TheNewsGuru

Tag: Marriage

  • N10k a man gives to his wife more valuable than 250k she earns – Female preacher tells Abuja boys

    N10k a man gives to his wife more valuable than 250k she earns – Female preacher tells Abuja boys

    A female preacher has left tongues wagging after advising Abuja boys to be responsible and live up to expectations.

    In a video making the rounds on social media, the clergywoman chastised men who choose to marry financially independent women while doing little to assist them.

    Using Abuja men as an example, she stated that men need to take their familial responsibility seriously and begin providing for their wives.

    According to the clergywoman, a man must live up to his responsibility as the head of the family even with the little he earns, rather than waiting for his wife who earns more than him.

    She further added that even though a man might be earning a meagre salary, if he gives his wife N10k, it is more than the N250k she might be earning from work.

  • Everyone should leave me to enjoy my marriage – Mercy Aigbe

    Everyone should leave me to enjoy my marriage – Mercy Aigbe

    Popular Nollywood actress, Mercy Aigbe has hit back at critics for condemning her new marriage to film-maker, Adeoti Kazim.

    Aigbe has reacted to different comments, especially those who said she married Kazim for ‘money’.

    TheNewsGuru reports that in January, Aigbe revealed her relationship with the boss of Adekaz Production who has produced some of Mercy’s movies.

    She said: “Please, I just want to tell Nigerians that I’m not the first person to be a second wife. It is my choice, and I’m happy with it. let everybody just leave me to enjoy my marriage. If you can be happy for me, be happy for me. If you cannot be happy, you can get busy.”

    Aigbe explained that after her last marriage, she had decided to focus on her career and kids but the appearance of her new husband (Kazim) changed her mindset.

    “He (Kazim) brought so much joy, peace and happiness to my life. I tell him all the time that he is a good man. So when he popped the question, I decided to give it a try that this is the last bus stop. I’m glad it is a decision I took.

    “He has been amazing, and supportive. I didn’t marry him because of his money. He gives me peace, and joy.”

  • 32-year-old man marries identical triplets

    32-year-old man marries identical triplets

    A man got married to triplets on the same day in Congo.

    The 32-year-old man, identified as Luwizo, married three sisters named Natalie, Nadege, and Natasha.

    The groom said he met Natalie via Facebook and he fell in love with her after they chatted for a while, according to Afrimax English.

    He decided to meet up with her and she introduced him to her sisters, Nadege and Natasha, and they fell in love with him too.

    Luwizo recalled the first time he met Natalie’s identical sisters.

    He said: “I was very much surprised that I almost fainted. It seems like I was dreaming!”

    Since the triplets are inseparable, they chose to marry the same man.

    Asked about how they handled the situation, one of the triplets said: “When we told him he had to marry all of us, he was shocked. But because he had already fallen in love with all of us, nothing could stop our plans since we were also in love with him.

    “Even though people considered it impossible for three women to share one husband, to us, sharing everything has been our life since childhood.”

    Luwizo said although his parents didn’t approve of his decision and decided not to attend his wedding, he has no regrets whatsoever going forward with it.

    He said: “You have to lose something in order to gain another. In addition, one has their preferences and their own way of doing things. So I’m happy to marry the triplets no matter what others think. My parents despised my decision and that’s why they didn’t attend my wedding. But all I can say is love has no limits.”

    The triplets brides said: “Today we are very happy, as you can see, because our dreams come true without being separated by husbands, but God heard our prayers.”

    Natalie explained: “He wasn’t able to differentiate us, so we ended up falling in love with him. At first, when we told him that he has to marry all of us became a puzzle to him. But because he had already fell in love with all of us. Even though people consider it impossible for three women to share one husband but to us sharing everything is our life since our childhood.”

