way it is seen in the Western world. For some westerners, the African culture is inferior, so we should scrap it and replace it with the Western culture. I was born in Africa and grew up in Urhobo land, to be specific. I am a typical Urhobo man, but the “typical” has been moderated by my western education and Christian beliefs. But I remain an Urhobo man.

    For instance, these days all sensible Urhobo men send their children to school, unlike our grandparents who were notorious for sending only their sons to school. If I have time, I cook for the whole house, though I firmly believe that it is the primary duty of the wife. In many of today’s families, especially in the urban centres, spouses share the chores and I do not have problems with that.

    I spent some time with my wife on Long Island, New York. Our hosts (husband and wife) did the chores together. The same applied in all the white families we visited. They were in their 70s and 80s. Before that trip, I was having running battles with my eldest daughter over dirty dishes in the sink. When I got back, the battles stopped. If I saw dirty dishes, I washed them. She and her siblings became embarrassed seeing me do dishes. The problem was substantially solved.

    I copied good traits from Western culture. But the Urhobo man in me cannot be erased. In my bachelor days, my girlfriend told me to shut up. I did, but the relationship also ended that day in my mind and effectively not long after. I have never told my wife to shut up because I think it is rude, so God forbid that day she will tell me to shut up. But I have also seen married couples of over 30 years and both of them tell each other to shut up even publicly. I have never heard that they physically fought for the over 30 years they have been married, so I guess the use of harsh language is okay by them. I also cannot tolerate a wife who wants to tell me how to live my life. NEVER. I have made costly mistakes in the process, but it is okay. I also do not tell my wife how to live her life. The boundaries were drawn before marriage and as long as she lives within boundaries, I am just fine.

    I must be consulted before she can take decisions concerning the children and the family. You cannot shave my hair in my absence. I also try to carry her along as much as possible. We do not always agree. If I feel her argument is superior, I run with it, but if I am convinced that my thinking is superior, I run with mine and accept the consequences, negative or positive.

    I have spent some time in the UK and the US and I can tell you straight away that the marriage of any Nigerian man who sticks to Nigerian values, especially male dominance, while living abroad, will collapse. In the same vein, the marriage of any Nigerian woman who abandons her African values and embraces Western values wholesale will collapse. It can never work. You can see the number of divorces of Nigerian couples in the US and the UK. Sometimes it ends in fatalities. Some Nigerian men have killed their wives, especially in the US. Sometimes they killed their own children and the mothers-in-law. Some Nigerian men have lost their homes and the little money they slaved to save, sometimes over decades. Most times they lose custody of their children. The system there favours the women. It is scary for a typical Nigerian man because our culture favours the men, but the Western culture favours women. For the marriage of a Nigerian couple to survive in Europe and America, both spouses must make adjustments to accommodate the new realities.

    But what prompted today’s article is the story of a widow, who was paraded naked in Agunese Afam-Mmaku Community in Awgu Local Government Area of Enugu State eight days ago. Her offence? She was caught picking snails from a sacred forest. It is against their culture. My initial reaction was indignation. Parading an adult female, and a widow for that matter, naked is a barbaric and insensitive act. I do not support disobeying the culture of the land. From 1973 to 1980, we lived in Ozoro. My mother forbade the cooking of snails in her kitchen. My people in Emokpor quarters in Ewhu-Urhobo also forbid eating of snails. This was in deference to my father, who naturally hated snails, and our driver, who hailed from Ozoro. The widow should have been sensitive to the culture of her people.

    But let us go further, the woman is a widow, probably poor and hungry. Should she have died of hunger? When David and his troops were hungry, what did they do? They ate the sacred bread meant for priests only. What kind of barbaric culture allows misguided youths to parade an adult woman naked in the streets of a community? I know why she was paraded naked; it had nothing to do with the “offence” or tradition. I quickly checked the story and found out it was done by youths. Men, especially youths, are excited about seeing a naked woman. Some of them had not seen a naked woman before. The only ones they have seen are in their phones. Many love pornography. Some are hooked on it. When they see it live, they are excited.

    It must have been before 1993 because I did not have a car then. I was waiting for a bus at Yaba Bus Stop, opposite the Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. A mentally deranged woman was at the gate. Before we knew it traders at the Tejuosho Market and along the railway started crossing the road and hailing the woman and encouraging her on. She removed her top, bra and trousers. By the time I got a bus and was leaving she was stark naked and the traders roared in excitement.

    My next question is why the elders allowed the youths to carry out such a heinous act. It does not make sense to me. Also, doesn’t her late husband come from a family or kindred? Why didn’t they protect her? This kind of ill-treatment of women, especially widows, should not be allowed in this 21st century. Sane societies protect widows. Acts like widows being locked up with corpses of their late husbands and drinking of water used to wash their late husbands’ bodies to prove their innocence should not be tolerated. If in doubt, relatives should carry out an autopsy to find the cause of their relatives’ death. Any culture that undermines the dignity of women and all people should be abolished.

