TheNewsGuru

Tag: Husband

  • ‘Abeg, Forget Buhari Wahala, I Need A Husband’ – Michael West

    ‘Abeg, Forget Buhari Wahala, I Need A Husband’ – Michael West

    By Michael West

    Like the common saying, “different strokes for different folks,” the prevailing economic crunch, appalling state of insecurity and rising deaths occasioned by ravaging Cholera and Covid-19 do not count in the reckoning of lonely and desperate single women who long for conjugal fulfilment.

     

    In their priority, anxiety for daily survival that bothers many homes is not a concern to the awaiting brides. “It is when you have a home that you can join others to lament the economic woes and disaster that the (Muhammadu) Buhari-led All Progressive Congress, APC’s, government has unleashed on Nigeria and on Nigerians. Those groaning either silently or loudly already have reasons to do so but let me marry first, then, the lamentations and the complaints will be meaningful to me as I will also join the chorus; but until then, abeg, forget Buhari wahala, I need a husband.” This was the stern conversation I had with a reader early in the week.

     

    I didn’t know she’s single until we got talking Tuesday afternoon following a volte-face approach by determined single women including some upcoming stars in the movie industry who discarded shame and pretence to announce their urgent need of responsible men for serious affairs that could lead to marriage. It is not really shocking to see such because several eligible bachelors and single dads have remained silent, ‘technically’ withdrawn and suspended their drive for conjugal adventure due to poor economic situation in the country.

     

    In April 31, 2021 edition of this column, I published the complaints of some single women including single moms who were asking the whereabouts of suitors. It appears love life has taken flight from social space as only few men prowl the scene for possible date. “It’s like there are no men in town again. No overtures from men whether for serious or casual affairs, none at all. At some point, my friends suggested maybe we should go spiritual about it. Ah, the situation is not funny at all.” A 32-year-old graduate of Business Administration and a dress designer, has said.

     

    In the edition, I stated that men are still available but many are no longer ready. Reason: post-Covid-19 economy appears to have declining effects on their income as they experience dwindling business activities. Some have lost their jobs while, as at today, a number of them are struggling to survive with mounting bills to pay. Feelers from eligible bachelors and single dads show that the situation is challenging for many of them. Some of such men have been asking for help in the area of job placements and contract offers. “I need to be stable economically before I can think of engaging any woman in a serious relationship,” a 37-year-old man who was laid off last year August has said. He explained that he calmed down on the issue of relationship in order to rebuild his economic life; adding that he will return to the “market” as soon as he’s fairly stable.

     

    A single dad said “bringing a woman into my life now is like trying to mess up myself. Will she feed me and my children? God forbid! I’m almost through with the project I started last year. As soon as it is done, I will be ready. I hope the lady we talked about the last time is still available?”

     

    An aviator who lost his job three weeks to his formal introduction said he was yet to consummate the relationship due to economic factor. “I hope she will be patient with me, otherwise she is at liberty to go. Thank God that we were yet to do the introduction; if we did, I’m not sure how we will be able to cope. She was managing at a private business where her monthly take-home was barely enough to cover her transportation. Unfortunately, the owner of the business has closed shop since last year. She’s now into some networking business while prospecting for another job.” Recently, the man called to announce that he has secured a new job. When will he settle down with his waiting bride? “Not so soon. I need to be back on my feet financially before anything can be done in that regard. And if she can’t wait, she’s free to go.”

     

    Last week, a Nollywood actor, Inem Peter, made public her need of a man to marry as she lamented her life in loneliness. According to her statement as reported in a national daily, she was quoted as saying: “I woke up this morning wanting a husband. I beg ooo, I am ready. Where are those men in need of a wife? Please I am ready ooo! I am ready to wash your clothes 3 times a week, serve you in the house and the other room. Just anyhow you want it. I am ready to cook your meal 3-4 times a day. No stale food, no microwave, no warming. Please come and use me, I am all yours. All of you shouting go and marry, I am ready. If you want me to lose weight I will do it for you.” She said.

     

    Report has it that this is not the first time the diva would cry out for help on her lonely condition. She didn’t shy away from confessing that she is single and seriously searching after breaking up with her former boyfriend whom she alleged wanted a noisy girlfriend, a character she was not willing to become. According to her, he broke up with her because she was too quiet for his liking. She went on her Instagram page to make a “Public Announcement: If I ever told you that I was in a serious relationship uhn, it has ended o and I am single again. It ended because we are calm. He wants noise in the relationship. I mean he likes a girl who quarrels and fights. And I can’t trade my peace of mind for any relationship.”