  • Bad marriage: Women are wailing, men are dying! – By Michael West

    Bad marriage: Women are wailing, men are dying! – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    A foremost Christian faith father expressed his grave concern about the dangerous trend of increasing rate of divorce in the society, and in particular, among Christian couples which is the consequence of bad marriages. In a tone depicting a deep concern, the popular clergy believes that both sexes are endangered species in marital crisis situation that has been leading to tragic deaths of warring spouses.

    “I don’t miss any of your articles on marriage and societal ills. It is appalling to see what the institution of holy matrimony has turned to. By the privileged position some of us occupy in the Body of Christ, I can confirm to you that many men are also suffering, in fact, some are dying in silence. It is women’s ordeals that we get to hear more but many men are languishing in pains and regrets in their matrimonial homes,” he said.

    When I reminded him of the miserable condition and danger inherent in making wrong choices as the root cause of bad marriages, he said his concern was how best to intervene and curtail the sad cases of spousal murders which are becoming rampart these days. Like those who have expressed deep pity for spouses stuck in bad marriages, he restrained himself from recommending divorce as a possible solution but he’s of view that separation that would give room for peace during which contending issues can be resolved was preferable.

    Religious tenets, cultural and societal values will rather work to preserve homes than allow separation or divorce. The truth is that nobody ever wishes to experience broken home! It is harrowing especially when children are involved. But now that acrimonious marriages have become shorter routes to the grave, something urgent and feasible has to be done.

    I have listened to several marriage counsellors and relationship coaches giving analytical prognoses and offer solutions to diverse marital issues. However, where the causes of disputes are fundamental or spiritual, such troubled marriages do not respond to prescribed solutions. But in families where their issues are neither spiritual nor fundamental, then, those academic, professional and experiential approaches to character modification and attitudinal adjustment would work well.

    Beyond sexual immorality, factors leading to divorce these days are many. The choice of life partners we make is key. Whoever ends up with a wrong choice should not should not hesitate to quit when their life or health is in jeopardy. That is not to say good and promising marriages won’t have their own fair share of challenges; of course they do but it will be workable, amendable and bearable without regrets or much pains. It is in such a situation that God wants us to learn patience, endurance, increased faith in God, appreciating each other better and understanding love languages, working on self to become better, less snappy but more tolerant as well as interceding in prayers for the home.

    Leaders are often evasive in their responses whenever they talk about bad marriage. Save expressing pity and compassion on the victims, they’re cautious in offering suggestions on the way out of bad marriage. Sadly if the unexpected happens, people will blame the dead for staying put in a life threatening marriage whereas if the late had attempted to quit, it is the same set of people that would mount pressure on the person to stay back. They will use all kinds of reasons and sentiments including children, fear of the unknown out there, the religious and societal stigma etc until it becomes too late to help.

    Pastor E. A. Adeboye of the Redeemed Christian Church of God in a sermon that went viral on the internet said: “It is better to be single than marry the wrong person. If you marry the wrong person your hell begins on earth. It takes only the supernatural intervention of the Almighty God to rescue you if you marry the wrong fellow.” This is perfect! Absolute truth! It takes only God to RESCUE the victim! My question is how will the rescue operation take place? Certainly it is not safe to remain in the troubled or jinxed marriage and neither separation nor divorce was suggested, I’m sure death is not the rescue that Daddy G. O was referring to here, neither was it the rapture. I will leave the rest to your judgment.

    This is one of the reasons I’m advocating for a solemn assembly of God’s Generals in this generation to come together and review the institution of marriage in view of the existing reality in order to stop spousal murders and curtail incessant marital breakups. In the days of the Apostles, knotty issues were tabled for robust debate and consideration in Jerusalem from where solid and acceptable decisions were made for the Church. Such resolutions are still binding on all believers till date. As representatives of Christ, the Church leaders have such mandate under the leading of the Holy Spirit to painstakingly juxtapose the reality of our situation in line with the scriptures to come up with new rules and guidelines regarding holy matrimony for us. Shying away from frontally tackling the problem is cowardly and it’s not helpful at all.

