Former media aide to ex-President Goodluck Jonathan, Reno Omokri Reno Omokri has stated that a praying wife isn’t always the best.
Omokri advised men to rather go for a partner than can pray, slay yet stay as he noted a woman who has these three is the best type of wife
The 48-year-old activist argued a woman can be taught how to pray but beauty is something she either possess or doesn’t.
He tweeted: “The best type of wife is not a praying wife, but a wife who can pray, slay and stay.
Nigerian music legend, Onyeka Onwenu has opened up on past struggles and why she left her marriage.
Onwenu in an interview with media personality, Kikilomo Atanda-Owo said although she did not want her marriage to end, it would have killed her if she stayed.
She revealed that her marriage was difficult and was not good for her and her children.
She said: “I went through my marriage, it was difficult because I really did not want my marriage to end but I could not take it anymore, it would have killed me.
“I always say this and that is the truth. It was not good for the children to live in that kind of environment where the mother is depressed, the mother is carrying the weight of the whole family.”
“I raised my children from kindergarten to Masters Degree.
“My husband didn’t pay school fees for one day, didn’t buy clothes, didn’t pay for holidays, didn’t give me housekeeping money, hard to believe.
Onyeka Onwenu, whose estranged husband had remained a mystery over the years reportedly married a Yoruba Muslim in 1984 and they were blessed with two children.
The music icon said men will have to answer to God if they neglect their families.
“That’s mean, irresponsible, wicked, even to your own children? Forget about the wife, the children.
“And I decided to write about it because women, we keep quiet for too long. We take so much and you’re dying.
“And once I opened up, I felt this relief that a lot of women who read it would say, thank you for talking about this. ‘We know now that we ought to free ourselves.”
Though she said she doesn’t support divorce, Onwenu said if it must happen, it should be done peacefully.
The third wife of former Vice President Atiku Abubakar, Jennifer Abubakar has opened up on her divorce with the 2019 presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP).
Jennifer in an exclusive statement to The Trent gave insights into her marriage, the ongoing divorce saga and the circumstances concerning their estrangement.
Jennifer, who originally hails from Onitsha, Anambra, while replying to the newspaper’s enquiry on circulating rumours on social media accusing her of disposing of the couple’s Dubai real estate illegally, among other allegations mentioned that she requested for the divorce from her husband and mentioned prominent Nigerians who had mediated in their relationship crisis.
The full statement, delivered to The Trent by Dr Abubakar is reproduced below:
For some time now, especially in the last few weeks, there has been a whole lot of rumours and in circulation about the state of my marriage to his Excellency Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, the Waziri Adamawa, GCON. The stories got more vicious as they continued to circulate. I deem it necessary to defend myself against the calculated propaganda to malign my character and position me in a bad light and damage my name. Without resorting to nonsensical talk, I would address the two key issues at hand:
(1) That I asked for a divorce because His Excellency got married again.
(2) That I sold his Excellency’s house in Dubai.
That I asked for a divorce because His Excellency got married again
• On June. 26, 2021, I asked His Excellency to grant me a divorce in light of the breakdown of our marriage. And, during that period, I told his Excellency that I remain at his Excellency’s service to continue to assist him in his activities even If I am no longer married to him. Suffice it to say that several friends of his Excellency tried to mediate in this matter. I thank them most graciously and remain grateful for their efforts, Peter Okocha, Senator Ben Obi, Tunde Ayeni, Captain Yahaya and Senator Ben Bruce.
• The core reason for the divorce was disagreement over my continued stay in the United Kingdom, to look after my children and several other long-standing issues. I needed to play the role of a mother at this time to the children who have gone through the absence of both father and mother growing up; especially, with the passage of my elder sister who used to look after them. Furthermore, in light of COVID times, choosing to stay with the children was nonnegotiable. And, in line with Northern culture, the new wife takes up the baton so I can also focus on giving the kids more care.
• Despite not informing us officially according to northern/Islamic culture, I knew about his Excellency’s new wife from the time Excellency was dating her and when his Excellency eventually married her. I have graciously invited our new wife to my son’s wedding in Dubai in 2018 without any ill feelings and congratulated his Excellency when our new wife put to bed.
• I was already aware that His Excellency had gotten married to our new wife but that did not deter me from supporting His Excellency and indeed, we went through a most rigorous electioneering campaign and garnered massive support for his election in 2019.
