TheNewsGuru

Tag: Francis Ewherido

  • Now that Okuama is “free” – By Francis Ewherido

    Now that Okuama is “free” – By Francis Ewherido

    I took interest in what has become Okuama tragedy since March 14, 2024, when the 17 officers and soldiers were killed. I remembered Zaki Biam and Odi. I feared the for worse and the worse came to pass. The military levelled Okuama and sent indigenes scampering in various directions for their lives. As a result of the fact that I am an indigene of Ewhu (Ewu Kingdom) and my media background, I got some information before others. Some friends and people who knew me took interest in the Okuama matter. I am really grateful for the support and inputs you put in to get us to where we are now.

    I got a hint that a few days before the announcement by the Governor of Delta State, Rt. Hon. Sheriff Oborevwori, that the soldiers were going to pull out of Okuama shortly. I had to wait for the official announcement. In the 80s when I started my journalism career, having a scoop (exclusive story) could keep a cub reporter awake for days. I remembered in 1987, I was on my way from an assignment in Victoria Island, Lagos. I was waiting for a bus at Broad Street opposite Bookshop House when fire started on one of the floors. I quickly brought out my pen and jotter. There was no phone then, not to talk of phones with cameras. Only photojournalists had cameras then. I wrote when the fire started, the floor and a few other information. There was really no available official to interview and I needed to get back to Onipetesi, Mangoro, where the office of The Punch Newspaper was then, to file my story. I got to Ikeja and got stuck in a gridlock. With no headway, I headed home to Surulere in the opposite direction. My aunt I was living with had a landline. I wrote my story and called the office to transmit it, but they were not hearing me. After a long try, I gave up. The next day, no newspaper carried the story, if my recollection is true. I narrated my ordeal to immediate boss, Mr. Chris Mammah, who was the assistant news editor then. I was expecting consolation. He laughed aloud and said, “You just missed your first scoop. These days and being out of the news reporting bit, I am no more interested in breaking the news, especially bad news.

    Addressing media men, Gov. Oborevwori said “It is also pertinent to point out that matters of security are better handled with tact, wisdom, and patience; it is not meant to be a subject of daily media…” From what I know, it would have been difficult to get this far if what was going on behind the scene was public knowledge. I read many speculations and uninformed narratives, some in social media platforms I belonged to. My mother taught me to communicate in parables and wise sayings, but we are in an era when the average Nigerian is suspicious of every government action. My efforts failed miserably. After about three altercations, I decided to mind my business. Talk is free, after all. In all, my primary concern was the welfare and wellbeing of our people in Okuama.

    As I wrote two weeks ago “killing of those soldiers is dastardly and unjustifiable, but the army also has no justification for razing and levelling Okuama.” President Bola Tinubu, Governor Sheriff Oborevwori and the army understandably have received a lot of backlash over the destruction of Okuama and the aftermath. The gruesome killing of the soldiers notwithstanding, the reaction of the soldiers left a soured taste in the mouth. From what I know, the Delta State Governor did a lot more than he is getting credit for. I agree that as the chief security officer of the state, one of his primary assignments is the safety of lives and properties of the people of Delta State. But the Nigerian Constitution does not equip state governors to carry out this function properly in a federal system of government. It is an anomaly that the constitution review efforts should rectify.

    Anyway, as the chief security officer of Delta State, Oborevwori was only doing the job he applied for and got, so no thank you. But as an Ewu man, we say that when someone comes back from his own farm, you greet him “doooo,” which means welcome or you have done well. Governor, doooo! But now the real work begins. I know some Okuama people are in a hurry to go back home. That is understandable, but not advisable. Right now Okuama is uninhabitable. Two, one of the reasons some Okuama people gave for kicking against relocating to the IDP camp in Ewu was that Ewu (Otor) people did not treat them well the last time flood sacked Okuama and the people were put in IDP camp in Ewu. The rains are here again and Okuama will likely be flooded. Why relocate and get sacked by flood later in the year?

    This IDP camp is better organised and I reiterate that I have confidence in the chairman, Abraham Ogbodo. I also know some of the other committee members and I have confidence in them. There will be orderliness, equity and justice. I know it is tough when you are uprooted from your abode suddenly, but Okuama people really need to be patient. Four, my interpretation of Gov. Oborevwori’s appeal to Okuama people to return home means they should first of all go to the IDP camp. Okuama is in ruins and it is not advisable for them to go back to Okuama immediately. Okuama needs to be rebuilt and it should not be rebuilt just like that. Okuama has had problem of flooding during the rainy season over the years. Like many riverine communities in Delta State, it is almost at sea or below level and easily gets flooded. This challenge notwithstanding, the new buildings need to be raised to avoid flooding of homes subsequently. If possible the rubble from the destroyed buildings and sand filling should be done. Five, the Delta State Government should spearhead the rebuilding of Okuama. Pipe borne water and other modern infrastructure should be provided. It can sort out itself with the federal government later. Six, Okuama is vulnerable right now. The government should deal with the underlying security issue before the people return. Seven, dealing with the security of the people includes finding a permanent solution to the boundary dispute. The boundary between Okuama and Okoloba should be well demarcated; both communities should be part of the demarcation and they should sign a fresh agreement to respect each other’s right to existence. Indigenes of both communities have intermarried and most of them speak both Urhobo and Ijaw Languages. Trouble makers should allow these simple farmers and fishermen to live in peace. Seven, some Okuama indigenes might suffer post-invasion trauma. Where necessary, the government should send specialists to attend to their mental health.

    Finally, inter-ethnic, intra-ethnic, inter-local government land disputes dot Delta State. The government should avoid another tragedy by settling these boundary disputes. All parties will certainly not be happy, but let fairness, equity, justice and tact reign.

  • University entry age is about nature and nurture – By Francis Ewherido

    University entry age is about nature and nurture – By Francis Ewherido

    I read a story that the “Minister of Education, Prof Tahir Mamman, has released a directive that admission to tertiary institutions should not be given to candidates less than 18 years. Prof Mamman gave the directive while monitoring the 2024 Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) in Bwari, Federal Capital Territory recently.

    The Minister said that “the 18-year-old benchmark is in line with the 6-3-3-4 system of education.  The minimum age of entry into the University is 18, but we have seen students who are 15, 16 years going in for the entrance examination.”

    When I went to school in the 70s and 80s, we spent six years in primary school, five years in secondary school and a minimum of four years in the university, depending on the course we studied. In the 80s, some of my contemporaries entered the university at 16 and graduated at 20 years. The entry age at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, where I studied, was 16 years. It was strictly enforced.

    I remember a girl who entered at 15 years. Record keeping then was manual. It took a while before the school found out. She was expelled. She went back to write JAMB Exam and re-entered the same department. She lost two years. I also know a girl who entered the University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University) at age 15. She was very intelligent, but her parents felt she was too young. They withdrew her and she got admission at 16 in the University of Ibadan where she graduated second class upper. She went on to have a brilliant career and remains the only African to get to the position of vice president in the multinational company where she worked until she retired. She is happily married with children doing great in their various endeavours.

    Like their mother, these children graduated between 20 and 21 years depending on the courses they studied, but they entered the university at 16 to 17. I know some other students who entered the university at age 16-17. Some rose to become CEOs of financial institutions and manufacturing companies. Some set up businesses with billions of naira in turnover.

