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  • Easter: Atiku, Makarfi, Dickson, others felicitate with Christians; preach love, tolerance

    Easter: Atiku, Makarfi, Dickson, others felicitate with Christians; preach love, tolerance

    Former Vice President and chieftain of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, has felicitated with Christians as they mark the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

    In this, he was joined by Governor Seriake Dickson of Bayelsa State, PDP chieftain and former Kaduna State governor, Senator Ahmed Makarfi and former Osun State deputy governor, Senator Iyiola Omisore.

    In a statement released by his media office in Abuja to mark the Easter celebrations, Atiku called on Nigerians to emulate the virtues of love and sacrifice which characterised the life of Jesus Christ.

    The Waziri Adamawa described those two qualities as essential to the unity that Nigeria so desperately needs at this time when vested and provincial interests threaten to tear our nation apart.

    He also encouraged Nigeria’s leaders to use the opportunity of the Easter celebration to reflect on their stewardship to their people and to the nation.

    “Our leaders at all levels should follow the virtues that define this season – sacrifice, love and charity – and come together to help all Nigerians resolve the differences that divide us.

    We must not allow those who seek to divide us to pretend as if our problems are as a result of another ethnic or religious group,” Atiku said.

    On his part, Senator Omisore charged Christians as well as all Nigerians to demonstrate the essence of Easter as exemplified by Jesus Christ, by living in love and harmony with one another.

    Omisore, a former Chairman Senate Committee on Appropriation, gave this charge in a statement he issued to felicitate with Nigerians on Easter celebrations.

    “As Nigerians, we must eschew acts that will divide us further. We must embrace Christ’s attitude of living in love and harmony with ourselves and our neighbours,” he said.

    “It is not by chance that God put all of us in this environment called Nigeria. Whether as Muslims or Christians, we must remember always that we are our brother’s keeper.

    “We must promote all the enriching values that make our lives and society embodiments of godliness.”

    Omisore, who was the candidate of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in the 2014 governorship election in Osun State, urged the people of the state to be steadfast in their prayers.

    Bayelsa State governor, Hon, Henry Seriake Dickson, urged Nigerians, particularly Christians to jealously cherish and guide their faith by living a Christ-like life of selfless service, sacrifice, love and righteousness.

    The governor, in a press statement signed by his Chief Press Secretary, Francis Ottah Agbo, noted that, without the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, “our faith as Christians would have been a fallacy.”

    While stressing that Nigeria is presently at a crossroads, the governor called on Bayelsans to love one another, pray fervently for the peace, prosperity and stability of the nation and sacrifice for the common good of Bayelsa State.

    Governor Dickson also solicited for the maximum cooperation of the people and leaders of the state and the Ijaw Nation to enable his Restoration Government consolidate on its legacy projects in order to finish strong by 2020.

    He said: “As we celebrate Easter, which of course is the basis of our faith as Christians, I urge Nigerians, particularly Bayelsans, to emulate our Lord Jesus Christ by words and deeds.

    “We must love one another and sacrifice for the common good of Bayelsa State and Nigeria.

    “This country is facing daunting challenges which call for fervent prayers and hard work to surmount.

    “Our Government in the last six years has put Bayelsa State on the path of peace and prosperity. I therefore, solicit the continued cooperation and support of leaders and the people of the state to enable our Restoration Government consolidate on its life-changing legacy projects and finish strong.”

    In his own message, Makarfi said in spite of various challenges, there is still hope for Nigeria.

    Jesus’ death and resurrection, he said, are everlasting reminders that it is possible for Nigeria to overcome its difficult situation and embrace great virtues.

    He asked Nigerians to eschew bitterness and embrace the spiritual legacies of Jesus Christ which can immensely facilitate Nigeria’s peace and progress.

    He sent “warm felicitations and greetings to the Nigerian Christian community, and indeed all Nigerians on this auspicious occasion of the Easter celebrations in memory of the legendary spirit of sacrifice and selflessness espoused and exhibited by Jesus Christ.”

    It is imperative, according to him, that this period be “used by all for meditation and sober reflections on the life and times of Jesus Christ and his sacrifices, with a view to imbibing such virtues as humility, forgiveness, tolerance, good neighbourliness, respect and empathy for others’ feelings as well as love for one another.”