• That His Excellency married a new wife was never the cause of our problem as many have said. His Excellency is a Moslem and I have never questioned him about his wives or intended.
I hope this brings this issue to rest as I did not leave the house because of his new marriage.
Moving out of the matrimonial Home in Asokoro and Yola
• The Matrimonial home in Asokoro which we reside was gifted to me by him even before we moved into that home from a previous residence. Indeed, His Excellency caused his Private Secretary to process the DEED of assignment documents for the house, which he did and handed. me the documents. I then commenced processing the title to the property.
• During the initial mediation discussion, Excellency denied that he gifted the house even after I showed him
the document with the signatures of his aide, his Excellency asked me to give him the deed of gift. “When I asked him, where will me and the kids stay when we come to Nigeria?”, he told me that since I am the one that asked for a divorce, I should find a place to stay and subsequently, I moved out.
• His Excellency further gave orders to have my nephews living with me in the house ejected within an hour of his order and gave orders that I and my family members are not allowed to enter the house. Hence, during my last visit to Nigeria in December, 2021, I stayed at a hotel. I have long released these assets to him and hereby reiterate that thee titles are at his disposal to pick up whenever he deems fit.
Dubai Home
• There has been a lot of speculation on the Dubai home. For a while now, I had purposely stayed away the Dubai until I took custody of that property September 2021 after his Excellency reneged on his word to give the current value of the said property in exchange. When I came to Nigeria, in early September, 2021. I asked to have a private conversation with His Excellency. During that conversation, I informed his Excellency that once I get back to the United Kingdom, I will go to Dubai and take over the house. He subsequently departed for his medical trip to Germany refusing to address any of the issues I privately wanted to conclude with him outside of third parties.
• I subsequently travelled to Dubai, and took custody of the said property. Once I did that, on 18 September 2021, His Excellency sent me a text and I quote: “I hear you have moved to Dubai to takeover the house. I am still in Germany for my medicals. Make sure all my properties including (redacted) are intact so I can collect all my properties. I wish you well’.
• I responded to him: “ Excellency, I am left with no other option as we need to get on with our lives amicably. I hope your medicals are coming up good. I wish you well too’.
• On 19th September, 2021 in response to his text that I am not being amicable and I quote ”Good morning, with due respect, Excellency, I told you on Saturday before you left for Germany, that I was going back to UK, take [our son]back for his test, then come to Dubai. I reiterated that day the need for an amicable resolution. I maintain that stance and remain at your service Your Excellency’.
• Further on Tuesday, 21 September, 2021, I asked His Excellency in another text whether he wanted me to pack up his clothes and give to Rahim (his driver) since the driver on his instructions was moving his cars. I also asked Excellency in that text whether he wanted me to have Rahim pack up his office. Then his Excellency sent me a text back and asked: ‘So its true you have sold the villa?’
• Subsequently, His Excellency sent the driver to take possession of all the cars.
The truth subsists with regard to the Dubai house. I will make no further comments on it because it is the subject of litigation filed by his Excellency against me.
I need to also put on record that if I wanted to take His Excellency assets, I would not have returned to him his property documents in Abuja and Jos and document, allowed the driver to collect his cars, gave up the house in Asokoro and Yola.
The last time I was in Nigeria I called to have the Asokoro and Yola documents delivered to him. It was never picked up and I still state that Excellency is free to send someone to have the documents picked up anytime he deems fit.
Threats/Intimidation
• Since this incident, I fear for my safety and that of my kids. His Excellency’s security operatives especially Ibro and others have making threats and calling my relatives, friends and staff and searching for my assets to seize and monitoring my phone calls and those of friends and relatiives. For that reason, I have exited my law firm and sold all my assets and moved abroad until peace reigns.
• I have done nothing wrong except to ask for a divorce and it pains me that I have to use this medium to address thorny issues but fear that at this point, I would have to put my side of the story on record. It is obvious that a campaign of calumny to total discredit and put me in bad light has begun.
Despite all that has happened, I reiterate that I asked for a quiet divorce which had if it had been granted, we would not be where we are today. Divorce is never an easy process for both parties. I reiterate that I hope we can settle our issues privately and I would remain at His Excellency’s service should he need my help, anytime.
