TheNewsGuru

Tag: Husband

  • Nigerian Lady hunts husband for grandmother

    Nigerian Lady hunts husband for grandmother

    A Nigerian lady who identifies as Halima Idris Ifade stunned many social media users after she took to Twitter to search for a husband for her mother, who she said is a “grandma in her late 60s”.

    She took to her account on Monday to share a picture of her beautiful mother whose husband she said is not available.

    Ifade said any individual in need of good company and is aged over 65 can signify interest so long as they’re jovial.

    “I am looking for a partner for my mother. Her former husband isn’t available Insha Allah. Someone kind, jovial, funny, and in need of good company. She is a grandma in her late 60’s so anyone above 65 would do,” she wrote.

    “She doesn’t look her age and she is a good, fine, industrious woman. You people, I’m crying oh. I need to show her all of these. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My heart is paining me.”

    The tweet garnered thousands of likes and huge comments with a number of users either indicating interest or noting they have someone.

    “I met her once and I couldn’t stop staring. Forget makeup, it doesn’t even do justice. When I mean she is clean, like porcelain. I am sorry to hear daddy messed up. I hope she finds good company,” one Twitter user wrote.

    Another user wrote: “I seriously have a man looking for an old partner of her age. I am sending this picture to him. Man has been alone for 3yrs, wife is dead, he said he doesn’t want a young lady.”

     

  • Celebrating divorce – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    Divorce, which is an official dissolution of a marriage, is one of the blights of the marital institution. Very few people go into marriage with the intention to get divorced at some point. That is why people take the vow of “till death do us part” at wedding. Divorce is a sensitive issue and out of respect for those who are divorced, especially those who are close to me, I have stayed away from that topic in the past seven years since this column debuted. This is especially so since I am aware of the circumstances that led to some of these divorces. I share in their pains. But when I came across a story of a couple, who went for a “celebratory lunch” after they were officially divorced, I decided to write about it, but still without prejudice to divorced family members and friends I deeply care for.

    What is this couple celebrating? What are they trying to prove? Who are they trying to impress. Are they trying to show that they are mature? If they were mature, they should have channeled their maturity to make their marriage work. Or are they trying to prove that they are not bitter? There are people who are divorced and have moved on without a show. I know a divorced couple, who are professionals in the same field and own a practice together. They are still business partners and run their business together. They did not go for a “celebratory lunch” to tell the world that there is no bitterness when they got divorced.

    Anyway, the other things that caught my attention in their story were the pieces of advice they offered married and dating couples. Apparently, their marriage was built of a defective foundation ab initio because their courtship was also defective. Their first advice was, “take the time to REALLY get to know yourself, your purpose, your vision, your priorities, and your core values before committing yourself to someone else for life. Get clear on your non-negotiables and on your deal breakers before saying “I Do”. Otherwise, your newfound vision can create division if it’s not in alignment.” This brings us to the definition of courtship and I am going to take excerpts from my book, Life Lessons From Mudipapa:

    “Dating can be described as a form of courtship and may include social activities undertaken by two persons (male and female) with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a life partner, while courtship is that traditional period before engagement and marriage when couples date to get to know each other and decide if they should go ahead with the relationship. Another definition by the Institute in Basic Life Principles…refers to courtship as: ‘a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other.’”

    On core values, which they also mentioned, I wrote: “What are your core values and what are your partner’s? Core values are principles and qualities that guide your internal conduct and determine how you relate with the external world. Your core values define who you are; they go to the root of your existence. They are sacred to you and non-negotiable a lot of the time. They might be ethical, religious, intellectual, social, appearance-related, etc. It is important that you share common core values with your potential spouse. If you don’t, then it is not advisable for you to continue the courtship. But if you do only in some and not all aspects, you need to check how acceptable or unacceptable what is lacking is to both of you. Are they things you can live with or without? Sometimes it is not the level of compatibility that holds the marriage together; it is the ability of couples to manage their inevitable differences.” My question is, what were they doing before they decided to get married. I guess every other thing, except ask for the face of God, ask critical questions and do critical analysis.