    My reaction to the minister’s pronouncement is based on my personal experience in the last 40 years (1984 to 2024). First, let me acknowledge my ignorance of the stipulation of 18 years as the minimum age of entry into Nigerian universities based on the 6-3-3-4. I am ignorant of it because it was never implemented. But even with 6-3-3-4, it is still possible to graduate before 22 years. I know many students who graduated at 20 years since the 6-3-3-4 system of education started. They are doing great in their various endeavours, which calls to question if the policy was well thought out ab initio. Some of these graduates who left school at 20 got jobs where older applicants failed. One of such who graduated at 20 got employed by the company where he did youth service because he was too good to be let go. Truth be told, the 6-3-3-4 system never achieved some of its goals. For instance, we were told then that students who drop out of school after junior or secondary school would have been equipped with technical skills to earn a living, but that has not been the case.

    I am not an expert on education or an educationist, but I disagree with the minister on the policy that that students should be 18 years before they are admitted into the university. We don’t have to follow the British system where the minimum age is about 17 or the American educational system where the minimum age is about 18. We do not have a well-developed educational system like theirs and we do not have to follow or copy their system. Empirical evidence has shown that age 16 years is good enough for students to start their university education. Using maturity as the reason for fixing the entry age at 16 years is not convincing. Maturity is a continuous process and most of these children are mature enough to become undergraduates at 16.

    Every human being is a combination of nature and nurture. Nature are innate qualities that we are born with, while nurture are environmental factors that partly shape our habits, traits and personality after birth. The use of age in determining maturity as a criterion for entering the university is subjective whether in America, The United Kingdom or Nigeria. It diminishes the critical role played by nature and nurture. That is why it should not be arbitrarily applied.

    I have taken time to look at the entry requirements for students in public and private universities. The ones I saw said the student must be 16 years at the time of entry (resumption) not even when they wrote the entrance examinations. I am really confused with the minister’s statement. I interact with young undergraduates under 20. Some of them will blow you off with their knowledge and dreams. I had no such clarity of purpose when I graduated at over 22 years. All I knew was that I wanted to practice what I studied. It took me a while to find my purpose, but these young men and women under 20 years already know what they want to do with their lives. Interact with them and you will be amazed.

    One common denominator manifests. They come from homes where the parents were deliberate and intentional in raising their children. They took time to understand them and became great mentors to their children. The parents are rich, middle class or low income earners. They cut across board. The parents understood the importance of education, mentorship and good upbringing of their children and invested their time and resources in them. They wanted omelet and broke eggs. Nurture is very important in raising children just as nature is. No one has won the debate of which is more important and I have no intention of getting involved in it, neither is the debate important in our discussion here.

    In the US and the UK, they waive the age requirements for “geniuses” and specially gifted children. We have read stories of children who got university degrees at 14, Ph.D at 18, multiple degrees before 20 years. Do we have such special arrangements in our education system? Hon. Minister, please do not upset the apple cart. Let things be as they are. Some of the children writing JAMB Exam now are 16 years. Are they going to be denied admission until they turn 18 in a country where we are already dealing with high unemployment, high crime rate, cultism, internet fraud, etc., among youths?

    Hon.  Minister, we know some students who got into the university at 16 and derailed, but their immaturity is more out of nature and nurture, not biological age. The Wisdom of Solomon has nothing to do with age of Methuselah. Four children of a man went through the same secondary school. The principal kept telling the father that “this your son thinks and behaves like an old man (matured beyond his age).” These children were raised in the same home by the same parents. Why didn’t the principal say same of the other three children? Nature was at play here.

    The minister said “Parents should be encouraged not to push their wards too much.” I agree some parents do unbelievable things. A father was caught writing the last JAMB exam for his son and that is not the first time such a thing is happening. That again is a problem of nurture, not the age of the children.  The law should take its course.

    Finally, if this your call was to encourage parents to send their daughters to school and condemn the practice of under aged girls being forced into marriage, you would have had an ally in me. 16 years is mature enough for students to go into the university, Hon Minister.

  • Okuama IDP camp: Right baby steps – By Francis Ewherido

    Okuama IDP camp: Right baby steps – By Francis Ewherido

    The Delta State Governor, Rt. Hon. Sheriff Oborevewori, on Wednesday set up Ewu IDPs Management Committee to cater for the welfare of Okuama indigenes in Ewhu (Ewu), Ughelli South LGA, Delta State. This camp should have been set up before now, but it was hindered by the army’s activities in Okuama.  The accounts of what led to the unfortunate death of the 17 soldiers are varied, but they are firm and uniform that the condemnable act took place in the river, not inside Okuama village. All well-meaning Nigerians agree that the killing of those soldiers is dastardly and unjustifiable, but the army also has no justification for razing and levelling Okuama. In anger management classes, you are taught not to act when aggrieved or angry. The destruction of Okuama is more out of anger and a vengeance mission, than seeking justice for the dead soldiers. 

    I am happy about the setting up of an IDP camp within Ewhu Kingdom. Beyond the army siege on Okuama, I learnt other factors that caused the delay in setting up the IDP camp are getting a suitable location, security of the Okuama people while in the camp, convincing them to come out of hiding, etc. I hope enough trust has been built to enable them come out of the bushes where they are exposed to the elements of the weather, venomous reptiles and dangerous wild animals. More gladdening to me is the appointment of Mr. Abraham Ogbodo as the chairman of the IDP Management committee.  Ogbodo, Dr. Benson Uwheru and my humble self-spearheaded the efforts of Olorogun Moses Taiga, the former President General of Urhobo Progress Union Worldwide, to set up Okugbe Microfinance Bank to assist Urhobo women and youths, especially, to set up small businesses. We surpassed our target and the capital base for an MFB, but all efforts to get an operating licence have so far been fruitless. The project is being hampered by the notorious Nigerian factor. Ogbodo is lead of the Okugbe MFB committee, while I am his vice. He has displayed remarkable transparency to the delight of all subscribers. Those who got tired of waiting have had their subscription money refunded to them. The balance of the money belonging to Urhobo patriots who have vowed to ensure that the project comes to fruition is very safe in the bank.

    In Ogbodo, Okuama people are in safe hands. Ogbodo spent his early days as a teacher in Ewhu. He has no choice but to deliver. We have heard stories of stealing of money and diversion of relief materials meant for the displaced people in other IDP camps, and so I am charging the indigenes of Ewhu in the committee in Ewhu dialect: Avwa vw’osho r’Oghene v’arodovwen r’iniovo r’avwa r’Okuama vwo ruiruo na. Ukuotoroyen, ebruphiyo r‘Oghene kadia k’avwanwhekpen. Avwa di rui’ogbigbiru, erivwin kayor’avwan (Please handle this assignment with fear of God and empathy for your kith and kin of Okuama. At the end the blessings of God will be with you, but if you pilfer the money for the relief materials or divert the materials to personal use, you are committing an abominable act and it goes with grievous consequences). Some other members of committee are either former or current political office holders, so it should know that this is a humanitarian, not a political, assignment. Thank you for being part of the efforts by the Delta State Government to alleviate the pains of Okuama people.