    For real, some men are not fortunate with good wives. No matter how hard they try, the little support they need from their wives to achieve something for the family is denied. Some women would rather spend their money on aso ebi, makeup kits and other frivolities than cooperate with their men for the good of the family. Such callous women hardly last in marriage. A number of men had died prematurely due to marital problems but they’re unsung victims because they are not women. Many are still weeping in their closets without anyone to comfort them. In case they choose to speak out, who will listen to or even believe their stories? Single dads are more in pains than single moms. Let’s be kind to each other in marriage please! Men are dying silently but nobody cares!

    I do receive calls at least three to four times a week from people complaining about the kind of ugly situation they found themselves in their marriages. Beyond the acts of infidelity and sexual immorality, women complain more about uncaring and gross irresponsible attitudes of their men. Candidly, stingy men are worse than philanderers! I have lost count of cases I could mention here but more homes have broken due to acts of irresponsibility as demonstrated by stingy and selfish behaviours than infidelity. A miser is a killer! He would rather watch his spouse being overwhelmed by financial challenges than part with his money to save her situation. Stingy men and violent husbands are the same. While one kills with punches the other kills with neglect and callousness. Misers are shameless lot who would not mind being fed by their wives even when they have money to give but they withhold it. They ignore and laugh off insults hauled at them provided their money remains in their pockets. Only a limited number of them are moved by the needs of their children. They smartly abdicate their responsibilities by pushing their primary responsibilities to their wives or at best share the bills. I’m not referring to jobless, struggling or needy men who have little to offer, no, I mean men that are able but unwilling. You know what? Such niggards are horse riders in the bedrooms who are always in the mood for their women’s attention. This is one of the reasons they quarrel often. Bad guys!

    ‘We’re all work in progress’

    Last week’s edition elicited widespread responses from far and near. I forwarded most of the responses to her. Emails are still dropping as I wrap up this column yesterday. As divergent as the views and opinions canvassed were, they’re all valuable even when some were judgmental. She sent in a word of appreciation to readers who took time to communicate their responses. She also spoke with some persons who had genuine reasons to contact her through me. Her message reads:

    “I wish to express immense appreciation to everyone who reacted/responded to my story. I patiently read all the analyses, suggestions and the criticisms. I do appreciate all. I intend to apply the useful pieces of advice to chart a course for the future, with God on my side. We’re all work in progress in the hands of our Creator. I believe in Him for the best in all things. Thanks so much good people and God bless you all. From Mrs. I. Anthony”

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • Dealing with marriage-related stress – By Hope Eghagha

    Dealing with marriage-related stress – By Hope Eghagha

    By Hope Eghagha

    Marriage, the union of two or more people from different and often disparate backgrounds comes with its stress. Stress comes from finances (too much or too little of it), sexual relations, infidelity (the other woman, and in rare cases in Nigeria, the other man), the extended family, work hours, domestic chores, children or lack of them, and differences in religion or place of worship. There are no absolutes about this. There could be more. For example, how do we handle a situation when the woman suddenly becomes breadwinner in the family? Also, sometimes, people change after a few years of marriage. Or reveal their true character. My operative thesis from Day One is: Every Couple Must Decide, Must Work on Their Marriage. Not the pastor. Not the Imam. Not the Parents-in-law. Not a third party of fourth party.

    In my definition, I added ‘two or more people’ to accommodate polygamy, the practice of having more than one wife or more than one husband at a time. While the former is common in our clime, the latter is taboo in most if not all Nigerian cultures. We know of girls who keep multiple boyfriends, dubiously and humorously called ‘shareholders’ in their enterprise. Whereas most girls can tolerate men have multiple relationships in our culture, most men cannot stand it.