A 32-year-old housewife, Zainab Shehu, yesterday prayed a Shari’a court sitting at Rigasa, Kaduna state to dissolve her marriage over the alleged inability of her husband, Faisal Yahaya, to satisfy her sexually, saying that her husband is a one-minute man in bed.
Shehu, who resides in the Rigasa area of Kaduna, said: “my husband is a one-minute man in bed.
“I have advised him to seek medical help. He agreed and took some herbs but later stopped taking it.
“I don’t want to sin against God that is why I want a divorce so that I can remarry a healthier man”, she said.
On his part, Yahaya, 60, is denied the claims, saying he was fit and healthy.
The judge, Malam Abubakar Salisu-Tureta ordered the couple to go to the hospital for a check-up for Yahaya to know the cause of his predicament.
He adjourned until Feb. 3 for the hospital test results to be reported.
![[Devotional] IN HIS PRESENCE: Sexual issues in marriage [2]](https://thenewsguru.ng/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Screenshot_20211202-092925.png)
By Oke Chinye
Read: Proverbs 5:1-23
Meditation verse:
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth… may her breasts satisfy you always” (Proverbs 5:18-19).
How you deal with the sexual problem in a marriage depends on what the underlying factors are. If you are a wife who has been deeply wounded by her husband’s infidelity or other act of betrayal, you need to let go and forgive him wholeheartedly. Harbouring a grudge is like cancer, it will eat deep into the fabric of your soul. It will eventually destroy every element of your marriage and not just your sexual relationship, because when you feel deeply hurt by your husband, it is impossible to give yourself wholly to him. Let him know that you still feel hurt irrespective of how long ago it was and then ask God to help you forgive and release him. You will be amazed at how free you would feel.
If you are a man struggling with erectile dysfunction, which is the ongoing inability to obtain or sustain erection that is sufficient for sexual intercourse, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Research indicates that more than 50% of men over 40 years will experience some form of sexual dysfunction at some point in their lives. Treatment for erectile dysfunction has improved significantly over the years. Speak to a Urologist who will assess the cause of the dysfunction and proffer a solution, either in terms of drug prescriptions or lifestyle changes. Fortunately, most cases are successfully dealt with.
As a woman, if you feel your excess weight is inhibiting your sexual fulfilment, why not determine to do something about it today. Excess weight in a man can also reduce his libido so staying in shape is vital for both the man and his wife. If you recognize that the demands of life are affecting your sexual relationship, be deliberate about making time for each other. The bible states that there is a time for every purpose and activity on earth. Nurturing your marriage is an important purpose, so take time to nurture it. When you put in the time and effort needed to make your marriage great, you will be the better for it. Lastly, sexual preferences are dynamic, stay in touch with the needs of your spouse. When you are committed to satisfying his or her preferences, your sex life will remain passionate and fulfilling irrespective of how long you have been married.
IN HIS PRESENCE is written by Dcns Oke Chinye, Founder of The Rock Teaching Ministry (TRTM).
For Prayers and Counseling email rockteachingministry@gmail.com
or call +2348155525555
For more enquiries, visit: www.rockteachingministry.org.
By Michael West
A Lagos based businessman called to ask for help because he wanted to “secure” his wife so she can always obey him. “When I had money, I was ‘king’ to her and her family but since things have not been rosy with me in recent times, my wife has become stubborn and confrontational. As we speak, she has refused to return from the East since we travelled for Christmas last December. Surprisingly, she said she is no longer interested in the marriage. Can you imagine? I want to ‘secure’ her so she can obey me and stop listening to her mother and her influencers.”
The caller didn’t know that powers sourced through mediums and alternative means are ephemeral. Such powers have expiry time as well as consequences. There’s nothing as peaceful, dependable and lasting as the power of prayers which has no consequences. Many of the forced marriages or relationships don’t end well. After I explained these to him, he agreed to drop the idea and chose to embrace interventions that will bring back his wife to him through dialogue.
Not a few women called to share their gory tales in bad marriages. While some have “escaped”, others said they are still taking their time but are hell-bent on quitting. Two callers said they have settled for what they termed “marriage of convenience” – this means they live apart but still married. In case either of the party chooses to move on or decides to end the union, filing for divorce will not be a problem since separation as a precondition is already being fulfilled.
Today, I decided to publish one of the stories available. The 44-year-old woman explained that: “From the onset, I knew my marriage won’t last; because it was more of a reluctant union. I almost backed out at the last minutes but the fear of what people will say goaded me into it.