    Going forward, our governor, senator and member in the House of Representatives should continue to engage the Federal Government and the army so that, the army can end the siege to Okuama. An IDP camp is not a home but a temporary arrangement. Okuama people are still within Ewhu Kingdom, but Ewhu town, where the camp is, is upland. Okuama people are riverine people. They are mainly fishermen and farmers. Right now they are like fish out of water. The camp can never look like home to them. They eat mainly fresh seafood and farm produce in Okuama. In the camp, they will probably not get the same food. Even if they are served fish, it’s likely going to be frozen fish, not the fresh fish they are used to. Fresh fish is very expensive in the market, so I do not see much of it being served to them in the camp. But at Okuama, some of them do not have to buy fresh fish. Catching fish is their source of livelihood. From what they catch, they consume some and sell the balance. 

    People from other parts of Nigeria might not understand the importance of fresh fish from the river, especially (I am not sure if my mother has ever eaten catfish from ponds. She has an uncanny way of knowing the difference between catfish (orhueren) from the river and pond). As an Ewhu son, I grew up eating mainly fresh or dried fish. It remains my favourite. I will be fine eating only fish for the rest of my life. I can never be bored of it. 

    The IDP camp is just a stop gap. The army has to leave Okuama as soon as possible. Okuama needs to be rebuilt. The indigenes need to go back to their ancestral home so that they pick up the bits and pieces of their lives together. I urge Governor Oborevwori to facilitate that. He can seek for a refund from the federal government thereafter. Okuama people will seek justice, but through legal means. The judicial inquiry will unravel the circumstances leading to the death of these soldiers. The investigative hearing of the House of Representative Committee on defence is also welcomed. The 17 soldiers deserve justice, so do the Okuama people. To get to the bottom of the matter, among others, we need to know who invited the soldiers to Okuama. What was their mission? It was apparently not a peace mission. I am a marriage counsellor. I have never dealt with a marriage conflict without engaging both spouses individually or collectively. The earlier efforts by the Delta State Government to resolve the land dispute between Okuama and Okoloba had representatives from both communities, but in this case, the soldiers only went to Okuama. There is no record that they also visited Okoloba, why?

    The Urhobos, Ijaws, Itsekiris and Isoko have lived together and intermarried over the years. I am Urhobo, but I also have Isoko roots. My nephews have Ijaw, Itsekiri, and Isoko roots. I have first cousins who are Isoko. Many families in Delta Central and Delta South are like that. The conflicts over land between ethnic groups and within ethnic groups will continue to occur. But the brutality of the killing of the soldiers should be thoroughly investigated. E get as e be. 

    AN ANGEL GOES HOME

    This week Friday, the remains of Mrs. Rosemary Ighokpozi Efevwerha, the mother-in-law of my brother, Emmanuel Ewherido, will be committed to mother earth at Afiesere, Ughelli North LGA, after a funeral Mass at St. Anthony Catholic Church, Ugberikoko, Effurun, Delta State. Mrs Efevwerha was a very sweet soul. She had an uncanny gift of developing a special and personal relationship with everyone. Her smile was infectious. Her death is very painful, but our loss is heaven’s gain. RIP, sweet mummy.

  • The Owaran, Heir Apparent – By Francis Ewherido

    The Owaran, Heir Apparent – By Francis Ewherido

    I am no feminist. I don’t even understand what some of them are talking about. In some of these feminists, all I see is confusion and frustration. I am a realist. I like justice. What is good is good and what is bad cannot be good. I am a man deep in culture, Urhobo/Isoko culture, to be specific, but I am also a freeborn not a slave. So I cannot be a slave to culture. I believe culture is part of life and life is dynamic, so culture cannot be different. Nigeria is a patrilineal society. I am also a Christian. Much of the bible is based on accounts of a patrilineal society. The bible from Genesis is specific: the man is the head of the family and the wife is a helpmate. I believe and accept that. But being a head of the family goes with concomitant responsibilities, but that is not our focus today. Our focus is not even in the relationship between the husband and the wife in the family. I have written a lot on that and I stand by whatever I have written previously. 

    My focus today are the products of the marriage, the children. Because our society is patrilineal, male children have some advantages over their sisters. In many parts of Nigeria in the past, fathers did not send their daughters to school. They felt it is a wasted investment because they would ultimately get married and drop their maiden names for their husbands’ surnames. Unfortunately, in many parts of the country, especially rural areas, some fathers still give out their daughters out in marriage at the first sign of puberty: beginning of menstruation or sprouting out of breasts (It is called kpogh’ivien in Urhobo).

    But generally, things have changed. Many fathers now give the best of education to their daughters. As far as education is concerned women have been essentially liberated. There are still issues, but many of the barriers have been removed for women, who are willing to put in the hard work and reach great heights in various sectors of life. Parents are also becoming wiser in the area of inheritance. They have jettisoned the obnoxious culture of daughters not being entitled to inheritance. They share their properties while still alive or write wills so that their daughters are not short changed after their death.

    We have so far settled two issues: one, the man is the head of the family and two, Nigeria is a patrilineal society. My concern today is, in the absence of the father and mother, who should take charge of the family? For me, the eldest child should, as long as he/she has the capacity. But it is not so in many families. In Urhobo/Isoko land, and by extension many parts of Nigeria, we have the overhyped owaran (heir apparent) phenomenon. These are the areas where I have a problem. One, where the first child is a female, she is bypassed for the first male child in leadership. What is her crime? She is female. I have read many books and literature on leadership qualities. None has possession of a penis as a leadership quality. The penis is for sex (pleasure and procreation) and urination, not a determinant for leadership positions. Corporate Nigeria today is filled with many chief executives who are females. We have bank CEOs, insurance company CEOs, multinational CEOs and so on. Many of them are doing excellently well. So, what is wrong in doing same thing at the family level? Mind you, I know families where the eldest daughters are like mother-figures to their younger siblings and are doing a great job. They glue the bigger family together in love and unity. That does not take away the roles that tradition has reserved for the eldest male children. The point I am making is, do not deny competent females leadership positions based on their gender.

    Two, I do not have any problems if the owaran has the leadership qualities and capacity, though I still have issues with bypassing the eldest child and her only crime is that she is female. But if you prefer your eldest son to lead your family after your demise, you must prepare him for leadership. Groom him. Teach him leadership skills. Some extended families are disorganised today because the very competent eldest daughters were shoved aside and leadership handed over to eldest sons who are ill-prepared and ill-equipped for leadership. Some were spoilt by their parents, instead of being groomed, when they were alive because they are the eldest sons. Once the parents died, the families fell apart. The wealth that the parents worked all their lives to accumulate was squandered in a twinkle of an eye. These guys are incompetent, no-good, lousy bums. They are the nemesis of many families today. All they bring is selfishness, division, incompetence, destruction and liquidation. You see adults introducing themselves as the son of so-so-and-so. You are proud of your father’s name. What value have you added to the brand (name)? You are in your 60s, what have you been doing with your life that still hang on to your father’s name who died long ago to earn recognition and respect? I have serious problems with a system or culture that has no regards for merit and thrusts leadership on such fellows.

