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Tag: Francis Ewherido

  • Bring prostate matters out of the closet – By Francis Ewherido

    Bring prostate matters out of the closet – By Francis Ewherido

    I have been asked if I am not sharing too much information about my personal health on this column. For a private person who was very shy while growing up, I feel the same way sometimes. But I also feel that there must be guinea pigs for the world to make progress. Moreover, abroad, there are people who have donated various parts of their bodies to be harvested when they die either for research purposes or to keep others alive, so, what is the big deal? 

    Today, I want us to look at prostate challenges: prostatitis and enlarged prostate (benign or malignant). The prostate is a part of the male reproductive system, which includes the penis, seminal vesicles, and testicles. The prostate is located just below the bladder and in front of the rectum. It is about the size of a walnut and surrounds the urethra (the tube that empties urine from the bladder). 

    The first, prostatitis is an inflammation of the prostate gland that may result from bacterial infections or other sources. The second, benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), means that the prostate is enlarged but not cancerous. BPH is not linked to cancer and does not increase your risk of getting prostate cancer. The problem and what causes anxiety among men is that the symptoms of BPH and prostate cancer are largely similar! Moreover, BPH can give enough discomfort to make life miserable for a man. The symptoms include: need to urinate frequently, especially at night; difficulty starting urination or holding back urine, weak or interrupted flow of urine, painful or burning urination, difficulty in having an erection, painful ejaculation, blood in urine or semen, frequent pain or stiffness in the lower back, hips, or upper thighs. The others symptoms are commonly manifested in prostatitis, but the last two symptoms are especially scary and may need immediate medical attention. The last is the dreaded prostate cancer. Some people in their 50s or more have lost friends, acquaintances or relatives to prostate cancer. The only good news is that prostate cancer, like many other cancers, can be treated or managed if it is detected early. But once it spreads, there is trouble. It also easily aggravates the health conditions of people with underlying ailments.

    That is why it is very important for us to be open with prostate challenges. Let us bring everything out of the closet. An ailment (prostate cancer) that kills thousands of men worldwide every year should not be a hush-hush matter. Researchers say black men are among the group prone to prostate inflammation, prostate enlargement and prostate cancer. These are clear and present dangers that men above 40 face and we should feel free to discuss and share knowledge if not publicly, then with our personal physician, close and trustworthy friends and families.  These days I talk with my close friends and family freely and regularly. Why not? I do not want to lose a dear one to death that is avoidable. If some of those people who died as a result of prostate cancer were more open, they would probably be alive today. According to a report, an estimated 14,334 deaths in the year 2020 were as a result of prostate cancer (GLOBOCAN, 2021). Additionally, Nigeria had the highest number of deaths from prostate cancer (among men 0-84 years) with 8,382 (58.5%) deaths out of 14,334. The American Cancer Society’s estimates for prostate cancer in the United States for 2023 are: About 288,300 new cases and about 34,700 deaths from prostate cancer. It is the second cancer killer of men in the US with lung cancer coming first.

    I heard quite early that once a man turns 40, he should check his prostate regularly because that is when the enlargement starts. I took interest immediately. I did because my mother taught me early in life that “the stick you see must not accidentally pierce your eyes.” I started doing annual prostate check-up in my 40s by alternating between PSA and physical examination annually. As I grew older, I started doing PSA and physical examination annually. Now I do them at least twice a year. I do not particularly like the physical examination (scan), but when I remember how many men prostate cancer has consumed, I put my hesitation aside. I have lost close friends and acquaintances. Consequently, I do checks more frequently. I do so because I have come to find out that prostate cancer can grow or spread rapidly. That is what led to the death of some people. The key to overcoming prostate cancer is early detection. If detected early, medical personnel localise it and deal with it. 

    Sometimes the affected person needs to be brutal. Two men had prostate cancer. Both were told that the solution was the chopping off of their testicles. That of course meant they could not father a child anymore. In addition, removal of both testicles can also lead to the lack of testosterone, low sexual desire and erectile dysfunction. The good news is being alive and free from prostate cancer. Anyway, the first man said he was already done with childbearing and allowed his balls to be chopped off. He is very much alive and cancer-free today. The second man, a high chief, took a look at his harem: “what will happen to them,” he wondered. He dilly-dallied. Before long, the cancer spread. By the time he made up his mind to have his balls chopped off, it was too late. He died. 

    For the sake of men who do not know the fate that befalls all men. The prostate gland rests below the bladder and in front of your rectum. That is why a scan is inserted through the anus when the medical personnel want to examine the prostate gland. Physical examination is important because PSA only might not tell the whole story of your prostate. PSA and physical examination (scan) gives a more accurate result, because they have their strong and weak points.  Since the symptoms of prostatitis, BPH, and prostate cancer overlap, PSA and physical examination might not be conclusive when checking if the prostate is cancerous. Doctors recommend going further to do a biopsy: taking and examining of tissue removed from the prostate to determine if the prostate is benign or malignant.

    These procedures (physical examination and biopsy) are like a woman in the labour room. She nor dey wear pant and no shame for the matter. We are talking of a matter of life and death. There is no place for shyness.

    Let me conclude by going personal. When it comes to dealing with issues relating to the prostate, I adopt both modern medicine and herbal medicine. Annual checkup, physical examination, PSA and biopsy are all modern medicine. But when it comes to managing and treatment, I prefer natural solutions, including herbal medicine. The most important thing is to ensure that the prostate does not become cancerous and if it becomes cancerous, it should be detected early.

    As far as I know, there is still no cure for cancer, so I believe all the claims of cure I see on social media are fake. I have been involved in trying to save the lives of men with prostate cancer that has spread to other parts of the body. They all died, so I challenge the people who claim to have a cure for prostate cancer to step forward. Apart from cancerous prostate, I have believe in our local solution for prostatitis and BPH. I have been experimenting with herbs and foods (lycopene that comes from tomato products) with limited success and I will continue to. If you are worried if herbal medicine might have negative impact on your vital organs (heart, liver, kidney, etc.), do annual checkups. I have been doing annual checkups and the results have been positive, sometimes even better than the previous year. When I find a more potent herbal solution, the world will hear. Men, we must join hands to fight this battle. Na our matter.

    NB: Special thanks to my cousin, Dr. Martina Agberien who went through the article and made some useful inputs.

  • “Health is wealth” – By Francis Ewherido

    “Health is wealth” – By Francis Ewherido

    There is nobody reading this article who has not heard this short sentence, “health is wealth,” before, but what does it mean? Everybody might know the literal meaning, but very few people know the connotative meaning. 

    When you wake up in the morning, after a good night sleep, empty your bowels and bladder effortlessly, do some exercises, get dressed, and head off to work; it all looks so smooth and natural. 

    Contrast that with these scenarios: When you get tired and go to bed, sleep eludes you. The implication is a sleepless night (insomnia) or you take medication to enable you get what you should get naturally: sleep. 

    Also, you are pressed at night, you get up to empty your bladder, the bladder is full, but you cannot pass urine. You roll in bed in pains with a full bladder. After a while, urine begins to come out in “bits and pieces.”  