    Their second advice is, “even if you believe you heard from God, there’s no need to rush to the altar. Take your time and enjoy the process of courtship, or you’ll find yourself getting to know each other after you’re already married.” First, let me quickly say that you cannot fully know your spouse during courtship. The “knowing” continues after marriage. In addition, I will refer you to two bible passages. The first is 1 John 4:1 – “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” When it comes to testing the spirit as regards marriage, my favorite biblical passage is Genesis 24: the marriage of Isaac to Rebecca, God’s unseen hand, Abraham’s uncompromising stance and the extraordinary faith and faithfulness of Abraham’s servant.

    I will break their last piece of advice into pieces and deal with it one issue after another. “Don’t underestimate the amount of work that it takes to build a strong marriage…” True. Making a marriage work is a full time occupation. As I said some time ago, like your body, it needs daily nourishment, if not it will deteriorate. Like a bank account, you have to make deposits regularly because you make withdrawals knowingly and unknowingly. Unless you consciously make deposits, your account (marriage) can easily go into deficit.

    They also said, “…Go to marriage seminars together before getting married, learn what it really takes, and make sure you’re both willing to put in the work together.” Thankfully, religious and government organisations have realized the importance of pre-marriage seminars and have designed topics for people preparing for marriage. Marriage is a higher institution like universities and polytechnics and every potential entrant should prepare for it. If you fail to prepare for marriage, you are already preparing for failure. Finally, they said “…If you don’t grow together you’re gonna grow apart” (Go to https://www.vanguardngr.com/2017/08/marital-intellectual-disequilibrium/ and read more on this).

    In school, we were taught that oddity is news. That is why this couple’s story was in the news because it is odd for a newly-divorced couple to go out together for a “celebratory lunch.” But what are they celebrating? A failed marriage? Do people celebrate failure? I have seen one party in a divorce case “celebrate” after divorce for varying reasons. If you personally know the story of some of these people, you will empathise with them, your firm belief in the indissolubility of marriage notwithstanding. For some, it has become a case of stay in the marriage and die or get out and be alive.

     

    Get me right, there is nothing wrong with divorced parties meeting or having lunch together occasionally. They do meet to discuss the welfare of the children, go for lunch or dinner occasionally with the children and also get together with the children at Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving (America, Canada, etc). But a lunch by divorced parties to “celebrate” their divorce is meaningless and pointless; it is an aberration. I know that sometimes, people enjoy being in the limelight, but it is also important that we point it out that this former couple was in the news for the wrong reasons, so that those coming behind will not be misled.

     

     

  • Day magic show with my husband didn’t turn out well- Prof Peller’s widow

    Day magic show with my husband didn’t turn out well- Prof Peller’s widow

    73 year old, Alhaja Silifat Peller aka Lady Peller, is one of the widows of famous Nigerian magician, Alhaji Moshood Abiola Peller, popularly known as Professor Peller.

    Gorgeous Lady Peller has recounted how a magic show with her late husband didn’t go as planned.

    According to her:” You know that before we left home for a show, I always had the confidence. And I trusted my husband a lot. Don’t forget that I was his wife. He would not allow anything to happen to me. We were always very careful. That was just for the television.

    It was only one day that something happened at the Cultural Centre. I am sure some people will still remember. The cutting we did that day was not the cutting we were doing on the television. The heat was too much on that day and I couldn’t come back until we finished the show. Some people said they didn’t want to see anything again and they left. The second day, people were saying, ‘we just want to see Lady Peller’. Some people were even spreading rumour that they saw a convoy following a corpse to Iseyin”, she told The Nation.

    Asked why she did not remarry after her hubby passed on, Peller said “I was already 50 when Professor Peller died, and I had got all my children. What would I be looking for in another marriage? I don’t think it is a good advice. I was satisfied being with him and I am satisfied with my life.