    Enugu is currently under the siege of kidnappers. The youths should channel their energies towards making their communities safe, not engaging in obscene acts and perpetuating archaic and obnoxious cultures.

    Finally, the government and law enforcement agents should fish out the perpetrators and bring them to book.

  • Be politically involved, but stop exaggerating your importance – By Francis Ewherido

    Be politically involved, but stop exaggerating your importance – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    The general elections will commence in February 2023. It is an election no Nigerian should be lethargic about. It is our collective future and no one should sit on the fence. You do not have to be a card carrying member of any political party to be involved. The electoral system has been improved on, so the will of the people will likely prevail. There might still be irregularities, but the practice of the past where a political warlord who controls a ward or an area fraudulently determines who wins the election is gone.

    The only area which might be difficult for INEC to control is vote buying. I do not know how INEC will deal with that. In the cities, many people have already decided the candidates they will vote for. Anybody who gives such people money is odiodi (futile exercise). There will be vote buying, especially in the rural areas and poor neighbourhoods. There is a lot of hunger, especially in these areas and the only language they understand is money. “Otarevu” (Stomach infrastructure) is a major consideration of where votes swing in these areas. INEC has its work cut out.  Voting for the wrong people because of financial inducement is like someone who defecated in the front of the bush he is clearing. He will meet his sh*t as he goes on, so our people need to shine their eyes. But will hunger allow them to realize that? We shall find out in February and March 2023,

    I see some irritating trends, especially among young people. You needed somebody’s help at a time and he said he had no money. You felt he was just being mean because he was living in a big house with a fleet of cars. Now he wants to contest elections, it is payback time. You will not vote for him, no problem, but must you also rubbish him in the social media? Have you not heard of the phrase “asset rich and cash poor?” Don’t you know that some people might be worth billions of Naira in assets, but at some point might not even have N200,000 cash?

    When your wife delivered your baby, your acquaintance did not help out with the medical bills. Now he is contesting election, it is payback time. Na im you rent the prick when you take give your wife belle? Is nine months not enough time to plan for the arrival of your baby? You pursued a girl with another guy 15 years ago in the university and the guy won. Now he wants to contest election, you want to avenge the defeat he inflicted on you 15 years ago. Please go and cast your vote for his less competent opponent, but he will still win if he is destined to. “What’s gonna be is gonna be.” Too many people behave like demigods on social media and I am pissed off.

    This brings me to the so-called influencers, media warlords and the rest of them. In the 80s when we started our media careers, my former classmate and friend, no brother, Emma Esinnah, stumbled on an information that thoroughly deflated our ego: Communications professionals (advertising and public relations practitioners, to be precise) thought they were demigods. They decided to conduct a poll to confirm their demigod status. To their shock, they found out they were not even admired or hated – they were simply by the IGNORED by the public! Okay the study is over 50 years old, predates social media and is therefore archaic. But some things are basic: the media will inform, remind, persuade voters to vote for your candidate; they might also convince and swing votes of undecided voters during elections, especially in the US. There is no report I know of in Nigeria where social media swing votes or decide elections.

    Now look at political posts on Facebook and twitter. Go through the responses to the posts. Some who belong to your line of thought will affirm, while those with contrary opinion will contradict you. Some will even use your post to promote their candidates in your comment section. Again, how many people have access to social media? How many of over 30m Nigerians with Facebook accounts are active? How many see   your page? How many of those who have accounts have money for data?  When they go online, what do they do with their phones? How many people in the rural areas can read and write? For many of them, the phones are just for receiving and making calls. Not all of them can even make calls. Do not get me wrong, the media still have impact. If not, candidates, companies, etc., would have dispensed with their services. The candidates need the media, they need the visibility, they need voters to constantly know that they are still very much in the race. After being in the media for almost 40 years, I can confirm that the media are powerful, but do not exaggerate your power.

    In Nigerian politics, you need the substructure and superstructure to win an election. Social media belong to the super structure. The super structure is very important, but elections results are determined by the substructure, including owenewene (I do not know the translation) in those days. As they say all politics is grassroot, it is a field activity, every other thing is support activity. The media are important, but you cannot compare the effect of the media in Nigeria as we have it the UK and the US. And I am even talking more of traditional media, not social media that is an all-comers affair.

    Finally, let me just touch on the dangerous trend of blackmailing people contesting elections. Ordinarily, making a choice of who to vote for is your right, but no one likes being rejected. That is the problem those of us who come out openly to support a candidate face. But when you add blackmail, you go into dangerous territory. All humans, especially politicians are like the anus. Every anus has some sh*t. Yours too has, remember that. Two, blackmail has ifuen (antidote). You might not know how potent the ifuen of the person you are blackmailing is. Three, some Davids still defeat Goliaths today, but there are many more Davids in the “graveyard” today than there are Goliaths. Our local rabbits or bush rat, whatever you call them, have escape routes when endangered; where are yours (alternative sources on income, etc).