    The Chairman, Senate Committee on Local Content, Senator Solomon Adeola, charged his constituents and Nigerians in general to remain peaceful and exhibit the Christian virtues of sacrifice, love and abiding faith in a better tomorrow as exemplified in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

    Adeola said the season symbolises a new beginning of hope and redemption for all mankind, adding that for all true Christians, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ means that all challenges confronting individuals and mankind are ultimately surmountable with fervent belief in God.

    The senator said the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ gave mankind hope of a new beginning and a better future, stressing that in spite of enormous challenges confronting the nation, Nigeria is at the threshold of a better tomorrow.

     

  • 8 Relationship tips you need to boost your love life

    Sometimes the key to having a happy and healthy relationship is to ignore all that relationship advice out there! After all no two relationships are ever the same because we come in different shapes and personalities. Even when the cliché tips you’ve heard a million times from friends, family, or women’s magazines don’t apply to your particular situation, there might be some universal truths about relationships, but there’s rarely a one-size-fits-all prescription for a given couple or situation.

    Also, we all learn a lot about what makes a relationship work best by being in one and taking things as they comes.

    So, here are 8 pieces of relationship advice you likely never hear, but should definitely know.

    It’s Actually OK to Go to Bed Angry

    Sometimes you just might be too tired or stressed to talk about a sensitive issue or work out a fight at the end of a long day—and that’s OK. In fact, often getting some sleep will make it easier for you to have an important conversation. This doesn’t mean yelling at them or getting a last verbal attack in and then shutting down. It means letting your partner know that you will return to the issue when you’re ready the next day and reassuring them how much you love them and/or how much you care about them and the relationship.” Don’t make the fight bigger than the relationship!

    Just Love Isn’t Enough

    It’s not just about love—it’s about connection. Connection is what pulls love along with you wherever you go. We can indeed pile an entire amazing life into the cart of love, however, without the connection to pull it, the cart stops and love dies, so focus less on how to create more love, and instead, ask yourself, how can I connect more with my partner?” Connection is strengthened when you share activities, go through challenges together, and honestly communicate with each other.

    Take a Break from Talking

    You can’t seem to read or hear about any relationship advice without being told how important communication is, right? That’s true, but it doesn’t always mean talking about things over and over to resolve it perfectly. Sometimes the best thing you can do is STOP talking, breathe, go for a walk and remember why your relationship matters so much to you. Reconnecting with the bigger picture of your love for this person can help you filter out the unnecessary words and zero in on what you really want to say from a place of love.

    Occasional Lying is Fine

    It’s important to be honest on the whole, but there’s a difference between being honest and hurtful. White lies involve omitting the truth to spare someone’s feelings. For instance, if your partner worked hard to make you a nice meal and the food wasn’t so great, you might say the meal was good if asked just to appreciate their effort and avoid hurting them. White lies are not okay if something is constantly bothering you. For instance, if every holiday season your partner buys you a gift you don’t like, instead of smiling and saying how much you like it, communicate how you feel.”

    You Don’t Need to Be Best Friends

    We’re practically spoon-fed the message that we should be dating and/or marrying our best friend—but it’s simply not true. It’s perfectly normal to have a best friend that you call often, confide in, and spend time with who is not your partner. Be clear about the boundaries of that friendship so that you’re not disrespecting your relationship, but don’t expect your partner to play the role of BFF either. There are just some things that your partner won’t be interested in hearing about that you can only talk to a close friend about.

    Don’t Tell Your Friends and Family Everything

    Now this is a no brainer but a lot of couples seem to fall into this habit. Parents and close friends are always going to ask about your relationship, and while you might want to dish out your bedroom woes or seek their advice on other quirks for partner may have, try to keep it general rather than spilling all the dirt. It’s important not to share these personal details of your relationship with others—especially fights or your sex life. This can cause you to get the wrong advice from those who might be a little biased towards either you or your partner, which can only make things worse. Talk to a neutral party instead.

    Finances Matter A Lot

    People who don’t share core values and a shared mindset around money make for terrible partners and one of the top causes of divorce is a lack of alignment around money. Financial talk can lead to more arguments and disconnection in relationships, which is why it’s one of the most important parts of creating a happy, fulfilled, and sustainable relationship. So talk out any concerns or differences you might have ASAP.

    His/Her Friends and Family Don’t Have to Love You

    Ideally, it kind of makes things easier when your partner’s friends and family think you’re awesome and love having you around. But it’s certainly not a requirement for a successful relationship. If you and your partner’s best friend or relative don’t get along, that’s OK. As long as there’s an understanding of mutual respect and your partner isn’t influenced by that person’s feelings about you, there’s no need to be fake or force a friendship.