    I was already an adult and a practising Muslim. Professor Peller was also a Muslim. My parents were happy to see me marrying a Muslim. I did not have any problem with my parents marrying him”.

  • Kamala Harris’s husband quits job for White House role

    Kamala Harris’s husband quits job for White House role

    Kamala Harris’s husband has quit his law firm job for a White House role despite claiming he wouldn’t go into politics.

    Doug Emhoff will leave DLA Piper, where is a partner, by inauguration day on 20 January, according to the Associated Press.

    Emhoff took a leave of absence from the firm in August when vice president-elect Harris ran on Joe Biden’s ticket.

    The future second man is reportedly working with Biden’s transition team to establish a role for him in the administration.

    A Biden official told Fox News that Mr Emhoff was “working with the Biden-Harris transition team to develop the portfolio he will focus on to support the work of the administration.”

    Emhoff joined DLA Piper in 2017 where he works with media, sports and entertainment clients, as well as intellectual property and technology, litigation, arbitration and investigations.

    “Douglas Emhoff is a highly experienced litigator and strategic advisor,” his DLA Piper profile reads.

    “Doug is known for tackling and resolving the toughest problems – whether by aggressively litigating high-stakes cases in the public glare or acting as a trusted advisor behind the scenes.

    “For over 25 years, Doug has proven himself in courtrooms and boardrooms across California and around the country.”

    Emhoff will be the first male spouse of the vice president after Ms Harris made history by becoming the first female holder of the office

    Last month Emhoff told People magazine that he had no interest in joining a “kitchen cabinet” of advisors if his wife won the election.

    “I’m her husband, that’s it,” said Emhoff.

    “She’s got plenty of great people giving her political advice. I’m her partner, I’m her best friend and I’m her husband. And that’s what I’m here for. I’m here to have her back.”

    Emhoff and Harris met on a blind date in 2013 and married in a quiet ceremony a year later.

    They share a $5 million home in the exclusive Brentwood neighbourhood of Los Angeles and have apartments in Washington DC and San Francisco.

     

  • Ruth Kadiri pours encomiums on husband on first wedding anniversary

    Ruth Kadiri pours encomiums on husband on first wedding anniversary

    Actress and film producer, Ruth Kadiri has taken to social media to celebrate Ezerika, her husband, on their first wedding anniversary.

    Kadiri in an Instagram post on Friday shared a picture of herself and her husband kissing.The described her marriage as “peaceful”.

    “Being your wife is so peaceful. I love it here. Happy anniversary to us,” she wrote.

    The couple tied the knot in a private ceremony in 2019 and the union has been blessed with a beautiful daughter

    The actress had recounted how she was depressed when she got pregnant for fear of having her career ruined and not being good enough to be a mother.

  • Woman wrapper – Francis Ewherido

    Woman wrapper – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    I have known this couple for over 20 years. They are a loving couple. The man is simple, easy going and quiet. The wife is an extravert and more forward. On the surface, the woman seems to be in charge. She says what should be done and what should not be done.

    But I will not hasten to say that she is the “man” of the house because uwevwirohwofabeno (it is very difficult to understand the inner workings of another person’s house).

    To buttress my point, I know another man. He is taciturn. The wife is the face of the marriage and does all the public talking and representations. I found out later that she is just the spokesperson. The husband is the principal through and through and only what he sanctions is done or said. If you remember the government of General Sani Abacha and how he pulled the strings behind the scene, you would understand better what I am talking about.

    Some people call our subject of today’s discussion a “woman wrapper” (a man controlled by his wife). I do not know if it is true and it has never been an issue of concern to me. We were at a function recently and as I looked at them, I was filled with admiration. They have been married for over 40 years. At all the occasions I have met them, they wore suit-and-suit (clothes made with the same fabric). Only couples, who are highly united, do that. I know for certain that they love each other dearly. E get why I talk so. As I looked at them at the ceremony, I started re-evaluating the whole institution of marriage. What do couples really need (not want) in marriage?