    Sometimes your pants, boxers or pyjamas get soaked by involuntary discharge of urine. You are probably suffering from enlarged prostate or related infections. Sometimes it looks like a simple matter, but if it is not intentionally and deliberately tackled, it can cost the sufferer a fortune and even his life. 

    One of the functions of the kidneys is waste removal from the body. But the kidneys of some people are not functioning optimally. They resort to dialysis regularly to temporarily perform this function. Dialysis costs money and there are really no options. The patient does it regularly or dies gradually. Kidney transplant is the “permanent” solution, but it costs a fortune. 

    Moreover, it is not full proof. The best solution is to run away from anything that compromises your kidney functions. Not all the solutions are within our control, but most are. In 2012, I went to India for medical reasons. I had to because even with the costs of treatment, tickets for two, accommodation and upkeep, it was still N200,000 (as at 2012) cheaper than the bill they gave me in Nigeria. I used the opportunity to do general check-up. When reviewing the results, the doctor said, “I don’t want to scare you, but watch your kidneys.” 

    Since then, I have been deliberate in watching my kidneys. I cannot use ignorance or a foolish lifestyle to compromise my kidneys.

    I had a neighbour for about 10 years. I only met her twice and that was when I went to her house. She managed to come downstairs. Arthritis had confined her to the upper floor of their one storey building. The children did all the running around. After all the children left home, the husband did the running around, while an emergency kitchen was created upstairs to enable her cook without coming downstairs to the kitchen she had used before arthritis took over. 

    There are many more instances where health challenges have completely altered people’s lives. There are those who rely on treatment or taking drugs regularly to stay alive. They take the treatment daily or periodically as prescribed. The cost might be cheap or expensive. 

    There are those who spend hundreds of thousands or more monthly just to function normally. There are also those who spend huge sums of money just to be alive, but they cannot function normally. Living and earning an income gets disrupted by health challenges. Some people spend their financial reserves on medicals and drugs to just stay alive. With time, they dispose of assets they had accumulated. Another name for this situation is burning a candle on both sides: spending without earning income. How long can the candle last?

    Finally, we have those in the above conditions but are in addition suffering from debilitating conditions. We have critical stages of diabetes, cancer that has spread, kidneys that have failed, etc. Unless a miracle happens, it looks like the people are only living on borrowed time. They hang on to hope and become broke or accumulate debts after spending all they have on treatment. At the end some still die. These people and their families and devoted friends are the ones who really understand the connotative meaning of the sentence, “health is wealth.” 

    If you do not fall into these categories, thank God for getting into 2024 in health of body and mind, but you cannot rest on your oars. Remember Apostle Paul’s admonition: “those who think they stand firm should be careful to avoid falling” (1Corinthians 10:12). Happy New Year once more. 

    I advice every adult, especially those over 40, to declare 2024 a year of “health is wealth.” The implication is to take your health very seriously. In the last week of 2023, we were hit by news of the death of the former governor of Ondo State, Chief Rotimi Akerodolu, SAN and Ghali Na’Abba, former speak of the House of Representatives. Akeredolu died of cancer. The cause of death of Na’Abba was not disclosed, but we know prolonged illnesses that cause death in Nigeria: cancer, diabetes, stroke, high blood pressure, failure of key organs like the heart, liver, kidneys, etc. These illnesses can be managed if detected early, so everybody should look after his/her health.

    We must be careful what we consume, but we must also know what works for us. Our granny on my maternal side, Amerhevu Ofeheri lived up to 101. Until her death, she continued to eat starch, banga soup, owho soup and raw palm oil. All these are palm oil-related meals. Yet some young people are running away from the same foods? How did Granny Amerhevu live up to over 100 years eating these foods till the last minute? We need to investigate the impact of these foods before we jump to conclusion. 

    Anyway, till date do not mess around with Urhobo, Isoko, Itsekiri and Ijaw people where banga, owho and starch are concerned. They will not take it easy with you. A ceremony devoid of Owho soup and starch is incomplete. I eat what agrees with my body constitution. I am taking more interest in condiments/spices like irienre, eyirhe, eb’itien and lemon grass. We use them in the Niger Delta to prepare pepper soup. I strongly believe they have medicinal values. I am still researching, but I enjoy them in my unripe plantain pepper soup as often as my wife obliges me.

    Prostate enlargement has been one of my areas of interest. It affects more than 50 per cent of black men from age 40, particularly 50 years and above. I had previously committed some resources to it. The expedition continues. Once I find a reliable remedy, I will blow it here for interested men to follow up independently. I spoke about tomatoes remedy some time ago. It is still potent, but from my investigation, it is better taking it to manage the prostate, not to cure the enlarged prostate. Prostate cancer is a major killer of men, so we must kill it before it kills us. 

    Many people died in 2023. Some of these deaths could have been avoided if detected early. I want to spend some time discussing these health issues on this column to help us avert avoidable deaths. We shall continue next week.

  • New year resolutions – By Francis Ewherido

    New year resolutions – By Francis Ewherido

    Year 2024 is around the corner. Usually, people set goals/targets for the New Year. It is a wonderful thing to do. We should not go through life like a rudderless ship. We should have a sense of purpose and direction. In addition, we should review and rejig our goals periodically. That is essentially what New Year resolutions are all about. But we should avoid making New Year Resolutions a hollow ritual.  That is the major difference between setting achievable goals and dreaming. New Year resolutions can be very personal. You can also share some publicly, which is what I am doing.

    One, I know everybody is carrying luggage. The problem many people have is that they are swayed by beautiful cars, beautiful houses, social media postings on only the bright side of life, people who are always happy and carry a permanent smile, etc. These are all good. But these do not mean the people do not have luggage. They deliberately chose to focus on the brighter side of life. People who focus on their luggage only are prone to depression and even suicide. Problems should not be borne like a signboard. Make it a New Year resolution to learn to live happily in spite of your challenges. What are you going through that others have not gone through before? Financial problems, marital crisis, vocational challenges, unemployment, job loss, health challenges, just name it. Nothing is new.

    Anybody who does not want to carry luggage is indirectly praying for death. The only people without luggage are in the grave. I have no problem with carrying luggage in 2024 or anytime. My prayer is that God should not allow me carry luggage beyond my capacity; luggage that will break my neck because that means slow and painful death. In addition, Jesus Christ got help when carrying His luggage, the cross He was carrying to Golgotha, to enable Him fulfil His destiny and the scriptures. May God send us all genuine helpers in our time of need, not pretenders who will go behind us and laugh at us or compound our problems. I intend to continue looking for Simon of Cyrene for any luggage beyond my capacity. They are very important for success in Life’s journey.

    Everybody who carries luggage is susceptible to a fall. We therefore need to tread carefully to avoid falling. I intend to tread more carefully in 2024. We all also need to be wary of the content of our luggage. While growing up, my mother used to admonish us that “Esherii, amrobo r’evur’owha-a (unless you fall and spill the contents of your luggage, nobody would know what you are carrying). Apart from treading carefully, be careful with the content of your luggage just in case you inadvertently fall and spill them. I will continue to take my mother’s advice seriously in 2024.