    You are young men/women just coming up. Use and dump is popular among politicians. Once election are over and the candidate loses, the tap of free money will dry up. The bridges you burnt today can stop you from crossing to an important destination tomorrow. Every boxer has a team he works with, but no one follows him into the ring. He takes the beating and punishment alone. Hyena and leopards walk away from confrontations, is not out cowardice, but self-preservation. Getting injured in such confrontations can be like signing your death warrant in the jungle. Be careful of those urging you on in this dangerous game of blackmail.

    Young people, be wise. It is a crucial election not a do or die affair. Participate, work for a candidate you believe in, but remember you have a whole future ahead of you to make or mar by your actions and inaction, sins of omission and commission today. May God guide us in our choices. A better society is what is paramount to me.

  • Much ado about siting of a polytechnic – By Francis Ewherido

    Much ado about siting of a polytechnic – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    The University College, Ibadan, was established in 1948, before it became a full-fledged University in 1962. The University of Lagos was established by the Federal Government in 1962. A year earlier, the Western Regional Government established University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University). By 1963, before Midwest Region was created out of the Western Region, the region had three first class universities all sited in Yoruba land. But the first graduates produced in Nigerian universities from Urhobo, Isoko, Ijaw, Itsekiri and Anioma all schooled in these universities. Admissions of students and even staff of the universities were not restricted to Yorubas.

    It was not until 1970 that the Midwest Region, which was part of the Western Region got its first University.  It started as an Institute of Technology and was accorded the status of a full-fledged University by Nigeria “National Universities Commission” (NUC) on the 1st of July in the 1971. In April 1972, the then Military Governor of Mid-West State, Col. Samuel Osaigbovo Ogbemudia formally announced the change of the name of the Institute of Technology to the University of Benin (UNIBEN). Ogbemudia is from Benin.

    In 1981, the Bendel State Government wanted to set up a state university. Many of us born in the 60s grew up to meet College of Education, Abraka. Naturally, we thought that the university will be sited in Abraka. Abraka started as a Government Teachers’ Training College during the colonial era and some years into the post-colonial era. It became a College of Education that was awarded the Nigerian Certificate of Education (N.C.E.) from 1971. That was even before Uniben was established. Before we knew it, we started hearing of one village called Ekpoma. Very few people, apart from those in that part of Bendel State, had heard of that name before. The Urhobos and people of the other leg of Bendel State (Delta Province) argued that since University of Benin was already in Benin Province, Delta Province should have the University since there was the College of Education and all it needed was an upgrade to a university. Alli had other ideas, he wanted to open up his part of Bendal State and bring development there. He had his way. Bendel State University, Ekpoma was born. `Before the university started, Ekpoma and its surrounding were all rural areas. Vehicles scarcely plied the roads Alli constructed. Instead the farmers spread their farm produce on the roads to dry them. They did not need to bother about vehicles because they were non-existent. Today Ekpoma is a city.

    Outside siting of universities, when Ogun State was created, Sagamu looked like the natural state capital, but it went to Abeokuta. Of course President Olusegun Obasanjo was military head of state and he is from Owu-Abeokuta. Ibrahim Babangida was supposed to create Delta State and Anioma State. He chose to create one state, named it Delta State and put the capital in Asaba, a border town in Anioma. His late wife Maryam Babngida is from there. What Former Governor James Ibori did in Oghara and what the current Governor Ifeanyi Okowa is doing in Owa-Alero are fresh and need no repetition. Former Governor Emmanuel Uduaghan is still being mocked by some Itsekiris and even non-Itsekiris for not doing enough in Itsekiri land when he was governor. It is our nature to treat our people specially. Charity begins at home.

    My late brother, Sen. Pius Ewherido will tell you that you cannot be a good Nigerian or Delta man, if you are not a first good Ewhu man or Urhobo man. Had he lived much longer, he had a blueprint to transform Ewhu into a city, without neglecting other parts of Delta State. For instance, I knew he had a plan in place to tackle the erosion problem in Agbor. When he became a senator, the reconstruction of Ewhu-Edjekota Road was among the first few projects he attracted to Delta Central Senatorial District.

    That is why I am amazed at the personal attacks and controversy over the siting of the federal polytechnic in Orogun, where the Deputy President of the Senate and governorship candidate of the APC comes from, HE Ovie Omo-Agege, hails from. We have been hearing of the federal polytechnic to be located in Delta State for a long while now. It is indisputable that Omo-Agege sponsored the bill, got it passed and got it assented to by President Muhammadu Buhari. Go and ask or read about the rigours involved in the process of passing a bill into law. After all these hard work, the man influenced it to his town, you are condemning him. There is an English word called EMPATHY, which means putting yourself in other person’s position. It gives you a broader view of life instead of your myopic perspective. Now put yourself in Omo-Agege’s position; where will you influence the polytechnic to be sited in? I would have fought my late brother, Sen. Ewherido, if he did not site such a project in Ewhu. Ewhu has the land and other necessary requirements to host the polytechnic. If I feel this way, why should I grudge Omo-Agege for influencing the polytechnic to Orogun?

