TheNewsGuru

Tag: love

  • Shakira speaks on finding love again

    Shakira speaks on finding love again

    Pop star, Shakira has revealed that she has no plans to fall in love with anyone again in her lifetime after what Spanish and former Barcelona Gerard Pique did to her.

    The couple, who got married shortly after South Africa 2010 lived  together for 11 years, before announcing their separation in June 2022.

    This is following alleged infidelity on the part of Pique.

    Shakira, who is now 47, said on Zane Lowe’s Apple Music 1 show: “I thought love would be there forever for me, and that’s one of my broken dreams.

    “I don’t know if I’d like to find that again. Probably not.”

    Despite the heartbreak, Shakira has focused on her music career.

    Her long-awaited 12th album, “Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran,” was released recently, marking her return to the music scene.

  • Why Love? – By Amarachi Maduka

    Why Love? – By Amarachi Maduka

    Love (noun ) : a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personalities. An attraction based on sexual desires ( affection felt by lovers) Merriam Webster Dictionary (2011). From the definitions stated , it can be deduced that love is a “strong affection “one has for someone or something. This affection is exhibited by all (young and old) . It is evident on how importance is placed on these things or persons. However , a close perusal needs to be taken on the second definition which is “an attraction based on sexual desires” for young adults which brings us to the focus of this discourse.

    Love in this context is the most sought-after among adolescents as this is peculiar to them , Self identity as well as social skill which includes the call for attention among opposite gender is indispensable. They are attracted to each other as a result of exposure and constant communication in their daily activities like studies , social activities, work and so on. This is liable to expose them to erotic development of interest for one another and may dream of romantic love (infatuation) in most cases. This is not to say that certain bonds shared by some are not platonic.

    It is worthy of note that the development of sexual hormones is one of the factors that enhances their sexual desire which builds a sensual arousal , making them feel unease at the early stage . This poses the tendency of certain misconception about their sexuality. They become confused. They are left with questions that need answers because these feelings and emotions are new and strange to them. Their sexuality is put to test. The quest for these answers and how to respond or react to these body signals is activated . Therefore, they are faced with the choice to either communicate this phenomenon to their parents, guardians or friends. This stage can be referred to as ” unearthening the presence of a love tank that needs filling”.

    The sub- adult has discovered that he/she has a love tank conceptualized has being empty ( sometimes might be false) which needs to be filled . At this juncture, they need a MAP (mentor, advocate and parent) to guide , enlighten and prepare them towards the transitional activities they are likely to experience at this stage. Their conscience is internalized. Hitherto, the adolescent needs to know that: Attraction to the opposite gender is not unethical rather it is a part of the metamorphosis peculiar to their moment but they can navigate this feeling responsibly taking cognizance of societal norms and values that are beneficial to them and help carve a respectable identity for themselves.

    Having the feeling to be loved by anyone (parents, guardians, and friends) is natural. It is part of what makes any individual human.

    What they term to be love (sexual attraction) is only but infatuation where intimate affair is involved and they are prone to take risks they are not ready for. They need time to grow and blossom into maturity ; they are like seeds planted and nurtured to spring forth good, viable and healthy fruits but cannot be plucked or eaten if they are unripe.
    The best love they can ever experience is “self love”. It comes from within. It helps them discover the need to be responsible for themselves. External love sought-after cannot be enough because loneliness is a vacuum that cannot be filled by anyone except themselves.

