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Tag: love

  • The mystery of the heart – Francis Ewherido

    The mystery of the heart – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    I was a very relieved man when I got married, especially to the one I loved and have deep feelings for. The love and feelings remain deep.

    One of the irritants some of us had during our bachelor days was having deep feelings for girls who either could not reciprocate or did not even give a hoot about us.

    To add to our frustration, we got loved by girls whose deep feelings we could not reciprocate. We were like “God, why don’t you just transfer the deep feelings Girl A has for me to Girl B, who I have deep feelings for, but is not reciprocating, so that I can just get married and move on with my life.” I am not sure God answers such prayers of “transfer of love.”

    But once in a while, some of us did meet girls who also had deep feelings for us. Some of these relationships with mutual feelings eventually hit the rock, while some led to marriage. I guess even in our sinfulness, God’s mercy was still very present with us. Some of these marriages are still waxing stronger like old wine.

    But some of those who went ahead to marry those they did not have deep feelings for out of sympathy have a different story to tell. Those who forced themselves on their current spouses, using traps like money and pregnancy also have different stories to tell. It takes fundamental love for a loving marriage to endure. Every marriage goes through turbulence.

    Among other factors, fundamental love helps it to overcome the turbulence.

    That is partly why I can never understand how any normal person can go into a marriage where it is obvious from the beginning that your spouse will not love, celebrate, respect and honour you.

    These are some of the fundamental ingredients of a happy marriage. It is foolish to go ahead and get married when there are red flags like these. Unfortunately, this foolishness is driven by desperation, and desperation is more blinding than river blindness.

    But history keeps repeating itself. Many of those coming behind have learnt nothing from those ahead of them. They still want to get married to people who do not have deep feelings for them and vice versa.

    And when they are rebuffed or jilted, they dig themselves into a mess because of desperation, anger and sometimes unforgiveness. Recently, I read a story of a lady who poisoned and killed her herself and her former boyfriend, a week to his (former boyfriend) wedding to another lady.

    What message was she sending? If I cannot have you, no one else will. You take your own life because a man jilted you? What foolishness? The man was never meant for you in the first place, that was why he left you. As we say in Warri, water when you go drink nor go pass you.

    I have said it before, I believe that for every woman who is destined to get married, God created a man for her. It is your responsibility to pray for God, to lead you to that man through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

    When you meet that your prospective husband, no woman, born of a woman, can take him away from you. So, those men and women committing suicide because of the loss of a lover are just killing themselves for nothing.
    Do not get me wrong, being jilted is traumatising; it can lead to suicidal tendencies. I have been there before and I know the pains and agony first hand.

    But I also know that nothing lasts forever and time heals. When you get jilted, even in your pains and agony, give God thanks giving, because we are admonished to praise God in all situations (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Having done your thanksgiving, turn to God; He is a great burden carrier, if you take refuge in him (Matthew 11:28). Finally, God has a way of replacing what you lost with something equally good or better. There is absolutely no need to kill yourself or maim, poison or burn a lover who dumped you.

    The best and sweetest form of revenge is to be successful. Become the rejected stone that became the cornerstone. That is best form of revenge for anybody who rejected you, whether in a relationship or other aspects of life. Rather than wallow in self-pity, build yourself, improve yourself, work harder, get better. It is a sacrilege for anyone who rejected you to meet you where he left you after a while. Success is from God and he gives it liberally.

    God uses people to bring others success, but if the person he sent to you refuses, God will either force him like he did with Jonah or fleshen dry bones to get it done (Ezekiel 37). Why will you commit suicide or homicide because someone rejected you? Is that person God? Does He have the final say?

    Bad as being jilted is, young people must realise that being jilted is nothing new. It has been with man from time. Sometimes, it is just a mystery of the heart. At other times, it is just the heart of man being desperately wicked. Jeremiah 17:9 captures it succinctly, “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick, who can understand it?” While I was growing up, I heard the stories of artisans who sent their fiancées to the university. The thinking was that it is not good for both husband and wife to be uneducated. By the time the women graduated, they refused to marry the men who sponsored their education.

    There were also women who took care of the home and supported their husbands for higher education. By the time they came back, the husbands dumped them because they were “beneath their new status.” Some of these women were lucky to remain in the marriage while their husbands married second wives who “matched” their new status. Nothing is new under the sun. Your life is precious. Do not waste it because of a man/woman who cannot love and appreciate you.