     

    Gradually, our women are embracing reality as they discard the veil of pretence, religion and retrogressive idea of dying in silence when they could seek help by speaking up. There’s no crime in women boldly but decently reaching out to men they consider good enough to be their husbands. Nigeria’s Amazon, vocal and courageous freedom fighter, Aisha Yesufu, publicly declared that she walked up to her man and made overtures to him for a relationship which eventually earned her a peaceful and prosperous family life. Many happy couples today met in funny ways but what matters is the end result. There are several Inems out there in terms of character makeup, disposition and willingness to run good homes regardless of the razzmatazz of showbiz spotlight. At the end of the day, crowning career, social and professional attainments with stable homes is the ultimate. Guys, it is not every woman out there that is parasitic or a liability. They need responsible men they can trust before they open up their treasure of goodies and connections to improve the worth and life of their men. And for those who are unlucky with marriage, don’t give up. Keep trying, you will get it right. Marriage is sweeter than honey only when you are rightly paired.

    Stay blessed and welcome to Ember months. Peace!

     

    From the Mailbox

    Re: Solitude: A Ravaging Silent Killer

    Your write-up is highly impressive and instructive. When I was a single mother, solitude or loneliness nearly lead me to untimely death. Prior to my decision as a widow, I vowed not to remarry, but to stay with my two kids till my old age. But loneliness made me an unhappy lady. Then, I was always angry, full of anxiety and I had no companion or close pal to share my burden with. There’s no man to lean on or cuddle as my own. Eventually God spoke to me through my son who advised me to remarry so that I will not suffer for too long when they gained admission into the university. I pondered on it, and I realised that I will be left in the cold, lonely by the time my children entered the university. That was why I decided to remarry and to the glory of God, today I’m happily married to a lovely and caring man. No more living in solitude or loneliness. No more soaking my pillows with tears. Let every single mother have a companion for a peaceful and healthy living. Well done, sir. – Julie M. O, Enugu

  • I am looking for a husband- Eucharia Anunobi declares

    I am looking for a husband- Eucharia Anunobi declares

    Veteran actress and evangelist, Eucharia Anunobi has stated that she is looking for a husband.

    The role interpreter who recently bagged a PhD revealed that she would love to get married, adding that it is not good for man to be alone.

    Speaking in a chat with The Sun, she said: “I would want to get married. I’m looking forward to getting married. And surely, I believe it will happen at the fullness of time because God has already said that it is not good for the man to be alone. So, I am looking for (husband), I’m single. So, if you have anybody who loves me or likes me and feels that I’m the woman of his dreams, please bring him”.

    Asked about qualities she would look out for in a husband, she said: “The Bible said, ‘do not be unequally yoked with the unbelievers’ and ‘darkness cannot mix with light’. You cannot be someone who likes music and wanting to be with someone who doesn’t like music, it will not work. So, surely, I’m also looking for such things that have to do with complementing each other. As I am an academician, I surely would also want someone educated and enlightened. Someone who has an open mindset, someone who loves education and knowledge as I do, someone who is romantic, someone who has the fear of God, someone who holds the things of God sacred, someone who has the consciousness of heaven, someone who has a mind of his own, someone who would respect me and someone who loves humanity like I love humanity. By loving humanity the way I love humanity is someone who will support me in ensuring we make our world, our generation a better place, who will not mind joining financial, mental, material, emotional, spiritual resources with me for us to make our world a better place”.

  • Seven-month pregnant woman dumps husband over lack of respect

    Seven-month pregnant woman dumps husband over lack of respect

    A seven-month pregnant woman, Amina Usman, who dragged her husband Ibrahim Husseni to court was on Tuesday granted divorce due to” his lack of respect for her”.

    Usman in her petition alleged that there was no peace in her home because Husseni brings her down and embarrasses her.

    Delivering judgment, Justice Abubakar Tijjani of an Upper Area Court in Mararaba, Nasarawa State, granted Usman’s prayer.

    Tijjani ordered that a divorce certificate be issued them.

    In her petition, she said:” my husband vowed to disgrace and embarrass me.

    “He does not show me love or affection. I am willing to pay him the N50,000 dowry he paid to marry me”.

    She also begged the court to compel Husseni to provide for her until she delivers.

    Husseni, who is a businessman did not deny the allegation made by his wife.