    Some people say their preference for male children is because of perpetuating the family name. William Shakespeare, Cadbury, Mercedes Benz, Ford, and many other established brands are actually names of the authors/founders. For some of these great men, their children might still be around, but it is the brands they established not the children that are making these names globally known. To the best of my knowledge, Aliko Dangote has no male child. He only has daughters who have dropped or will drop the Dangote name after marriage, but as long as the business is well run, the Dangote name will endure long after he and all of us are gone. Men, think. Currently, many big businesses are being run by women. They have thousands of people working under them. Yet, your eldest daughters are not good enough to manage your family (children and grandchildren) after you are gone? The truth is, your legacies can keep your name alive after you are gone, just as your children, if not better. 

     I see families of five or more children. All the children are daughters, except the last who is a male. Apparently, the parents were looking for a male child (heir apparent) and got one as the last child. I have no issues with that. The eldest daughters would have graduated from the university when the last son is still in primary school or secondary school. Then he will grow up to boss the eldest sisters who helped to raise him, abi? I am not questioning our culture o! I am just wondering aloud. 

    More laughable are Christians with this perpetuation of family name mentality.  When we depart the earth, we would either be in heaven with God, his angels and saints triumphant, or in hell with all its torments. Wherever you end up, you would not bother with worldly stuff like perpetuation of family name.

     I also find the argument that the daughters would take the wealth to other families laughable. Are your daughters’ children not your grandchildren? They carry your blood and DNA so what differentiates them from the grandchildren through your sons? The matter don trouble me tire. Make I talk before I die in silence.

  • Collapsed marriages: Uwevwi rohwofa beno – By Francis Ewherido

    Collapsed marriages: Uwevwi rohwofa beno – By Francis Ewherido

    Uwevwirohwofabeno in Urhobo, means that it is very difficult to understand the inner workings of another person’s home.  In the last one year, some celebrity and high profile marriages have collapsed. What surprises me is when some outsiders express shock over the crash of these marriages. I am surprised because I wonder what these people know about these marriages. What do you think marriage is? It is beyond what you see or read on social media, public spaces or public displays of affection. The real marriage is mainly what goes on between the couple and what goes on behind closed doors in the homes of the couple. You can never know unless you live with the couple, you are a close family member or friend in whom the couple confide, or they speak out. Sometimes, even their children know only in part. Marriage is a private matter. It is the marriage ceremony (wedding) that is public most times. 

    I chose the word, uwevwirohwofabeno. It is jaw-breaking and many Urhobos and non-Urhobos do not know how to pronounce it, but it is apt. People should stop expressing shock when any marriage collapses. You are not part of the marriage. You do not know what has been going on, so what are you shocked about? The marriage institution is full of mysteries that are difficult to figure out. Every marriage is susceptible to collapse unless you are deliberate in nurturing it and making it work.  Longevity of the marriage is no guarantee that it cannot collapse. A 99 year-old Italian man filed for divorce from his 96-year-old wife of 77 years. Reason: The wife had an affair over 60 years ago, but the man just stumbled on the evidence (letters she wrote to her lover then). Al Gore’s (former US Vice President under Bill Clinton) and his wife, Tipper Gore, separated after 40 years of marriage! In 1998 the 38 years marriage of Frederik Willem de Klerk (last President of apartheid-era South Africa) to his wife, Marike de Klerk, collapsed due to the former’s infidelity.

     Assuming one spouse wakes up one day and says he/she wants out. That automatically means that marriage has collapsed. What do you want the other spouse to do? Only one person cannot keep a marriage going. You need the input of the other spouse no matter how little. I have a whole body of knowledge and materials on marriage, but I will never accept that tag of “marriage expert.” The terrain is too slippery. I just devote myself to learning everyday on how to make my marriage better and getting any new information that I can share on this platform.

    The first article I wrote on this column was published in Saturday Vanguard of November 17, 2013. It was titled, “what does marriage mean to you?” Marriage is not an institution you jump into because others are going into it. If you do, you might jump out the same way you jumped into it. You must have a purpose and set goals before you get into marriage. Purpose and goals among people differ but have yours. For me, marriage is between a man and a woman taking the vows – civil, church, mosque, traditional or recognised set ups. I fully understand that in Africa, when you marry, you marry into a family. But the point is, after the ceremony, how many people will retire into the bedroom with the couple? How many people engage in sex to consummate the marriage? How many people engage in sex to procreate? Only the husband and wife. Any other arrangement is an aberration. These are symbolisms that marriage is a personal matter. That is why there is a saying that too many cooks spoil the broth. Extended family presence notwithstanding, you must know the major difference between interference (intrusion) and intervention (involvement that enhances the marriage) in your marriage. Knowing the difference is critical to the survival of your marriage.

    The challenge that many celebrities and public figures have is that they are on Facebook, X, Instagram, Tiktok, YouTube, etc. They have thousands and millions of followers, subscribers and viewers. Some of these celebrities use their space to focus on their marriages and families. They use these avenues to tell their audience what is going on in their private lives. Inadvertently, they invite outsiders into their private space. Some of these followers and subscribers develop a sense of entitlement to knowing what goes on in their marriages and families. Some of them want to tell the celebrities how to live their lives. To keep their followers and subscribers happy and engaged, some celebrities pander to their wishes. 

    For me, my goals in marriage are to be happy and have peace of mind. I am not interested in pleasing any outsider. What you think about my marriage is outside my control and therefore none of my business. As far as my wife and I are happy, I am fine. The focus of couples should be on how to make their marriages work, not pleasing outsiders. Many people dissipate so much energy in creating a false image of their marriages to the public instead of spending the same energy on improving their marriages. Falsehood endures only but for a while. A make-believe marriage/life is “an open wound. Only truth can heal it.” Fake life means living in misery, self-deceit and delusion which ultimately lead to the collapse of the marriage. You have to be real. There is no need sweeping problems under the carpet in marriage. Deal with them or they will resurrect bigger and more complicated. 

    Marriage is an institution where you pay attention to details. Couples sometimes take each other for granted, but it must not become a habit, unless you are inviting a breakup. In my first article I mentioned earlier, two of the cases were as a result of infidelity, but infidelity is just one of the reasons why marriages break up. We know other common reasons like domestic violence, financial matters, lack of intimacy, unrealistic expectations, differing expectations, impatience, intolerance, lack of communication, and unforgiving spirit. Some spouses have abandoned their marriages because they were just bored. But we also have an absurd case of one woman, who left her marriage because the husband was too gentle and kind. He was not violent or abusive and that was a problem for her. Reasons for breakup of marriages just go on and on.

    A marriage has a life of its own. You must take care of your marriage as you take care of yourself. Feed it, nourish it, groom it, and improve on it. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. How long can your endurance last? Tolerance and patience are essential ingredients of marriage, but they are not unlimited. You will snap one day. Change what is changeable and learn to live with what you cannot change. Love and respect are important and should be mutual. Men cannot stand disrespect, so do women of these days. And how do you live together “till death do you part” with someone you do not love and respect? One spouse will surely be miserable or worse. “Till death do us part” means natural or accidental death, not murder or homicide.

  • “They don’t care about us” – By Francis Ewherido

    “They don’t care about us” – By Francis Ewherido

    Michael Jackson hit song, “they don’t care about us” was what came to my mind as I read the ordeal of Debola Daniel at Kentucky Fried Chicken at the international wing of Murtala Mohammed Airport of all places.