    Regardless, the teenager’s desire to fill his/her love tank can be achieved by parents / guardians through spending quality time with them. To give teenagers quality time is to give them a part of your life. That is, undivided attentions, making them feel they are the focus of your life. Quality time is a powerful communicator of love. To achieve this, there has to be togetherness (it goes beyond mere proximity). It has to do with being in touch with each other, adequate conversations including heart to heart talks from time to time. This helps to build bond between the teenager and their parents. It also helps the parent identify with the needs of his/her adolescent. The needs of the adolescent are not necessarily material things. Though, it varies from one person to the other, some of which are affirming words when they are emotionally down, when they need to be encouraged for a job well done and so on. Gift a times should be encouraged ( this tends to counter enticement from the opposite gender for females). Assistance with basic things they cannot handle even if they feel they do not need help sometimes they still do. All these are building blocks structured for a solid foundation which significantly helps fill the emotional (love) tank of the teenager. Thus develops confidence in them to face negative influence as they socialize with peers because the teenager is a creature of action.

    Why love is a question the young adult seeks answer but they are left with the misconception of what love is all about. Poor orientation and inadequate communication regarding love, sex as well as their sexuality is also a factor of this misconception and confusion . This is a rallying cry to parents, guardians as well as teachers the need for proper and adequate orientation of the young adult on sex education. Not leaving out facts they need to know about bodily changes and emotional signals they experience in this phase of their lives ; it is natural. It should not be misinterpreted rather they are propellers that set them for maturity and they need “time” and “patience” to sail through so as to become responsible adults. For love and being loved is a beautiful thing and it is a prerequisite for humans to live in a peaceful and habitable environment even as God commanded, ” love your neighbour as yourself”.

    Amarachi Favour Maduka is a teacher and a teen coach.

  • The love of life is evil – By Femi Aribisala

    The love of life is evil – By Femi Aribisala

    “Man’s love of life is the root of all evil and the basis of every sin”.

    Is it good to go to school; get a good job; build your own house and have lots of money?  Not according to Jesus. These things are highly valued by men. But Jesus teaches that: “What is highly valued among men is detestable in God’s sight.” (Luke 16:15).

    Therefore, it is not surprising that Jesus had none of these accomplishments as a man. He did not go to school. He was a lowly carpenter. He did not build His own house. He was not a rich man.

    In Jesus’ doctrine, the cares of this life are the preoccupations of Satan and men. This makes them offensive to God. Jesus told Peter: “Get behind me, Satan! You are an offense to me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.” (Matthew 16:23).

    This means the things of men are the things of Satan. Jesus asked the chief priests of the Jews: “The baptism of John- where was it from? From heaven or from men?” (Matthew 21:25). If it is from heaven, then it cannot be from men.

    God is good

    Jesus says: “No one is good but One, that is, God.” (Matthew 19:17). This means only the things about the kingdom of God can be good. Everything about this world is evil. Those things that preoccupy us; going to school, getting good jobs, building houses, and making money, all pertain to this world and, as such, are evil and not of God.

    God’s kingdom is not of this world. (John 18:36). Indeed, everything earthly is a human alternative to the will of God in heaven. Continued devotion to the things of this world militates against our desire to be with the Father in heaven and is therefore evil.

    Jesus says to His disciples: “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” (Luke 11:13).

    This indicates He sees men as evil. To be good, men, who Jesus also categorises as “the sons of this world,” have to become “the sons of light;” another word for sons of God. Sons of men must receive from Jesus the power to become sons of God. (John 1:12-13).

    This requires all our affinities to men and to this world to be relinquished in favour of God and the kingdom of heaven. These include allegiances to the fatherland, to family and relatives, and race, sex, and creed.

    Jesus is categorical: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26). He says furthermore: “Whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:33).

    Relative and absolute evil

    Men are consumed by the love of life, leading us to regard anything that threatens our life as evil. This makes us define evil erroneously in relative terms. If the enemy kills us, he is evil; but if we kill him, we are good.

    However, God sees evil in absolute terms.

    Jesus regards as evil anything that undermines God’s will. This makes man’s life the greatest evil of all. The love of life, expressed in our determination to enhance, promote, and safeguard our temporal condition, commands our allegiance even above the first and greatest commandment to love God with all our heart.