    If you ask me, I will say happiness and peace of mind. If you agree with me, like Rome, there are a number of roads to achieving peace and happiness in marriage, so each couple should travel on the legitimate road that suits them. If it suits some men to achieve peace and happiness in marriage by being “woman wrapper,” so be it. Is a happy and peaceful marriage, achieved by being a “woman wrapper,” not better than many of these Armageddons that we call marriages? I no gree, I no go gree don make many clothes (marriages) tear anyhow. Some spouses are now in their graves, some are scarred forever and many marriages have packed up.

    To the best of my knowledge, the wife has never been rude to him. She adores him. In fact, when she talks about the husband, no be here o! I just feel that the man has found the magic for a happy and successful marriage and traducers do not seem to understand. Many people are held prisoners by their primordial cultural beliefs and see certain show of love by husbands to their wives as weakness or being a “woman wrapper.” Marriage is relationship management and our man has found a way to manage his wife and vice versa. That is what all married people need to learn. One of the women calling him “woman wrapper” is divorced, to put it mildly. Talebearers said the husband ran away! In the end, the “woman wrapper” is quite often a matter of perspectives outside the couple concerned.

    Young married people need to get close to and study happy marriages of older people. Those marriages were built on successful management of spousal differences, patience, tolerance and perseverance, etc. We are all imperfect human beings, each full of good, nonsense and bullsh*t. it is a whole package. Do not bother going into marriage if you cannot take nonsense and bullsh*t. Hopefully, during courtship, potential couples will take enough time to understand their potential spouses to know the kind of nonsense and bullsh*t awaiting them in marriage.

    This is very important because the portrait of our different characters means there are some bullsh*t that we can take and others that we cannot take. As a famous author said, choose which hill you can die on. For instance, some spouses cannot tolerant infidelity, but in some cultures, couples (male and female) do not only cheat, they are also into prostitution with the full knowledge and consent of the other spouse. Also, there are people, who cannot stand liars and will never marry one, but you also see people, who lie with impunity and they are people’s husbands/wives. In one sentence, know the core values of your potential spouse. It helps to determine which hills you are prepared to die on.

    But there is no way to know all the bullsh*t you will take in marriage. How is a man to know that this his adorable and loving fiancée will be very irritable and nasty when she is pregnant in future? Then after delivery, she becomes the loving, civil and adorable wife again? What is the man supposed to do; abandon his plan on the number of children he had planned to have to avoid more bullsh*t during pregnancy or continue to take bullsh*t with each pregnancy? How is a fiancée to know that her prince charming and caring fiancé will become abusive after marriage because he lost his job and resents being catered for by his wife? How is a man to know that his unusually obedient wife of 15 years will become very rebellious in her 40s? I have forgotten what psychologists call the trend. You have been married to a loving wife for 25 years. All of a sudden, she begins to have mood swings, irritability, depression and unnecessary anxiety because of menopause; how were you to anticipate that? How do you anticipate the frustration of an erstwhile warhorse of a husband, who finds out suddenly in midlife that he cannot muster an erection to carry out his conjugal duties anymore?

    These are some of the bridges some couples have crossed to achieve happy and peaceful marriages. Building a happy marriage is a whole lot of hard work. Each spouse must chip in his/her bit towards the success of the marriage. Contribution to the success of a marriage is scarcely equal, but the most important thing is that both spouses are bringing something into the marriage to make it work. About 40 years ago, when marriage was the last thing on my mind, my brother, Ufuoma, told me a very interesting conversation he overheard between two married adult males. They said, to Ufuoma’s hearing, that in marriage, husband and wife must quarrel. If they do not quarrel, it means either the man is cheating (putting in less than) the wife or vice versa. We laughed about it immediately and occasionally thereafter.