    He prayed the court grant her request.

  • Possessive partners – Francis Ewherido

    Possessive partners – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    They both start with letter “P,” but one is positive while the other is poisonous. I am talking about protectiveness and possessiveness. Protectiveness simply means to keep safe from harm or injury. Synonyms include to: safeguard, shield, preserve, defend, shelter, screen, secure, fortify, guard, etc. When you love, you protect; when you cherish a person or item you protect them. Protection or willingness to protect a spouse/partner is one of the ways to gauge the health of a marriage/relationship.

    Possessiveness, on the other hand, is “demanding someone’s total attention and love, overprotective, clinging, controlling, dominating, etc.” A possessive partner is bad news and young people in relationships must learn to distinguish between a protective partner and possessive partner. They might look similar, especially when you are in love or lust, but they are not the same. In fact, one synonym of possessiveness is overprotectiveness, and as we all know too much of everything is bad.

    So, young people, when you are in a relationship, or before you take your relationship to the next level, watch out for these red flags.

    One, I watched two videos on possessiveness; one was a reality show while the other was a film. They had the same outcome: fatality. Possessive partners have a tendency to kill, maim or destroy. We have seen it over and over and it is a universal tendency. They kill, they give acid bath, they set their partners on fire; they inflict pain and destruction when things do not go their way. One of the universal rules of love is that it protects. You protect what you love. Nobody hurts what he/she loves. Possessive people do not love their partners. At best they are obsessed. Flee from them.

    Two, some possessive partners try to drive a wedge between you and your family. All of a sudden, your loving parents and siblings are now evil. They are all stumbling blocks to your progress. All your former school mates and childhood friends are no longer good people. He/she finds faults in all of them. He/she is now your only well-wisher. He/she tries to separate you from everyone and destroy all previous relationships. The only relationship he/she wants is between the two of you. In Africa, we do not just marry our spouses only, we marry into the whole family. It is diabolical for a potential spouse to want to drive a wedge between you and your family members who genuinely love you.

    Run away from such partners. They only want to isolate you from your real loved ones so that they can manipulate and destroy you. In the films I watched, the predators isolated their partners from their families and friends and started manipulating and sexually abusing her. In the reality show, when victim finally regained her senses, she moved back to her parents’ house with the baby she had with the partner. She also brought a case of rape and domestic violence case against him.

    He wanted her to refrain from testifying against him in court, but she refused. He then stalked her to her work place one morning and stabbed her multiple times before slitting her throat. She died shortly after. Had the police not been a step ahead of him subsequently, he would have killed the baby too. In the second case, her real husband, whom she abandoned for the predator, had to overpower the predator to rescue her. But before then, the predator had infected her with the HIV Virus. How can these acts be love?

    Three, possessive partners are usually violent. So, if your partner strikes you once, chances are he/she will do it again. When it comes to violence in such relationships, I do not believe in giving a violent partner a second chance. I have warned my children, especially my daughters. If he/she strikes you once, he/she will do it again. In marriage or romantic relationships, violence is not an option. You do not deliberately hurt or harm the one you love. If they mistakenly find themselves in such a relationship, they must summon the will power to end it or seek my intervention. I will never give my parental consent or blessing for such a relationship to culminate in marriage. I can understand misunderstanding and quarrels, but not violence. Even verbal threats should be taken seriously.

    Four, I tell my children, anyone who habitually tells to keep vital information from your parents or loved ones is evil. In the reality case I mentioned above, when the rape and domestic violence started, she hid it from her parents and friends. If they had known earlier, they could have stepped in and she would probably be alive today.
    Five, possessive partners are control-freaks. They want to control the lives of their partners, determine who they interact with and what they do; they also want them to account for their time 24/7. I always advise young people to be in control of their minds. This is because whoever controls your mind controls your life. Every normal adult should be in control of his/her life. Why would anybody want to take over another person’s life? It is an aberration.

    Six, possessive people are extremely jealous and as I said earlier, too much of everything is bad. Ordinarily, there is nothing wrong with jealousy. As I wrote in my book, “hitherto, jealousy was seen as protecting what is yours, while envy was the act of desiring what belonged to another. Jealousy is of God… Jealousy is like any other genuine feeling we have for what belongs to us. Done in moderation, it is okay; but taken to the extreme, it gets you into trouble… Everybody, who cares for his/her spouse, including me, harbours some degree of jealousy” (Life Lessons from Mudipapa). Possessive people take their jealousy to an extreme and deadly level and that is the problem.