    If I may ask, if not Orogun, where? If not Omo-Agege, who championed the signing of the polytechnic bill into law, who? If not now that he is the deputy president of the senate and is vying to the next governor of Delta State, when? Obasanjo, Ambrose Alli, Ogbemudia, Ibori and Okowa did it, what is wrong in bringing development and changing the lives of people in your community? Are they not part of Delta and Nigeria? Though in Oghara, patronage of the teaching hospital is for all Nigerians, Dennis Osadebay University has many Urhobos as lecturers. In fact, Prof. Ben Oghojafor, an Urhobo man is the vice chancellor. Same way, the Federal Polytechnic, Orogun, is for all Nigerians; students, lecturers and non-teaching staff from other parts of Delta and Nigeria will benefit from it. Let us leave trivialities and face more germane issues.

    When you govern or represent a big entity, you have to work hard to touch all areas. You will need their votes during elections, but remember on election day, you are restricted to your town or village. This is significant. You need to win your polling unit, ward, village, constituency, senatorial district and state as the case may be. Without these, what kind of politician are you? All politics is local. I do not have issues of endearing yourself to your immediate constituency by attracting projects there. At the end of the day, there will be resources to enable government touch lives in all parts of the state if the resources are well managed.

  • My thoughts on japa – By Francis Ewherido

    My thoughts on japa – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    By now the word Japa needs no explanation. Nigerians are leaving our shores in droves for other African countries, Europe and America. The medical profession is hit below the belt. Thousands of our best doctors and other medical personnel have left the country for greener pastures in other countries, including the Middle East. It is not only the teaching hospitals and big hospitals that are hit, clinics are not left out. A friend, who had gone on semi-retirement, is back fully at his clinic. More than half of his doctors have gone abroad. He has the option of continuing his semi-retirement and watch over three decades of hard work fade away or come out of retirement and keep his clinic alive. He chose the latter. If you go to any hospital in the UK, at least one of the medical personnel, who will attend to you, is a Nigerian. Igbo, Yoruba and Pidgin English are widely spoken because of the large number of medical personnel working there.

    The financial industry is also terribly affected. A friend spent four hours in the bank last week because the system was down and the staff who used to fix the problem have all relocated. Those of us in the insurance sector are also affected by the brain drain. Other sectors that require technical skills have been affected. The immediate impact is devastating. Many years were spent to train and groom these professionals. We are losing them in a twinkle of an eye. It will take a long time to train new people to replace them. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that those we are training now will not also japa after being trained. The only solution to stem the brain drain is to fix our country and make it liveable and citizens-friendly. That is largely why the 2023 election is everybody’s business. More than half of the Nigerians I meet in the UK and the US want to come back home permanently or regularly. The major culprits scaring them away are insecurity and poor infrastructure, especially unstable power supply and bad roads. It is not rocket science to fix Nigeria. Lack of the ease of doing business and the prevailing corruption are two other major problems. No society is free of corruption, but corruption has crippled Nigeria, and at its present rate, the prospects are very bleak.

    If we fix our nation, the brain drain would yield one major advantage despite its many disadvantages. Nigeria can benefit from the return of many of these Nigerians in diaspora if they come back home with their expertise. I spent three months in India for medical reasons about 10 years ago. Some of the doctors who attended to me were returnees from the UK. One was still in the UK and travels between India and the UK to perform surgeries.

    It is every one’s right to live wherever s/he wants to live in this global village called the world. But I believe that it should be a matter of choice, not out of compulsion to escape from insecurity and economic hardship as is currently the case. But let me quickly add that some of the japa are borne out of me-tooism (herd mentality), peer pressure and ignorance. Deciding where you want to live or relocate to should start with a journey of self-discovery. You must know who you are, thoroughly investigate and understand the place you want to move to and if you can thrive in that environment. That done, you will know what will work for you, where and how. Many Nigerians in the US and the UK have no business remaining there. They are stuck, but home does not offer an attractive alternative to them. I have met some in the UK and the US. A cab driver I met in Chicago lamented that he was doing very well before the wife pressured him to relocate to America. But there are many Nigerians also doing very well.

    I first thought of relocating to the UK in the nineties without a well thought out plan of what I wanted to do, besides becoming a chartered insurance practitioner. I did not think about how I was going to survive, where to stay and many other critical factors. Then I got married, and before I knew it, two children came in quick succession. Relocation got complicated and I jettisoned the idea. I studied here and became a chartered insurance practitioner.