    For those who have not heard, one of the sons of Otunba Gbenga Daniel, the former governor of Ogun State and senator representing Ogun East Senatorial District, Debola Daniel, was denied entry into the KFC Restaurant at the airport because of a policy of “no wheelchair allowed.”

    The manager from afar shouted “no wheelchair allowed.” The issue here is not Debola’s parentage, but the fact that this is a straight case of discrimination against a physically challenged person and a breach of the laws of our land. More annoying is the crudeness with which the discrimination was carried out.

    Taking to his X account, Debola said: “Today, I felt less than human, like a guard dog not allowed into the house. Lonely and isolated. Never has this been more true than it has ever been today when I faced the worst sort of public humiliation that I have ever experienced. To think that this happened at an international brand @kfc @kfcnigeria at an international airport – Murtala Muhammed Airport, Lagos – is unthinkable,”

    The tweet pierced my heart because it reminded me of my own ordeal when I was hospitalised.  I was allocated a bed by the window. It was winter. In no time, I had pneumonia. I was coughing badly. It was the height of Covid-19. I could see concerned looks in the faces of other patients as I coughed. Before long I was diplomatically quarantined. They told me they were moving me from the general ward so that I can have a room to myself. I knew the game, but I was not bothered. I was not supposed to leave the room. One Sunday, the hospital chaplain came to attend to my spiritual needs. When he was done, I escorted him to the door of the room. I did not come out.

    From afar, one nurse of Chinese origin started shouting from across the ward that I was not supposed to leave my room because I was in isolation. I was incensed because her action was borne out of racism, not concern for other patients. I had my facemask on and I was no longer coughing. I wanted to walk up to her and remind her that I caught pneumonia because they placed me by the window bed which exposed me to the winter cold, but I held my peace.

    That is the same nonsense this KFC manager did: Shouting from across to tell the whole world about the challenges of your client, instead of walking up to him. That is unprofessional, rude and stupid. No regards for the feelings of your customer who came to spend his money from which you will be paid your salary.

    Yes, KFC has apologized, but what is that useless and discriminatory policy doing there in the first place? KFC is an international brand. They dare not do that in the US where KFC started from. The liability from the lawsuit will set their insurance company back by millions of dollars.

    On renewal of their insurance policy, after payment of the ensuing claim, the insurance company will bare its fangs in the form of premium rate increase for their foolishness. I am not a fast food person and I scarcely eat out, but I have eaten once at KFC, MM2, Lagos and O’hare International Airport in Chicago, US. I enjoyed both meals but not this story. The apology does not make me feel better either.

    That policy of “no wheelchair allowed” should not be there in the first place? On January 23, 2019, Nigeria’s former President Muhammadu Buhari signed into law “The Discrimination Against Persons With Disabilities (Prohibition) Act 2019.” Consequently Nigerians and other nationals in Nigeria with disabilities are “protected against discrimination and harmful and inhuman treatment, including cruelty, inaccessibility to the public building due to lack of suitable paths to mobility.”

    The provisions of the law is supposed to give people with disability some of their “stolen” dignity and protect them against all forms of discrimination in employment, work places, placement in schools, other public places, etc. People with disabilities are supposed to be made to live normally like others without disabilities. Their disability is not supposed to be a barrier.

    The law is wonderful, but what about the reality. I am not on a wheelchair, but I am very competent to write on this matter. I was in coma for six weeks and four days after five brain surgeries. The lack of physical activities while I was in coma compromised my knees. I had knee surgeries, thereafter, but I managed to salvage only one knee. I still have challenges with the second knee. On even surfaces, I am just fine, but I struggle while walking on uneven surfaces and climbing staircases. I also do not go to climb beyond two floors.

    While in Europe, I had no problems moving around. Every public building was accessible because there was a lift (elevator). At bus stations, the drivers waited for me to settle down before moving. The train stations were also fine and people rushed to assist me twice when I needed help. In public parking lots, reservations were made for the disabled and other vulnerable people.

    Seats were designated for the disabled and other vulnerable groups in buses and trains, although Asians and Africans are messing up this noble tradition. Everywhere, mobility and access were easy. On my way back to Nigeria, I had no issues at the airport in Europe.

    My challenges started once I arrived in Nigeria two years ago. The wheelchair at the Murtala Mohammed Airport was old, rickety and the tires did not align properly. In 2012, when I came back to Nigeria and needed a wheelchair to take me to the ground floor, the lift was non-functional. I was lifted by staff of the airport.

    In 2022, 10 years later, when I came back in a wheelchair the lift was still not functional. I was manually lifted again. Now Debola said he could not access his usual lounge because of a non-functional lift. That was why he went to KFC and faced that denigration. The Minister of Aviation and Aerospace Development, Barr. Festus Keyamo and the Managing Director of FAAN, Mrs. Olubunmi Kuku, are comparatively new in their positions. They inherited these embarrassing situations, but it is something they must look into and solve.

    For a country that cares very little about the disabled, physically challenged and other vulnerable groups, “The Discrimination Against Persons With Disabilities (Prohibition) Act 2019 is an elaborate and wonderful piece of legislation.  But there are some ironies. The national assembly, where the bill was passed is not easily accessible to the physically challenged unless special arrangements are made for the person. I was at the national assembly in 2021, a week before I fell ill.

    The Uber that took me there was directed to park at a dusty park and I walked a long distance, climbing a flight of staircase to get to the national assembly. As I was going, I was saying to myself that this place is not user-friendly to the physically challenged people unless, special arrangement was made for the person. Little did I know that I would be a victim soon. The setting at the national assembly (as at 2021, the last time I went there) goes against the bill they made that Buhari signed into law.

    As for Debola, do not feel “less than human.” I am trying to imagine the thoughts going on in your mind. I first time I heard of your father was the owner a company that installs and maintain lifts. Ironically, the problem your father’s company solves is what caused you this subhuman treatment. The issue at hand is the discrimination against you and I want the discussion to stay that way. But for the sake of all of us who are physically challenged, I urge Sen. Gbenga Daniel and his colleagues in the national assembly to use their influence to ensure that this wonderful piece of legislation they passed is implemented to the letter.

    Nigeria is reported to have over 31 million citizens with one form of disability or the other. That is massive, but the number will increase due accidents, illnesses, aging, etc. Now that the law is there, we must also develop the culture of taking the disabled, aged people, pregnant women and other vulnerable groups into consideration in all that we do. EVERYONE is a potential victim. But it looks like THEY don’t care about us. The big question is who are the “they?”

  • Increasing cases of paternity fraud – By Francis Ewherido

    Increasing cases of paternity fraud – By Francis Ewherido

    In those days, one of our vendors came to see us in the office. From one talk to the other, he released what we considered a bomb: “I don’t go out with single girls. I prefer married women. A married woman will not come to disturb you when she’s pregnant, but these small girls disturb you….” A married female colleague was very upset and asked him, “what if your wife cheats on you?” He was thrown off balance. He didn’t prepare or expect that question. When he regained his composure, he stammered: “well…as long as I don’t find out.” 