    Seven, many possessive people are immature and insecure and ordinarily should not go into a relationship that can lead to marriage. As I wrote in Life Lessons from Mudipapa, “before getting to the stage of jointly making a bed (getting married), each party should be physically, psychologically and emotionally mature. Each party should also be secure, self-assured and comfortable with himself/herself.

    In other words, there should be self-mastery and victory over self, because as Stephen Covey rightly observed, ‘private victories must precede public victories’ and only independent people should go into marriage because ‘interdependence is a decision only independent people can make.’ The trouble with many marriages today is that dependent people go into the interdependent relationship that marriage essentially is.” Some possessive people are not mature and independent and should ordinarily not be in a serious relationship that can lead to marriage.

    So, youngsters in relationships or about to go into a relationship should watch out for these red flags. There are some others not listed here. A protective partner will shield you from harm, not harm you; a protective partner will defend you, especially when you are vulnerable; a protective partner will watch your back; a protective partner will risk his/her life to defend you, not become the source of danger; a protective partner loves you and nobody hurts what he/she loves.

  • BBNaija season 6: My husband permits me to have fun with male housemates – Tega

    BBNaija season 6: My husband permits me to have fun with male housemates – Tega

    BBNaija season 6 housemate, Tega, has stated that her husband permits her to have fun with male housemates in the house and nothing more.

    She said her husband permitted her to do everything in the house but to avoid those things that would come in-between their marriage.

    Tega, a mother of one, said this while she was in the dressing room with some of the male Shine Ya Eye housemates, Pere , Cross, and Boma.

    Light skinned Tega added that her man does not care that she is in the house with other men.

    She also told the male housemates to consider themselves lucky that she is married.

    “You guys should be lucky that I’m married. We can only catch cruise together and that’s it. It’s not that I’m loose but you guys should be lucky that I’m married.

    “My husband is not bothered that I’m in the house. His own is that I should just have fun. He just wants me to have fun, as long as it’s not a threat to our marriage.”

     

  • Police nab woman, husband for faking kidnap to defraud father of N5 Million

    Police nab woman, husband for faking kidnap to defraud father of N5 Million

    The police command in Niger State has arrested a man, Mohammed Mohammed, and his wife, Sadiya, for alleged conspiracy and self-kidnapping.

    The command’s Public Relations Officer (PPRO), DSP Wasiu Abiodun, disclosed this in a statement in Minna on Friday.

    He said that the couple who are residents of Chanchaga Local Government Area of the state were arrested on July 22, in Limawa area of Minna metropolis.

    Abioddun said that Sadiya was reported to have been kidnapped on July 15, on Old Airport Road in Minna after closing from work.

    “Her father was contacted by an unknown caller who demanded for five million Naira, finally the sum of one million Naira was given for her release,” he said.

    The PPRO said that Sadiya was invited by the police for questioning after she returned home on July 21.

    “During interrogation, she confessed to have conspired with her husband, Mohammed to fake her kidnap and that she was taken to Nugupi village.

    “The husband also confessed to have given his mobile phone to a friend named, Abdullahi, who negotiated and collected the ransom,” he said.

    Abiodun said that the suspects would be arraigned in court as soon as investigation was concluded.

  • The wives and husbands’ phone myth – Francis Ewherido

    The wives and husbands’ phone myth – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    I watched a short video some time ago. A man was in the bathroom when the wife requested to use his car. He agreed, but shortly after, he remembered that he left his phone in the car. He ran out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist and soap lather all over his body. He and his maiguard (security guard) ran after the wife until they caught up with the vehicle in their street and he retrieved the phone with great relief.

    Before now, I have seen similar short videos from America, Europe and India, where husbands lose their bearing if their wives get access to their phones. I have read similar comedies on social media, which tend to reinforce the myth that men are scared of their wives seeing the contents of their phones. The fact that the jokes are universal tend to reinforce the myth. There are two issues here. One, are men actually scared of their wives handling their phones? Two, if yes, why?
    I called a very successful professional and a chairman of a top government agency one day. A female, I shortly recognised to be his wife, picked the phone. We chatted for a while before her husband came and took over. My deduction: the wife has access to the husband’s phone.

    I called another friend on two occasions and the wife took the calls. She said her husband went out, forgetting to take along his phone. My deduction: the wife has access to his phone. I know another man, whose phone screens are permanently cracked because his wife and children play games with them.