    Therefore, Jesus regards man’s love of life as the root of all evil and the basis of every sin. Indeed, we steal, cheat, fight, kill and commit adultery to save our lives. We only overcome sin by hating our lives.   

    Re-definition of evil

    Jesus reveals that the love of life makes men enemies of God. He tells us that God has made the hatred of life in this world the primary prerequisite for the attainment of eternal life. Jesus says: “He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25).

    Thereby, Jesus redefines evil. Since men esteem their lives more than anything else, Jesus defines everything that diminishes our life in this world as good. He requires us to take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions and in distresses. For when we are weak, then we are strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10).

    Poverty becomes a blessing. Jesus says: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.” (Luke 6:20). He also categorises adversities as a blessing: “Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.” (Luke 6:21).

    He says: “Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.” (Luke 6:22).

    Correspondingly, Jesus tells us not to bother to resist evil anymore: “I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” (Matthew 5:39). He insists we must love our enemies: “I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:44).

    Moreover, Jesus says we should not fear death: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more.” (Luke 12:4). Death becomes something good because it leads to our reunification with the Father in heaven: “If you loved me, you would rejoice because I said, ‘I am going to the Father.’” (John 14:28). But life is evil because it keeps us away from God.

    Evil misnomer

    The problem with the love of life is that men are unaware that it is sinful. If we love life, we will automatically love sin. The love of life militates against the love of God. It blinds men to the truth about good and evil.

    Indeed, we define our righteousness by the extent to which we love and promote life; the very thing God hates. To understand good and evil from God’s perspective, we must first break free from the bondage of the love of life.

    The love of life prompts us to eat from the God-forbidden tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Everything we make and do has evil and good in it simultaneously. Every good medicine for healing sicknesses has bad side effects. The plane that carries us from Cape to Cairo sometimes falls from the sky and crashes.

    We make so-called “evil things” like the atom bomb and the machine gun; and “good things” like the airplane and the aspirin. But both our “good” and “bad” products are evil in God’s sight because they are of the world and not of God.

    Accordingly, John counsels: “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the Father but from the world.” (1 John 2:15-16).

  • True love is a decision – By Femi Aribisala

    True love is a decision – By Femi Aribisala

    “The love that God requires of us is a commandment”.

    Jesus gave us the eleventh commandment.  He says: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35).

    Jesus is not prescribing here what we commonly call love.  Instead, He is insisting on the peculiar God kind of love.  As with all things that are of God, this love is impossible with man.  It is only possible with God.  This is because this love is the fruit of the Holy Spirit of God.  Paul says: “The fruit of the Spirit is love.” (Galatians 5:22).  Therefore, this love cannot be found in natural, carnal man.

    Agape love

    However, what is impossible with man becomes possible when God gives us His Holy Spirit.  A man can only have what he has received.  Those who do not know Christ and have not received the Holy Spirit cannot exhibit the love of God, the only true love.  This love cannot exist where the Holy Spirit is absent.

    But if we have truly received the Holy Spirit, then we have received godly love and therefore, have love to give.  This is the revelation of scripture: “The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5).

    It is imperative for us to know the difference between this love of God and the love of man.  The love of man is based on our feelings.  We meet a man or a woman and “fall in love” with him or her.  But since this love is based on our feelings, it is temporal because our feelings can change and often do.

    However, the love of God is not based on our feelings.  The love that God requires of us is a commandment.  Jesus says: “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment.’  And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:39).

    Children of obedience

    We do not obey God’s commandments because we feel like it.  We obey because we are children of obedience.  Therefore, the love that God commends to us is not dependent on our feelings but on our obedience.  For this reason, God requires us to love everybody, even those we do not like, and even those who are hateful.

    Accordingly, Jesus says: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies.” (Matthew 5:43-44).  You can see here that Jesus completely ignores our feelings.  A man would not normally love his enemies.  But God is different:

    “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:7-8).

    Therefore, if we are to be the children of God, we must love the way God loves: “for he makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45).