    The courtship period, the prelude to marriage, is often sweet. It is not in all cases though. Some girls see the bitter taste coming during courtship but hang on in the hope that the man would change after marriage. However, in a typical situation, both parties are often careful, especially if they both decide that they want to marry. Meetings are less frequent or limited to certain hours. Every moment they spend together is bliss. They are more tolerant of each other. There is nothing like ‘see finish’ if I may borrow our local expression. ‘See finish’ comes sometimes when a woman overexposes herself to the man before marriage. Some girls just move into the man’s apartment and start what in Delta State our people call ‘credit marriage’ or ‘paper bag’ marriage. Sometimes, the lady gets pregnant, and they must wait until she gives birth before bride price is paid. ‘We do not pay the bride price of a woman who is pregnant’, the people say. Why I ask? Are you paying for two?

    The discourse today is not on premarital issues. Arising from some discussions which I had during the week, I have decided to write on the stress involved in keeping a marriage together. When the popular line in most weddings compels bride and bridegroom to ‘say for better for worse’, it is in recognition of the stresses, challenges, and pleasures of a typical marriage. Anybody who decides to end a marriage on account of a stress factor, is likely to see more in the next woman. It is true that some persons could develop irreconcilable differences. Except they part ways, one of them may end up in the morgue. So, it is proper to not to take an absolute, fixed position.

    Finances. Couples must learn to manage their finances. The Nigerian marriage has run into trouble because we have not managed our finances well. If a wife feels that her husband is a bad manager of money, it could lead to dissatisfaction. This disenchantment may spread, dig deeper and gradually the woman would lose faith in the man. From Day One therefore, let there be an agreement on how to manage income in all circumstances. Some couples decide on a joint account. This has its advantages. It could also happen that the woman is a bad manager of funds. If ‘chop money’ is exhausted only after one week because madam spent money on other things outside the budget, and this becomes a recurring decimal, relations could be shaken.

    Sexual relations are a sensitive area. Both parties should understand each other and develop a rhythm. Some people are highly conservative in the ‘ozer room. A conservative man who marries a bedroom activist must strike a balance else he would have a permanently unhappy wife. What are your needs? Talk about them. Discuss them. Work on them. When. For example, a man suffers Erectile Disfunction (ED) it could be embarrassing if both parties are not mature. ED could be temporary or permanent. No party should jump to a conclusion. In one case, the woman accused the man of wasting his energy outside! Another man believed and expressed the view that it was a ‘spiritual attack. ED could be the result of medication or work and life-related stress. The operative word is: UNDERSTANDING through discussions.

    These days, there are too many cases of infidelity in marriages. Both men and women are guilty, though men are more disposed to it than women. Some men are discreet about it. Others flaunt their excesses before the longsuffering wife. Or are get caught through telephone chats. Women are urged to look the other way because in their view ‘all men cheat! It’s hard for most women to swallow. Some couples live together but lead two separate lives. They hardly communicate with feelings. A woman who is your wife needs attention. Often the attention is sweeter than money, especially when other things are okay. Money does not make love. Love in the deeper sense of it is sweeter than money. It is sweeter when there is money to make both parties meet their needs though. In the absence of plenty money, real commitment inmarriage through love creates an enduring marriage.

    During counselling, we tell both parties to give mutual respect to each other. There was a case in which the man always called his wife a ‘useless woman! The woman then reacted by staying away every weekend with her friends and relations. During reconciliation, the woman said if she was useless in the marriage why stay every day in the house of a man who thought she was useless. One of the lacking ingredients in the Nigerian marriage is lack of mutual respect. If one party sees itself as the senior partner, as it currently is, there is bound to be friction.

    Marriage as a topic, is inexhaustible. As a man married for nearly forty years, I still learn lessons almost during every new experience, I see my wife in a new light. Discovery can be sweet. It can also be bitter. It is always sweet if we decide to create sugar in our mouth and allow things that seem bitter to be sweet. Is it impossible?

