Has a man ever said to you, “I love you, but I’m just not IN LOVE with you anymore?” And then told you it’s over because he just doesn’t “feel it” for you anymore?
Well, let me make you feel a whole lot better right away….
This is extremely common among men, and it often has NOTHING to do with the woman he’s with.
You could be the most amazing woman he has ever met, beautiful, kind, successful, but if a man is not in the right place in his life and hasn’t reached the level of maturity that a real relationship requires of him, he’s going to cut you lose.
When a man starts pulling away, it can drive you crazy. You don’t know if you’re coming or going with him, and most of all you just don’t know what to do about it. Yet how you handle a moment like this can determine whether your connection with him will completely dissolve.
What a man means by “In Love”
As much as men are different, when it comes down to it, men are human. And because they’re human, they have more in common with women than they have that makes them different. Which means that men share many of the same dreams, fears, frustrations and worries that you do on a basic level.
One of the biggest fears that men have, as do many women, is that they’ll end up in a “loveless” relationship that isn’t about fulfilment or passion and appreciation, but about entitlement, obligation and where the two people in the relationship are working kind of “against” each other more often than supporting and loving each other.
Now, with that said, men who spend a lot of time with women often grow close and connected, and they develop a more “familiar” type of love as time goes on. This is a great kind of love to feel and to share, and it’s the kind that usually takes months or years to develop. It bonds a couple together in a very long term “nesting” kind of way, as it’s based on comfort and predictability and stability.
On the other hand, men also experience another kind of love that isn’t based on the familiar and the predictable. In fact, this “other” feeling of love is actually based on things that are NEW and UNPREDICTABLE.
So if you’re sensing that a man is feeling less connected to you, or he has even told you he’s not “feeling it” anymore, here are 3 tips to turn the situation around:
- Stop focusing on what’s not working
What you focus your energy on is what you end up seeing more of and getting more of. Instead of focusing on what’s NOT working, take some time to access the positives of your man and your relationship, and make it a point to let your man know that you appreciate these positive aspects.
Often times your hurt and anger will give you narrow vision and prevent you from acknowledging what’s actually working in your relationship. Widen the lens and look at the bigger picture of your relationship. What’s keeping you two together? Bring your energy, awareness, and appreciation there.
While this sounds simple and too unrealistic to create any real change, you’ll be surprised at the effect it will have. When you shift your attention and your thought pattern and “energy,” the man in your life will feel the shift in you, and it will catch his attention and inspire him to be more present in the relationship with you.
Your thoughts have the power to create your feelings. And your feelings have the power to inspire your man to want to connect with you or want to pull away.
- Give yourself and him some “clear space”
When someone asks for or creates distance or space, you can handle it one of two ways. You can either resist it and try to grab on tighter, which only backfires. Or you can allow the space, and even take some space for yourself.
When you do this, something magical happens. First, you feel empowered over the situation so that your emotions do not overtake you. Second, men often move past their own doubts and fears in their own time when given space (a few hours or days) to do so.
- Create attraction and re-connect
If things are stalling in your relationship with a man but you used to feel very connected to him, this is actually good news for you. That’s because you already have all the ingredients you need to re-light the fire of the relationship.
If he was physically and emotionally attracted to you before, you can inspire the same level of closeness again. Here’s how…
So, if you normally have the same weekend routine, mix it up. Come up with something different and interesting to do. Pick a sport that you can do with him, go out and meet new people together, explore different ways to be intimate together, plan a trip somewhere you’ve always wanted to go to.