    The last word is for people who kill or maim former lovers. The truth is you are not marriage materials. Marriage is an institution where you forgive, forgive and continue forgiving. And you do not get into marriage before you learn the act of forgiveness. It is a habit you should bring into marriage. So if you do not know how to forgive, marriage is not for you.

    Second, love partly means protection. You protect what you love. If you can kill or maim someone because he/she jilted you, then you never really loved him/her before; your feelings were different. Some married people, who were jilted by their exes before they got married to their spouses, still maintain cordial relationships with these exes. They wish them well. It does not matter how the relationships ended. Whatever happened is in the past.

  • Acting in love – Francis Ewherido

    Acting in love – Francis Ewherido

    Francis Ewherido

    The field of counselling is a minefield; unless you navigate with care, you can easily step on mines. A friend walked up to me at a wedding reception. He directed my attention to the wife of a mutual friend who has piled on weight.

    “Does acting in love not include staying attractive to your spouse,” he asked. If he had not brought our mutual friend’s wife into the matter, I would have said yes.

    But in this case, I didn’t want to be quoted, so I stayed mute. I didn’t know why the weight of the wife of our mutual friend would be of concern to him. May be the husband complained to him.

    Today’s topic is inspired by 1 Corinthians 8:13. “Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall;” and “If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love.” (Romans 14:). The context in which Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians and the Romans are different, but can we find some correlation here?

    I had a long discussion with someone very close to me recently. The wife had grown morbidly obese and unattractive. He has tried to make the wife see reasons with him and shed weight, rather she is sinking deeper into obesity. He does not find her sexually appealing anymore and so went out to get another woman. By the way, he is a traditional chief and a polygamist, so the rule of one-man-one-wife does not bind him. The issue is did the wife act in love when she ignored the husband’s pleas?

    In another case, a young man was suffering from erectile dysfunction due to excessive consumption of alcohol and smoking. He could no longer perform his conjugal duties. The wife nudged him to quit his destructive habits and get help, but he refused. She refused to die in silence and brought the matter before family and close friends. Instead of the young man to deal with the issue on ground, he was boasting about his monster dick, he inherited from his father, to boost his ego. Of what use is a monster dick that cannot rise up to the occasion? Of what use is a toothless bulldog? Is an agile squirrel not more useful than a dead lion? Since the incident I have been wondering about something a young girl I shared a taxi ride with long ago told her friend: “if you see the boy prick eh, na hammer, e big like im papa own?” Could she be referring to this young man and his father?

    Anyway, the young man is lucky that his wife is patient with him. Some wives would simply go and get satisfaction elsewhere. Even some of those who have a healthy sex life with their husbands still want to sample that handsome male colleague in the office or that witty customer who always makes her laugh anytime he comes around, not to talk of those who are sex-starved. Welcome to our liberal world without boundaries.

    The issue of acting in love or not acting in love is a delicate one in marriage. There are some criteria I apply. One, when you marry, you marry the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a complete package. As I wrote in my book, Life Lessons from Mudipapa, “When you marry, you marry wholesale not retail, that is, you marry the person with his/her strengths and weaknesses, successes and failings; the good, the bad and the ugly; his/her past, present and future. You must be ready to put up with your potential spouse’s failings, shortcomings and weaknesses for the rest of your life. If you are not ready to do this, the relationship (courtship) must end there and then. You should not ever deceive or fool yourself into believing that he/she will change for the better.” The implication is that if your spouse was obese when you met him/her and you are now nagging him/her to shed weight, you are the one who is not acting in love. Agreed obesity is unhealthy, but you have no right to make issues out of it because na so you see am, open your eyes marry am. But if you were upfront that you do not want an obsess spouse, he/she has an obligation to put his/her weight in check.

     

    Another criterion I use is that before you come to equity, your hands must be clean. If you are guilty of what you want your spouse to change or stop, you must remove the log from your eyes before you tell your spouse or help him/her to remove the speck from his/her own eyes. The chief we mentioned earlier is very trim and fit, so you cannot fault him for telling his wife to shed weight. It is for the same reason of equity that the issue of weight cannot come up in my marriage. When we got married, both of us were very trim. Over the years both of us have added some weight, not obese. We are both conscious of it and are working on it. In 2018, I dropped over six kilograms after spending a month in the United States. I achieved it mainly with change in diet and little exercise. A year after returning to Nigeria, I not only regained the weight, but added five extra kilograms. It is a continuous battle to shed weight and I am acquiring new arsenal to win the war. Beyond not having the moral grounds, I have no issues with my wife’s weight. She, on her own, opted to try and “go back to my former self.”