    Every human being has some element of pettiness, vindictiveness, negative vibes, etc.  When we accuse people of being vindictive or petty, we do so because such a person has a high dose of vindictiveness and pettiness, not that we are totally free of these traits. Ayra Starr, the 23 year-old Nigerian music sensation sang that “Me no get the time for the hate and the bad energy” (I have no time for hate and negative energy). So why should I who is more than old enough to be her father? In 2024, I intend to reduce my negative energy drastically. In fact, I have started. There is no need waiting until 2024. Life is too short, I beg. Positive energy all the way in 2024. Who has won an award for hate, pettiness, vindictiveness or bearing grudges? You are bearing grudges, meanwhile the person you are grudging is totally unaware or just does not bloody care. Many people are dying slowly of high blood pressure, hatred, anger. In truth, I have seen people and heard of many others who on their death bed were still bearing grudges and refusing to forgive. Now they are gone, but the people they grudged are still very much alive. You better change, or you will die alone and the people you are grudging will just continue with their lives. Many shakers and shapers of the world that have died, but life goes on after their death. You will die and life goes on. That is why we are all bloody mortals. You are dispensable. You will be lucky after your death if people spend 15 seconds to observe the so called “one minute silence” for you.

    But we also have to be honest with ourselves. There are people who were framed by their spouses, siblings, other family members and friends who spent many years in prison for crimes they did not commit. In one particular case that went viral, the man spent 10 years in prison for drug trafficking. His own brother hid the drugs in foodstuff that he gave him to take abroad. What do you do? Carry the grudge for the rest of your life? We also have business partnerships where one party took all the money and left the other party high and dry. I have been a victim. People are mean and people you trust betray this trust. Trusting people makes you an easy mugu, but do you stop trusting people. I do not think so. I just feel we should let people’s antecedents guide us in our dealings with them. Also, always do your diligence? For me, I have decided to move on with my life. No enmity, but also no more friendship or dealings. The bible said we should not hate, which is fine by me, by the bible did not say you should continue to stick around people who will stick pins in our balloons continuously. Na their way, it’s a habit. Fraudsters.

    In 2024, hustling continues, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and our own Aliko Dangote are still hustling, sorry, looking for more money, with all their billions, why small me nor go hustle? Hustling involves persistence, but persistence for me does not include knocking on one door until the skin of my knuckles comes off. If one door does not open, I will move to the next one. You send messages, no responses, you call, no response. You persist and you are blocked and you are still persistent? I am not constituted that way, but for those who have the patience to accept permanent rejection, God bless you.

    For the younger generation, flee from people and places with negative vibes: “Nigeria is finished,” “nothing good can come out of Nigeria.” Where problems abound, there in lie opportunities. Your degrees are just foundations. Become solution providers. Nigeria is a very tough environment to operate in. That is very true. There is no need lying to ourselves. Mountainous terrains are tough places to climb and live in too, but people live and conquer the environment. We too can adapt and conquer. But if you choose to japa, nothing spoil. It is a free world, but over 200 million Nigerians cannot japa.  So, aluta continua. Hustle while we continue to demand a better deal from our governments at all levels. I wish you all a fruitful and rewarding New Year.

  • When in Rome, sorry, UK… – By Francis Ewherido

    When in Rome, sorry, UK… – By Francis Ewherido

    When I read the story of a Nigerian nurse who was ALLEGEDLY sacked in the United Kingdom and deported to Nigeria by the management of her hospital after she was found praying for an elderly patient, I was sad but not surprised. The laws are clear. You were employed as a nurse, not an intercessor or prayer warrior. Stick to job description. The British society sees religion as a personal matter. Do not bring in your religion in your interactions with patients. They separate work and religion. It is not like in Nigeria where offices start the day with prayers. But of what use is this prayer when it does not reflect in the way we go about our duties for the rest of the day after the prayers? I was once involved in a police matter. When I went to see the police woman the first time, I saw a bible on her table. I was elated, but at the end of the day, “police do im work.” A senior police officer was the boss of the IPO handling another case that took me to the police station. He would leave me at prayer time to go to the mosque to pray. “At the end police do im work,” so?

    It is not as if the hospital authorities do not believe in God. In fact, in the hospital where I was admitted, there is a place for prayers for Catholics, Anglicans and other Christians; Muslims, followers of Judaism, Hindus and other Asian religions, etc. Even the hospital workers can go the place to pray during their break period as a personal observance. The hospital has chaplains for Catholics, Protestants and clerics for other religions. The hospital asks patients on admission if they need a cleric and if a patient does, the cleric comes around at specified times to attend to patients’ spiritual needs. What is not tolerated is medical personnel praying for patients, preaching to patients, trying to convert patients to their religious beliefs and other obvious religious actions towards patients.

    Nigerian medical personnel in the UK are very much aware of this, but some are ready to take the risks just spread their “gospel” and “evangelize.” This nurse did not need to make her prayers obvious. Jesus laid his hands on a few sick people and healed them (Mark 6:5), yes.

    “Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her…,” yes. (Matthew 8:14 to 16). The same Jesus was on his way to the home of the centurion. While he was still on the way, the centurion sent a message to him that he was unworthy to have Jesus under his roof. “Only say the words and my servant will be healed.” That was it. The servant had no physical encounter with Jesus, but he was healed. This powerful profession of faith has become an important part of the Mass in the Catholic Church and Communion Service in the Anglican Church. The nurse could have prayed in faith for the woman without making it obvious. God does the healing, not man.

    Nigerian Christians “too-do.” I had an emergency case and was taken to the emergency section of a hospital in the UK. The first young male doctor who attended to me was apparently racist and treated my case with levity. A day or two later, I was rushed back. This time around, I was attended to by another doctor, a female and also Caucasian. When the tests came out and she reviewed my file, she was mortified. She promptly reported the first doctor to the hospital authority for negligence to and he was placed on immediate suspension. I was admitted. As usual, there were many Nigerian nurses working in the hospital. One of them was warm and we got friendly. On the second day, she came to attend to me, she was apparently disappointed with the religious items she saw in my room. She saw an opportunity to change the faith of a “lost” Christian. She gave me Christian literatures to read. Even as she did, I could see fear and caution in her face. She knew I would not report her, but if her colleagues caught her, she would be sacked instantly.

    As she was engaging in her religious rascality in the guise of saving a “lost soul,” I wondered quietly: Why do some Nigerians love living on the edge of the cliff? Your goals in the UK is improve your economic wellbeing and support relatives back home. Why not stick to your goals and stop playing Jackie Chan. The laws governing the conduct of hospital personnel in the UK are real, not make believe. It is unethical for health workers in the UK to bring religion into their relationship with patients in any form. PERIOD. Keep your religious beliefs to yourself.