    For this reason, God said to Hosea: “Love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery.” (Hosea 3:1).  Natural man cannot and would not obey such a commandment.  It can only be obeyed by a man who has been transformed by the Spirit of God.  This shows true love does not come from finding a perfect person, but from seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

    Because godly love is required in obedience to God, and because it is not based on our feelings, it is everlasting love.  That is a fundamental character of the love of God.  God says: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah 31:3).  Since we cannot stop obeying God, we must not stop expressing the love of God.

    Decision to love

    The love that God commends to us then, is a decision.  We decide to love.  We choose to love.  We love out of obedience to God.  But even more fundamentally, we love because we are born of God and are now: “partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.” (2 Peter 1:4).

    Thus, John says: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8).  Since God is love, whoever is born of God is born by love.  Whoever is born of God has received the love of God.

    Template of love

    Jesus says: “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” (John 3:16).  This provides us with another template of the love of God.  God so loved; He gave.  This means if we have the love of God, we will give.  We give because we have received.  If we do not give, then we do not love.  But if we have received the love of God, then we love to give and give to love.  Jesus says: “Freely you have received, freely give.” (Matthew 10:8).

    Do not be mistaken in presuming money is the be-all and end-all of giving.  Not at all.  As children of God, we give words of affirmation in appreciation, praise, commendation, encouragement, and edification.  We also give acts of service, such as running errands, offering a lending hand, and helping and assisting others.

    We also give our time by giving others our undivided attention, talking to them, listening to them, sharing with them, and doing something with and for them.  We give gifts, such as handwritten letters, poems, scriptures, or flowers.

    We touch others with our hearts and prayers.  We touch them by holding their hands, hugging, snuggling, or even kissing them.  Paul says: “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (2 Corinthians 13:12).

    We do not give because we want to be repaid.  Jesus says: “Do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return.” (Luke 6:35).  Nevertheless, there is a spiritual principle about giving.  Givers never lack.  Givers only give what they receive.  But when they give, God ensures they are replenished bountifully.

    Accordingly, Jesus says: “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:38).

    Therefore, we give from a place or knowledge of abundance.  We give because we know we are a gift to others.  We give because we know we have something to give.  We give because we want to make someone’s life better.  We give because we have realized the joy of giving.

    We give because we know that God, our Father, is well-pleased when we give. The Bible says: “Do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” (Hebrews 13:16).

  • I didn’t get the love at Man Utd – Pogba

    I didn’t get the love at Man Utd – Pogba

    Juventus midfielder Paul Pogba admits he did not get the love he wanted at the Premier League club, Manchester United.

    The France international left United for the Serie A side for a second time in his career last summer.

    He recalled to Views magazine: “When I left Manchester, I was young. And when you’re young, you want to prove something. I came to Juve, to a fairly young Italian club, it was a big test for me. But I immediately saw the love of the supporters.

    “I saw the love of the club. I really liked how they worked and learned a lot. I went back to Manchester because I hadn’t finished my work there. I said to myself ‘I really want to play with the A’s [the first team]’. I did it and it was a goal achieved for me.

    “We have already won, not the Premier League, but titles that Manchester have not won for a long time. And I came back to Juve, why? Because it’s really the club that helped me push myself.

    “And really the love from the fans, the love from the club that I get, I didn’t get that in Manchester. I was quite surprised when I came back to England, already with the transfer I was given a label. It was quite sad.

    “But it’s two clubs that I really love, that made me grow and I can only say thank you to these two clubs. Maybe I could have gone to other clubs, but it was my heart that chose those clubs and I often follow my heart.”

  • [Devotional] IN HIS PRESENCE: The reckless love of the Father

    [Devotional] IN HIS PRESENCE: The reckless love of the Father

    Read: Luke 15:1-31

    Meditation verse:

    “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not  leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until  he finds it?” (Luke 15:4).