“The early sign I noticed was that he was hostile to my friends. Later, he restricted his own family members from visiting us, a decision that made it possible for him to stop my own family members from visiting us, too. He did that knowing it will enable him to do whatever he liked with me.
“I read Banking and Finance in the university but when I had a job offer from a new generation bank he rejected it. He said the job will expose me to men and they will chase after me in the course of duty. Every appeal to allow me pursue a career in my field fell on deaf ears. Months later, I got another job offer from a telecommunication company, again, he also declined approval, saying it will expose me to men. There and then I knew I got it wrong in the choice I made in marriage.
“To be honest, I didn’t like buying and selling kind of business. I preferred corporate jobs. I went for my MBA with the aim of floating a consulting firm, he allowed me to go through the course sponsored by my parents but disallowed me to prospect for business opportunities. At the end of the day, my parents suggested I should consider buying and selling if that is what he wanted for me. Alas! He said he had no money to invest in or fund my business, not even a loan. He said I should raise the capital by myself. That was when I fully realised that I was into a big marital trouble.
“All the while, I suffered physical assaults and dehumanized treatments whenever we had altercations. Twice I had miscarriages due to abuse and domestic violence. At some point, he stopped me from visiting my parents because they warned him against further assaults. He was a top executive at work, (but now retired) yet, he scarcely provide enough for us at home. He told me during a quarrel that giving enough money to women for family upkeep is a subtle way of empowering them because they will manage it to their own advantage. Callous men are not generous at all and they deliberately deny financial support to their wives in order to weaken, subdue and humble them. The little women have in savings will be spent to augment the needs at home because of children. As a result, abused women will stay longer in lack, insufficiency and in suffering. Whenever such men show a little kindness, feebleminded women easily forget all the torture they have been subjected to. Some will even go as far as telling their men how they had been advised to quit.
“One day, alone in the house, I reviewed my marital journey so far, 12 years had gone without a glimmer of hope for improvement. My dream and passion are being frustrated. I had no sustainable means of income. There’s no future here if I stay on. I decided to quit. I knew that he would pretend to be remorseful whereas if he succeeded to hold me back, getting out will be more difficult, I then mapped out a strategy that took three months to perfect without informing anybody about it. The day I was ready to quit, I invited his youngest sister to please see me. When she came, I entertained her and made her to relax till the school bus brought my children from school. After feeding the children and while they settled to do their homeworks, I told her to look after the children that I wanted to pick some items at the nearby store. That was how I left with only my handbag at about 5pm.
“She won’t leave until I return and her brother met her at home. They started calling my line. I didn’t respond until I got to Abuja the next day. I told him that I’m done with the marriage. He should tell his sister to take care of the children. I needed to progress and pursue my own dream.
“He ran to my parents, got in touch with my friends he said he didn’t want to see around me. At the end of the day, I agreed to allow the children to stay with me on three conditions:
• That he must agree to a divorce which he accepted before I allowed him to bring the children to me in Abuja.
• That he must agree to provide for the monthly upkeep and regular payment of school fees for the children. He consented.
• That our discussions thenceforth must be about and not beyond the issues concerning our children. Nothing more. He was initially hesitant but he budged eventually.
“I got a lawyer to draft the agreement and we both signed. That was how I escaped from the lion’s den. Previously, I had made an attempt at separation which he thwarted by prevailing over my parents and friends to beg me to return. Yet, this man won’t change. After each disagreement, he would demonstrate fake attitudes of a changed man. In fact, he pretended for almost three months at a time during which I almost cancelled my divorce plans. I got so convinced and carried away that I concluded that nobody is perfect after all. A situation later arose which brought out his concealed person. They can only pretend to buy time until it will be too late for their ‘victims’ to quit.
“I left my children behind as a strategy to have my way and to get them to live with me without yielding any ground to his advantage. If I had gone with my children, he won’t be responsible for their welfare and education, and the journey to get my bearings may not be as easy and fast as it was that time. I took to a wise counsel of a confidant and it paid off.
“I want to advise women in similar situations to please run for dear lives. Callous men are devils, and devils never repent of their deeds. Your sanity, human dignity and purpose in life matter a lot. It is foolish for any woman to die or get mentally deranged because of marriage. I have since been remarried to a valued friend who celebrates me beyond the beauty that my ex was killing me over. He also supports my dream and passion wholeheartedly. The fear of what people will say still keep several women in bad marriages while some are dying in it daily, untimely and silently.”