    Anyway, the number of paternity fraud cases in Nigeria is increasing.  Nigeria is ranked second worldwide behind Jamaica in paternity fraud. I remembered this encounter and I just wondered if that is one of the reasons for the increasing cases of paternity fraud and our infamous number two ranking. A wicked and reckless wife would engage in extra-marital affair during her unsafe period, get pregnant and pass on the child to the husband as his. The innocent husband who probably had intercourse with his wife around the same period assumes the pregnancy is his and brings up the child. Many of these cases are now being exposed because many Nigerians are relocating abroad and one of the conditions is paternity test to be sure the children are the man’s.

    Now, some women are advocating that men should forgive their wives for misleading them into thinking that the children from their adulterous liaisons are theirs. “It has happened, it has happened.” just like that? As I was writing, the trending story is that former Cameroonian international and Chelsea FC star, Geremi Njitap, has filed for divorce from his wife after 12 years of marriage after DNA test revealed that he is not the biological father of his two children (twins). Their biological father is the former lover of his wife. The twins were born in June 2008, four years prior to their marriage. The marriage was because the wife misled Geremi to believe that the children were his. 

    Emergency relationship advisers and commentators, please come and advise Geremi why he should continue a marriage founded on deceit and accept children whose father is known and also knows the children are his. After raising them as his for almost 16 years, Geremi’s mumu should continue into the children’s adulthood, abi? In future, the biological father will change their surnames and reap where he did not sow. When I insist that marriage is a lived experience, not expression of emotions and sentiments by people who have not been in it, some people do not seem to understand. 

    God created the marriage institution, although man has altered it to suit his personal interest, but marriage remains God’s. When you commit a sin, you can’t get forgiveness by sweeping it under the carpet. You must confess your sins. Whatever your Christian beliefs, sins must be confessed. Of course, our God of mercy and compassion forgives a repentant sinner, but the sinner still suffers the consequences of his sins. God forgave David for committing adultery with Bathsheba, but the consequence was the death of the son from that adulterous liaison. God also told David that the sword would not depart from his house. Subsequently, Absalom killed his half-brother, Amnon, for raping Absalom’s sister, Tamar. Absalom also chased David temporarily away from his throne. That was the sword at work in David’s household as God told him. 

    The consequences of sin in Urhobo culture of old was merciless. Erivwin (nemesis) caught up with adulterous housewife. If she refused to confess, death would visit her children first, one after the other. If she still refused to confess, she would die like her children. I am a Christian. I don’t know how it happens, but it does. I have seen it. Christianity and modernity have diluted the effectiveness of erivwin, but it is still happening. In a recent case, the woman has no children, so erivwin came directly to her. Rather than die, she confessed, naming the men she committed adultery with. K’agiye ke (sacrifices were offered for her before she got well). I repeat, I don’t know how it works, but even as a Christian, I advise married women, make una hands clean. You never know. As Christians, Jesus called sinners to repentance, not to continue living in sin. 

    One of the foundations of marriage is trust. If I cannot trust you in fundamental issues like paternity, the deal is off. Now some women are coming out to advise and condemn men for carrying out DNA test on their children. How can you condemn men when we have the second highest number of paternity fraud in the world? It is becoming very important for children to look more like their fathers. Some families have traits like the shape of the feet, fingers, ears, nose, etc. Any Nigerian man in doubt has a good reason to test the paternity of his supposed children. One woman said sleeping dogs should be allowed to lie. How can sleeping dogs be allowed to lie when they would not only wake up but bark uncontrollably in future? Who be fool?

    In their attempt to justify her obnoxious position, someone came up with the defective argument that “after all, people adopt.” What is the relationship between adoption and deception, besides the fact that both end with “tion?” Adoption means “the action or fact of legally taking another’s child and bringing it up as one’s own. Deception is “the act of causing someone to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid.” Fraud is fraud. Don’t even dare to justify it. We have heard cases of men who raised children they thought were theirs. One day, one irresponsible man, who had no hand in raising the grown man/woman, saunters in and claims to be the biological father. Watch the TV series on paternity fraud and see how men’s lives have been turned upside down. 

    There is a man who fathered three children outside wedlock. The man brought all three children home and the wife is raising them. He was adulterous but transparent. I know some women will say a woman cannot do that because we are in a patrilineal society. Are you just finding out? My father always said that “you cannot prevent a child from growing protruding teeth, but she must grow enough lips to cover them.” If a housewife decides to engage in adultery. She must also be ready for the consequences. 

    Some feminists ask, why does erivwin attack only adulterous women while the men go scot-free? Please ask our ancestors. In Urhoboland, like other parts of Nigeria and Africa, polygamy is practised. How can you pin adultery on a man who has the right to marry more than one wife? You can only do that with men who went to the registry or church to take a vow of fidelity. But some of these men have also gone on to marry more wives, so e hard to pin men down. 

    HAPPY EASTER 

    Christians will commemorate the resurrection of Jesus Christ tomorrow. Happy Easter. As you celebrate, please spare a thought and prayer for innocent Okuama people in Delta State, especially the children and women, who are displaced.

  • Okuama community tragedy – By Francis Ewherido

    Okuama community tragedy – By Francis Ewherido

    Charity must begin at home. I am from Ewhu Kingdom, Delta State. Okuama Community in Ewhu Kingdom has been in the news for the wrong reasons. I commiserate with Nigerian Army and families of the 16 officers and soldiers who lost their lives. I used to join other children to line the streets of Ughelli waving the Nigerian flag in the early 70s to receive top military officers like the late Major General David Ejoor and Brigadier Samuel Ogbemudia. I have always been interested in military affairs. So, the death of these officers and soldiers very saddening.

    I also sympathise with my Okuama people who lost loved ones and properties. Okuama remains inaccessible, so we do not even know the number of dead indigenes and level of destruction. The Nigerian constitution presumes all Nigerians innocent until proven guilty. Okuama indigenes are Nigerians and that benefit of the doubt should be extended to them. The media trials and propaganda are nauseating. The federal and state governments should get to the root of the matter and prosecute the perpetrators, whoever they are. The Delta State government should also resolve this land dispute once and for all. Too many land disputes have lingered in Delta State for too long, some for over 60 years. They are dormant volcanoes. We should avoid more explosions. The state government needs to be fair, just, proactive and decisive in resolving them. We cannot continue to live like this.

    The Inheritors

    My wife and I had a very good laugh recently. We were watching a skit where a young man was asked what he does for a living. He said “I am a next of kin. I inherit properties.” Sadly, that is the reality in some parts of Nigeria in varying degrees. 

    Some inheritors or next of kin to whom properties or other assets are going to be bequeathed to are just waiting for the theirs father, mother or whoever bequeathed the assets to them to die so that they can take over. Some have simply refused to develop themselves. Some are school dropouts, drug addicts, layabouts, and jobless people who perambulate the town from morning till night. They do absolutely nothing. Some are now in their 50s and 60s and are still waiting. If God blesses your father, mother or benefactor with longevity, what can you do about that? Kill him or her so that you can take over? No way. You will go and rot in jail. 

    It is very saddening to see people whose parents got their university degrees 40, 50 or 60 years ago, but are school dropouts and layabouts. They might inherit the properties when the benefactors are gone, but where are the skills, requisite knowledge and training to sustain and protect these assets. Your parents or benefactors created, sustained and protected these assets. If you lack the requisite skills to create, you should at least know how to sustain and protect the assets and wealth you inherited. If not, you will start disposing them off gradually either to keep body and soul together or sustain your addictions: drug addiction, life of debauchery, gambling, etc. Anybody with these addictions who is not earning continuous income usually ends up in the streets hungry and/or homeless. It is just a matter of time. We have many of these cases all around us. There are many inheritors who frittered away their inheritance. 