    Sometimes determining which spouse is not acting in love is like six and half a dozen. A friend joined a religious group where female members and wives of male members are forbidden from wearing trousers or shorts. He asked the wife to stop putting on trousers, but she refused. The issue was straining their marriage. I called my friend and reminded him that the wife was putting on trousers during their courtship and I could not remember him making an issue out of it. Now that the football match (marriage) has started, he cannot shift the goal post. He should not allow the rules of his religious group to destroy his marriage. “Please let her be,” I admonished him. He listened and relented. But someone can also argue that since her wearing of trousers was causing her husband distress, she should have acted in love and given up wearing of trousers.

     

    Beyond the above, there are other issues in marriage that are putting off one spouse. The other spouse should act in love by making adjustment. Hygiene is one of them. There are spouses who dread their other half kissing them because of perennial bad breath. In all fairness, the spouse with the bad breath might not even know. The other half should lovingly bring up the issue, while the one with bad breath should improve on his oral hygiene or see the dentist or ENT doctor, as the case might be. Body odour is another one, so is genital odour. Act in love, keep everywhere fresh and clean.

     

  • Love gone sour: Man burns ex-lover, two children to death in Ibadan

    Love gone sour: Man burns ex-lover, two children to death in Ibadan

    A man, Ahmed Saka, on Wednesday in Ibadan, Oyo State carried out his threat to kill his ex-lover and end his own life for ending relationship with him.

    He set his ex-lover’s room ablaze at about 1:50am, killing the mother and two children.

    Four others sustained severe burns.

    But Saka himself was not spared, as he later succumbed to injuries he sustained in the fire.

    The woman, Mutiat Oladele, and Saka, who lived in the same house at Shogoye area, Idi Arere in Ibadan, had been lovers before she told him she was no longer interested in the relationship.

    A credible source said Saka was not happy with the severance of the relationship and he threatened that he would kill the woman and end his own life too if she didn’t rescind her decision.

    Apart from Mutiat and Saka, two children who lost their lives were identified as Ramon Sarumi (10) and Abiodun Oladele (seven).

    Those injured in the fire were Bisola Oladele, Lateef Sarumi, Aishat Sarumi and Wosilat Sarumi.

    The matter was reported at the Mapo Police Station by one of the neighbours, Olaide Aliu, at about 5:10am on Wednesday.

    The Divisional Police Officer in charge of Mapo and other detectives visited the scene and evacuated the corpses from the scene to the mortuary of the State Hospital, Adeoyo, Ibadan for autopsy.

    The injured persons were taken to the Anglican Diocese Hospital, Molete for prompt medical treatment.

    Police spokesman in the state, CSP Olugbenga Fadeyi, confirmed the story.

    Fadeyi said investigation had commenced into the matter.

  • Easter: Atiku salutes Christians, preaches love, sacrifice

    Easter: Atiku salutes Christians, preaches love, sacrifice

    Former Vice President, Atiku Abubakar, has urged Nigerians to use the occasion of Easter to pray for Nigeria’s unity and for peace to return to the country.

    In his Easter message, the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) stalwart said Easter is not only the time to be merry but also the time to reflect on love and sacrifice.

    “The essence of Easter celebration is not merely for us to merry. It is a season to reflect on the purpose and meaning of love and sacrifice. Love, because God says we should love our neighbours as ourselves. And sacrifice because love is hardly practicable without an intention to make a sacrifice,” he said.

    He also recalled how the coronavirus pandemic crippled many activities in most countries in the world last year. He hailed the health workers who, like the example set by Jesus Christ, sacrificed their lives in battling the virus.

     

    See his full statement below…

    This year’s Easter celebration is significant in the sense that it is the first major national festival we will be witnessing after the commencement of the administration of vaccines against the dreaded Corona Virus. I recall that during last year’s celebration there was a global lockdown as most countries of the world required that citizens stay indoors and, for the first time in many generations, we celebrated Easter in a low-key style.

    But the story this year is slightly different. Now, there are several certified vaccines and Nigeria, having given nearly a million of our population their first doses of vaccination, has joined the league of countries that are pushing back the virus. But we are not anyway near the safety threshold. The deadly virus is still much potent as it was last year and the requirement for us to stay safe by adhering to all the Covid-19 safety protocols of washing our hands, wearing face-mask, avoiding crowded places and observing social distance, needs to be observed diligently.