    Our religious “do-do” too much. In some streets where churches operated by Nigerians are located in London, around certain times when church services are supposed to be over on Sundays, motorists instinctively take alternate routes. That is because there must be traffic. Trust Nigerians. After service, we must stop “briefly” on the road to exchange pleasantries that can cumulatively keep other road users waiting sometimes for up to 15 minutes. We can worship God without becoming nuisance. As a Nigerian, I am very proud of how we have exported our culture, food, music, fashion, etc., abroad. The one that gladdens my heart most is the Nigerian food I can get to eat in London as if I am home. But we really need put only our best foot forward. Let us keep our lawlessness, rascality, fraud and illegal drug dealings at home. You do not export bad products. Look at our how internet fraud and drug trafficking have dealt immense blows on our image. The perception is only beginning to change now, thanks majorly to Afrobeat music.

    The Japa syndrome in Nigeria is fuelled by many factors. Our economic situation is a major factor, but for me, the biggest factor is our herd mentality. We just love jumping on the bandwagon in anything that is trending. It has happened in many areas in our lives: MMM, internet fraud, kidnapping, betting, etc. Many more Nigerians would Japa. I have no problems with it even as I am “unjapaable.” But before you japa, study the place you want to japa to. Everything is now online, so no excuses. For instance, in Nigeria, when you want to cross the road, you look to your left first before right. In the UK, it is different. If you look to your left first such a school boy error can send you to the grave. As for medical personnel, understand the ethics of medical practice of the country you want to japa to very well. The literature is also online. Not only that, you need to mend your mentality. This “nothing dey happen” mentality might fail you in West Africa, not to talk of Europe and America. The ethics and mentalities are different in Europe. Learn understand and live them. In this case, it is totally “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

  • Diedjomahor? – By Francis Ewherido

    Diedjomahor? – By Francis Ewherido

    English does not do justice in depicting certain situations, so we take refuge in our mother tongue, hence today’s title. But some people seeing this title would think I am about to talk about a very good friend and big brother of mine, Olorogun Jacob Diedjomahor, who made his village, Ovwodokpokpo, in Ughelli South Local Government Area of Delta State, a major fun seekers’ destination point. Diedjomahor in today’s article is simply a question. Why this pride? Why this mountainous ego? Why this unnecessary sense of self-importance? Poor English; so many words just to describe “diedjomahor.”

    Recently, a very prominent man died. He was well educated, intelligent, good looking and rich. These adjectives are some of the fuels that inflame the fire of pride and ego into an inferno. And he was a very PROUD man with capital letters. As the news of his death downed on me, I became very humbled. My mind started to “wonder-wonder”: So this man is dead? He could no longer eat his exotic and expensive food? He could no longer drive himself in his expensive vehicles as he loved to do? He could no longer put people in their places, a favourite past time of his. A naughty mortuary attendant could even fiddle with his genitals and no protest would come from him. Usually, the man was a lion who roared at the slightest opportunity. Now he laid still and stiff in the morgue. Ki diedjomahor (what is the whole pride, arrogance and bloated egos about)?

    Another very proud and arrogant beautiful socialite bestrode the Lagos social scene for about two decades. She was a woman of elegance and style. When she went to an event, she walked straight to the first roll because “that is where I belong.” She was financially stable but not stupendously rich. Then she was hit by a terminal ailment, that bastard and devourer. She spent all she had and become broke. Concerned friends organised a public fundraising for her that was even published in the newspaper. Even on her sick bed, she felt very embarrassed. Finally she died. In the mortuary, mortuary attendants who were not competent to undo the strap her shoes would see her nakedness. Ki diedjomahor

    That is why these days when I read stories about some people who have achieved status of “celebrity” exposing their ignorance and foolishness, I laugh.  “I cannot date a guy who lives in the mainland. It must be Lekki minimum.” Go and find out how much it costs to rent or buy a duplex in Ikeja GRA or Surulere and report back to me. “All married men are cheats.” How many of the millions of married men in Nigeria have you slept with? Or, did you do sampling? What is your sample size? God bless my lecturer in the university, Professor Sylvanus Ekwelie. He would slaughter you with his tongue if you used words like “all” or “most” without facts. Thirty six years later, his admonition reverberates like yesterday.

    “I cannot marry or date a broke man or poor man.” Ignoramuses. That is partly why your marriages and relationships do not last. Only foolish girls go into relationships and marriages with the mentality of a sprint. Marriage is a marathon. Come, let me go and show you billionaires who started life with their wives in two rooms or even a single room. Come let me show you a man whose wife and first child were “detained” in the clinic because he could not pay the post-natal bill 30 years ago. He is now worth billions. Some of these “celebrities” are empty brains and it shows once they open their mouths. Kim Kardashian is a very beautiful women, but she also has brains. From notoriety (posing nude and leaked sex video tapes), she has metamorphosed into is a shrewd multimillionaire businesswoman today. Without brains, your beauty or notoriety is useless. New products (younger girls) are churned out every day, so your shelf span is short. What happens when you are off the shelf and you have no brains? Intelligent girls are more focused on prospects and character than immediate and ephemeral gains when assessing men. 

    In another scenario, you collect the number of an artisan you want to give a job. When you call him later he comes on line and you say “hello,” the first thing he would say is, “who is this,” not “who is calling, please.” In the past, I got pissed off and cut off the line; end of a potential transaction. Why do I do that? I felt he was rude or proud. Then it struck me that by cutting the call, I was guilty of what I was accusing him of doing. Kidie midjomahor (what is making me proud)? These days, I have deliberately learnt to explain why I am calling, though I still consider “who is this” rude. 

    I was told this story, but I do not know how true. A student claimed he failed a subject because he mistakenly called his lecturer “Dr” instead of the Prof that he was. You were a Ph.D holder before you became a professor, so? I spent three months in hospital. The world renowned professor who was head of the team that attended to me was called Mr by his subordinates. Everybody called him Mr except my wife and me. If you see his resume online, you will be dazed. Yet he is simply Mr. Please get me right. If people have worked hard for a position or title, give them their flowers. But if the story is true, is it enough to fail a student? Diedjomahor?

    Some people are very intelligent and knowledgeable in certain areas. This knowledge makes them very proud. Some are very annoying and suffocating. They treat everyone around them as sub humans. It is common in WhatsApp group platforms. Diedjomahor?

    A friend of my mine went to see his parish priest. He is Catholic. He greeted him, “good afternoon, Fr.” He noticed a frown of disapproval in the face of the priest and quickly realised his mistake: “Good afternoon, monsignor.” The priest responded: “I wonder o!” A monsignor is the title bestowed on some older priests. You are ordained first as a reverend father before you are appointed a monsignor at a later stage. On the last day, these titles would count for nothing. In fact, we are told that those who occupy higher positions would be judged with higher standards. It is like to whom much is given much is expected. Ki diedjomahor?

    If anyone drops dead tomorrow, everything goes down with him/her. When my father was being lowered into the grave, my anguish was two-fold: losing a father prematurely and the fact that he was going into the grave with his enormous knowledge of English. I really wanted to take that knowledge before he was lowered into the grave. That is how we shall all go into the grave with anything that is making us proud or cocky, except the things we cannot take along to our graves: the physical assets which will be peacefully shared or fought over, legacies and knowledge we documented for posterity. 

    We should all strive to live fulfilled lives, but realize that at the end of the day, everybody will end up six feet below and become manure. Your beauty, knowledge, brains and glowing skin will become manure. Ki diedjomahor?