  • Nollywood actor Jim Iyke opens up on failed marriage

    Nollywood actor Jim Iyke opens up on failed marriage

    Nollywood actor Jim Iyke has openly confessed that he had a failed marriage nobody knows about. The film star, in a chat with Chude Jideonwo, the media entrepreneur, said he keeps his personal life private.

    Iyke stated that he hates to be figured out, hence his reason for keeping his marital life out of public scrutiny.

    “I’ve had a failed marriage. I have two, three beautiful kids. How are you going to know? You can’t follow my partner. You’ll never understand. Even people who live in my space don’t know how I move,” he said.

    “I hate to be figured out. Once you figure me out, I have nothing else to offer. So that’s the potency in it. I refuse to be figured out. I refuse to be tamed.”

    In 2013, a video showing Iyke in a deliverance session at the Synagogue Church of all Nations had surfaced online.

    Iyke touched on how the subsequent death of his mother, for whom he had sought spiritual healing, crushed him.

    “When I lost my mum, I couldn’t find my feet for years. There’s an understanding, spirituality, and connection that I lost. People always wondered how I rise from things that were supposed to bury me,” he said, wiping his tears.

    “My mum was lying in a hospital bed in a coma but they were saying I’m playing theatrics. I said, ‘I will live in this church for two years if you heal my mum.’ What happened, I don’t know. I saw the video and said it’s not me.

    “But that’s me. I’m not an island of knowledge. I’ve done my part but one thing you can take to the bank is that, until I die, I’m the true son of Gladys.”

    The movie star also talked about trying his hands on several businesses that eventually failed.

    “I’m expeditious in opening gates but I just don’t know how to man the gates,” Iyke added.

  • ‘My hubby is lazy, I want to quit!’

    ‘My hubby is lazy, I want to quit!’

    By Michael West

    The reality is staring at us in the face about complicated marital issues bedeviling many homes these days. In the ages gone by, divorce was nearly a taboo. It was like a stigma which was considered a dent on the family name and as an aberration against the conjugal institution. Beyond sexual immorality as a ground for divorce, today, the reality is that other issues like physical and verbal assaults, domestic violence, neglect, nagging, hot jealousy, bitterness, infidelity and acts of irresponsibility as well as frustrating one’s purpose or vision are recurring factors that engender increasing cases of divorce. Society and religion unknowingly are fertilizing grounds for spousal murders because when warring couples ought to have given themselves a space for peace and later reconciliation, ‘forcing’ them to live together for religious and societal correctness could lead to death of either of them. Again, sentiment about children is not helpful either. It takes a living parent to take care of children but when the parent dies prematurely in marital crisis who will then care for the children? To avoid another spousal tragedy triggered by bitterness and bottled up anger is the reason an avowed reader of this column, Mrs. Iyanuoluwa Anthony from Surulere, Lagos, sent in her story which I publish with her consent. Read on:

    “Dear Sir, please permit me to vent. Recently, the elegant stallion, Onyeka Onwenu came to the open about the circumstances that led to her divorce and I saw myself clearly in her story.

    “I have been married for more than 20 years. I met my husband in the university where we both graduated same year. I had always made it known that I would further my studies and I did encourage him to do same and he agreed. I probably chose him out of sheer innocence and naivety because with the benefit of hindsight, the telltale signs of the man he later became were all there ab initio. When we started our family life, I gave my husband all the support I thought was right including paying the house rent and giving him my first car while I went to work by public transport. I did that because from day one, I had always earned higher than him. I did all these in the belief that I had to submit all to him as a Christian wife and I also believed that a better future awaited us. I have always been a stern believer in delayed gratification.

    “Well, time came and I went back to school and I earned three Master’s degrees in addition to my first degree. I encouraged my husband to also acquire more education because the future belongs to the educated. Of course, my husband didn’t budge. At some point, an uncle of mine even obtained a scratch card of a foremost university for him in order to go for a Master’s degree, the card expired eventually because he didn’t even bother to go to the school to apply for admission. I worked with a bank and the fact that I had those degrees facilitated my rapid promotion at work. I kept progressing and even moved across the banking industry rapidly, each time with higher remunerations.

