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Tag: Marriage

  • Marriage is not do or die-Tacha

    Marriage is not do or die-Tacha

    Reality Tv star, Natacha Akide also known as Tacha has shared her thoughts on the institution of marriage. Tacha urged Nigerians to stop pushing the narrative that women need marriage more than men.

    The outspoken influence made this known via her Instagram Stories on Monday, December 7, 2020.

    “Stop pushing the narrative that women need this marriage thing more. It’s not a big deal,” she wrote.

    And I hate the fact we’ve been brainwashed over time. Marriage isn’t/shouldn’t be a priority, It is not a do/die affair! There’s so much more to this life than 2 rings and 2 adults. I beg you! If it isn’t working, leave.”

    Earlier this year, Tacha declared her love for Tekno.

    According to her: “Oh my god! I love Tekno’s face and his music. He is such a talented young man and that alone is an inspiration to me. Shout out to him.”

    On whether she would like to get married to Tekno, the reality television show star said

    “What do you think? You want to get us a hashtag already? I respect his talent and I’m sure he will be an amazing guy for whoever he marries in future.”

  • Cleric “caught in bed with married woman” loses 15-year-old marriage

    Cleric “caught in bed with married woman” loses 15-year-old marriage

    An Igando Customary Court in Lagos State on Monday dissolved the 15-year-old marriage of a cleric, Yusuf Adeniyi, over infidelity.

    Yusuf’s wife, Rebecca, 44, sought the dissolution of the marriage, saying that she caught him cheating on her.

    Rebecca claimed that she caught her 47-year-old husband with a married woman on their matrimonial bed.

    The Court President, Mr Adeniyi Koledoye, granted the request, saying that the petitioner insisted on divorce.

    “The court is left with no option than to grant your prayer and hereby pronounces the union dissolved.

    “The court hereby pronounces the marriage between Mrs Rebecca Adeniyi and Mr Yusuf Adeniyi dissolved.

    “Both of you henceforth cease to be husband and wife.

    “Each of you should go on his or her separate ways unmolested; the court wishes both of you well in your future endeavours,” he said.

    Koledoye ordered Yusuf to be responsible for their children’s feeding, education and general welfare.

    Rebecca had also told the court that Yusuf had extramarital affairs with both single and married women.

    “I caught him having sexual intercourse with one. I grabbed the woman and tore her clothes.

    “I raised alarm; he started begging me not to expose the woman.

    “My husband’s behaviour toward me changed after the incident. He no longer gave me money nor cared for me,” she submitted.

    The 44-year-old mother of four also claimed that her husband was fetish, saying that he married her with charm.

    “I was under the influence of charm in my marriage with Yusuf.

    “The wool was pulled off my eyes five years ago but I decided to remain in the marriage because of my children.”

    According to her, when her father died, Yusuf did not go for the burial.

    Rebecca told the court that she was fed up with the marriage.

    Responding, Yusuf admitted having an extramarital affair with a married woman but blamed it on the devil.

    “I begged my wife to forgive me but she refused and raised alarm,” he told the court.

    The respondent, however, denied being fetish, saying that he never married his wife with any charm.

    “It is my wife that is fetish. She frequently visits herbalists and comes home with different substances.”

    He prayed the court not to dissolve the marriage, saying that he still loved Rebecca.

  • Marriage, not wedding is priority – Michael West

    By Michael West

    November 27, 2020

    Marriage is a serious business. It is not meant for the immature, irresponsible or ill-prepared. It is not a deal for playboys and “runs girls.” It indicates responsibility and commitment on the couple. It changes their statuses from ‘single’ to ‘married.’ It enhances personal values, enriches experience and confers credibility on the married in the eyes of the society. Being responsible is part of the reasons only the married is qualified to stand as surety or guarantors in serious matters in the law courts. The sum value of marriage is in the sense of responsibility, discipline and value addition to self, family and the larger society. And, above all, in being fulfilled as ordained by God to replenish (procreate), have dominion and rule over the earth.

    Many prospective brides and grooms wish to have a talk-of-the-town wedding. While wedding is just a day event, marriage is a lifetime affair. The pomp that usually headlines the class and glamour of a wedding does not guarantee its success nor induce its failure. Unfortunately, not a few of the celebrated weddings have failed to translate into peaceful and enduring marriages. This has nothing to do with the age, class or tribes of the couples involved. It is traceable to tripartite factors such as parental interest, class obsession and neglect of the spiritual.

    Some failed marriages would have survived but due to parental overbearing, misguided or imposed choices and pandering to the dictates of the class they belong to. This is common with the rich because they think, by that, they are protecting their family interest, business and class by insisting on choices within opulent family circles. Sometimes they could be right because some folks from humble backgrounds have proven to be a disaster in marriage to rich families. However, such cases are not enough for the rich to play God. They should realise that everyone’s future lies with God as many of them were not born with silver spoons in their mouths. Fortunes smiled on them either through hard work, right connections or providence, the same way other people’s children could make it with or without marrying their privileged children. There are basic things parents must check to determine the appropriateness of a prospective spouse for their children.

    • Is the person educated enough to feel good in the midst of their peers? Is the person well behaved, civil, pleasant and mature? Everyone has weak points, so, they should not expect a saint because nobody is. On the average, if the character is adjudged good and tolerable to run a peaceful and stable home, then, the person is a good choice.
    • The person’s parental background in terms of integrity, business or occupation and track record or pedigree not necessarily in terms of financial worth but in values.
    • The prospects of the person is key. What the person hopes to do or is doing as occupational engagement, the ability to excel in their field of speciality and/or the ability to manage business etc., will be an added advantage to the family.