  • International men’s day ‘gift’ – By Francis Ewherido

    International men’s day ‘gift’ – By Francis Ewherido

    Last Sunday was International Men’s Day. “International Men’s Day celebrates worldwide the positive values that men bring to the world, their families and communities. We highlight positive role models and raise awareness of men’s well-being.”

    The theme of this year’s day was “ZERO MALE SUICIDE.” As I looked at the theme, a cliché came to my mind: “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” Wishes are not horses, so men will continue to commit suicide because the excuses (reasons, if you like) men give for committing suicide will continue to exist as long as humankind exists:  lower socioeconomic status, unemployment, alcoholism or drug misuse, divorce, alienation from their children, depression, chronic pain, displacement of the traditional male gender role, bullying, history of physical and sexual abuse, imprisonment, loss of a loved one, mental illness, inability to form or sustain meaningful relationships, social isolation or living alone, the pressure of work, or other issues. The list is very long, but nothing is new. The life of a man is tough, sometimes thankless, but please suicide is not an option. Seek help. We live in communities. Talk to someone. Do not die from or in silence. I do not want to dwell further on the theme because that is not the purpose of today’s article.

    About two days before the Men’s Day, there was a news item which ruffled many feathers. The Lagos State Government said it had recorded no fewer than 340 cases of wives beating their husbands to submission, between September 2022 and July 2023. The Executive Secretary of Lagos, Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency, DSVA, Mrs. Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi, made the disclosure in a quarterly report of the agency. So, men also experience physical abuse. This report is a real International Men’s Day ‘gift,’ I said to myself.

    I have been an advocate against domestic violence. This advocacy is easy and comes naturally to me because I grew up in a home devoid of domestic violence. But I also saw the evil of domestic violence at a close range. My parents often mentored younger couples. These couples looked up to my parents because their marriage was peaceful and happy. I saw younger couples fighting, wives being battered, wives losing teeth and being facially disfigured. Domestic abuse of women was rampant. I also heard a story of a woman who went into the bathroom with a sharp and strong razor of the 70s to cut off the husband’s genitals. She timed her assault to coincide with when the husband had soap in his face (the bathroom was open-top). But he was conscious and managed to evade his genitals being chopped off. There was also the case of a very strong woman, or is it the man who was lazy, who beat up her husband regularly.

    These are partly what made me to be gender neutral when discussing domestic violence. It knows no gender, though more women seem to be victims. However, emphasis on domestic violence seems to be more on physical violence because it is more obvious. We have other major forms of abuses like emotional abuse, sexual abuse and financial abuse.

    Cheating on your spouse is emotional abuse because it can be traumatic and can lead to suicide if the other spouse finds out. Some married women openly cheat on their husbands. It is a big heartbreak for some of these husbands. Some husbands have been reported to have committed suicide because of the pain. One of my saddest moments was the Valentine’s Day of 1997. Then I used to go to NITEL exchange, Ikeja GRA, to make calls and book appointments with my clients before heading out (the GSM generation will not understand). The guy before me came to the exchange just to plead with his wife’s lover to please leave his wife alone. He was neatly dressed, but the shirt and trousers had obvious signs of wear and tear. He had apparently fallen on hard times.

    Before feminists start running their mouths, listen. We have traditional marriages, court or civil marriages and Christian marriages. In civil and church marriages, couples take vows of mutual fidelity. Here, fidelity is binding on both parties, so a man who is a typical “African man” has no business contracting any of these marriages, because you will not have the moral standing to accuse your wife of adultery if you are also an adulterer. You should go to equity with clean hands. But our culture and Islam allow a man to be polygamous. Specifically in traditional marriages, at least in Urhobo land which I am very conversant with, only the woman is obliged to be faithful. This is because the men can always marry more wives. Feminists can go and argue with our ancestors, not me.

    Not eating your wife’s meals is another form of emotional abuse. At a young age, my father warned me never to reject my wife’s food. He had no issues with spousal disagreements and quarrels but he warned that it must never get to the stage of rejecting her meal. He made it clear it was emotional abuse and even used a harsher Urhobo word, ehwe, which means beating or killing, depending on the context. Controlling and manipulating your spouse; being verbally abusive or denigrating your spouse, especially publicly, are forms of emotional abuse.

    Another trend of emotional abuse manifests in wives who abandon their aging husbands to do omugwo abroad. Some have stayed back, allowing husbands in their 70s and 80s to be home alone. Some commentators justify the actions of the wives that they are only paying back the men for the maltreatment the husbands meted out to them early in the marriage. Since when has tit for tat replaced forgiveness in marriage? Can two wrongs make a right? And you sons teaming up with your mothers to pepper your fathers, unless you did not come from their loins, nemesis awaits you. Your own sons are watching how you are treating your fathers. Action speaks louder than voice. For men coming up, love and treat your wives well o! In addition, be in your children’s lives. Paying school fees and providing upkeep money are not enough.

    We also have sexual abuse which comes in various forms. For Christians, Apostle Paul specifically stated that spouses should not deny each other sex except by mutual consent and for a specific reason. He also stated that spouses’ bodies belong to each other. But this is not what we see sometimes. Some wives deny their husbands sex because they did not give them money for aso ebi, wigs and other things they asked for. The husband’s financial state does not matter to them. One woman wore tight jeans to bed for months to teach the husband a lesson. The painful aspect is that she did it to him because she knew that the husband is a strong Christian and would will not seek sexual pleasure outside. Some husbands have also been reported to deny their wives sex. It is her entitlement. One woman used to pay the husband before he agrees to have sex with her because he knew the wife would not seek pleasure elsewhere. These are both sexual and emotional abuses. The stories are heart wrenching to me in a world where getting faithful spouses is getting more difficult.

    Inability to sexually satisfy your spouse due to selfishness is an indirect form of sexual abuse. You are only interested in your sexual satisfaction. Sex is much an act as it is communication. Ask your spouse what he/she wants. Talk. If it is as a result of health issues, the other spouse should be patient and show understanding. One of the marital vows says “in sickness and in health.” Also, some spouses work while the others are at home fulltime. Please show understanding. You cannot be at home all day resting and expect someone who has been at work to have the same freshness that you have. Please show love and understanding. Only a living spouse can remain married. There will always be another day if he/she is tired. Show understanding.

    The last abuse I want to talk about is financial abuse. There are many married men who have become glorified houseboys. Men are supposed to be breadwinners, but they have lost the financial power due to unemployment, underperforming businesses and ill health. God should assist every man to fulfil this role. A man who cannot meet his financial obligations is financially castrated. Wives should show more understanding. You are helpmates. Do not rub in your husband’s financial situation.

  • Truly, we are all prisoners – By Francis Ewherido

    Truly, we are all prisoners – By Francis Ewherido

    One of my earliest articles in this column was titled “prisons.” I cannot remember the details of what I wrote anymore, but I remember what inspired me to write it: We are all prisoners of our upbringing, environment, circumstances, thoughts, habits, etc., which all come together to form our character and define who we are.