    I also see men in the church and at social gatherings give their phones to their wives to keep in their handbags for safe keeping. You know even in churches, if you leave your phone on the pew, it can disappear. Also, during thanksgiving when everyone is dancing to the altar, it can also disappear from your pocket. At social gatherings, the master of ceremony welcomes you to the event with an announcement that you should keep your phone well because not everyone in the gathering is a gentleman. Some are “guy men.” My deduction: the wives probably have access to the husbands’ phones.

    Two weeks ago, when I wrote about side chicks, my brother, Michael Owhoko, pointedly asked me on my Facebook page, “but you nor tell us whether you get side chick or not.” My deduction is that some readers not only want to know my thoughts, they also want to know what I do. Let me clarify, the issues I raise in my column are not personal; they are not really about me or meant to validate me or prove anything. I am just like any other regular person with my trailer-load of frailties. The topics I discuss are just societal issues, but I take up Owhoko’s challenge today while dealing with this topic. Does my wife have access to my phone? Yes!

    I have a wife whose interpretation of “they are no longer two but one” is extreme and total. After marriage, we were using the same toothbrush, courtesy my wife, until I revolted. I did that because each time I brushed and saw what came out of my mouth, sharing a toothbrush did not make sense. But sometimes, I think my revolt was misplaced because the two mouths also kiss and exchange fluid and other mouth contents, so what is the big deal about sharing toothbrush?

    I was also not comfortable with using the same towel with her, especially at certain times of the month. She saw my body language and also stopped. MY discomfort was caused by what my mother said in the 70s. She rebuked an older cousin for saying she would share the same towel with her future husband. My mother (traditional Urhobo woman) said a towel used by a woman should not touch a man’s face. But when I think of what goes on between husbands and wives in the bedroom, I just wonder. These days, I use any towel that is handy, including my children’s.

    Sorry for the digression, but coming back to phones, my wife has “owned” my phones from the beginning when mobile phones debuted. I hate reading manuals, especially because of the small prints and volume, while she loves it. So she reads the manuals, sets up the phones (and other gadgets in the house) and tells me what to do. She has access to my phones. In fact, in 2009, I needed to travel for 11 days. To be able to run the family business effectively in my absence, she needed my phone, so I left it with her. But I still insist that phones are personal gadgets and she (and my children) must tell me before taking or using my phone. Moreover, I expect her to respect my privacy while handling my phone. Everyone needs some bit of privacy.

    So, it is not true that married men are scared of their wives handling their phones. True, there are some men who do not want their wives to have access to their phones. The question is why? Many people assume that it is because the men have side chicks and do not want their wives to know. In fact, after I got back from my trip, a friend called one day and told me that he called two weeks earlier, but my wife took the call and said I travelled. I confirmed it. Then he said, “you try o, you travel go Chicago leave your phone for madam?” You get his drift? It is possible that some men keep their phones from their wives because of side chicks, but assumption and stereotyping are dangerous.

    I know someone who does not allow his wife near his phone or laptop because he does not want the wife to know his bank balance. If she does, she will remember that they have not travelled for two years now due to the COVID-19 Pandemic, she will remember that her car is due for replacement, etc. And once she starts nagging, it is suffocating until he grants her what she wants.

    Some men hide their phones because they are just naturally secretive. Some men also keep their phones away from their wives because of the kind of wives they have. Some women are very selfish. They do not want their husbands to support their parents, siblings and friends, or engage in charity. It is just my children and I (maybe her family members). Meanwhile, the husband is a charitable person and derives joy from it. So what does the husband do to have peace in the house? He keeps his philanthropic activities away from the wife. Some wives are also unnecessarily sensitive, cantankerous and suspicious. So, the husband keeps his phone away to avoid unnecessary and sometimes annoying interrogation. There is also a man who is a porn addict; meanwhile his wife has a morbid hatred for porn. She would never understand why her husband would feast on porn videos/photos, when she is available, flesh and blood. At the end of the day, why a man hides his phones from his wife is best known to him. It might not necessarily be due to side chicks.

    But not all men with side chicks hide their phones. There is a man, who has side chicks, but does not bother to hide his phone. One day, the wife pried. She has not recovered from the trauma. When she confronted the husband, he asked her what she was doing with his phone. “Na so I dey check your own?” Sometimes curiosity can kill the cat. Also, sometimes for the sake of your sanity, you should allow some sleeping dogs to lie.