    I have since realised that I cannot live abroad. I struggle with the food, weather, culture, etc. I am fully settled with all the challenges of living in Nigeria. I will continue to travel, but my home remains Nigeria. My children will make their own decisions. I have had one on one discussions with them, pointing out their strengths and weaknesses. People who want to Japa must have an idea of what they want, plan, get expert advice, understand the country to which they are going and have enough money to survive before they stabilise. True, it is easier to get a job in the UK and US as long as you are not picky, but the system has inherent ways of making you take what is available, not what you want to do. You have to put aside your certificates, qualifications and pride at the beginning. Europe and America are levellers. Also, go through legal channels. Travelling via the Libyan route is madness and foolishness put together. Get the right visa. Desperation is not a good reason to Japa. Not everyone is meant to Japa or live abroad. Get that into your skull.

    AFTER THE FLOOD, WHAT NEXT?

    The annual flooding in many parts of the south reached an epidemic proportion this year. That is not the first time it is happening. Many are homeless and in IDP camps, including my village, Egwhu-Urhobo. The remains of dead people have been flushed into the open from cemeteries in Bayelsa. My father’s house, where he was buried, was spared because it is on high ground, but my late brother’s house was not spared. Meanwhile, some state governments and local governments are busy politicking. Some are just waking up from their slumber. The federal government’s reaction is also not swift and good enough, in my estimation.

    But my real question is: “after this year, what next?” Wait for another flood next year? Absolutely not! We were initially told that the opening of a dam in Cameroun causes the annual flooding in Nigeria, but government officials said that is not the case. So what causes the annual flooding that has claimed over 600 lives this year alone? What are the solutions? The major oil producing states of Delta, Rivers and Bayelsa are badly affected. States like Anambra and Kogi are also badly affected. We cannot continue like this. Incidentally, the tenure of the current government terminates on May 29, 2023. We need the presidential candidates of all the parties to come out and tell us how they intend to stop the annual flooding. Any candidate without a concrete plan does not deserve the votes of voters from the affected states and all Nigerians for that matter.

  • Rape: Osevweremare (Old people’s fashion)

    Rape: Osevweremare (Old people’s fashion)

    By Francis Ewherido

    Most adult Urhobo men and women have an odova (nickname, alias or AKA). My granny’s odova was osevweremare (old people’s fashion). If you call her osevweremare, she would respond, “obijuweni, wo kwepharokufia (if you find it unappealing or distasteful, look the other way). In other words, you are not under compulsion to look or admire.

    My attention was drawn to a headline on GWG online news platform, “MURIC Wants NASS to Criminalise Indecent Dressing, Says Ladies Provoke Rape.” The story led to today’s article. The Muslim Rights Concern (MURIC), appealed to the National Assembly (NASS) to enact a law that would criminalise indecent dressing. MURIC is correct. Indecent dressing encourages rape. If you see an indecently-dressed girl pass in front of men, especially youngsters, watch their faces and actions. Most times, they mentally rape the girl. Some boys will salivate while others grab their crotches. Indecent dressing certainly provokes men, because unlike women who are mostly audio (influenced mainly by what they hear), men are mainly visual; they react more to what they see. 

    I have thought in my mind, why they don’t ban indecent dressing by women. Minus the hijab, I felt all women should dress like Muslim women free – flowing clothes with their bodies well covered. The level of obscenity in campuses, hotels, shopping malls and other public places is terrible. It has crept into the church. One of my former parish priests changed the design of the first pews on all the rows in my parish. The front where you have the kneelers and where worshipers rest their arms while kneeling down were covered. Apparently, some women deliberately or accidentally expose their legs and undies while sitting down thereby distracting those on the altar. Also, Islam is not spared of obscenity. When I see some Muslim women, I just shake my head and laugh. They put on hijab alright, but there is nothing decent about the trousers and skirts they put on. They are just as provocative. Some wear hijab that fall on their bosom somehow. Their breasts are covered alright, but the shape and size are obvious. 

    But is the dressing of women the main cause of rape? I do not think so. There was a time in South Africa when infants were regularly raped (I do not know a better word to call it).  Children in Nigeria also get raped and sexually abused. What is provocative about children’s dressing to push a man to raping children? In an NGO I belong to, a woman came to report her husband. She said the husband was abusing their two daughters and two sons. She said she noticed semen in between their laps and bums while giving them their bath on a few occasions. I was in shock. I told the woman that it is either she is mad to tell such a heinous lie to get back at her husband or her husband is a mad man to abuse his own children. We never got to the bottom of the case due to obstacles.

    In the mosque, we have also read stories of their clerics who sexually abused female members and minors. Remember these women wear hijab. Catholic nuns are always decently dressed, but some have also been raped and sexually abused. There have also been cases of sexual abuse and rape of female members in many churches across denominations. Many of these members were decently dressed. So indecent dressing is not solely responsible for rape.

    Nigeria is a secular state, so no legislation on indecent dressing will see the light of day. It is unconstitutional. In Iran, which is a Muslim country, there were riots against wearing of hijab, so you can imagine the magnitude of the turmoil such a law on indecent dressing will cause in Nigeria beyond the unconstitutionality. But even in states like Kano and Jigawa, where Hisbah enforce the rule of Islamic dress code, what is the level of morality compared to other states? Should morality be forced or voluntary? Over 60 women were arrested in just one town in Jigawa a few days ago for possession and consumption of alcohol, etc.