     

    Read Also: Every guy that slides into your DM is not your spouse- RMD

     

  • For The Love Of Nigeria, By Atiku Abubakar

    For The Love Of Nigeria, By Atiku Abubakar

    Once again, it is that time of year set aside for us Nigerians to honour members of our country’s Armed Forces who fought in the first and second World Wars, the Nigerian Civil War and those who served or are still serving in different theatres of war, notably the Boko Haram insurgency in northeast Nigeria.

    While many of us took time off from work and other preoccupations to be with our families over the Christmas and New Year holidays, many Nigerian soldiers and members of other security agencies were in the front lines, ensuring that we were safe, protecting our lives and property, especially in the light of the security alerts over the threat of terrorist bombing during the celebrations. While we ate and drank, they were lying in the trenches, watching out for and poised to quench any sign of trouble. Some have been away from their families, not just during the holidays but for months on end. Some have yet to set eyes on their newborn children.

    In addition to these are those security personnel missing from the dining tables and warm embraces of families and loved ones, not because they were in the frontline but because they have fallen in battle. They made the ultimate sacrifice: giving their lives that the rest of us may live in peace and safety. They died that we might live.

    Unfortunately, the frequent headlines about Boko Haram and other violent attacks in the northeast and other parts of Nigeria can submerge the gallantry of our security personnel. As we all know, good news is hardly regarded as news. Little is heard or read about the exact numbers of soldiers who die in the defence of our country. Hardly anything is told of their acts of bravery and their moments of exceptional valour.

    I recently was informed that on Wednesday, January 10, our gallant Troops of Operation Lafiya Dole deployed around Gamboru Ngala successfully averted what would have been a major devastating suicide attack to be carried out by three female Boko Haram terrorists against innocent citizens in Gamboru town in Gamboru Ngala Local Government Area of Borno State in the early hours of Tuesday.

    I admire the bravery of members of our armed forces, and celebrate their hard efforts to keep us safe. My prayer on this day is to see a time soon when the guns and the armoured tanks lie idle because we have no more battles left to fight.

    My hope for our country is to see a time when neighbours of different tribes and tongues saw one another as brother and sister, when Christians and Muslims regarded each other as one under God who created all, when citizens could express opinions and grievances freely, then there would be no need for insurgency or uprising. We would all live together in peace and harmony. And, yes, our armed forces would have little to do!

    We must never take for granted the great sacrifice that these brave men and women have made or are making. We must never forget them or their loved ones. On this Armed Forces Remembrance Day, I call on Nigerians all over the world to show respect and love to our security personnel by showing respect and love to one another. When we all live in peace and unity and love, we not only enable steady development and progress in our great country, Nigeria, but we minimise the unnecessary pain, grief and loss of life among our beloved armed forces, who have bravely signed up to keep us all safe and secure. Our fallen heroes and their families are not the only ones who suffer. We all are victims of those who do not want our progress and development and perpetually pit one ethnic or religious group against the other. It is time for Nigerians to remember to say no to divisions and acrimony caused by people with only their selfish interests at heart.

    Abubakar, former Vice President of Nigeria (1999-2007), released the statement in commemoration of the Armed Forces Remembrance Day in 2018.

  • Love & Relationship: How to open yourself to love in 2018

    Love & Relationship: How to open yourself to love in 2018

    It’s a new year, and with it comes a new opportunity to find love. We make resolutions for so many things in our lives, why not resolve in matters of the heart?

    The movies make it seem like falling in love happens easily. You see someone across the room, your eyes lock and VOILA- happily ever after. But this doesn’t happen in real life. If last year just wasn’t your year in the relationship department, maybe it’s time to refocus on you and what your heart needs. Perhaps you’ve been focusing on work and making your career dreams come true; maybe you’ve gone through a breakup and are on unsteady ground; maybe you haven’t been able to define what you need in a partner. Regardless of what may be the reason and unsure of where to begin? The tips below will nudge you in the right direction.

    1. Start by loving yourself.

    Practicing self-love is the first thing thing to do regardless of your imperfections and flaws. When you love yourself, no one can take love away from you. And the more you love yourself, the more love you will naturally attract in your life. Once you learn to appreciate yourself for who you are, other people will be able to truly see your goodness as well. And, you’ll actually be able to feel those feeling for someone else more honestly too.