    Meanwhile, hiding of phones is not exclusive to men. Women also do it. There is a woman who hides her phone from her husband because once the husband knows she has money, there will be mayhem in the house until she surrenders the money. Another woman had two phones, but always kept one and used it only in the office. The husband later found out. What was she hiding?

  • Husband – A king and Labourer/Commoner, By Joe Eboigbe

    Husband – A king and Labourer/Commoner, By Joe Eboigbe

    By Joe Eboigbe Esq

    Some 23 years ago I went to my Father’s office to collect monies for some school supplies including books. His Orderly asked that I wait that my Dad was in a certain rush but I had to go back to Ekpoma from Benin the same day so I walked into the office. I saw the rush as he was standing to leave, but seeing me he had to attend to my needs. My father is or was not one who would give you money without justification, so he scrutinised my list and I defended every kobo. Suddenly his doors was pushed open and I heard his loud voice….. Morning Sir, it was his Boss, the Commissioner of Police Edo state.

    CP: Mr. Eboigbe you must be an idiot

    Dad: Yes Sir

    CP: How dare you keep me waiting, are you normal?

    Dad: I am very sorry Sir.

    CP: I better not get to my office before you……. and the semi illiterate, poor diction, ill mannered young Man with harsh northern accent went on hurling insults on my Dad, while he stood at attention.

    Without looking at me, my Dad said Son wait for me at home.

    Seeing the great Alpha Male, King and Supreme Ruler of his household in that state broke me. My journey back home was tormentous and depressing.

    Later in life I came to my own realities that The King must submit outside his Kingdom to bring bread to the table.

    Today’s post is not about my Dad, for the old man has retired and he is enjoying his retirement his own way.

    This post is about Husband – King and Commoner and an awakening in the hearts of Wives.

    The only place in the world where a Man is truly a King is his home and as soon as he steps out in search of daily bread he automatically becomes a commoner; he begs, he weeps, he is insulted, sometimes humiliated and humbled. He Knees before lesser Men, demeaned by Clients, Superiors, Customers, Employers etc. All these he takes undignified but internally proud knowing that it is in and by his submission that bread is guaranteed on the table of his family. He knows that submission is the SURVIVOR’S APPARATUS.

    When labour is over, he picks himself up adorning his Kingly Robes and returns to his Kingdom.

    Wives when he returns and if he returns, remind him that here is his kingdom where he reign supreme. Husband, Father and King.

    Happy Fathers’ Day in advance!

  • BREAKING: Gunmen abduct UNIJOS female professor, husband

    BREAKING: Gunmen abduct UNIJOS female professor, husband

    Unknown gunmen suspected to be kidnappers have allegedly kidnapped a professor with the Department of Medical Microbiology, University of Jos, Grace Ayanbimpe and her husband.

    TheNewsGuru gathered that the suspected kidnappers invaded the lecturer’s residence behind Haske Quarters, Lamingo in Jos North Local Government Area of the State, shooting sporadically before whisking the couple to an unidentified destination.

    Sources revealed that the incident which created tension in the area, occurred at about 12 am on Monday morning.

    Details of the incident is still sketchy as at the time of filing this report as the University management is yet to issue a statement on the incident.

    Details later…

     

  • Are you in your spouse’s life – Francis Ewherido

    Are you in your spouse’s life – Francis Ewherido

    Francis Ewherido

    These days, it is surprising the ease with which some people want to or walk out of marriage. It makes you wonder if they understood the marital institution before they got into it, or if there was ever a real marriage in the first place, or if it was just a sham. Examples of sham marriages are when some people get into marriage to enable them grab a chunk of their spouses’ wealth and walk out once they achieve their aim.

    Another example is when some people go into marriage to have children within matrimony and walk out after achieving their aim. Whatever the case is, couples in each of the categories above were never in each other’s lives. If they were, they could not have walked out of their marriages like people taking an evening stroll. Love, lust or deceit might bring people together, but they need more than any of these to stay together.

    When God instituted matrimony, it was beautiful. But humankind has made it a minefield with trailer loads of reasons for marriages to fail if the couples do not commit to making it work. Every successful marriage is a product of deliberate actions: patience, understanding, love, tolerance, regular communication and wrestling cage mentality, among others. The other ingredients mentioned here are self-explanatory, but I want to throw some light on wrestling cage mentality. Over seven years ago, I wrote an article, marriage is a cage, not an open ring. The conventional wrestling cage has an open top with ropes round it. During a wrestling match, if the beating gets too much, a wrestler can jump out of the ring to get some respite or abandon the fight entirely.