    The ‘one’ is important to God. That unsaved one. That lost one. That forgotten  one. That lonely one. That one who feels different from everyone else. This ‘one’  is so important to the Father, that He leaves the ninety-nine to go after him. To  man, it makes no sense. It seems a bad move. What if He loses the ninety-nine  in His bid to go after the ‘one’? But He is the Almighty God, He knows that His  love is wide enough to cover the ninety-nine, while He goes after the lost one.  The lost one is most at risk because he is alone, forgotten, and forsaken, so the  Father goes after him until He finds him. Gospel singer Cory Ashbury calls this  love of God ‘reckless love’. And he says no, God is not reckless, but His love is  reckless. He loves recklessly without considering the risks. “For God so loved the  world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should  not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16)). 

    In Luke 15:1-2, the tax collectors and sinners all gathered around to hear Jesus.  But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes  sinners and eats with them. That’s the reckless love of the father. In Luke 19, as  Jesus was passing through Jericho, He got to a fig tree and looked up to call out  Zacchaeus the tax collector, who had climbed the tree because he was too short  to see Jesus amongst the crowd. That is the reckless love of the Father. In the  parable of the prodigal son, the lost son wandered far away and squandered his  riches, but when he came back to his senses and decided to go back home, he  was welcomed back with open arms. That is the reckless love of the Father. 

    The love of God is always searching for that one person who feels alone,  different, lonely, abandoned, sinful, afraid, or forgotten. No matter what you  have done or where you have been, His reckless love will fish you out. Why not  receive that love today?

     

    IN HIS PRESENCE is written by Pst (Mrs) Oke Chinye, Founder of The Rock Teaching Ministry (TRTM).

    For Prayers and Counseling email rockteachingministry@gmail.com

    or call +2348155525555

    For more enquiries, visit: www.rockteachingministry.org.

  • Jilted lover sets self ablaze

    Jilted lover sets self ablaze

    A 35-year-old woman, Maryam Aminu has set herself afire after accusing her boyfriend of cheating in Dutse Local Government Area of Jigawa.

    Mr Adamu Shehu, Public Relations Officer, Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC) in the state, confirmed the incident on Thursday in Dutse.

    He said the incident occurred at about 2:00 a.m. on Thursday at Gindin Dinya area of Dutse.

    He said preliminary investigations showed that the lady used petrol and set herself ablaze, adding that some people in the neighbourhood extinguished the fire and rescued the lady.

    “Although the cause of the incident is yet to be ascertained, it was alleged to be connected to a relationship with her 40-year-old boyfriend, identified as Ibrahim Haruna.

    “The lady suffered second degree burns, she is currently receiving medical attention at the General Hospital, Dutse,” he said.

    An eye witness, Muhammad Yusif said the lady became furious when she learnt that her boyfriend went to see another woman and set self afire.

    “She is a jealous commercial sex worker living in the neighbourhood.

    “The lady suspected that her boyfriend went to see another woman and attempted to commit suicide,” he said.

  • Valentine’s Day: Google Trends show Nigeria leading in search for love

    Valentine’s Day: Google Trends show Nigeria leading in search for love

    Google on Tuesday released insightful data on the search trends of Nigerians as the topmost in the search related to love, dating, and the special day of Valentine.

    Taiwo Kola-Ogunlade, Communications and Public Relations Manager, Google, West Africa said in a statement that the data provided a unique window into the hearts of residents as they sought answers and ideas related to the occasion.

    Kola-Ogunlade said, according to Google trends, Nigerians were actively searching for information and inspiration related to Valentine’s Day and the insights offered a fascinating glimpse into their thoughts and interests.

    According to him, at Google, the goal is to provide the information people are looking for in the moments that matter to them.

    Kola-Ogunlade said: “These trends showcase the crucial role search plays in helping Nigerians find answers to their most pressing questions, especially during special occasions such as Valentine’s Day.