    2. Heal up.

    If you’ve loved and lost before, that pain may be holding you back. But it doesn’t have to: letting the past impact you is a choice. As yourself some reflective questions and be honest with the answers. What was working? What wasn’t? What was my fault? What was my partner’s? Once you can sort through what happened in the past, you can start focusing on the present and free your heart to receive love fully!

    3. Know the qualities you really want in a potential partner.

    This is all too important.There are always things you liked and disliked about your previous partner(s). Make a list of the things you want and stick to it. If you’re not clear and you waver in your desires, you may end up settling or compromising for a partner just for the sake of being in a relationship instead of being in a relationship with the right person.

    4. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

    Putting up a wall will do you no good; it just pushes people away and ruins opportunities for real relationships. So instead of shutting down and withdrawing when you’re scared or nervous or feeling some serious feelings, let yourself be vulnerable. Let your fear breathe. Letting someone see you at your most open and uncomfortable will help cultivate a sense of trust, respect, and affection with that person.

    5. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

    Who cares if everyone you know is dating or married? You don’t need to be attached just because everyone else is! If you stop judging yourself based on how other people are doing, you might actually be able to figure out what YOU want — from the kind of person you want to date to whether or not right now is a good time to even be looking for a relationship. Your love life is your love life, and only you can figure out what it is you need.

    6. Take a break from dating for a while.

    Hard to do? Maybe you’ve tried dating people of all shapes and sizes and still aren’t getting to that love place. Just stop going out on dates for a few weeks and refocus on yourself, your girlfriends, your parents, your siblings. Allow the other relationships in your life to take precedence over any romantic ones. When you stop looking for love, sometimes it just finds you!

    7. Make it count.

    Don’t waste your time on something that’s not working. If you’ve been on 7 dates and STILL don’t feel a connection, why say “yes” to number 8? Know when it’s time to move on. You gave it a shot, but now it’s on to the next one. Meaningless sex can actually numb your heart and dull your relationship radar. So have your fun, but don’t let those feelings of lust replace your ability to feel real love.

    8. Don’t take your dating life too seriously.

    Dating should be fun. Instead of going into every first (or second or third) date with the mindset that this MUST work out, approach each meetup as a chance to enjoy yourself and get to know someone else. Without the pressure of needing to fall for the person sitting across the table from you, you can actually be present and make a more clear-headed decision about you feel. And if it doesn’t end up being the best date ever? Well that’s going to be gist the next time you meet up with your girls!

     

    Read Also: 3 Surprising relationship benefits of sexting

  • Saraki, Dogara, Tinubu, Governors, others preach love, tolerance at Christmas

    Some Nigerian leaders on Monday (Christmas day) advised Nigerians especially the Christians to emulate the sacrificial life of Christ by demonstrating love and tolerance towards each other to achieve a better Nigeria.

    The President of the Nigerian Senate, Bukola Saraki, said the season affords Nigerians the opportunity to pray and work towards a greater Nigeria.

    In a statement by his Special Adviser, Media and Publicity, Yusuph Olaniyonu, in Abuja, Mr. Saraki also urged Christians to use the festive occasion to pray for unity, peace and prosperity of Nigeria.

    He called on Nigerians to rededicate themselves to the service of humanity in line with the true teachings of Jesus Christ which emphasises tolerance, patience, brotherly kindness, care for the needy and love for one another, among other virtues.

    “The yuletide season presents us an opportunity once more to love, share and forgive. I urge all Nigerians to utilise the period to pray for unity, peace and prosperity in the nation.

    “We must also rededicate ourselves to the true virtues of faith in God, love for one another, honesty and peaceful co-existence. It is time to make these virtues more evident and practical in our daily lives,” Mr. Saraki said.

    Similarly, Speaker of the House of Representatives, Yakubu Dogara, urged Nigerians, particularly Christians, to spread love to their neighbours and remember the underprivileged as they celebrate Christmas.

    In a statement to mark Christmas, Mr. Dogara said Jesus Christ was an embodiment of sacrificial love.

    He said when Nigerians begin to exhibit unconditional love to one another, the impact will bring about a positive change that will lead to unity and development which will move the nation forward.

    “As we celebrate the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, let us all remember that it is a time to spread the love of Christ with family, friends, neighbours and the underprivileged in the society

    “We should bear in mind that the greatest command Jesus gave to his followers is to love one another. Not only does this have spiritual benefits, it will also make Nigeria a better place because love overcomes all things including hatred, violence and other vices,” he said.