• West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk
08035304268
08059964446
An Igando Customary Court in Lagos on Thursday, dissolved a 23-year-old marriage between a clergy, Pastor Dele Adewale and his wife, Favour over irreconcilable differences.
The President of the Court, Mr Adeniyi Koledoye, who granted Adewale’s request for divorce, held that the dissolution for lack of compatibility.
“The court has come to the conclusion that the marriage between the couple had broken down irretrievable therefore, the dissolution of their marriage is successful.
“It is proper for both parties to go their separate ways since they are tired of the marriage and all efforts to reconcile them failed.
“The court hereby pronounces the marriage between Dele and Favour Adewale dissolved today. Both of you henceforth cease to be husband and wife,” he held/
Koledoye gave custody of the third and fourth children to Favour and ordered Adewale to pay N10, 000 monthly for their feeding.
He also ordered Adewale to pay a severance allowance of N150,000 to his wife and also pay N200,000 to enable her get an apartment.
Adewale, 52, told the court that his wife of 23 years, wanted him dead.
”She poisoned my food twice. My wife forced me to abandon my house due to her threat to kill me.
“She is violent in nature. She hits me,” he said.
Favour denied poisoning her husband’s food.
“I never poisoned his food nor hit him,” she said.
The 48-year-old trader said that her husband was an irresponsible father.
The mother of four said that her husband abandoned their matrimonial home for two years.
By Oke Chinye
Read: Proverbs 5:1-23
Meditation verse:
“The husband should fulfil his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfil her husband’s needs” (1 Corinthians 7:3, NLT).
Sex was created by God as an expression of love between a husband and a wife: to provide physical, emotional as well as spiritual bonding. “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Your sexual experience in marriage enhances your wellbeing. Sex is also a key cause of marital strife. Since God created sex, He knows how destructive it can be if used in the wrong context, hence He set very specific boundaries for it. It must be within a marriage. “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that commits fornication sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).
Today’s bible reading is an allegory of faithfulness in marriage. Couples are enjoined to drink water from their own cistern and never allow their springs to overflow unto the streets. Sex is likened to a spring or river, which if contained within the banks (marriage) will lead to enjoyment and satisfaction. If the spring exceeds the banks and spills unto the streets, great devastation can occur. Keep your marriage bed pure and stay faithful to your spouse. God’s purpose for marriage is for a husband and wife to always enjoy a sexually fulfilling relationship regardless of how long they have been married.
Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life in a marriage requires a conscious effort on the part of both parties. According to Psychologist and marriage counsellor, Dr Richard Nicastro, sex is not always simple and straightforward. A whole range of factors can negate the experience of sexual fulfilment in a marriage. An underlying physical or medical condition, or the side effects of prescription drugs can impact a man’s libido or lead to loss of erectile function. The demands of child rearing, juggling work and housekeeping can wear a woman down and cause sex to drop to the bottom of her list, leaving her husband sexually unsatisfied. Emotional issues such as unresolved anger and resentment can result in a total loss of sexual desire.
A negative self-image can also diminish sexual fulfilment in marriage. Some women pile on excess weight after having children and complain that their spouses no longer find them sexually appealing. Others begin to feel self-conscious about their bodies. With all these factors, many couples find themselves struggling to keep the sexual passion and desire alive in their relationships. Research on long term relationships and sex show that as many as 15% of married couples have not had sex in the last six months to a year. Married couples in a sexless marriage are more likely to consider divorce than couples who argue constantly but remain sexually active. Sex is not just important for its sake, it is important for the marriage relationship, as it can make or break it.
If you and your spouse are struggling with dwindling sexual desires or a loss of sexual activity, if your sex life is currently boring, unsatisfactory, or devoid of passion, you need to know that this is not God’s desire for you. Faithfulness in marriage needs not be boring, dull, or lifeless. The first and most important step in dealing with this is to acknowledge that a problem does exist. Communication is important. You and your spouse need to come together in an atmosphere of honesty and love to uncover the underlying factor(s). Discussing your sex life builds up your excitement and anticipation around it. Unfortunately, most Christian couples consider such discussions carnal and refrain from having them.