    “By this time, it had become normal for me to pay our children’s fees and pick virtually all the bills at home. I also bought a land in our names and built the house while my husband looked on. If I tell the story of the building, some details would make it appear like scenes in a fictional movie. He knows how much I earn and so the complacency became heightened. At some point, depression set in despite maintaining a stoic silence about my woes in the burdensome marriage. Then, I began to talk and nag. Well, this cast me in a bad light among my people who thought I had become arrogant because they said I was “luckier than him.” I would weep at the drop of a hat, lay awake all night (even till this moment that I’m writing). They thought I was disrespecting him because up until I began to talk, people saw us as a perfect couple.

    “About two years ago, he got sacked at the small company where he had worked for 26 years without adding even a single diploma to his first degree. The company sent him packing because it had evolved and no longer needed dead woods! Now, he stays home permanently while I go to work and bring food to the table for him to eat. When his dresses get worn, I also make it a point of duty to buy new ones for him because I do not want him to bring shame to me and our children. I set him up in a business after he lost his job but he spent the capital on gambling, games and betting apps. Now, he stays at home all day loitering and eating food he does not provide. He occupies his time with television viewing all day without knowing how cable TV subscription is paid. Our children are now adults and they are angry because they see the difference between their dad and their friends’ daddies.

    “Dear Sir, I have endured all these with equanimity for years and now I am tired, frustrated and infuriated. Anytime I come back home and meet him watching television, I weep. I’m foot dragging on filing for divorce partially because of certain considerations. However, I have asked myself time and again if this is how I intend to live the rest of my life. Anytime I attend wedding ceremonies, I wonder what ‘nonsense’ the couples are entering into because marriage has lost its value in my estimation. I find myself envying widows now because, at least, they are free from the woes of this over-hyped institution.

    “The sadness I feel every time I come back home to see him glued to the television screen can sink a ship but he carries on as if we have a perfect relationship. I am so bitter because I know I am hurting myself. I am dying inside while the world thinks all is well with me. He is also fond of boasting to people about the schools our children attend and how the house was built whereas he added not a dime to anything, all he does is to tag along with whatever I do. I would have been happy if he has a job that enables him to function as a family man no matter how small. I would celebrate him if he does that and makes himself a good example to the children. I am not expecting to make a Dangote out of him, all I want is a man who recognises his roles and carries them out without leaving the rudder of his family to his wife alone! The financial, emotional and physical pressures are eating me up. His presence in the house does more harm to my psyche than good. At work, I’m usually cheerful and happy but returning home after close of work becomes a heartache. His siblings are aware and they keep begging and praying for me. Sometimes when I lose my cool with him, he begs me and tells me how much he appreciates my efforts.

    “Aside his acute indolence and complacency, he is a man of prayer. He can fast for a whole year but is that what makes a responsible husband? Does the Bible not describe a man who does not take care of his household worse than an infidel? (1 Timothy 5:8). Does the Bible not say that he that does not work should not eat? (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Is this how we would remain until we grow old?

    “I have long lost the sense of being married. I feel so single and lonely especially since we don’t even have sexual intimacy again. I think we have had sex only four times in the last four years – that is a generous one time per year! Sex is the last thing on my mind as it has paled significantly in the light of the burdens I bear. How can I get out of this? Please help me before I go real crazy. Thank you sir.”

    Please respond to her story by suggesting the way forward for her as deem appropriate. Happy weekend.

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • Love in the air: Popular gospel artist, Tim Godfrey engaged

    Love in the air: Popular gospel artist, Tim Godfrey engaged

    Obviously, the love season is yet to come to an end as popular gospel artist, Tim Godfrey has taken advantage of the season to engage his lover.