    However, we remain thankful. First, to the Almighty God for His benevolence in giving us the knowledge to overcome the virus. Secondly, we must thank our ever-courageous health workers, who like the example set by Jesus Christ, sacrificed their time and in many instances, their lives in order for us to get to where we are today in the fight against the deadly virus.

    The essence of Easter celebration is not merely for us to merry. It is a season to reflect on the purpose and meaning of love and sacrifice. Love, because God says we should love our neighbours as ourselves. And sacrifice because love is hardly practicable without an intention to make a sacrifice.

    Therefore, on this occasion of Easter celebration, I urge all Nigerians to take time to pray first of all for peace to return to the country and also for unity. Nigeria is at the precipice of insecurity, poverty and, most unfortunately, disunity. These are challenges, not impediments. The way to surmount these challenges is to learn from the world when super power countries who are rivals suspended politics to face a common threat in Covid-19.

    I believe that when we approach our challenges with a heart of forgiveness and love, humanity will always triumph. This is the lesson that Jesus (Nabil Yisa) taught us.

    As I join in wishing the Christian faithful in Nigeria and across the globe a happy Easter celebration, let us take a moment to pray for our military men and women who are keeping the vigil of daily sacrifice in order to keep us all safe.

    May God bless our nation and its people.

    Atiku Abubakar

    Wazirin Adamawa

    Vice President, Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999-2007

    3 April, 2021

  • Good Friday: Catholic Bishop urges Nigerians to show love, shun violence

    Good Friday: Catholic Bishop urges Nigerians to show love, shun violence

    Bishop Emmanuel Badejo, the Catholic Bishop of Oyo Diocese has urged Nigerians to shun all forms of violence as Christians observe Good Friday.

    Badejo gave the charge on Friday in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Ibadan.

    He called on citizens to love one another irrespective of tribal or religious differences.

    The bishop pointed out that love was the most powerful tool to eradicate violence and create a better nation.

    “Love demands that we work towards justice and fairness as it made God to offer his only son to die for mankind.

    “Leaders in all spheres; government, religious, traditional, family, business amongst other should make sacrifices for the well being of their people as Christ exemplified by laying down His life for the world.

    “They should all collaborate and put aside personal or group interest in order to build a better Nigeria,” he said.

    He urged Nigerians to use the occasion of Good Friday for sober reflection on the violence and incessant killings around the country.

    “Jesus on the cross, cried for an end to hatred, corruption, greed, violence and discrimination.

    “God made a world that is good but human beings must stop destroying one another and ultimately, the world,” he said.

    Badejo said that Nigerians must realise that every life snuffed was a defeat to humanity and work towards peace and justice.

    He, therefore, admonished all to repent of all evil in order to enjoy eternal life as God desired through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross.

  • Valentine and the Love that knows no sacrifice, By Stephen Ojapah

    Valentine and the Love that knows no sacrifice, By Stephen Ojapah

    Stephen Ojapah MSP

    I may be able to speak the languages of men and even angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burnt but if I have no love, this does no good. Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; with the truth. Love never gives up; and love is eternal (1 Corinthians 13:1-4).

    Today we celebrate Valentine’s Day. A day dedicated to love matters. For us Christians, there is no particular day to show love, “every day is Valentine”. For God so loved the world so much that whoever believes in him may not die but have eternal life (John 3:16). The foundation of the Christian religion is Love. Before Christ departed this world, He gave his disciples a new commandment. Love one another as I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34-35). In the opening passage of this reflection, St Paul’s brings to limelight, the emptiness of our worship and devotion, when we love only with the head and leaving our hearts out of every human situation that demands our attention and love. The emptiness of preaching, healing, caring, without love. He went further to tell us what love truly is: Patience, kindness, humility, selflessness forgiveness, not giving up on another, no matter how horrible we think we may have been offended. The story of the prodigal son can be our guide here. In a moment we will examine the historical foundations of Valentine’s Day; but it suffices to hinge the entire day on the need to love beyond mere words. This is a day that has caught the attention of people across the globe. The young and the old are caught in this Valentine frenzy.

    Valentine’s Day, also called Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a minor Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and, through later folk traditions, has become a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and love in many regions of the world.