    “It underscores the importance of search in these exciting moments.”

    According to the data, Nigeria is currently the top country searching for love in 2023, and it has been the country searching the most for dating apps worldwide since 2004.

    According to him, the search for “the origin of valentine” has also increased by 200 per cent in the past week.

    He said that the data also showed that searches for valentine messages for boyfriend rose by 300 per cent in the past week, and valentine hair style  rose by 250 per cent over the same period.

    The Communications Manager said that the best dating app in the world also spiked by 250 per cent, while the origin of valentine rose by 200 per cent.

    Kola-Ogunlade said that the best valentine gift for girlfriend both spiked by 120 per cent in the past week.

    According to him, in addition to searching for Valentine’s Day ideas, Nigerians also searched for answers to questions relating to the celebrations.

    He said that the most trending questions on Valentine’s Day over the past week included Is Valentine’s Day for Muslims, When was Valentine’s Day created among others.

    Kola-Ogunlade said that while the list of the most searched questions on dates over the past year included how to ask a girl out on a date, ‘What to do on a first date’, among  others.

    Google Trends is a publicly available tool that displays relative search volume across geographies, time periods and queries that people want to know about.

  • [Devotional] IN HIS PRESENCE: Love: A more excellent way

    [Devotional] IN HIS PRESENCE: Love: A more excellent way

    By Oke Chinye

    Read: 1 CORINTHIANS 13:1-13

    Meditation verse:

    “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13).

    As the world celebrates love on this day, let’s remember that love is not just a feeling. It is an action. It is a strategy for obtaining peace, mending broken relationships, overlooking offences, and building better relationships with others. Where words fail to bring the desired results, love will succeed. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7). Love covers a multitude of sin and answers to several life issues.

    John 3:16 says “for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. In 2 Corinthians 5:14-15, Paul the Apostle said, “for the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again”. Let the love of God be your focus of celebration this day. Let it permeate your whole being. Let it determine your choices, attitude, perspectives, speech, character, and actions.

    Choose the pathway of love always and not just for this day.  Love is a more excellent way of relating with people. When people treat you badly, if you choose to love them rather than retaliating, you are more likely to win them over.  When God blesses those around you and you begin to feel envious, if you love them at that moment by speaking a kind word, your feelings of envy will disappear. When you have the good things of life and others around you do not, loving them will prevent you from being puffed up. Love enables you to accept and relate with those who are not of the same social status as you. It helps you eschew that which is evil. “Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away” (1 Corinthians 13:8).

     

    IN HIS PRESENCE is written by Pst (Mrs) Oke Chinye, Founder of The Rock Teaching Ministry (TRTM).

    For Prayers and Counseling email rockteachingministry@gmail.com

    or call +2348155525555

    For more enquiries, visit: www.rockteachingministry.org.

  • YOUNG MEN, HUSTLE O! – By Francis Ewherido

    YOUNG MEN, HUSTLE O! – By Francis Ewherido

    Late in January this year, we read the story of a man in Kenya who committed suicide. He had returned home late, but his older lover, who had been housing and feeding him for some months now refused to open the door for him. He subsequently went behind her house and hanged himself. He left a suicide note: “Ntinyari (the name of his lover), you are the reason why I have decided to kill myself because I cannot live without you…” 

    The deceased man, identified as David Mbijiwe, was 41 years old. According to the report, David was being “kept” by the woman, who is way was older than him, according to a neighbour. A little digression, times have changed. In those days, it was not common to see couples where the woman was older. Long before I got married, there two were things I knew I would never do. One was marrying older woman. I had a friend, Helen, also from Bendel State (Edo and Delta States) who really wanted to marry me. She was educated, nice and beautiful, but a year older. She did not stand a chance due to the tiny age difference. Helen, just in case you are reading this, you now know why I was not forthcoming. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you. It’s just what I saw while growing up.