    I have since come to realise that what the men called cheating is just a higher commitment by one party to make the marriage work. Happy marriage na dog play. In some, one dog will fall once for every five times the one falls. For others, it is 10 to one. There might also be cases of 1/1. Who is bringing in more is not really the business of outsiders, as long as the couple is fine with it. Trouble starts when external parties get involved. A lady once narrated how her mother-in-law, who was visiting, almost had a fit, flew into a rage and almost rocked her marriage because the husband was cooking while she was home. For the husband it was love, but for his mother, her son has been bewitched by that (name of tribe withheld) girl. The mother’s interference rocked the marriage for a while because the husband became hostile and almost violent towards the wife he once adored. Life has normalised since, though

    So, if one of the sources of happiness of your son or brother is doing dishes at home or even washing his wife’s clothes, including her pants, leave him alone. He did not rent your hands to wash them. Traducers should go and come up with their own formula to make their marriages peaceful and happy. As for our subject today, please carry on, sir, nothing do you.

    Finally, please allow me to digress to enable me deal with one small issue. Some young male readers might have cringed when they read above a suggestion that husbands can wash their wives’ pants. What is the big deal, if I may ask? Which husband never touch im wife pant before? Wives dey use their own hands remove pant for bedroom? No be the husband dey remove am? No be the same pant you handle for night, dem dey wash later? You know, as you grow older, you begin to see life differently. Things that looked so important previously become inconsequential. In our earlier years of marriage, I did not help my wife wash her undies when she had early morning sickness for months and was incapacitated. It was just unthinkable; I was ready to buy new pants until she was strong enough to wash them herself. My action looks so meaningless and foolish to me now. I cannot roll back the clock and I do not do laundry (manual or machine) anymore. But honestly, it is no longer a big deal. The services/help some older men render to their wives, especially sick wives, are far beyond washing of undies. It is all about love and love conquereth all things.

  • I need help; my husband wants to kill me

    I need help; my husband wants to kill me

    A woman in her mid-twenties, who does not want to be named, has cried out for help after she learnt of plots by her husband to cause her harm and marry another woman.

    A marriage counsellor shared the woman’s story with TheNewsGuru.com (TNG), seeking the opinion of the general public on how best to advise the young lady.

    It started long ago, she narrated; but it got worse during the lockdown emplaced to curtail the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19).

    “One fateful day during the lockdown, my husband hurriedly left the house without his phone. He usually locks his phone, but when I saw the phone and picked it, I noticed the stopwatch on the phone was running.

    “When I picked it, I saw several notifications. On the notification drawer, I saw a WhatsApp message reading, “this your plan is taking too long”.

    “When I tapped on the message, the last message I saw he sent was, “don’t worry, very soon, she would be out of the way and we can enjoy our lives together”,” she narrated to the marriage counsellor.

    The woman went further to say that she noticed that other messages in her husband’s chat were deleted. Now, she is asking for advice.

    What do you advise the woman should do? Leave your advice with a comment below.

  • Duties of the husband – Francis Ewherido

    Duties of the husband – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    The husband is the head of the house. That makes him the leader of the family.

    A husband who is a good leader finds it easier to get the cooperation of his wife, not because he is the head of the house, but because the wife believes and buys into his leadership. This leadership should extend to the realm of parenting.

    Parenting is a joint responsibility between a husband and a wife. Like marriage, each spouse plays a role in the upbringing of the children, but I feel men should take more responsibility in parenting. Time was when many African cultures saw parenting as mainly a woman’s responsibility.

    But I feel parenting should be the man’s main responsibility, while the wife serves as a co-pilot, especially because children tend to spend more time with their mothers particularly in their early years. Many men, like lions, leave the job of parenting to their wives. This can easily create imbalance in the development of children. If God wanted men to abdicate the parenting responsibility, He would not have made them head of the house in the first place.

    Husbands should also be the chief providers for their homes. It has always been the lot of men to work hard and provide for their families. Whatever it takes, strive to take care of your family. If you fall, get up. Keep moving; explore, acquire new knowledge, learn new skills, just do whatever is legal to enable you play the role of a provider. I am not saying it will be easy or happy all the time.