    I was listening to a prominent pastor. He talked about the need for men to work very hard which is biblical. He also talked about the need for men to provide for their loved ones just in case they (breadwinners) pass on suddenly. This also rings a bell with me. He specifically mentioned life insurance as one of the vehicles. As a chartered insurance practitioner, I have preached the “gospel” numerous times that every family man should have at least one life insurance policy. There are many products in the market to suit all spectrum of the society. We even have products where artisans, for instance, can pay N1,000 weekly in premium. That is less than what some in this target audience spend on data weekly.

    Life insurance is even more important and compelling for people without assets and fat bank accounts. If they die suddenly, and none of us knows when death will come calling, the family will have some bulk money to fall back on. They won’t have to start from ground zero. If the family gets, for instance, a pay-out of N10m (sum assured) from the insurance company, that money can see the children through secondary school to university if the schools are public schools and the universities are federal government owned universities. For people with large bank accounts and investments, life insurance is just another investment option or safety nest.

    Life insurance is very good. Nobody should be discouraged by the few bad eggs who have made assureds (people who took life insurance) to lose money or get a bloody nose. The fear of accidents does not stop people from travelling. The solution to avoid falling into wrong hands is to get a Registered Insurance Broker (RIB) to guide you. Their names are on the NAICOM website: https://www.naicom.gov.ng, Nigerian Council of Registered Insurance Brokers website https://ncrib.net and Nigeria Insurers Association website: https://nigeriainsurers.org.

    My point of departure from the renowned pastor was when he called fathers who could not provide safety nests for their children and future generations derogatory names. The pastor comes from a privileged background and he is just a prisoner of his upbringing and circumstances. He probably does not know what millions of fathers go through just to provide the basic necessities of life: food, shelter clothing and education. But he ought to have known that many of his billionaire friends and members of his congregation come from lowly backgrounds. Some could not even get proper education due to poverty. They only got to where they are today by dint of hard work and the grace of God. The only asset some other parents bequeathed to their children was good education. The children simply took the bulls by the horns and started life from ground zero financially speaking.

    Some Nigerians are ashamed to talk about their humble backgrounds. They mask it. There are very few rich Nigerians who are open about it. The late MKO Abiola and Chief Cosmas Maduka freely talked/talk about their humble backgrounds. Why not? They were/are no longer in the circumstances they were born into. Their story should inspire upcoming generations to know that they cannot be defined by their humble beginning. I was reading a report recently on a study of billionaires. Only 15 per cent of the billionaires studied were generational billionaires. That is, they were born into billionaire families and all they needed to do was increase the family worth or, at least, sustain it. The other 85 percent are first time billionaires. That is the message that the pastor should have preached to his congregation and, by extension, Nigerians, since the video went viral. Majority of Nigerian fathers will not leave a kobo for their children. Some will even leave debts behind for their children to repay. Some of these debts were incurred to see their children through school and for their upkeep. Look at the current wealth distribution in Nigeria and what I am saying will make more sense to you.

    For good reasons, the favourite past time of many Nigerians is to bash government. Our governments over the years have performed below par and deserve all the bashing they get. But I also know that our university education in federal government-owned universities is one of the cheapest in the world. That is the only reason many students in the past got university education and many are still getting university education. I spent about N8,000 throughout my four years at the university of Nigeria, Nsukka from 1984 to 1988. I was relatively comfortable. I know students who spent about half of that amount for the four years they spent at UNN. It was the same in other federal universities. That is why federal universities must remain affordable. The federal government must make that a priority. The removal of fuel subsidy is tolerable because it affects everybody, but making federal government-owned universities more expensive is like waging a war against the poor and embattled and disappearing middle class.

    To the pastor, if a man is rich enough to leave behind money and assets for his children, that would be wonderful. But the father who is unable to leave money and assets has committed no crime. What every man owes his children is good upbringing and a firm foundation. Every man should also strive to be a mentor to his children. “Mentorship is a relationship between two people where the individual with more experience, knowledge, and connections is able to pass along what he has learned to a more junior person.” Mentorship is not only about giving tips that made the mentor successful. As a parent, if you failed, you must know why you failed and mentor your children to avoid those booby traps. Every diligent father can mentor his children to succeed and that is significant. Help them find their purpose, help to arouse the giant within them, give them a positive mindset to know that limitless opportunities abound. They will not find life easy, but the gifts God has deposited in them, perseverance, focus and single-mindedness will get them there. These are some of the major routes for people born without silver spoons to success. The ground still has strength and space for more skyscrapers (billionaires and successful people). Nobody’s spirit should be dampened.

    The final problem I have with the pastor’s sermon is telling people to leave wealth for their first to fourth generation without showing them how. This can lead to criminal and primitive accumulation of wealth by people in positions. There is nothing wrong in accumulation of wealth, but if it is at the expense of health facilities that you should have built, schools that you should have built and equipped, roads that you should have constructed with public funds and harmful products that you imported or produced for human use, there is a problem. Wealth accumulation should be qualified.

  • Worrisome number of paternity cases – By Francis Ewherido

    Worrisome number of paternity cases – By Francis Ewherido

    Once I write on a topic, I am always reluctant to revisit it. But I have since realized that these issues keep reoccurring. Also, there are new entrants into matrimony, so the audience is also changing. Some time ago, I wrote an article titled, “DNA test? Why Not? But…” Today, I am saying categorically that men whose minds are troubled about the paternity of their “children” should go for DNA tests to put the matter to rest. The cases of wives having children with other men and passing them on as their husbands’ biological children have become too rampant. What I find even more annoying is the arrogance of some of these wives. In the trending case, a 44-year-old man, Mr. Kola Arike from Ikire, Osun State, found out after DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid) tests that none of his four supposed children is his biological child. He wept like a baby. What irritated me most was his wife running her mouth that the DNA samples were taken behind her back and doubted the veracity. What does it matter? The result said the man has zero chance of being the father of the four children. Sometimes I wonder if it is illiteracy that blinds people. Pure science is exact, it is not social science that varies. Why argue over facts. My lecturer, Prof. Sylvanus Ekwelie, used to tell us that “only foolish Nigerians argue over facts.”

    The incidence of hanging other men’s children on husbands re-emphasizes the necessity for men to have strong genes. You would not need any DNA test to know the children are yours. Long ago, I travelled to the hometown of the then editor of Vanguard newspaper, now Publisher of The Newsguru, Mideno Bayagbon. When I saw his grandmother, Mideno’s eldest son was a carbon copy of his (the son) great grandmother. It was as if the great-grandmother gave birth to him directly. What do you need a DNA test for? Res ipsa loquitur (The thing speaks for itself). 

    My children carry the Ewherido traits. People who know me or my brothers pick my children out straightaway in school and gatherings. The wife of the late music legend, Tony Grey, used to call me daddy in those days because she said I was a carbon copy of my father. These days it is imperative for children to look like their fathers to avoid suspicion. It is in the interest of everyone, especially the wives.

    But even if my children did not look like me, I would not have bothered. In marriage, sex is both for procreation and pleasure. When you are having sex for pleasure in marriage, you can do it any time and anyhow you like, but if it is for procreation, you have to be intentional and deliberate. That is what I did. We still have the dates for those meetings meant for procreation. 