    Also, the Lagos State Governor, Akinwumi Ambode, felicitated with Nigerians, particularly Christians at the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

    Mr. Ambode in a statement by his chief press secretary, Habib Aruna, urged Nigerians to use the period of Christmas to rekindle acts of love, kindness to one another and to the vulnerable in the society.

    He said the season symbolises love, care and compassion for persons, especially the weak, vulnerable and less-privileged.

    “This season is another opportunity to increase our acts of kindness and touch the less privileged in our society,” he said.

    Also in a statement by his spokesperson, the Sokoto State Governor, Aminu Tambuwal, in his Christmas message, urged Nigerians to pray and support their leaders as they strive to find lasting solution to the myriad of challenges confronting the nation

    Mr. Tambuwal also called on Nigerians to continue to reflect on positive tenets that unite the nation and strengthen the polity.

    “This period calls for introspection and continued prayers for our dear nation.

    “On behalf of the people and Government of Sokoto State, I wish all Nigerians, especially those of Christian faith, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ahead,” he said.

    The Delta State Governor, Ifeanyi Okowa, congratulated Nigerians on the occasion of this year’s Christmas, saying it is a season to celebrate peaceful co-existence and show love to one another.

    The governor’s message was contained in a statement on Sunday in Asaba by his Chief Press Secretary, Charles Aniagwu. He tasked Christians to offer special prayers during the yuletide for greater peace, love, unity, peaceful co-existence and progress of Nigeria.

    “I call on all Christians; indeed, all Deltans and all residents in Delta State, to reflect on the virtues and teachings of Jesus Christ in their lives and activities so that Nigeria and indeed the world would be a better place for all of us.

    “I wish all Deltans and indeed all Nigerians, a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year in advance as I pray for the warmth of God’s love to fill every heart and home,” he said.

    The Bayelsa State Governor, Seriake Dickson, In a press statement signed by his Chief Press Secretary, Francis Agbo, urged Nigerians to live a Christ-like life, which he noted was a life of sacrifice, selfless service, love and forgiveness.

    He called on Nigerians to use the Christmas celebration to intensify prayers for the peace and security of the state and the nation in general.

    Mr. Dickson also called on political leaders to emulate Jesus Christ, who used his ministry for the good of all, by using their offices to advance the cause of the ordinary people.

    “Service to man is service to God; he that serves man well, serves God well,” he said.

    The Ogun State Governor, Ibikunle Amosun, urged Christians to exhibit the spirit of peace, love and forgiveness, all through the Christmas celebration and beyond.

    Mr. Amosun in a Christmas message by the state Commissioner for Information and Strategy, Adedayo Adeneye, noted that these were the values that Jesus Christ preached and exhibited all through his sojourn on earth.

    “As we mark the Christmas, all true Christians must remember the reason for the season as well as the person, whose birth we are celebrating, who is Jesus Christ,” he said.

    Similarly, former Governor of Ogun State, Gbenga Daniel, in a Christmas message urged Nigerians to keep their hope alive despite challenges facing the nation and the world at large.

    He stated this in a statement signed by his media aid, Ayomide Giwa, where he asked Christians and Nigerians to rediscover themselves and dedicate themselves to love.

    “Christmas was the time to rediscover and rededicate ourselves to love, peace, unity, equity and justice.

    “The lessons of humility, selflessness, love and simplicity learnt from the birth of Jesus, should be our guiding principles,” he said.

    The Governor of Ebonyi State, David Umahi, in a statement by his Chief Press Secretary, Emmanuel Uzor, called on Nigerians to celebrate this year’s Christmas with love and trust.

    He urged Christians to celebrate beyond mere merriment of the yuletide by abiding in Jesus Christ whom he described as the reason for the season.

    Mr. Umahi called on Christians to use the solemnity of the remembrance of Jesus symbolised by Christmas to show love and accommodation to every other tribe and faith as demonstrated by Christ.

    The Oyo State Governor, Abiola Ajimobi, in his Christmas message enjoined Nigerians to shower cash and gifts on the less-privileged this festive season to enable vulnerable compatriots have a feel of Christmas celebration.

    In a statement by his Special Adviser on Communication and Strategy, Yomi Layinka, the governor urged Nigerians to imbibe the spirit of true love and sacrifice which the life and times of Jesus Christ epitomised.