    Anyone with an open-cage mentality cannot have an enduring marriage; he/she will certainly jump out of marriage because tough situations aplenty. Unfortunately, that is the mentality of many people going into marriage today. They cannot bear any heat. I hear young married people say, “I don’t tolerate nonsense.” You cannot tolerate nonsense in your marriage, but you can tolerate nonsense driving on Nigerian roads and nonsense from colleagues at your work place. Tolerating nonsense is part of daily living. Even the best of spouses are full of “nonsense.” This is because they are humans and every human being is a combination of the good, bad and ugly. It is just that goodness predominates in some people, while “ugliness” predominates in others. Sometimes, what one spouse sees as nonsense in the other is a product of differing personalities. But the situation gets ameliorated with tolerance, patience, communication and understanding.

    Cage wrestling, on the other hand, takes place in an enclosure and the only entrance and exit is locked during fights. There is no escape until a winner emerges. You need a cage mentality to have a long lasting marriage. No retreat, no surrender. You confront every challenge head-on. You find solutions to all problems. Those problems you cannot solve, you learn to live with. There is no escape route until you are victorious. The only issues I will continue to preach against are marital abuse and threat to life. They are unacceptable and you should walk away once they rear their ugly heads in your marriage. Some of those who tarried have paid with their lives or suffered permanent deformities.

    But our topic is another ingredient necessary for marriages to endure: spouses being in each other’s lives. Often, we talk about parents being in their children’s lives and not enough about spouses being in each other’s lives. For Christians couples, being in each other’s lives has its foundation in the bible: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). One flesh means a life that is incomplete without your spouse, two hearts that beat as one, two lives that are inextricably intertwined. These are broad descriptions. Every couple must evolve what will make their lives inseparable. For some it is eating together. No matter how long it takes the other in getting home, the spouse waits for him/her. Some share responsibilities in a way that only one spouse cannot make the home function properly. Both must collaborate to make the home function optimally. Living intertwined lives is very important considering the fragility of modern marriages.

    While I was writing this column, a breaking news showed on my laptop screen: Bill and Melinda Gates to divorce after 27 of Marriage. That came out of the blues. Every marital breakup breaks my heart and this one certainly did. I thought it was going all well in their marriage. First, it was Jeff Bezos, the current richest man in the world, and his former wife, MacKenzie. Now it is Bill Gates, the former richest man in the world and current world’s fourth richest man, and his wife. Every marital breakup diminishes the marital institution and high profile divorces like that of Bill and Belinda Gates do have worldwide ripple effects. The Gates are involved in so many charity and humanitarian activities and everything looked so normal with their marriage. Uwevwirohwofabeno (it is hard to understand inner workings of another person’s house.

    They did not say much in their divorce statement, but from their eldest daughter’s statement, the union seems to have been strained for a while. I cannot help but wonder if they were in each other’s lives; if one felt incomplete without the other. It does not look like they were. And apparently, the activities of the Bill and Belinda Gate Foundation were not strong enough to keep them together as husband and wife because they said they intend to continue working together in the foundation after their divorce.

    The divorces of Gate and Bezos clearly point to the fact that money is important in marriage, but it is grossly insufficient to make a marriage happy and enduring. Sometimes, the presence of money is the major source of problems in some marriages. Young people going into marriage must understand the place of money in marriage. Every man should work hard to earn enough to provide for his family. Food, clothing, shelter, school fees, rent, etc., costs a lot, especially with the hyperinflation we are currently going through. It is also wonderful if you can afford holidays and other luxuries.

    But money is not everything. Couples must learn the balancing act between economic pursuits and other aspects of their lives: creating time for God, their families, themselves, recreation, etc. Poor distribution of time on various aspects of their lives by many couples is a leading cause of divorce. You cannot spend all the time on economic pursuits; you cannot spend the whole day with your wife while your mates are out there working; you cannot spend all your time on recreation and you cannot spend all the time church. Good balancing is important.

    Like everything in life, being in each other’s life has downsides. One of the downsides of the lives of spouses being intertwined is that if one spouse dies, life can become tasteless, incomplete, complicated and no longer worth living for the surviving spouse. You would have seen or read about spouses who died shortly after they lost their spouses… some hours, days or weeks. Still it is good to be in your spouse’s life.