    I advise all intending couples to have an agreement on the number of children they want to have before marriage. This is to avoid disagreement in future. I did the same thing with my wife. She said she wanted three boys and that is all. I told her that it would not work with me. At the time we had that discussion in early 1998, my family had gone for 39 years without a female child. Though nobody expressed any concerns, we were anxious to have daughters. My only sister was born in 1957. She died on her third birthday in 1960. Even my late eldest brother who was the only one born before then and six years then could not vividly recollect what she looked like when we asked him.  My mother’s seven children after her were males, bringing the number to eight boys. The only two grandchildren my mother had at the time this discussion took place were boys. Though everybody was pretending as if nothing dey happen, we were anxious for female children.

    My wife and I finally agreed on three boys, her wish and one daughter to end my anxiousness. I also insisted that the girl should come first. That was how it went. Daughter, followed by three boys. As my last son was growing older, it became apparent that my wife and I were going to become home-alone parents too soon. I craved for retirement baby, a girl of course. I begged my wife. Whatever you say about an Urhobo man – proud, unromantic, chauvinistic, etc – these traits only manifest when nothing serious is at stake. When he really needs something, he becomes humble. I begged and she obliged. She gave me my retirement daughter. That has become very prophetic. Each time I remember that foresight, I feel proud like someone who has found a cure for an incurable disease. I will not go into details of how we intentionally and deliberately preselected the sex of my children here. Any doubting Thomas can click these links and read: Baby’s sex preselection: My story (1) – Vanguard News (vanguardngr.com) and Baby’s sex pre-selection: My story(2) – Vanguard News (vanguardngr.com). 

    Back to the issue. Any man who wants to be sure his children are his but does not have strong genes to put stamp of ownership on his children can be intentional and deliberate in baby making like me instead of wasting money on DNA later. That way, you know the sex and estimated time of birth ab initio. You will not know exactly when conception took place, but you will have an idea of the time. In addition, if you met with your wife three to five days before ovulation and she gives birth to a boy that is a red flag, because in normal circumstances, she can only give birth to a girl. If intercourse took place in the heat of ovulation, and just before or after ovulation, that is undoubtedly a baby boy. This pure science, not social science. Only human error can make it otherwise.

    WEDDING IS THE BRIDE’S AND GROOM’S DAY

    Wedding, which means marriage ceremony, is a day the intending couple, their parents, family members and friends look up to, but no one should forget that marriage is primarily for the couple. To drive the message home, after the wedding, how many people go into the room to commence married life? Only the couple. If that is the case, why do some parents and others want their interest to supersede that of the couple? I read the story of a pastor and his wife who made their daughter to clean up her make up on the morning of her wedding. What was their reason? They wanted to please their congregation by conforming to the human norms the church has put in place. That is hypocrisy. I was once guilty of it too. A group I belonged to in church not only discouraged female members from wearing trousers, but told the married men to stop their wives from wearing trousers. I tried to implement it, but met a brick wall. My wife reminded me that she wore trousers when we met for the first time and I did not oppose it. She said I could not oppose her now. One trick to make your marriage work is to differentiate between foolish and sensible battles. I retreated and it has been so. 

    Let me be clear, my wife wears no makeup. I met her natural and she has remained natural and beautiful to me for the over 25 years now. My problem with the pastor-parents has nothing to do with their opposition to makeup. It is the intention behind it: hypocrisy. Was that the first time the daughter was using makeup? Probably not. So why oppose it on her wedding day. I rule the parents out of order. It is her day, not theirs. Her wish should have prevailed.

  • Femi Otedola largesse – By Francis Ewherido

    Femi Otedola largesse – By Francis Ewherido

    Last week, Augustine University, Ilara-Epe, Lagos State, installed Mr. Femi Otedola, as the new chancellor of the university. During his speech, he announced the donation of N1m to each of the 750 students of the university. That came to N750m. The implication is that he has substantially paid the fees and other bills of all the students for 2023 second semester. Some people might dismiss the gesture as pouring water into holes that are already full. Some people assume that only the rich send their children to private universities. It is true that you need to achieve some level of financial capacity before you send your child/ward to a private university. It costs about N2.5m and above per annum to keep your child/ward in a private university.

    But there are various categories of people who have children in private universities. We have those who can comfortably send their children abroad, but for reasons other than finance choose to send them to school in Nigeria. There are those who wanted to send their children abroad, but got scared off by the volatile exchange rate. There are those who earn enough to comfortably train their children in a private university. There are those who send their children to private universities, not because it is financially convenient, but they are just pissed off with the frequent disruptions in the academic calendars of government-owned universities. Finally, there are those who have to really run around after every semester to source money for the next semester. No matter the category you fall into, there is no parent who will not welcome the N1m gift for his child. It is a big relief. I can imagine an avalanche of prayers for Mr. Otedola for this kind gesture. Even for rich parents, it is a relief.

    One big mistake people in the lower financial rung make is that they do not understand that even the richest of people appreciate gifts. A man might have cartons of champagne, whiskey and brandy that now sell for N200,000 per bottle at home, but if you visit him and give him a bottle in appreciation or respect, he will appreciate it and add it to his collection. Gestures do not necessarily have to be financial. Human beings just appreciate people who are there for them and treat them well. It is a tragedy for anyone to feel that he cannot be useful to or be there for others. That is the mentality of people who are inherently selfish and self-centred.

    Otedola is well known for his philanthropic gestures. I know he has been supporting this university since it was established. Before him, his father, Sir Michael Otedola, played a role citing the University in Epe and acquiring the land. While alive, Sir Otedola supported the Catholic Archdiocese of Lagos, the owner of the university. When I came to Lagos in the 80s, the Otedola people knew was Sir Michael Otedola. He was a successful businessman and a public relations guru. He was also well known for his philanthropic activities. He became the governor of Lagos State in 1991 and he was governor until the Abacha Coup truncated his tenure in 1993. Many of these students to whom Femi Otedola gave N1m to probably know him more as DJ Cuppy’s (Florence Otedola) rich dad. It is only now that he is their chancellor that they will see him in new light as their Chancellor. It is a role reversal of some sort for Femi Otedola. In the later years of Sir Otedola, he was referred to as Femi Otedola’s father in spite of his intimidating achievements. May be some day, the younger generation will only know Femi Otedola as DJ Cuppy’s dad.

    This Otedola’s gesture should remind all of us of the need to spread joy. Otedola put smiles on the faces of 750 students and over 1,000 parents, their financial status notwithstanding. Putting smiles on people’s faces is not the prerogative of billionaires or rich people. We all can. We have witnessed, seen, watched or read about lunatics, children, homeless people and all kinds of people putting smiles on other people’s faces. A kind word can do it. An act of kindness can do it. A telephone call can do it. Consoling a bereaved person can do it. A melodious voice can do it. God has given us all innate gifts that we can use to put smiles on people’s faces. One thousand naira gift can also do it.

    In a country where the minimum wage is N30,000, majority of Nigerian parents cannot afford to send their children to private universities. That is why it is very important for government-owned universities, especially federal universities, to run smoothly without incessant strikes. It is very important to have a stable educational system. A friend’s son is spending his seventh year in the University for a five-year course due to strikes.