    There are a number of martyrdom stories associated with various Valentines connected to February 14, including an account of the imprisonment of Saint Valentine of Rome for ministering to Christians persecuted under the Roman Empire in the third century. According to an early tradition, Saint Valentine restored sight to the blind daughter of his jailer. Numerous later additions to the legend have better related it to the theme of love: an 18th-century embellishment to the legend claims he wrote the jailer’s daughter a letter signed “Your Valentine” as a farewell before his execution; another addition posits that Saint Valentine performed weddings for Christian soldiers who were forbidden to marry.

    The Feast of Saint Valentine was established by Pope Gelasius I in AD 496 to be celebrated on February 14 in honour of Saint Valentine of Rome, who died on that date in AD 269. The day became associated with romantic love in the 14th and 15th centuries when notions of courtly love flourished, apparently by association with the lovebirds of early spring. In 18th-century England, it grew into an occasion in which couples expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). Valentine’s Day symbols that are used today include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards. In Italy, Saint Valentine’s Keys are given to lovers “as a romantic symbol and an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart”.

     

    February 14 is celebrated as St. Valentine’s Day in various Christian denominations; it has, for example, the rank of ‘commemoration’ in the calendar of saints in the Anglican communion In addition, the feast day of Saint Valentine is also given in the calendar of saints of the Lutheran Church However, in 1969 revision of the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, the feast day of Saint Valentine on February 14 was removed from the General Roman Calendar and relegated to particular (local or even national) calendars for the following reason: “Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14.

    It is not uncommon to see families and couples take some time out today to express their love for one another once again. It is equally very common to see young people under-taking an engagement ceremony at parks and nice hangouts. Some associations and groups will organize activities such as dinners, fanfares, nights of a thousand laugh and many other ceremonies to mark the day. While we reflect on Valentine and all the legendary love stories surrounding him, I will want to bring our minds to the most important element of love. Sacrifice. Valentine was executed because he believed in love and was willing to facilitating the union of couples even when it was difficult to do so.

    Many of us in this country have given up on love. Very few people are sincere when they say I LOVE YOU. From our experiences most love stories are tied to so many unwritten conditions like wealth, good health, fame, political power, religious affiliation etc. And when these conditions are not met, one tends to withdraw his or her love. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends (John 15:13). The idea of loving to the point of death or till it hurts; is the real spirit of Valentine. The thought of loving to the point of death can only be found in Jesus and his saints. One of which we celebrate today. For some people ‘love’ is about the momentary pleasure and satisfaction. In Jesus love is a decision. A decision to love and die for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). Mother Teresa once said one of her sisters who was taking care of an old woman who showed no appreciation for the services rendered her.: “When you retired for the day and knowing how unappreciative the poor woman is to you, remember that Christ have decided to love us in the same way both in our weakness and strength”

    A love that is willing to sacrifice is in short supply across the country; selfishness is the greatest achievement of most individuals. Most people are not prepared to given up the slightest comfort if is not in their interest. Most Nigerians are happy to celebrate their neighbor’s failure so long as it does not have a direct bearing on them. Valentine is much more than Romance. It questions our heart of sacrifice. Some years back, the government wanted to construct a major road in a particular community in southern Kaduna, and the neighboring community said no. If the road to be constructed will not pass through their community, they will mobilize the youth of the village to forestall the project. The two communities where prepared to lose the road construction than for any side to make the sacrifice of letting the other have the road constructed. A selfish person is Narcissistic. This is personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — it is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

    Fr Stephen Ojapah is a priest of the Missionary Society of St Paul. He is equally the director for Interreligious Dialogue and Ecumenism for the Catholic Diocese of Sokoto, a member of IDFP. He is also a KAICIID Fellow. (omeizaojapah85@gmail.com)

  • Most times people don’t end up marrying who they love-Diane Russet

    Most times people don’t end up marrying who they love-Diane Russet

    Since leaving the Big Brother Naija reality show that shot her into the limelight, Diane Yashim, better known as Diane Russet, has been one of the most enterprising housemates.

    In a recent episode of her vlog, Russet was asked who had dated his girlfriend for seven years and suddenly realizes their blood genotype isn’t compatible.

    Reacting to the question, she said:”It’s weird but most times, most people might not necessarily end up with the person they really love but whoever you end up with is your soulmate. I don’t know if it makes sense, but in my end it just makes sense.I know you will be hurting but in all of these I feel you should be grateful , there might be a reason for everything that has happened”.