    You see, we are a nation that is Lilliputian in spirituality and tall on religiosity. The government officials plundering Nigeria, are they atheist? The mechanics who remove your new motor parts and replace them old parts, are they atheists? Are all the customs and police officers atheists? The people who constructed the pipeline from which they have stolen crude oil worth billions of dollars, are they atheists. I was at Ladipo Market to buy a part. Later I found out they stole two items where I parked the car and paid N1,000 for parking. The thief might be one of those who gather at noon to do midday fellowship. The practice of Christianity and Islam by most Nigerians is hollow rituals.

    While I totally agree that indecent dressing in public places has reached epidemic level, I feel we have more important issues to take care of than passing unenforceable laws. As I am writing, government-owned university-students have been home for eight months, there is poverty in the land, there is insecurity everywhere, the level of unemployment is high, we have infrastructural decay and deficit, we need more good roads, many parts of Nigeria are currently submerged; I can go on and on. Please let us get our priorities right.

    As for the men who give excuses of indecent dressing by woman for rape, go back to my grandmother’s odova, Osevweremare. Do not give excuses, you are not under obligation to look. Moreover, for Christians, you know Joseph’s encounter with Potiphar’s wife in the bible ( it is also in Qaran). When Potiphar’s wife insisted that Joseph must have sex with her, he fled half naked with torn clothes. Had he succumbed, he would probably have been caught and executed instead of the position of prime minister he rose to. Do not try to overcome temptation, FLEE before you get to the point of no return. Remember that when a man gets an erection his brain shuts down and it goes on recess. Every man who can still muster an erection is vulnerable. There are people rotting in jail due to rape and child abuse. It is not worth it. Men should just learn self-control or dick control, as some choose to call it. While I abhor indecent dressing in public places, enforcement of the laws on rape is what we need. Do not blame victims of rape, blame the rapists.

  • INTERVIEW: Omo-Agege will bring the much-needed transformation in Delta – Ewherido

    INTERVIEW: Omo-Agege will bring the much-needed transformation in Delta – Ewherido

    Mr Francis Ewherido, a foundation member of the All Progressive Congress (APC) in Delta State has said the gubernatorial candidate of the party in the State, Senator Ovie Omo-Agege will bring the much-needed transformation in the State if elected into office in the 2023 elections.

    In this interview, Mr Ewherido, who is a writer and insurance broker, and who tells you he is a professional who just found himself in politics courtesy of his late brother, Sen. Akpor Pius Ewherido, averred that the Deputy Senate President will make a good governor.

    Ewherido, who spoke extensively on the 2023 elections, the issues that led to the Ewheridos piping low on politics and their eventual return, argued that Senator Omo-Agege is good product and therefore is easy to market for the governorship position.

    He stated that this is especially so, stressing that the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) in the State has not made any meaningful impact to positively affect the lives of the people of Delta in the last 16 years.

    Read full interview below:

    Q: YOU WERE ACTIVE IN 2015, BUT HAVE BEEN QUIET THEREAFTER

    You are correct. My brother Emma and I were involved more than you know 2015. The APC lost the governorship election in Delta, but won at the centre. Like other states the leadership of APC in Delta State took their turn to congratulate the President-Elect then, Muhammadu Buhari, at Aguda House in Abuja. The venue was not yet full when we got there. The front roll was fully occupied, but there were empty seats in other rolls. Emma sat on the front roll. Then more people came in. One of them was a former member of the House of Representatives, who crossed over from PDP to APC two days earlier. The leader of our delegation told Emma to vacate his seat for the Honourable. Emma refused. The leader started threatening Emma. I was in shock. He later apologised to Emma privately, but of what use when you disgraced him publicly?

    See, my late brother, Sen. Ewherido was founding member of APC nationally and the arrowhead in Delta State. After he died, his loyalists sent Chief Adelabu Bodjor, Hon. Edewor Omonemu, and the late Chief Henry Olori to ask us the way forward and if an Ewherido family member was interested in taking over. We told them we just wanted to be left alone to mourn our brother. They sought our consent and we told them they could go ahead to look for a new leader and financier. Omonenu was detailed to go to Lagos to see a potential new leader and financier.

    Anyway, other unsavoury incidents happened after the Abuja incident and we just felt it was needless hanging around. We decided to concentrate on our individual pursuits. In Urhobo, there is onome (this is mine) and oravware (This is ours). In life, onome should sometimes take precedence over oravware. APC was oravware. 

    In politics, loyalty is a scarce commodity and when you get it, you treasure it. Sen. Ewherido could not have committed such a school boy error of publicly humiliating and telling a hard core loyalist to vacate his seat for a day-old member of the party. The same person for whom Emma was publicly disgraced is back in PDP as we speak. But we are still in APC. Since then, we decided to concentrate on onome until HE Senator Ovie-Omo-Agege became deputy president of the senate. He extended a hand of fellowship to us and that is why we are back on the train.