    In the 60s when my father went to the University of Lagos down to the 80s when I went to the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, it was not fashionable for parents to send their children abroad. In some circles, it was even felt that the only children who went abroad to study were those who could not compete to get admission in Nigeria. In fact, the family of one of my roommates in the University, Kelechi, was based in London, but his father sent him to Nigeria to do his secondary school and university education. There were also rich Nigerians who chose to send their children abroad, not because the foreign universities were better. They did that because some of them also schooled abroad and some wanted to give their children international exposure.

    Private universities are recent developments. The government-owned universities could not just cope with the number of Nigerians seeking admission. The first set of private universities started in 1999. Augustine started in 2015. There are currently about 80 private universities in Nigeria and more are in the pipeline. It is important that any Nigerian who desires to go the university should have the opportunity. But even more important is what is next after graduation. That is where much work needs to be done. The graduates universities produce should be tailored towards our current realities. Nigeria has myriad of problems and they should be solution providers. The current situation where we have 1000s of unemployed and unemployable graduates is not good. That is what my roommate in the university would refer to as “no work done.” Our universities need to produce solution providers before “work is done.

    These days when I read news of new universities and polytechnics being approved or accredited, the first question that comes to my mind is where their products will get jobs. We need to look at the curricula of these schools. Beyond producing solution providers, which I mentioned above, we must also produce self-starters who can graduate and go on to set up businesses. The universities should study and adopt the Igbo traders’ apprenticeship method. It has been hugely successful and it is home grown. Just producing graduates without plans to keep them fully engaged can only compound our security situation.

  • Sad tales from our schools – By Francis Ewherido

    Sad tales from our schools – By Francis Ewherido

    Agbor, in Delta State, was in the news this week for the wrong reasons. First, a parent, Nnajiofor Nweke, went to the school of his son and allegedly beat a teacher, Mr. Sunday Ufuah, to death. What was the teacher’s offence? The late teacher disciplined the son for stealing. The parent, who is now in police custody but giving a different account of events on that day, was said to have stormed the school and started flogging teachers indiscriminately for having the audacity to punish his son who allegedly stole palm wine outside the school. “The deviant son, a JSSI student, and others, allegedly scaled the school fence and went to the palm wine shop to steal the local liquor,” according to reports. The student, who is likely below 13 years, told the father that the teacher flogged him. 

    As I read the story, I wanted to weep for the calamity that has befallen our society. I did my secondary school in the same Delta State, then Bendel State, in the late 70s to early 80s. Stealing was dangerous territory for those of us from strict homes. If you committed any infraction and you were disciplined in school, you took your punishment and kept sealed lips. If the teacher knew your parents, you begged the teacher not to escalate the matter because if your parents found out, worse punishment awaited you at home for disgracing the family and bringing family name to disrepute. I cannot recall any parent going to the school to make trouble because the son was punished for stealing. There was only one exception I can recall. Parents of junior students of Anglican Girls Grammar School, Ozoro, stormed the school once because the senior students shaved the pubic hairs of the junior students. The senior students took the action because they felt that the junior students were saucy because everyone had grown pubic hair.

     Some parents in my time went to school to report their children for infractions during holidays or out of school hours for day students. Some students were called out during assembly and publicly flogged. So it is tough to relate to Nweke’s action. Bad boys were among students even in my time, but the parents were too ashamed of the children’s bad conducts to show their faces in the school. The few who did only did so because the school specifically requested that the student brought their parents. 

    The students either respected or dreaded the teachers. These days, students beat up teachers. Some teachers even say that teaching in secondary school these days is a dangerous job. You cannot discipline erring students. If they fail their exams, you have to find a way to give them pass mark for your own safety. Cultism has infiltrated primary and secondary schools. So this story, though disheartening, is not surprising. It started from the home. The level of poor parenting today is shocking. When people blame government for everything wrong in the society I wonder, where did it start from? I am one of the firm believers that reengineering Nigeria must start from the family unit. That is the cradle. This thing is not rocket science.  We have/had children in school. One parent proudly said that she told her son that “if they steal your pen, steal someone else’s own. Do not come home to disturb me for a replacement.” In my time, my father bought everything. If you came home with a pen that he did not buy for you, trouble; big trouble. Many parents have failed have failed big time.

    The Delta State Government has a duty not only to protect Deltans, but its employees. If it had only ended in flogging the teacher, we will be talking about humiliation and maltreatment of teachers. But here, we are dealing with case of alleged manslaughter or murder. These are criminal offences and that is the purview of government, not the deceased family. 

    The news report said Commissioner for Secondary Education, Rose Ezewu, in company of her ministry officials, paid a condolence visit to the family of the late Ufuah and offered scholarship to the bereaved children. This is a good step, but I assume that she is offering the scholarship on behalf of the Delta State, not herself, because she will not be in the ministry forever. Meanwhile the children of the 33-year-old Ofuah should still be very young. The scholarship should continue till University level, no matter who becomes the commissioner or governor during their time in school.

    But teachers and school administers have their own issues. In the same Agbor last week, there was a report of a school proprietor and only male teacher in the school, Innocent Ezeukwu, who was arrested and taken into custody for sexually abusing a four-year-old girl. Government really needs to look beyond paper qualifications and financial capacity to the character of people they grant licenses to operate schools, especially primary schools and Kindergartens. Prospective applicants need to be well scrutinized to minimize granting licenses to pedophiles. Agbor, next time, be in the news for good reasons.

    Anyway, Nigeria has laws that deal with sexual abuse of minors. They should be applied. As I was writing, I read the story an Ikeja Sexual Offences and Domestic Violence Court sitting in Lagos last Monday sentencing a man, Joseph Ekanem, to double life imprisonment for defiling his neighbour’s 13-year-old daughter. That is a huge price to pay for lack of dick control, but the law is the law, vulnerable members of the society must be protected. That is one area where Nigeria is lagging behind. 

    One major problem I have with teachers and school administrators is that they do not know the dividing line between discipline and cruelty. I am a firm believer in Proverbs 13:24 – “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” It is up to you to define rod and discipline, but I hold fast to the verse. I have seen the manifestation of this verse for at least 50 years of my life and I am ardent believer of this verse. But this is my problem with many parents and teachers. They ignore the obvious dividing line between discipline and cruelty. Discipline is applied with love. It is applied because you love the person and you want the best for the person. Once there is no love, your action is likely to lapse into cruelty. 

    Also, last week, the news broke of two school officials who allegedly flogged a student to death for absenteeism in Kaduna. According to the report, the principal and vice principal took turns to flog the deceased. Then “he was still beaten to the extent that he lost some of his teeth and then went into coma and subsequently lost his life.” This can never be an act of discipline. It is cruelty. We are no longer talking about whether the absenteeism was a delinquent act. We have a case of murder or manslaughter.  Let the law takes its course. Abroad, cruelty to animals attract jail terms, not to talk of human beings. Teachers and school administrators must discipline pupils and students with love, not cruelty. No responsible parent tolerates that.