    Mr. Ajimobi urged Christians to use the opportunity of the season to pray for the country’s economic turnaround and political leaders to surmount the challenges assailing the country.

    “I congratulate our Christian brothers and sisters on the Christmas celebration.”

    “As we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, I enjoin all to imbibe the spirit of true love and sacrifice for one another.”

    In his Christmas message, a national leader of the All Progressives Congress and former governor of Lagos, Bola Tinubu, urged Nigerians to learn from the example of Jesus Christ “who faced and overcame the greatest evil” by uniting to overcome our challenges

    He also called for support for President Muhammadu Buhari so that the country can overcome its current challenges.

    “Today, Christmas Day, is one of the most precious days of the year for it celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. Be you Christian, Muslim or just a human being with a soul that yearns for peace, compassion and hope, Jesus Christ belongs to all of us. His teachings are universal in application and speak of truths eternal”

    “This Christmas, let us acknowledge his birth but let us also give that acknowledgement its fullest meaning by recognizing how Jesus lived and what he lived for. He reached out to all. Jesus fed the poor and healed the sick. He spread compassion and charity and preached love and justice. There are no finer aims than these and we can do no better than to do all we can to follow his example,” Mr. Tinubu said.

     

     

  • A lover’s mind – Francis Ewherido

    A lover’s mind – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    I recall my younger days in Warri, Delta State, when a girl prefers one guy to the other, the usual refrain from the “loser” is, “I no know wetin she see for that guy body sef.” And he will go on a tirade, denigrating the “winner.” As I grew older, I kept ruminating over this remark, then it struck me: How you go take know wetin she see for the guy body? No be who wear shoe know where e for dey tight? She is the one in the relationship and knows what she wants, or at least she thinks she knows.

    Some of the kidnapped Chibok school girls and other girls, who were rescued from Boko Haram fighters, went back to the forest to be reunited with their Boko Haram husbands, some after undergoing the de-radicalisation programme. The parents are wondering what has come over their children, while the experts who carried out the deradicalisation programme have given their own reasons. They say those married to Boko Haram top commanders live like queens with maids at their beck and call. Relatively, they enjoy the best of life reserved only for royalty. Others might have developed the Stockholm syndrome, which means the girls have bought into the philosophy and cause of Boko Haram. Others are ashamed of the stigma that, they perceive, awaits them. May be, but the girls claim they still “love” their Boko Haram husbands. Whatever be the case, the girls are the ones in it and they know why, or at least so they think.

    We have seen women in very abusive relationships. They get pummeled regularly; a black eye is a constant companion and each time you notice this physical violence, you wonder what goes on in their minds. Sometimes, they tell you it is over this time around, but you can no longer count how many times they have told you they are done their spouses/partners. “The next time you raise your hand against me, I am done with you,” is very regular on their lips. But as you are reading this, they are still very much with their abusive spouses/partners. Not that I want them to divorce or be separated from their spouses/partners, but only the living get married or stay married. But they are still there and they know why, or at least that is what they think.

    What drives lovers to love come rain, come sun? What goes on in lovers’ minds that guide them in their decision on who to love and who to jettison. It is a mystery which we might not fully understand. We have often read about qualities women look out for in men and vice versa. The only challenge there is that this is a human phenomenon and stereotyping and categorization do not have blanket or universal application.

    But we may say with some level of certainty, for instance, that teenage boys go into relationships primarily for the sex; it is mostly pleasure and the sense of conquest thereafter. Teenage girls, on the other hand, first of all want companionship. May be the sex can follow later. And that is where the complications and contradictions in teenage relationships come in. The boys want sex and now; the girls want companionship first and sometimes only the companionship. Companionship is an alien word in the dictionary of many teenage boys, at least when it comes to their personal relationships. It is this revolution of different expectations that is at the root of many teen rape cases.

    To tighten the noose around the boys, many modern and smart parents no longer follow the old route of “don’t let any boy ‘touch’ you, lest you get pregnant” when advising their daughters. It is not true and the girls know it. They know much about sex because it is everywhere around them: social media and especially peers from liberal (?) homes. So the parents remind their daughters that if they get involved and get pregnant, they will drop out of school while the boy continues.

    Teenage girls have also learnt a lot about HIV, AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections. But one fact, which is not often emphasized, is that, provided the man has no injury in his sex organs, it is more likely for a man to infect a woman with HIV via sex than vice versa. This is because women are receptacles. A good example is gonorrhea. A man can have unprotected sex with a woman who is infected without being infected, if he takes a good bath, especially with antiseptic soap, immediately after the sex. But there is scarcely any escape for the woman because some of the seminal fluid would have gone into her body. These are real life situations which young girls can easily relate to and modern parents rub them in.