    But some cultures are most notorious. I consider their inheritance culture very weird. The first son inherits everything. He can decide to give his siblings part of the inheritance or keep everything to himself. One young man relocated from Nigeria many years ago. The father was stupendously rich. I did not see the need because I felt there was enough for everyone. That was until someone told me that everything would go to his eldest brother upon the father’s demise. Since his relationship with his eldest brother was frosty, hanging around became meaningless to him. This culture has refused to evolve. I learnt that the people who should abrogate this unjust and obnoxious culture are the prime beneficiaries. They are in their 20s to 80s and are not interested in abrogating it. “No one presides over his own liquidation,” they would probably say to themselves. So the obnoxious and unjust culture is likely to linger for long. But some fathers who probably were short-changed by their eldest siblings have found a way around it so that thunder does not strike in the same place twice. Some share their assets while they are still alive. Some write iron-cast wills that are difficult to contest in court. To die intestate in such cultures automatically wills everything to the eldest son.

    In many parts of Nigeria, there used to be a culture where the daughters inherited nothing from the parents. It was assumed that since they are now married, they should share whatever their husbands inherited with them. As a result of landmark cases, deliberate acts by some parents and evolution, daughters now get a share of their father’s estate. 

    What is the lesson for the upcoming generation to learn? What is your greatest assets? Assets come in form in the people, buildings, shares, cash, etc. But the greatest of them all are your children or other inheritors. We must learn to invest both time and resources to raise responsible children. If not every other asset you spent time acquiring might pass on to other people when you are gone. One trainer/life coach was talking to his audience in 1994. He told them that “I hope you are aware that there is no more land in Ikoyi.” He paused to allow it sink in. “But some of you will become landlords in Ikoyi because the owners or their children will sell to their houses to you.” Thirty years later, it has and it is still coming to pass big time. Children of farmers, teachers, civil servants and nobodies 30 years ago have become landlords in Ikoyi. This does not apply to Ikoyi only. If you go to the older parts of Lagos like Surulere and Yaba, you will be shocked at the speed with which the old houses are giving way to new houses. Who are the people rebuilding on these spaces? A few are the inheritors who are upgrading what they inherited, but majority are new owners. In all fairness, some of the inheritors simply sold their inheritance and relocated to the US, Europe and of recent, Canada and Australia. But those not equipped for life after their parents’ departure are in various state of “disrepair.”

    But I also know some rich people in the 70s, 80s and 90s who knew that their greatest assets are their children. They invested time and resources in them. Like their fathers, some remain big players in corporate Nigeria and other aspects of life. They have taken what they inherited from their fathers to heights their fathers could not have imagined. There is nothing wrong with acquisition of physical assets, but your greatest assets are your children and family. Prioritise and invest money, time and energy in them.

  • Major gestures I took for granted – By Francis Ewherido

    Major gestures I took for granted – By Francis Ewherido

    During my university days, I became friends with some fellow students. Some of these friendships graduated to brotherhood.  In fact, my mum called me one day and said, “Emma and Deno are no longer your friends; they are your brothers. Misunderstanding can arise between brothers, but do not allow anything to separate you.” Deno housed me in the late 80s for about 10 months after I came back to Lagos before I got my own accommodation. He and Christy, his wife, were already dating before I went to stay with him. Of course, after marriage, my visits continued. Without GSM then, you were never sure the person you were visiting would be home. If he was not home, I stayed with Christy until he came back. She would prepare ukodo for me (pepper soup and plantain/yam). We stayed until Deno came back. After GSM came, I would call Deno and tell him I was coming on a certain date and time to drop documents. He would simply tell me that, “I nor go dey house, but Christy dey.” “Ok, just tell am to prepare my ukodo.” I would go, drop or pick the documents, eat my ukodo, gist for some time and leave.

    Like Deno, I met Emma 40 years ago. We relocated to Lagos after we left the university. When Emma met Ezinne, I was among the first persons he told. I was involved throughout the courtship and eventual marriage. Incidentally, Emma and I got married two weeks apart. We were also neighbours. Without GSM, we visited each other without notice. Till date, Emma pops in without notice. Ezinne is like my younger sister, so I can go to their house and “harass” her in my usual style. Emma does not need to be home. When I returned to Nigeria in 2022, after being away for nine months due to ill-health, it took her time before she came to see me. I adapted one Lenten hymn for her: “Ezinne, what have I done to you? How have I offended you, answer me?” She gave me her trademark laughter and apologised, attributing her action to work pressure. All the women named here have become big sisters to my wife. Only Ezinne is her age mate and she calls Ezinne, “senior house girl.” Find out from her how that came about, if you are curious.

    Ese and I met during registration of new students at the University of Nigeria. Once we knew we were Urhobos from Bendel State, the friendship started. Ese had been living in Lagos with the elder sister. After NYSC we reunited in Lagos. Somewhere he introduced me to his fiancée, Agatha. There was no GSM at the time Ese got married, so I rode my luck a few times to visit. On two occasions, I met only Agatha, but it was not an issue. When Agatha was a branch manager at the bank near my office, I visited her a few times either alone or with my wife.

    I met Holy Mary, as I call her, in 1986. She came for the priestly ordination of my eldest brother, now Bishop Anthony Ovayero Ewherido, with her mother. My brother mandated me to take care of them, which I did to Mary’s satisfaction. That was the beginning of our friendship. When I relocated to Lagos after my NYSC, I met Jim, her fiancé. She left Jim in no doubt that I was special to her and Jim also treated me specially. After their marriage, I visited them without prior notice because there was no GSM. They spend more time in Awka now, but when she calls, that is at least one hour talk. Thereafter, I will speak with Jim. He is also an Arsenal fan and we’ll do our own talk.

    Beatrice and I met in 1990, when we were working in Victoria Island. She is Isoko and we became very close due to my Isoko links. We spoke mainly Isoko. She loved my Ozoro accent. When I came back after my health ordeal, Beatrice came to see me. Once she stepped in, she hugged my wife, dropped her bag, stood over me: “Me n’uzo na” (let me see the head) and started running her hand through my head, examining the scars and the contours. I smiled and said to myself, “omote r’Adaghara (Adaghara’s daughter)! Only someone like Beatrice can do this and in front of my wife for that matter.” As far as my wife was concerned, it’s a brother and sister affair.

    Oga Chris was my former boss, I went to his house for the first time in 1999. He introduced me to his wife, “meet your brother.” She is a Deltan. My bond with Oga Chris soon extended to her and later, my wife. When we were away for those nine months, his wife was among the friends who came to check on our children.