IN HIS PRESENCE is written by Dcns Oke Chinye, Founder of The Rock Teaching Ministry (TRTM).
For Prayers and Counseling email rockteachingministry@gmail.com
or call +2348155525555
For more enquiries, visit: www.rockteachingministry.org.
By Oke Chinye
Read: Ephesians 5:22-33
Meditation verse:
“Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).
A great marriage is a product of the efforts of the husband and wife. The husband is commanded to love and nurture his wife as his own body. No one ever treats his own body with disdain. God is concerned with how a husband treats his wife. The bible contains commands and warnings on this. In 1 Corinthians 7:3, husbands were entreated to render to their wives the affection due them. In Proverbs 5:15-20, husbands were warned to stay faithful to their wives. Hebrews 13:4 reiterated the need to respect the marriage vows and Malachi 2:16 expressed God’s hatred for divorce. “Take heed to your spirit and let none of you deal treacherously with the wife of your youth” (Malachi 2:15).
The person your wife has become today is in part the fruit of what you have been sowing into her life. If your wife is tainted with emotional blemish or character defects, check what you are sowing into her life. If she is a nag, you may need to consider whether you willingly listen to her views on issues or whether you constantly shrug them off. If she is unattractive or uninteresting, consider whether you have sown love, attention and praise or criticisms and neglect. If your home is in disarray, determine whether you have provided the loving leadership that is required of you. God is not mocked, whatever a man sows, he reaps. If you want to see beauty and splendour in your wife and in your home, purpose today to change the seeds you are sowing.
A wife is commanded to submit to her husband. Proverbs 14:1 says, “the wise woman builds her house. But the foolish pulls it down with her hands”. A wise builder chooses to lose the argument to win the battle. She overlooks offences and forgives easily. She is willing to submit to her spouse even when it is difficult to do so. The foolish builder is contentious and proud, unwilling to bend or yield to her husband. She would rather win every argument to prove she is right. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem (the other) better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of (the other)” “A good marriage is a contest of generosity” (Diane Sawyer).
IN HIS PRESENCE is written by Dcns Oke Chinye, Founder of The Rock Teaching Ministry (TRTM).
For Prayers and Counseling email rockteachingministry@gmail.com
or call +2348155525555
For more enquiries, visit: www.rockteachingministry.org.
By Michael West
Saturday, January 8, 2022, as early as 6:30am, I received a call that cleared sleep out of my eyes. The caller, who hide his caller ID, explained why some men do seek spiritual help to cage their wives. The caller, who later disclosed his identity said “it is not evil to ‘secure’ a good wife especially when you know that her presence brings favour and prosperity into your life.”
His words: “I ‘secured’ my spouse for good reasons. I love her so much and I don’t want her to lose her because men chase after her everywhere. Besides, I don’t think what I did is evil since I didn’t harm her in anyway. I’m a hotly jealous man and I become temperamental whenever I see men trying to woo her whether online or offline. Some men are so daring, because she is beautiful, they can’t hide their admiration for her even when they see us together. I became abusive as a result. I do beat her silly and that’s why she’s been threatening me with divorce. I deny her financial support as a way to weaken her willpower. I did a few other things to subdue her. I did all that to secure my home.
“I didn’t know about the ‘native security’ until I shared my fears with a friend. He took me to a man who, to my amazement, said that women with good and prosperous aura are in short supply these days. ‘If you are lucky to have one, you have to secure (tie) her from going away.’ He did some findings about my wife in my presence and told me things I have never shared with anybody that had happened to us. The man was so accurate that I admitted that I needed his help immediately. That was how I’m able to keep her till date.”
I asked to know in case she finds out, he said it is not impossible because she attends a praying church where anything can be revealed but I did nothing wrong. I simply make her uninterested in any other man except me. That’s all. Besides, she may not believe it because she has never seen charms or any juju with me before. The spiritualist didn’t give me anything and the work is very effective. He doesn’t have to give you anything. It is the target’s details that are only required.”
As revealing and scary as this appears to be, most of those who engage in such practices see their innocent spouses as ‘captives’ in their marital cells. This brings to mind the trust issue in relationships and the need for abusive partners to make conscious efforts to have a change of attitude rather than going spiritual to manipulate their spouses. However, the way men hook their wives from divorcing or separating from them, likewise, there are women who subdue the willpower of their husbands in order to gain control and enjoy the latitude to do whatever pleases them.