    People now “date” and marry wherever they find love, age notwithstanding. It is their lives. But I warn my married friends who are my age mates to flee from these young men with large appetite for older women. It is not just a question of infidelity, it will end up in sorrow and disaster. A friend usually patronized a solon where a young man was working. He kept complimenting and flattering her. When she told me, I told her to flee. “His job is to make your hair, not flatter you. I know women like compliments and flattery, but this one can only lead to disaster.” This is Africa. I do not want to digress further.

    One phrase that caught my attention in David’s story is:  “being kept.” Is David a dog or some domestic animal? At 41, he was being “kept.” So many things went through my mind: Why will a 41-year-old man be kept and fed by a woman? I have read and heard that older women keep younger men mainly for their sexual prowess. But a lady I listened to on YouTube said an older lady can also end up with a three-minute 30-year-old man. She said it is not mainly about sex; the love making knowledge of the man, whether he is selfless and takes the women into consideration, also matters.  Then she went on to something I have talked about a few times. Sex (Marital) is as much about the act itself as it is about communication. Do not assume; know exactly what your wife/husband wants. The lady also talked about companionship and the feeling rejuvenation among the older women. They feel young and youthful again; they can go clubbing and partying the way they used to do in their younger days, among other “benefits.”  

    Anyway, my question is, if David was the breadwinner of the house, would she lock the door against him? Will he be referred to as being “kept” by the woman? The story reinforced my gospel to young people: for Christians, the bible is very clear on that. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Under normal circumstances, your wife should not be the breadwinner, she is a helpmate, a supporter, someone who supplements at best. That was what I grew up to meet. That has been the tradition in many societies before Nigeria came to be.  

    In some modern homes the wives earn more than the husbands. I do not have problems with that as long as the man earns a living. Sometimes the pendulum swings the way of women due to certain circumstances (the wife having a better paying job or business; also, ill health, loss of job retirement, etc., that affect the man). The one I can never understand and accept is an able-bodied man who has refused to do anything and turned the wife into a breadwinner. Even the bible does not tolerate that.   

    The husband is the head of the house, but it is earned not with a penis and scrotal sack, but by being responsible and providing effective leadership. Effective leadership includes providing for your family. A husband who is a good leader finds it easier to get the cooperation of his wife, not because he is the head of the house, but because the wife believes and buys into his leadership. I have not seen any marriage where the woman is the permanent breadwinner that has total peace, happiness and runs smoothly. It is not right for the woman to permanently be the breadwinner. If it happens because the man is incapacitated, fine, but not because he is lazy and laidback. My guy, if that is how you are, anything and nonsense you see in your marriage, take it; you are no better than Esau who sold his birthright to Jacob. You can’t be strutting the house as the head of the house when your wife is housing, feeding, clothing you and picking up all the bills, wetin; you no get shame?

    I encourage every man to work very hard to provide for the family. From my study of the way women are wired, they do not feel it is their primary duty to provide for their families. Even when they have money, they still feel it is the man’s duty to take care of the household. Do whatever it takes legally to take care of your family. If you fall, get up. Keep moving; explore, acquire new knowledge, learn new skills, just do whatever is legal to enable you play the role of a provider. I am not saying it will be easy or happy all the time. It can be a thorny path with lots of frustration, near misses, humiliations and seeming hopelessness, but a man’s role as provider is a divine responsibility and I believe that at some point, God will create a way to enable you carry out the duty He has entrusted to you. Husbands must always remember that God created wives as helpmates and not to take over their husbands’ responsibility. 

    There’s no woman who will not love to see Paris and “die,” the ancient and modern of London, the German machine of Frankfurt and miracle of Berlin…the list is endless. Let us not start there; have a roof over your head, food on the table and put the children in school. The most obedient wife can rebel if the children are hungry or out of school. Sort out the basics and you can climb the ladder from there. It is not easy to be a husband and family man in Nigeria, but without the family, societies vanish, so we have no choice.