    I made more friends, more like big brothers, later. I would call Olorogun and tell him that I am coming over the weekend to collect items. He would simply say, “I am leaving Lagos for Ovwodokpokpor (Delta State) on Thursday. Meet Nuvie (His wife).” On Saturday, I would go there. The wife treated me specially the way her husband did, so I couldn’t just collect the items and leave. If Arsenal was playing, she switched to the football channel. Now this was the problem. Olorogun has security men at the gate, but he lives alone in the main house with his wife. I didn’t want the security guards to wonder why I was spending so much time alone with madam when oga was not in town. For the sake of the security men, I always went with my wife or one of my children. Chief Simeon is another big brother. I call the wife big sis. I am home with the wife, whether or not he is home. I would call another big bros, “Presido, you dey house? I dey your neighbourhood.” He would “order” me, “Go house go wait for me, madam dey house. I go dey house in 30 minutes.” There are a few more of these special relationships.

    I grew accustomed to this trust until I had a shocker.  I told a young couple I would come to visit them. I have known the wife for a long time as a spinster, but the husband only recently. As a rule, I want to know and possibly be also close to husbands of married women who are my friends, just as my female friends have to know my wife. I told them the time and kept to it. The husband went out and was caught up in the notorious Lagos traffic. I decided to wait for him. All of a sudden, I heard a bang on the door and someone frantically trying to open the protector. Then he stormed in sweating profusely. I had thought he was rushing because he kept an older person waiting. Then he saw my wife. His demeanour changed: he was apparently embarrassed and deflated because he thought I was home alone with his wife. I was soooo pissed off.

    Then I remembered my friends who trusted me when I was alone with their wives. I have been taking their trust for granted. I dedicate today’s article to Deno Bayagbon, Emma Esinnah, Ese Omosivwe, Chief Jim Ogugua, Dan Aghwadoma (Beatrice’s husband), Oga Chris, Olorogun Jacob Diedjomahor, Chief Simeon Ohwofa, Prince Austin Enajemo-Isire and a few others. Your trust has a new meaning to me.

  • “Women sef” – By Francis Ewherido

    “Women sef” – By Francis Ewherido

    Yesterday was International Women’s Day. I always like celebrating this day on this column. The theme for this year was “Invest in women: Accelerate progress.” How do we invest in women? For me, it starts from the home and from cradle, more like catch them young. The first 10 years of a child’s life are the most important as far as molding her is concerned. I have said that many times. That is when they are most pliable and parents can lay a solid foundation, instilling in the girl child, in this instance, the right values. As Proverbs 22:6 says, train the girl child in the way she should go and when she grows up, she would not depart from it. That does not mean that these girls would be perfect children. That is impossible because even the parents bringing them up are not perfect parents.

    Proverbs 22:15 also says that “Children just naturally do silly, careless things…” A well brought up girl can also lapse into stupidity. A teenage pregnancy can occur, but that does not change the fact that well brought up children generally turn out to be very responsible. It is like a dog on a long tether. It might wander far from the owner, but somehow, God, like the owner of the dog, brings her back because God know im children. I started observing families at an early age for reasons I cannot explain, and I have observed this trend for almost 50 years. I see the products from these good homes. They are not perfect, but they are not the typical Nigerians in a public space. They are different.

    The beauty of a solid foundation is that when these young girls grow up, many of them get married and it is these values they pass on to their children. Even women from good homes who end up as single mothers for many reasons, including widowhood and divorce, also bring up responsible children if they are deliberate and focused in parenting. It is innate

    The family is a microcosm of the larger society and families make up the society. You can gauge the health of the larger society from the health of the family units. Women are very critical in building healthy families and therefore healthy societies. I have cited some families here before. In one case, the husband was out there working very hard to provide for his family, while the wife was a full time housewife. They have eight children and they were deliberate in parenting their eight children. The children are all grown now. It is a great family: a Ph.D holder, a medical doctor, bankers, engineers and other reputable professionals. There is no black sheep among the children. They are all doing great. I look at them with great admiration. The father did a great job by providing adequately for the family and enforcing discipline when he was around. He lived by example. But you have to give it to the wife. She was there 24/7, making sure school homework was done and taking care of other things on the home front effectively.

    There are other great families with well raised children. In virtually all the cases, the men worked hard/sacrificed and provided for the family, while the wives took care of the home front. Some of the women combined taking care of the home front and earning income to support their husbands. They combined both tasks with remarkable dexterity. I do not take the role of these great women lightly. I have seen children come to harm because their mothers’ negligence. Every woman who decides to bring a child into this world should also decide to bring out the best in the child. Everyone blames the government. Did armed robbers, kidnappers, prostitutes and other society deviants’ fall from the sky? They are from homes, of course. Everyone should contribute in creating a better society. Happy International Women’s Day to the womenfolk.

    Mother’s Day

    Unlike International Women’s Day which is celebrated the same day all over the world, Mother’s Day is orishirishi. Yesterday was also Mother’s Day in Bosnia and Herzegovina, Albania and Bulgaria. Armenia celebrated their own Mother’s Day on February 7; Australia, Austria, Belgium, Bangladesh, Brazil, Burkina Faso, Burma, the Bahamas, Chile, Canada, China Columbia, Croatia, Ghana, Germany, USA and other countries will celebrate Mother’s Day on May 12; May 28 for Algeria; Benin Republic, Cameroon, Congo and Ivory Coast, Gabon, and France, May 26 and Argentina, October 20. The Mother’s Day date just changes from country to country.

    In Nigeria, there is no agreed date for Mother’s Day celebration. Anglicans, some Pentecostal churches and other Nigerians with family links in the UK will celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow, Catholics might celebrate theirs on April 14. Mother’s Day will also be celebrated on May 12 by those with family ties in the US, Canada and Australia. Wetin, Nigerian women, na only una come? Earlier in the week, I read a story and I exclaimed, “Women sef.” My wife challenged me: “How are you sure she did not do it with the consent of the husband?” I apologized and withdrew my statement. But today, I am forced to exclaim again, “women sef! Can’t you people just sit down and agree on one day to celebrate Mother’s Day?” But even as I exclaim, I know it would not happen. National pride will determine when some countries celebrate Mother’s Day. Church tradition will always determine when Catholic and Anglican mothers celebrate Mother’s Day. Daddy GOs or Mummy GOs will determine when Mother’s Day will be celebrated by some Pentecostal Churches. I won’t devote another article to celebrate women on Mother’s Day, so Happy Mother’s Day whenever you celebrate(d) yours.

    Father’s Day is June 16, 2024, worldwide. I hope we have only one Father’s Day, especially in Nigeria. If countries and denominations have also chosen different days for celebration of Father’s Day, fathers don strip me naked publicly be that. In that case, I would, for the second time, I will apologise and withdraw my exclamation, “women sef.”

    Conclusion of computer village trips

    I went back to Computer Village to fix my laptop on Monday.  Two Mondays ago, I could not fix both laptop and phone. I am using my insurance sense. In insurance, we have ways of compensating clients who suffer losses. The first option is to repair, which I am applying. Where repair is not feasible or business-wise, we move to replacement for all non-life insurance. Most times, though, insurers opt for cash compensation. In life insurance and liability insurance involving death or bodily injury, it is cash compensation all the way. You can’t repair or replace a severed limb or dead breadwinner. How much is a limb and where’s the market where they are sold? You simply pay the agreed sum assured and close the matter.

    I actually typed the draft of today’s article on my phone when my laptop was faulty. Don’t ask me why I did not borrow my wife’s or children’s laptops. I just love my longtime companion, my HP. Thank God, my laptop is back.