I’m aware of the potency of God-given power to humanity. As a believer, I know the power of God is attainable through prayers, fasting and living a consecrated life. However, it is also possible to access other form of powers through alternative means through mediums, invocation of metaphysical rituals and elemental beings. Therefore, the users of alternative means to influence things in their favour do not see anything wrong with it.
Through interactions I had with some senior citizens over this issue, I discovered that the use of native means to stabilize marriages is not new to our society, though discreetly applied. An 81-year-old community elder who spoke to me explained that “Our fathers and grandfathers used native means effectively and silently to prevent good women from leaving them. Naturally, women dislike rivalry but patriarchal authority, wisdom and traditional nuances were deployed to maintain the balance at homes. Men were ‘kings’ in that era. Their words and actions were authoritarian and unquestionable. However, our mothers at the time, too, had their own subtle methods through which they checkmated and defied their husbands without acrimony. The fathers at the time didn’t have the animalistic nature of beating their wives. They used abstinence from sex and rejection of foods as major weapons to discipline erring or recalcitrant wives. Have you wondered why a woman who had moved out and remarried, after having one or two children elsewhere, she will return to her first husband and they will still live in peace as if nothing had happened? That’s elders’ secret at work. In addition, our fathers graciously applied tolerance, patience and forgiveness as key factors that sustained their marriages. Those three virtues are needed to keep marriages working in this generation. However, a virtuous woman can still divorce especially if her marriage is largely abusive; and, importantly, if she has a strong family support, but not without the man making efforts to prevent her exit.”
There are two major ways people keep their spouses in bad marriages. One, through delay tactics and, two, through spiritual means. There are two major categories of spouses that people won’t let go out of their lives easily: spouses that have positive and prosperous aura or what people refer to as good luck. Also, kind-hearted, faithful, responsible and industrious spouses.
According to a clinical psychologist who is also a relationship coach but preferred to remain anonymous, “The most effective strategy that men use to keep their abused spouses in marriages is superficial change of attitudes and begging. They apply this method to buy time. They’re ready to say sorry whenever their wives are provoked or they threaten to quit. The men usually plead for another chance over and over again. Through this approach, weeks will roll into months and months into years and still counting.
“They use delay tactics to keep women blessed with great attributes and godly character in bad marriages. The women will merely rant, threaten and weep but going nowhere. They often rationalize their continued stay on factors like children, people’s opinions and religious affiliations without thinking about their own lives, sanity and wellbeing.
“The abusive and mean men are known through failed or partially fulfilled promises, selfish behaviours, suggesting ideas or projects that will take some years to accomplish while still exhibiting their hurtful traits, feigning to be caring and romantic only when they need sex, pretending to appreciate their spouses using flattery and cajoling them into believing that they mean well. They isolate their wives from family and friends that can influence them. Some of the men do cover up their sinister motives with religious facade etc. Unfortunately, softhearted women who fall for their lies and tricks would regret when it is too late to quit on account of age. At that time, the man will totally relapse into his hard, selfish, vindictive and abusive character without restraints knowing that it is no longer in her interest to quit the marriage no matter how frustrating it may be.”
Conversely, this scenario also plays out against men. It is even worse for men because such unfortunate men are treated as slaves, rendered financially incapacitated and in some cases, imbecilic. I know a man who became so retarded that he would accompany his wife to the waiting car of her lover. A number of times, he would advise the man to please take care of his wife till the next day in case they finish their ‘meetings’ late because he’s not comfortable with his wife returning home at night. I think you also can cite one or two similar cases you know or you have heard of. While men ‘secure’ their spouses from divorcing them, wicked women do manipulate their men into becoming somebody that can’t challenge or curtail their excesses.
In conclusion, the octogenarian alluded to the fact that “Nobody throws stones or sticks at fruitless trees. Men will go the extra mile to keep beautiful women of value. They are great assets and blessing to their husbands. Those frustrating and inflicting pains on their spouses should change before it is too late. They may beg, make promises (most of which are usually not fulfilled) and ‘settle’ those who have a say or influence on the spouse’s family but if the abuse continues, the marriage will ultimately collapse. Some men are aware that if their spouses should go, they may likely experience dwindling fortunes thereafter. Warnings like these are the reasons they become desperate and use all means possible to help themselves.”
• West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk
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