    TheNewsGuru.com (TNG) reports Tim Godfrey proposed to his heartthrob and shared of photo of the proposal via his official Instagram on Wednesday.

    However, Godfrey refused to give the identity of his fiancee away, referring to her only as EKJ.

    The Nara singer described EKJ as the best thing to have happened to him after giving his life to to Christ, and that meeting her changed his life.

    “Meeting you changed my life. Meeting you brought unending smiles. Most importantly, meeting you was and is my greatest reward from God.

    “Thank you for saying yes! I can’t imagine how I have lived without you all my life. But guess what? I would have waited forever till we cross part.

    “But thank God, this blissful and Heaven made journey has started. After giving my life to Christ, sharing life with you is the best thing that has happened to me.

    “No measure of time with you will be enough, but let’s start with forever. “EKJ” you are my still waters,” Tim Godfrey captioned the proposal photo he shared via Instagram.

  • Ex-Gov Uduaghan’s cousin, Oritsejolomi set to marry Kogi princess, Natasha Apoti

    Ex-Gov Uduaghan’s cousin, Oritsejolomi set to marry Kogi princess, Natasha Apoti

    Chief Emmanuel Oritsejolomi Uduaghan, cousin to former Governor of Delta State, Dr Emmanuel Ewetan Uduaghan is set to marry Kogi Princess, Natasha Apoti.

    Chief Uduaghan, the Alema of Warri Kingdom, an Engineer turned lawyer, will marry Apoti, a single mother of three in a traditional marriage ceremony that will be held on March 5, 2022.

    It was gathered that the traditional marriage ceremony will take place at Apoti’s late father’s residence in Obeiba-Ihima, Okehi Local Government Area of Kogi State on the scheduled date.

    Apoti was the governorship candidate of the Social Democratic Party (SDP) in the last gubernatorial election in Kogi, who gave Gov Yahaya Bello goose pimples before the election.

    She also contested the last Kogi Central Senatorial election on the platform of SDP in 2019 and lost the election to Senator Yakubu Oseni of APC.

    Apoti, 42, subsequently contested the November 16, governorship election and also lost to incumbent Governor Yahaya Bello of the All Progressives Congress (APC).

    On the other hand, Oritsejolomi is a business mogul and Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Webster Group of Companies.

    Oritsejolomi had earlier bought Apoti a Rolls-Royce Phantom Tempus car worth $750,000 (equivalent to N311,745,000.00) in what seems to be a Valentine gift.

    But, as it stands, the Rolls-Royce Phantom Tempus gift looks more of a marriage proposal gift.

    Akpoti’s marriage ceremony invitation card has been making the wave all over social media, most especially Facebook.

    The marriage ceremony may turn out to be the talk of town in the coming days.

  • Portrait of a Mother-in-law! – By Hope Eghagha

    Portrait of a Mother-in-law! – By Hope Eghagha

    By Hope O’Rukevbe Eghagha

    There are many stories about mothers-in-law, recondite with the extremities of this special breed of women in African folklore. Their activities are often directed against persons of their own gender- woman on woman, woman against woman, women being extremely hard on, wicked to women. Which is sad. A big irony. I recall reading a dramatic poem written by Poet Laureate Niyi Osundare in which a mother was confronted by her son about public perception of her and how she was a terrible person and so on. Responding, she said among other things: whoever said so, may his eyes see the back of his head… and so on! Hmmm! Character is like smoke!

    Some of these archetypal images have spilled into modern narratives and indeed modern families. In Nollywood, one actor, Patience Ozokwor epitomizes the fiendish mother-in-law who sees nothing good in a daughter-in-law. Here we refer to the type of mother-in-law who visits and begins to eye the clothes the new wife wears, the soup pots, what time she wakes up, the type of meals she prepares for her son, and the jewelry she wears. The one who believes that her son’s money is being wasted on frivolous items and confronts wifey after her son has gone to work! God save Wifey if she has no job or no visible financial contribution to the house or if she unable to makes babies! In some instances, the daughter-in-law is no respecter of persons. She is ready for battle after enduring many years of harassment.