    It can be a thorny path with lots of frustration, near misses, humiliations and seeming hopelessness, but a man’s role as provider is a divine responsibility and I believe at some point, God will create a way to enable you carry out the duty He has entrusted to you. Husbands must always remember that God created wives as helpmates and not to take over their husbands’ responsibility.

    One more thing, in the midst of our struggles and trials, we should not always blame the external; we should also look inwards. Many a time, we are our major obstacle and the solution lies within.
    Just like the wife, the husband is also a lover of his wife.

    It is your duty to sexually satisfy your wife and this duty should be taken seriously. Sex for women is not straightforward the way it is for men, so you need to understand your wife.

    Also, keep fit and stay healthy, exercise regularly, eat and drink appropriately to put you in good stead to carry out your duty. Continued consumption of junk food deteriorates your libido and ultimately leads to junk sex, same with excessive consumption of alcohol. Drunkenness is a complete no-no and at variance with high sexual performance.

    In addition, remember that natural therapies of food, exercise, vegetables and fruits are safer and better sex enhancers. Some of these processed libido enhancers being bandied around have side effects and are not good for men with certain health conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney functions, etc.

    Except for exceptional situations, young people (below 50) have no excuse for not giving their wives sexual satisfaction. The rate of infidelity among married women is reportedly very high. Do not use your lousy approach to marital sex to sow seeds of infidelity in the mind of your wife. Do your work, you signed for it.

    Like the wife, the husband is also a procreator. No natural birth is possible without the coming together of the man and woman.

    The only exception is the birth of Jesus. So cooperate with your wife to procreate.

    But let me quickly add that the primary reason God created the marriage institution is companionship (Genesis 2:18). Procreation is secondary. I say this because there are many childless marriages. As long as the couple gives each other good company, the primary purpose of marriage has been fulfilled. I do not want to diminish the joy and warmth that children bring to the home, but the husband and the wife remain the most important components of the marriage, not the offspring.

    Do not end your marriage because of childlessness. When a spouse formally or informally leaves his/her spouse, the primary purpose of marriage, companionship, is defeated.

    But when a marriage is childless, God’s primary purpose remains intact. And many a time, childlessness is temporary. But even if ultimately the marriage does not produce a child, do not abandon your spouse. You vowed to stick together come what may.

    The husband is also a protector. You have a supreme duty to protect your wife physically, spiritually, emotionally and otherwise. I once told a story of how we went to mediate in a marriage dispute; the husband told us that he had told his neighbours to beat up and strip his “troublesome” wife naked anytime she had a quarrel with them.

    When we left, I told my companions that the marriage was over. Not long after, the marriage ended. If you love your wife, you naturally protect her from external aggression, including ill-intentioned family members. But there are times some husbands have been unable to fulfil this duty to protect their wives due to what I can call force majeure, for example, armed robbery and kidnapping. That must be heart wrenching.
    A husband should also be friends with his wife.

    They should be gist partners. You will be very boring spouses if you are not friends. God knew what he was doing when he made companionship, and not sex, the primary reason for marriage. How many couples in their 70s and 80s are still sexually active? Sex has even gone out the marriages of some couples in their 60s. It is the friendship that is keeping some of those marriages going.

    The husband is the parish priest or pastor-in-charge of his domestic church. It is his duty to create a praying family. It is also his duty to lead spiritual battles. I said earlier that part of a husband’s protection of his wife is spiritual. How can you protect your wife spiritually when you are weak? A husband should be spiritually strong.

    A husband should respect his wife. My people say that if you call your emekpe (a measure for garri, beans, etc) bad, people will use it to pack ashes instead of using it to measure garri. There are homes today where the children do not have regard for their mothers (and fathers in some cases) because they have seen their father show a monumental lack of respect for their mother.