    Advising a female fan who recounted how she was gang-raped by some members of her family, Russet said:” Imagine, she was gang raped by her family members, imagine how difficult it will be for her to trust people.How do you even relate with strangers? I cannot even imagine how she feels.I pray God grants you the strength to overcome whatsoever challenge you are facing”.

    On friends who don’t reciprocate acts of kindness, she said:”Someone you cared for can come out and be ungrateful. Just do things for God’s sake, because really nobody owes you anything in this life.It’s just what it is”.

     

     

     

     

  • 2021: ‘Let’s Go Afishing’ for Love, By Michael West

    2021: ‘Let’s Go Afishing’ for Love, By Michael West

    By Michael West

     

    Despite the trauma and dreadful encounters we experienced in 2020, we thank God that we made it into the New Year. But hey, 2021 will be tighter! Never mind, we will survive it like we did 2020 by the mercy of the Lord.

     

    This year, many marriages will take place. Several single adults will locate their soulmates, most of whose affairs will culminate in marriage and stable companionship. There will be less ostentatious weddings this year. For admitting and living by the reality of economic downturn, many may choose to start their marital life with minimal or no fanfare at all.

     

    God willing, in 2021, many more Hook Up subscribers will have their expectations met and their statuses changed from single to married. Single senior citizens angling for companions will defeat loneliness in a big way. I appreciate the patience of lonely grandmas who are in regular touch in earnest expectation of companions as their situations demand. As people advance in age, desire for conjugal fulfilment also becomes imperative. I appeal to mature single men to be more focused and decisive about their relationship this year. Enough of ‘touch and go’ kind of affairs.

     

    It is not a prediction to say there would be problems in several homes. It is natural for crisis to brew among couples but I want to see less acrimonious situations that should not necessitate separation, divorce or murder. Spousal murders witnessed in Nigeria in the last few years should not be allowed to continue in the New Year. Couples should value their lives more than the knotty issues or interests at stake. In an event of irreconcilable differences, a warring couple can give each a space to calm frayed nerves during which evaluation of the situation could be done to engender grounds for true reconciliation. I insist, if either or both parties fail or refuse to yield grounds for compromise and reconciliation, let them stay apart. Lives matter than marriage. Jesus didn’t die on the cross because of marriage but for the souls of mankind. However, let’s try and explore every available opportunity for forgiveness, tolerance and mutual respect to stay together in marriage.

     

    One secret that couples could apply to reinvent attractiveness to each other is the fond memory of their early days in dating and courtship. The sweet experience of that beginning is totally lost on them. The radiating beauty and allure that usually captivate the attention and admiration of one to the other had faded. The habitual overlook of missteps, pranks and ‘expensive’ jokes have taken flight. Those promises of ‘forever with no other person but you’ has suddenly gone with the wind. Beyond the couples themselves, nosy in-laws, jealous friends and betraying confidantes are equally part of the problems. In the New Year, whoever is not helping you to build your life, business or career, home and future should be discarded. Enough of unprofitable baggage that slow you down in your journey of life.

     

    The Bible says “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he (or she) who restrains his lips is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19). Revealing your secrets or plans that are still under wraps have thwarted many lucrative ideas and destroyed great relationships. This affects both sexes but more prevalent among women. Living in the realm of fantasy when you are still miles away from your conjectures could be counter-productive. Talking to impress is not a wise thing to do. Boastful utterances have robbed and denied some people life partners that could make their life dream come true.

     

    I want to appeal to awaiting brides and grooms to review or scale down their lofty criteria for their would-be-partners. Their ‘out-of-the-reach’ standards and criteria have kept many of them, women in particular, aging without being married. I’m not an advocate of ‘anything goes’ when it comes to making a choice. I believe one should feel good about their partner in physique, character and responsibility. You don’t need a partner of the same mannerism for compatibility; rather, a partner whose attitudinal makeup will complement your own is all you need to build a stable, peaceful and happy home. I pray you will locate yours in 2021.

     

    I notice that some of the single moms that have stayed alone for so long seem to find it difficult to live with men. This is because they are used to freedom and independence. Submitting to men when they have practically achieved some of their goals and foot their bills for years is distasteful to them. The irony of it is that they still crave for homes. They desire to have their own families. They travail in prayers, seek counselling and tell their loved ones and friends to find “husbands” for them. “It is not easy to be lonely. Every woman feels fulfilled being a wife. All I need is a good, caring, responsible and God-fearing man.” This is what most of them often say but in reality they find it hard to cope with men in marriage. They could be wonderful in dating but living under the same roof with a man is choking and suffocating to them. They feel gag cohabiting with men; therefore they opt for their space, freedom and independence again.