    Generally, people determine what they want from and in life and that guide them in their choice of lovers and ultimately spouses. It is often said that women, especially, want to be in charge of their own lives (and some want to be in charge of their spouses’/partners’ lives too). Unfortunately, many of them (lovers) do not even know what they want and once there is no clarity of purpose, people do stupid things, make wrong choices and fall for all kinds of scams. Unfortunately the world of lovers is a den of scammers and God did not help matters. He has so tightly compartmentalized every human mind that you do not know what goes on in there unless you are let in and there lies the problem. That is why some of us preach that you seek divine guidance in your choice of spouse.

  • How Tonto Dikeh betrayed friend in the name of love

    How Tonto Dikeh betrayed friend in the name of love

    Nigerian actress, Tonto Dikeh recently took to her Instagram page to wish her friend, Folake Majekodunmi happy birthday and also revealed how she betrayed her in the name of love.

    Dikeh stated that Majekodunmi housed her when she had no apartment in Lagos and helped her navigate the stormy paths of living in Lagos.

     

    According to her:” Happy birthday to a super sweet person, a lady with a golden heart.. Our story fast forward 10years ago. I came into Lagos with my bags to start a new life as a SUPER GREAT CELEBRITY with little or no money in my pocket… I struggled but it was all fun and exciting because it was a life I never knew. Excited I finally left HOME?? and my birth city. I met this young lady who opened up her home and life to me. She lived in Mende, a little one room apartment but it was our heaven. We made plans there, we cried together, laughed together, got broke, famous and successfully rich together. You never for one day complained about how we miss used your clothes or home or ate your food without contributing to it.

    “Folake I still sit and ponder what kind of woman you truly are…You did all of this and much more and today I can only feel so much shame that when it was my turn to be a true friend like you were, I betrayed that love because of a man. I asked you to leave my home because I too ashamed to let you see that after marriage I was housing a man…I knew you needed me more but I thought I was doing the right thing.

     

    “I remember how you begged me, knelt down, cried and prayed with me when I told you I was pregnant with king and I had no intentions of been a mother. You spoke to me just like a true sister. I am so sorry for all the pains and hurt I caused you, If I ever did”.

     

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BaazdewnS0H/?taken-by=tontolet

     

  • This ocean called love – Francis Ewherido

    This ocean called love – Francis Ewherido

    I have spent time trying to understand that four-letter word called “love,” its usage, its many definitions and many actions emanating from or attributed to it. Love has become an endless and mighty ocean to me; it is a mystery. You would have heard the story of St. Augustine of Hippo.

    He was walking by the seashore one day pondering and trying to decode the mystery of the Holy Trinity when he was distracted by a small boy running back and forth from the sea to a spot on the seashore. The boy was using a seashell to take water from the ocean and empty into a small hole in the sand. St. Augustine inquired, “My boy, what are you doing?” “I am trying to bring all the sea into this hole,” the boy replied with a pleasant smile. “But that is impossible, my dear child, the hole cannot contain all that water,’’ Augustine said emphatically. The boy stopped, got up, looked into the eyes of Augustine and replied, “It is no more impossible than what you are trying to do.” Thereafter, he disappeared.

    I do not want to contemplate the meaning of love until I experience any disappearance act like Augustine did; my spiritual height is even too Lilliputian for that kind of experience. So for my understanding of love, I have simply decided to take refuge in John 4:8, “God is love.” St. Paul amplifies it: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

    But we all know that the world understands love beyond the simplistic explanations above. For instance, sadomasochism; the first time I came across that word was in 1986. A former schoolmate at the University of Nigeria had called some lecturers sadists (seidists). Until then, I had always pronounced it sædist. I kept quiet and decided to check the dictionary later. Both were correct pronunciations, but the usage of his was more pervasive. I decided to forage further and came across sadomasochism, the practice of inflicting or receiving pain often for sexual gratification. It ranges from extreme acts like using handcuffs to chaine your partner to the bed thus rendering him/her totally helpless, putting a collar around the neck of your partner and using a leash to drag him/her around like an animal, flogging sexual arousal into your partner, pricking your partner with sharp objects to biting your partner, including pricking or biting the penis and nipples. Even though I was largely inexperienced then, I could not help but wonder why anybody would bring in physical pain and extreme cruelty to an act that God created to bring inexplicable pleasure. But some sadomasochists claim that it is an act of “love.”