    Finally, husbands (and wives too) should show gratitude. Just because you provided the money for food does not mean you should not thank your wife after being served. Can you eat Naira notes or raw meat and food ingredients uncooked? Even people, who went to their own farms are greeted by neighbours when they get back. Husbands (and wives), show gratitude.
    There are other duties, but let us try to implement these for a start and watch the magic that will happen in our marriages.

  • ‘My husband records romantic moments with his concubines and plays them to me’

    ‘My husband records romantic moments with his concubines and plays them to me’

    A fashion designer, Kudrat Oyewole, on Tuesday, petitioned an Ile-Tuntun Customary Court in Ibadan, seeking dissolution of her two-year-old marriage with her husband, Sikiru.

    Kudrat is seeking the divorce on grounds of harassments and unfulfilled marital life.

    The mother of one testified before Chief Henry Agbaje, the court’s President that she had endured sadness and frustration in her matrimonial home.

    She further said that her husband kept her and the child in a lonely developing site to live a ghostly existence and to starve.

    “Sikiru keeps ignoring my plea to empower me by paying for my shop as a fashion designer.

    “He also tells me that I had the option to pack out of his home if I was not ready to keep living a wasteful life with him.

    “In fact, Sikiru usually record some of his romantic moment with his concubines on his mobile phone and plays it in my presence to further frustrate me.

    “I reported him to his parents, but he never changed.

    “Just two weeks ago when I went to visit my uncle, he changed the key to the house and locked me out because I didn’t get back in time.

    “I am tired of staying with Sikiru, I also want to make progress in life,’’ Kudrat told the court.

    However, the respondent, who lived at Fatusi area in Ibadan, opposed the suit and denied some of the allegations levelled against him.

    He submitted that his wife was fond of frequently running to her parent’s home anytime there was a misunderstanding between both of them.

    “Kudrat went to enrol for a menial job without my knowledge and I told her that such behaviour doesn’t happen in our own family.

    “That was the reason why I prevented her from entering.

    “I have done everything humanly possible to rent Kudrat a shop, but she is not ready to be patient.

    “She must also learn to stop running to report me to her relatives,’’ Sikiru told the court.

    In his ruling, Agbaje appealed to the duo to exercise patience with each other.

    He directed them to provide more evidence to support their arguments and adjourned the case until Oct. 6 for the continuation of hearing.

  • Customary Law: It’s most inappropriate for husband to inherit wife’s properties after death – Dr Binitie Cassidy

    Customary Law: It’s most inappropriate for husband to inherit wife’s properties after death – Dr Binitie Cassidy