     

    Meanwhile, there are simple ways to deal with such feelings in a woman. First, she should not only acknowledge her need of a partner but also come to terms with the reality of a new marital beginning which requires determination to succeed. Since she desires marriage, she should learn to ‘endure’ the initial inconveniences and change in living condition.

     

    Second, she should cultivate the habit of flirting with her man whenever and wherever they are together at home. There’s nothing to be ashamed of about it. Regular body contact helps a lot. It is a process whereby physiological and psychological being will get acclimatise to the partner. Form the habit of doing stuff together like eating, bathing and washing as well as going out together as frequent as possible.

     

    The last and the most effective process is to cultivate the habit of praying together. Make your time in the bedroom as interesting as possible. Make it fun-filled such that both of you will always look forward to. Let me reveal here that it is not going to be easy initially. It may become uninteresting and dry. You may want to back out of the exercise because you may find it irritating. Please stay on. Endure the ‘strange’ and ‘forceful’ love-in-Tokyo drama. As days roll into weeks, and weeks into months, you will soon discover that a new you is now attached emotionally to your man. The repulsive feeling will fade away ultimately as you breathe fresh air of love. It’s time and season to go afishing for love and new beginning.

     

    I wish you a prosperous, safe and Covid-free 2021. Happy New Year!

     

    Quote:

    “In the New Year, whoever is not helping you to build your life, business, home and future should be discarded. Enough of unprofitable baggage that slow you down in your journey of life.”

  • I have not given up on love- Mercy Aigbe declares

    I have not given up on love- Mercy Aigbe declares

    Popular actress and filmmaker, Mercy Aigbe has revealed why she cannot give up on love.

    The fashionable Nollywood star made this known during in an interactive session with her fans on Instagram Live.

    She said, “I have not given up on love and I would never do that. A lot of people ask, ‘Mercy, are you going back to your husband, or remarrying’? The truth is that I don’t even know. I am more focussed on my businesses, raising my children and acting career. Whatever will come after in terms of marriage and relationship, when I get to that bridge, I would cross it. As a filmmaker, I see myself as a sort of preacher because I believe movies are meant to be entertaining and educative.”

    Aigbe also said that marriage is a partnership between two people who are ready to compromise. She said,“Nowadays, marriages are breaking up everywhere and I don’t know why. I only know why I got separated from my husband. However, I would not encourage anyone to stay in an abusive marriage. If a spouse has anger issues, such person should seek help. There is nothing impossible. It is just very disheartening that marriages are breaking.

    “These are two people from different homes and backgrounds coming together to live under the same roof as one. Even parents and children have issues. A mother and child relationship is usually considered the closest, yet they still have issues. How much more two people with different belief systems. There is bound to be conflict once in a while; it is how the conflict is managed that matters.”

     

  • Eid-el-Maulud: Buhari preaches love, understanding

    Eid-el-Maulud: Buhari preaches love, understanding

    President Muhammadu Buhari has urged Nigerians to use the occasion of this year’s Eid-el-Maulud to reflect on the virtues of the Holy Prophet by demonstrating love and understanding for fellow citizens.

    The president gave the charge in a Maulud message released by his Senior Special Assistant on Media and Publicity, Malam Garba Shehu, on Wednesday in Abuja.

    Muslims all over the world celebrate the day to mark the birth of Prophet Mohammed (SAW).

    He enjoined the Muslim Ummah and other citizens to always exhibit the virtues of patience, honesty, sincerity, kindness and generosity in all their undertakings.

    The president urged all citizens, and the youth, in particular, to shun all negative tendencies as manifested in the recent hijacking of peaceful protests to loot and destroy public and private property.

    He also reiterated his earlier promise to bring Police officers responsible for misconduct, as well as looters of the nation’s treasury, to justice.

    On the COVID-19 pandemic, Buhari said that the country had so far managed the problem successfully by keeping the numbers as low as possible.

    He, however, cautioned that Nigerians must not stretch their luck too far.

    “Looking at the trends in the other countries, we must do all we can to avert the second wave of the pandemic. We must make sure that our cases, which have gone down, do not rise again.

    ”Our economy is too fragile to bear another round of lockdown.”

    The president, therefore, advised Nigerians to continue to observe the COVID-19 protocols of social distancing, wearing of face masks and washing of hands.