    A girl continuously gets pummeled by her boyfriend and you wonder why any normal human being will continue to stay in such an abusive and deadly relationship. Then you hear “I still love him greatly.” A man wants to gratify his flesh and the lady is obstinate, the next thing is, “if you truly love me, you will….” If the lady allows him have his way and a pregnancy results from the encounter, a new kind of love comes in: “if you truly love me, you will terminate the pregnancy….” And out of love she does it! If a man is too stressed or distracted to muster an erection to sleep with his wife, then he does not “love” the wife any more. Love is a mystery to some; for others, it is restricted to the confines of sexual activity between two people, including people of same sex. The various definitions and scenario of love are so many that the entire newspaper space is not enough to itemize them.

    But love is in a mess right now because human beings have extended the boundaries of the definition and understanding beyond limits. Love is now amoebic; it takes any shape depending on who is using it and the purpose. In the process, so many lies have been told and are still being told against love. But love need not be miserable; though love and the devil are inversely related, it has company in the devil; so many lies have also been told against both of them. A father, a prophet for that matter, was sleeping with his teenage daughter until he was caught. Who did he hold responsible for the abomination? The devil, of course, pushed him into the act. A ritualist was caught with three human skulls. Of course, the devil told him to kill. Your spouse catches you pants down with another person, who else but the devil is responsible. A kidnapper meets his waterloo; who sent him to kidnap? The devil, of course. Who, but the devil, sends people on armed robbery? A pastor in Ikorodu, was recently arrested for printing fake currency. Right there on television, he heaped the blame on “satan.” When we get away with “murder,” we are smart; when we get caught in the act, we blame the devil. Devil don suffer o!

    But I have no sympathy for the devil. After all he is the father of lies and humans are only beating him at his game. As for love, well, God is love, so I guess He will sort things out at his own time. But when He does, may He not deal with us according to our sins o, because if he does, the whole of humankind will be in big, big trouble. And the people of God chorused, “Amen.” But we need to turn a new leaf: revolutionary or evolutionary.

  • I used to be expressive when I love a man – Eva Alordiah

     

    When it comes to matters of the heart, Nigerian rapper, Eva Alordiah doesn’t hold back how she feels.

     

    The makeup artiste and rapper had an interactive session with her fans on Instagram. During the session, one of her fans stated that she is interested in dating a guy, but doesn’t know how to go about it.

    In her reply, Eva told her to be pragmatic, adding that If she dies tomorrow and doesn’t get to experience love, It won’t be good enough.

     

    Hear her:”If you die tomorrow and you do not get to experience that beautiful(love). If you really like him so much, the only reason that you should hold back is if you are not sure that he likes you that much.

     

    “I think it is sweeter when he shows you first how much he likes you. I had to teach myself how not to be too forward. I used to be too forward. If I like a guy, I would be like hey, I like you. The next thing, we are kissing. I used to be very forward but I have had to calm down and understand that sometimes, regardless of how you are feeling, you want to hold back”

     

    READ ALSO:We are still together’-Eva Alordiah’s fiancé denies breakup rumours

  • I don’t know If love is real- Uche Ogbodo

    Sensational Nollywood actress, Uche Ogbodo has opened up about her views about love. The single mother of one declared she doesn’t know If love is real.

    In her words:”No. I don’t even know what love is. I don’t even know if love is real. I can feel it but I don’t know if it is real”.

    The beautiful actress who is separated from her husband said she is yet to recover from the hurt and not fully healed from the heartbreaks she suffered in the union.

    “I’m better now. Believe me, I’m at a better place than I was some years ago. I was numb for a long time but I am healing gradually. I am not fully healed, but I’m healing because the experience was bad. I’m not somebody that talks too much about my downfalls and failures. But right now, I’m scared; I’m very scared. You know, I wasn’t married. I was just engaged but the media attacked me as a married woman. But in the relationship I had there was no abuse. Well, there would have been abuse because there are different kinds of abuse like I do say, but it doesn’t have to be physical. If I am allowed to say that lying and deceit are a form of abuse then I will tag it psychological abuse. He was messing with my head; all the depression that came with it makes it an abuse. So yes, I think he was probably abusive because I wasn’t concentrating, I didn’t know what I was doing”