    By Emman Ovuakporie
    It is inappropriate for a husband to inherit his wife’s properties after her demise as contained in Urhobo Customary Law, Dr Linda Binitie Cassidy has said.
    TheNewsGuru.com, TNG reports that the age long custom of the Urhobos in Delta State that allows husbands to inherit their spouses properties instead of her children as inappropriate or appropriate.
    Speaking at an international webinar organized by the Urhobo Rennaissance Society, URS, entitled: ‘Administration of Estate Under Wills Law & Urhobo Customary Law of Inheritance’ Binitie Cassidy a discussant at the webinar said:
    “Our customary law that allows a husband to inherit a wife’s properties after her demise is inappropriate and that there’s need for it to be adequately addressed to right the wrong particularly in a polygamist home.
    She drew applause from the participants when she further raised some posers such as the issue of gates for married women, the issue of a first son holding trust on behalf of the children of other women’s children.
    She also asked why is it that a married woman cannot inherit her husband’s properties except for her children but her husband can inherit her properties if she dies.
    Cassidy explained that these are the issues we should be looking at in this webinar.
    Another participant also declared that customs and culture are meant to be dynamic not static.
    However,Professor Ben Oghojafor a discussant at the well attended webinar in response to most questions raised, professionally answered all one after the other.
    Hear Him:
    Question 1. Can a registered Will be challenged? On what grounds can a Will be challenged?
    Answer: A registered Will can be challenged. The grounds include: Fraud, mental incapacity, undue influence, violation of statute or customary law – especially where a custom forbid disposition of certain
    estate. See Odutola v Mabogunje (2013) Supreme Court
    Question 2. If a Will goes contrary to traditional laws and Customs, which one takes precedence. For example, the law approves a woman to benefit from the Testator’s estate contrary to some Customs and tradition.
    Answer: It depends on the State Law of the place where the testator lives. But in case of women inheritance, the law supercedes the Custom. See Ukeje v Ukeje (2014) Supreme Court
    Question 3. On what grounds can a Will be void or set aside.
    Answer: Grounds for setting aside a Will are similar to the Question one above. That is: age, mental incapacity, undue influence, fraud, drunkenness, blindness, illiteracy, etc or any other ground stated In the Law of the State that the testator lives. See Adesubokan v Yinusa (1971) Supreme Court
    Question 4. When is the appropriate time to write a Will? How can one go about it: appointing an Executor, making codicils, registration, execution etc.
    Answer: (a) A person who is 18 years and above is qualified to make a Will; provided the person has assets that are capable of disposition.
    (b) You go about writing Will by consulting a solicitor or any other person authorized by law to write
    Will for others.
    (c) An Executor of a Will may be appointed in the following ways:
    i. Express Declaration in the Will
    ii. Implied or by operation of law – Example, see section 5 of the Administration of Estate Law
    of Lagos State 2015
    iii. By the Court
    iv. Under Power of Attorney
    v. By Substitution Executor
    (d) A codicil is a subsequent Will, which expressly or impliedly revokes another existing Will. It must
    fulfill the same conditions as any other Will.
    (e) Registration is by complying with the requirements of the Probate Division of the High Court
    (f) Execution is may be directed in the Will and the Court Order for the administration
    Question 5. What happens if the Executor predeceases the Testator.
    Answer: Appoint a substitutional Executor
    Question 6. Can a Testator will all his entire estate to a church or an NGO when he has a family (wife and children)?
    Answer: Depends of the Will’s Law of the State where the testator resides. In Lagos State, a testator
    CANNOT. See section 2 Will Law Lagos State. Similar provisions in Oyo, Abia, Anambra, Jigawa States
    etc.
    Also can a wife Will her property to her family before marriage if she had no child in the marriage and the husband is a polygamist?
    A property acquired before marriage is not a marriage estate unless the women so decides.
    Question 7. Can a Testator Will his certificate and throne to his child?
    Answer: This is subject to Customary Law of the testator. If it is permitted, he can but if it is not permitted, he cannot.
    Question 8. Can a child born outside wedlock (illegitimate child so to say) and his mother benefit from a Will?
    Answer: There is no illegitimate child in Nigeria. see section 42 of the Constitution 1999 (As Amended).
    Question 9: On Will execution, I will want to know:-
    Who can be appointed an Executor.
    Answer: Persons that may be appointed as Executors include: Trust Corporations – e.g Banks; Professionals Solicitors and Accountants
    Question 10. Execution process for identifying all the Deceased Assets and Liabilities (cash/bank accounts balances, debtors/creditors, family ties/relationships, associations as alumni, clubs, NGOs, URS etc obligations and benefits etc)
    Answer: Appointment of Executor presupposes the existence of a Will. A valid Will must disclose with Certainty the estate of the testator and the beneficiaries or means of identifying the beneficiaries. The duty of the Executor is to search and identify the estate. Where the Executor cannot identify, he may apply for assistance from the Court.
    Question 11. Dealing with objections to the Will if any.
    Answer: Dealing with objections in the Will is through Court proceedings
    Question 12. Dealing with traditional or religious beliefs
    Answer: It can be done through appointment of special Executors with knowledge in traditional and religious beliefs.
    Question 13. Release of the Executor.
    Answer: Release of Executor is by death or renunciation.