    Why does a lady suddenly become an evil or a bad person in the eyes of her husband’s mother? Obviously, there is some rivalry between both women. One gave birth to the man, nurtured him, and must now cede him and all his affections to another woman, for whom the son has deep romantic affections. This is what some mothers cannot stand. ‘Losing’ their son to a total stranger! The stranger becomes the closest person. They sleep in the same room. On the same bed. One mother-in-law was reported to have said to her son’s wife: I breastfed him, he sucked my breasts as a baby. To which the perky young lady replied: ‘he doesn’t need your breasts anymore. Every night he sucks mine’. Such pettiness over control of one man! When some husbands lose their mother and wifey participates fully and joyously in the funeral ceremonies, one wonders whether she is mourning a death or celebrating freedom from the tyranny of a fiendish mother-in-law! Hehehehehe! The things that happen between some mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law will wear a hat!

    The truth is that some mothers never really let go of their sons. For this reason, they become permanent intruders in the home of the young couple. In some cases, they make so much trouble that the young man finally bans his mother from coming to live with them till further notice! Fathers-in-law rarely get involved in the cat and mouse game! They are too busy or would rather the couple live happily ever after with minimum interruption from Madam Wife!

    Conversely, how does a son-in-law suddenly become a bad person to his wife’s mother, sometimes from Day One of their meeting? The second category is not as common as the first. A wife’s mother is usually more friendly with her son-in-law than the other way round. Perhaps because there is no rivalry between her and anybody. She treats him nicely so that he would look after her daughter. Except in rare cases!

    There is this mother-in-law who is fiendish to her own daughter and her husband. There is no record in the books to account for her behaviour. She left her marriage very early and brought up the kids by herself, at least to secondary school level. She always fights her daughter who looks after her. She is always bitter. Harsh. Mean. She extends the fight to her husband too. When some say its old age, the daughter will tell you that she had aways been like that. She once ordered her daughter to buy her a car and give her a driver. Daughter says to her: I don’t have that kind of money. She replies tell your husband to give you the money. My husband has no money to buy you a car! Fool! What about the money you made when you were in Abuja? You defend him all the time; is it because you are afraid that he would take another wife that you sound like a fool all the time? This exchange between mother and daughter is unusual. Once, she directed that her daughter should ensure that her salary was shared into three parts – one for mother, second part for her sister and the third part for the lady who earns the money. This same mother-in-law once locked her son-in-law outside his own house! What else is witchcraft in the real African sense? Such a fiend-in-law ought to be kicked bag and baggage out of the house without much ado!

    Mothers-in-law must allow their daughters-in-law live in peace with their husbands. Theirs is a new home. A home for two. Not three. If there is a third person, it should be a child. They should remember that troubling the young woman also affects their son negatively. No man really feels happy when the two important women in his life- his mother and his wife do not get along and quarrel all the time. Once a man takes a wife, the new woman has more rights and privileges than Mama, no matter how longsuffering Mama may have been in bringing up her son. The same spirit of ‘ownership’ flares up if a son dies prematurely. Some mothers-in-law and the big family often pounce on the property of the deceased man. Chase away the wife and kids and take full possession of everything in sight.

    Of course, not all mothers-in-law are fiends. I have seen a mother-in-law who takes her daughter-in-law lime her own biological daughter. Such a wife is the envy of other less fortunate ladies who enter a marriage where they become enemy Number One just because they entered matrimony with a man that they love! For me, the man to stop all the nonsense by intrusive mothers-in-law is son. Period. No man can marry his mother!

     

    Professor Hope O. Eghagha (BA, Jos; MA; PhD, Lagos) MNAL

    Department of English

    Faculty of Arts

    University of Lagos

    Akoka Lagos

    NIGERIA