    Q: IS THAT WHY YOU ARE ROUTING FOR OMO-AGEGE?

    Not necessarily. Any good marketer will tell you the ease of selling a good product. Those from Delta Central back home are in a better position to tell you the impact the PDP-led Delta State Government has made and that of Omo-Agege senator representing us. For me ipsa loquitur (the fact speaks for itself).

    PDP has not clothed itself in glory in the last 16 years, especially. Omo-Agege has shown that he can bring the much needed transformation in Delta State if Deltans vote him in as governor. Look at Rivers and Akwa Ibom States and what they have achieved in the last 16 years. How much revenue did they and Delta State earn within this period? I just feel the problem with Delta State it is lack of good leadership. Omo-Agege will be a good governor. He has proven that with his performance in the senate.

    Q: SO, YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING HIM DUE TO PARTY AFFILIATIONS?

    May be partly because my late brother wanted APC to rule Delta State and provide good and visionary leadership. But I am also supporting him because in my opinion, he is the best candidate. Incidentally, I am supporting other APC candidates in the state because I feel they are the best. For Senate I am supporting Chief Ede Dafinone. The other candidates are eminently qualified, but I have known Dafinone in the financial circle, not just him, but his siblings, for a while. Except for Ede who politics threw into public light, the rest of them are accomplished but live private lives. I had to caution a young friend who said Ede does not have the financial capacity to match his candidate. I told him that beyond his personal accomplishments and wealth, Ede has family wealth that spans over 60 years. You do not compare that with wealth that was created from in 1999. In any case, the election should be issues-based, not who has more money.

    Q: BUT THEY ALSO SAY HE IS NOT A GRASSROOT MAN AND CAN NEITHER SPEAK URHOBO NOR OKPE

    The grassroot base issue is not true. Speaking fluent Urhobo might be true, but I speak Urhobo fluently because my parents taught me. The mistake of the father should not be visited on the son. There are other aspirants in the same boat as Ede Dafinone. They also do not speak Urhobo fluently, but the question is, is speaking Urhobo a criterion for providing effective representation of your people? The business in the senate is conducted in English and Dafinone is very sound there. I would have been worried if he could not speak English very well. My position in no way negates my age old advocacy that we must speak our indigenous languages to our children and stop a vital part of our culture from going into extinct. But we should stop muddling issues and stay focussed.

    Rev. Francis Waive, who represents my constituency in the House of Representatives is another good product that is easily marketable. For me, he is the best representative of my constituency in the green chamber since 1999. Again res ipsa loquitur. (The fact speak for itself). He deserves a second term. There is another candidate who tickles me a lot. He is not from my constituency, but a sound young lawyer. We worked for the same client some time ago. He was the lawyer while I was the insurance consultant. He is very hardworking, diligent and thorough. We must begin to support and vote for our best candidates at all levels. That is one of the surest ways for a better Nigeria. Finally, is my home boy, John Oyibokwifi, aspiring to represent Ughelli South Constituency in the Delta State House of Assembly. I am sentimentally attached to the constituency because apart from my hometown, being part of Ughelli South, my late brother Sen. Ewherido was the first legislator to represent the constituency in the fourth republic – 1999 to 2007. There are three major blocks, Ewhu, Ughievwen, and Olomu in the constituency, not to discountenance my maternal home town, Effuron-Otor. Power has gone round and come back to Ewhu and John is a young, vibrant and intelligent man. He is a new kid on the block, but the cap fits.

    Q: SO YOU BELIEVE IN POWER ROTATION

    Yes, but initially I was opposed to it until Ibori rammed it down our throats in Delta State. Now I see the benefits. The Urhobos used to be terribly hated in Delta State. I remember traveling from Asaba to Lagos around 2001. The venom that came out of one mama from Asaba sent shivers round my body. She hated everything about Urhobos including our delicacies and how we spoke. Now Delta South and Delta North have produced governors. Anger towards Urhobos has eased and the political atmosphere is calmer because every ethnic group thinks it can now produce a governor through power rotation. 

    The initiator and beneficiaries of zoning in Delta State are all in Delta PDP. I thought they should sell and champion power rotation between North and South as a recipe for peace and stability in Nigeria, but that seem not to be the case. I am a firm believer of rotation of power between the north and south. It is the turn of the south and I am resolutely committed to it. Any lover of Nigeria should. National interest should supersede personal interest. I see only Southern candidates contesting to be the next president of Nigeria. I can’t see beyond that. After eight years, power goes back to the north in 2031, thank you.

  • Marriage is practical, not theory – By Francis Ewherido

    Marriage is practical, not theory – By Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    I was at a wedding reception. When it was time for the groom to give a vote of thanks, instead of thanking his guests who left other important activities to celebrate with him and his new wife, he went into a lecture on marriage and self-adulation. Some of us were bemused, but the chairman waited patiently for him to finish before putting him in his place. He told him to shut up: What do you know about marriage? You think it is running from pillar to post to get a reception venue and provide food and drinks for your guests?  We just finished your wedding (Marriage ceremony) and we are now at your reception. You are telling us marriage is not easy and praising yourself for taking the bold step into matrimony. Married life starts hereafter. Have you lived with a pregnant wife and morning sickness? Have you bought diapers? Have you paid children’s school fees? The chairman went on and on.

    Before I continue, let me make it clear that more labourers are needed in the vineyard as far as marriage literature, counselling, etc., are concerned, but your listeners/readers take you more serious if you speak from a lived experience. Marriage is practical. You can read all the books on marriage and acquire theoretical knowledge, but theory only brings maximum benefits when it’s put into practice. Not always though. Just like some spheres of life, there are some highly technical and specialist areas where we have professionals. In all the cases I have seen, the companies’ board of directors filled those highly technical positions that need hands-on skills with people who have industry experience. Even professors in that field are not employed to fill the vacant positions. That does not mean that the professors are not good enough; they might even be more knowledgeable in theory, but the man who gets the job has the practical industry knowledge.

    As has often been said, marriage is a school from where no one graduates. That is why you get your certificate at the commencement of your studies. I have no problem with unmarried people discussing marital issues. After all, some will get married someday. Where I have issues are in these areas: One, the young man above who was about to resume in the school of marriage and wants to teach professors (those who have been in marriage for 20 to 40 years or more). These people they are trying to teach humbly tell you that after 30 years of marriage, they are still learning. Two, someone whose marriage collapsed in two years, is a marriage specialist and is teaching building a sustainable and long lasting marriage. You dropped out of school in primary two, yet you want to teach school leavers. What are the materials you want to use? Some will argue that materials from their failed marriage or materials from the western world devoted to and targeted at a different audience and culture? Okay, I heard you. Three, people who are not married and have never been married, yet teach complex courses on marriage. Of course, I know you have experience from your parents, friends and family members’ marriages. If that is the case, do not speak with biblical finality. Even the bible is no longer the final word to some people because some Christians now question certain portions of the bible. Remember we live in an era of relativism.

    Marriage is not pure science where the laws are universal. In western culture, people of same sex get married and either call each other partners or husband and wife. Do not ask me how they arrive at who is husband and who is wife. I do not know because I have no lived experience there. But from what I read from those whose relationships are public, the person with more social status or money seem to be the husband. I am just hazarding a guess.

    After over 20 years in marriage, I have a trailer load materials on marriage from lived experience, teaching, counselling, lives of others around me and materials I have gotten from other sources. My parents were happily married for 35 years before my father passed on. I saw at close range how they lived their lives happily. There were occasional tension and sulking, but the love and bond were evident. Today, if you tell me to give a talk on parenting, I take it happily because it is a lived experience. I wrote on it extensively in my book, Life Lessons from Mudipapa. I will also gladly talk about marriage 25 years after. That my marriage is some months short of 25 years, will not deter me. But I will not accept to speak on the topic, life in your 60s and 70s. Though I have trailer load of materials, what do I tell a participant if he asks me how old I am? I am not 60 years yet.

    If you also ask me to give a talk on coping with a wife in her post-menopausal age? I will decline because my wife is not there yet. All I know is what I read and what my female friends told me. One told me, “Francis, don’t you know that once you hit menopause, you can have mood swings and be erratic?” I also heard about a couple in their 60s. The man’s friend introduced him to (please let me check the correct spelling) aphrodisiac drugs. He did, got reinvigorated and started punishing his wife with regular sex and leaving her sore. I cannot talk about the whole topic, but I can advise the man that it takes longer for a woman of her age to be aroused and well lubricated before sex. I will also advise him that since the wife does not take aphrodisiac drugs like him, they are no longer on the same wavelength and he should take it easy with her. Finally, I will remind him that sex is at least 30 per cent communication; talk with your wife. I have a lived experience there. Giving talks on any issue you have personal experience on sometimes is more effective. If Dangote wants to give a talk on building and running a multibillion dollar empire, the whole venue will be filled up. But if I were to give such a talk, the hall will be empty. Even I, the speaker, will not show up to listen to the talk. You do not give what you do not have.

    After almost 25 years, the marital institution still scares me. That is why, if you introduce me as a marriage expert, I correct you immediately. I am no expert; I am still working on my marriage. Marriage is a very slippery terrain. When I see newlyweds profess everlasting love for each other, I say, amen, but I also say to myself, “Let me hear the same thing 10 years on, then I will take you serious to some extent. Our “celebrities” get married, profess everlasting love and fidelity. Before three  years (sometimes less), you read about cracks in the marriage, they unfollow each other on Instagram, allegations of infidelity start floating around, then they wash their dirty linen in public. Finally they file for divorce. We have seen 30 years, 40 years and even a 77 year-old-old marriage collapse. For me, marriage remains noble and good, but do not take anything for granted.