    The highlighted factors in addition to godly upbringing are enough criteria for a spouse-to-be for the children of the rich. We have seen children of the rich kill themselves in marriage. We have seen some of their marriages crash in weeks and months after society weddings. Parents should stop chasing shadows. They should concentrate on the important aspects of life and the wellbeing of their children and not to dwell on a one-day society wedding for their children. Is it wrong to be involved in the affairs of our children? Absolutely not. However, there are key areas parents need to work on to ensure happy and stable homes for their children.

    Class obsession is a serious issue to contend with in this matter. Trying to measure up to the family’s rating has led some people into debts and acrimonious marriages. People should live within their means and celebrate according to their financial strength. There’s no award for the Most Ostentatious Wedding Ceremony of the Year. Therefore, celebrate moderately and spend wisely.

    On the spiritual, it is not everybody’s aura that permits noisy or ostentatious celebration. The need to seek divine guidance in events like marriage is very important. Many homes are in disarray today because they failed to factor the spiritual into their arrangements much earlier. Seeking to know the mind of God concerning the couple and the ceremony is the right step to take. We are all spirit beings living in the physical. The Bible says God is in heaven ruling in the affairs of men. This basically applies to those who allow Him to rule in their own situations. God is a Gentleman, if you don’t involve, consult or invite Him into your affairs, He will stay away, looking.

    From the Mailbox

    Re: ‘My Wife Caused It’

    He’s a useless man. A shameless man who drained his wife’s finances in the name of soft loans. I believe he used the money to service his girlfriend whom he got pregnant because that’s what he wanted. Otherwise, didn’t he know where condoms are sold? The woman should divorce him. – Liz, M, Lagos.

    Most women are happier being single than married. No ordering around, no unnecessary malice, no cooking and serving any man. It’s just freedom for them. For any one (man or woman) who has been in a toxic relationship before, the person will agree with me that it’s a lot better to remain single. – Mrs. Nora O, Lagos.

    I want to agree that infidelity in marriage is very bad. We should always ask for God’s wisdom and divine direction in every aspect of our lives. Many women find it difficult to adapt when things are rough with their husbands. In my home, I’m the bread winner, yet, I live in peace with my husband. Allowing him to enjoy sex is also a key I often use to make him happy. My advice to the man is to pray about it, as we can see the wife’s heart is very far from him. She needs to forgive him as marriage without forgiveness and tolerance may not last. – Julie, M, Enugu.

    It is good he didn’t hide his extra marital affair from his wife. It is good he’s sincere enough not to have justified himself for the wrong doing. It shows he is remorseful. Now he has to allow his wife some time to get herself together. She will forgive him though disappointed he could go that far. Then we have to also consider the other lady, the girlfriend and her baby. While he awaits his wife’s forgiveness, he must first forgive himself. – Dayo, E, Lagos

    Any man who goes to a lady friend and utters statements like “I love my wife, I cannot afford to loose her” would eventually fall a prey to the lady friend’s antics because she would go the extra mile to satisfy the man emotionally, psychologically and physically (supporting him with money, wears and feeding him with sumptuous meals) that his wife (who is bluffing and denying him sex) could not offer. So, I suggest that every man should stop confessing love for their wife outside. They should stop taking loans from their wives to service their businesses; rather, they should look elsewhere. (Spiritual insight in that). Bedroom assignment is a must for the couple. Women should stop using sex as a weapon of punishment against their husbands. Note that what you are denying him would be given freely outside with or without money and the man will feel safer and relaxed where he is welcomed. Proverbs 14 verse 1 says “Every wise woman builds her own home.” – Wunmi, O, Lagos.

    Quote:

    “While wedding is just a day event, marriage is a lifetime affair. The pomp that usually headlines the class and glamour of a wedding does not guarantee its success nor induce its failure.”

  • Celebrating divorce – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    Divorce, which is an official dissolution of a marriage, is one of the blights of the marital institution. Very few people go into marriage with the intention to get divorced at some point. That is why people take the vow of “till death do us part” at wedding. Divorce is a sensitive issue and out of respect for those who are divorced, especially those who are close to me, I have stayed away from that topic in the past seven years since this column debuted. This is especially so since I am aware of the circumstances that led to some of these divorces. I share in their pains. But when I came across a story of a couple, who went for a “celebratory lunch” after they were officially divorced, I decided to write about it, but still without prejudice to divorced family members and friends I deeply care for.

    What is this couple celebrating? What are they trying to prove? Who are they trying to impress. Are they trying to show that they are mature? If they were mature, they should have channeled their maturity to make their marriage work. Or are they trying to prove that they are not bitter? There are people who are divorced and have moved on without a show. I know a divorced couple, who are professionals in the same field and own a practice together. They are still business partners and run their business together. They did not go for a “celebratory lunch” to tell the world that there is no bitterness when they got divorced.

    Anyway, the other things that caught my attention in their story were the pieces of advice they offered married and dating couples. Apparently, their marriage was built of a defective foundation ab initio because their courtship was also defective. Their first advice was, “take the time to REALLY get to know yourself, your purpose, your vision, your priorities, and your core values before committing yourself to someone else for life. Get clear on your non-negotiables and on your deal breakers before saying “I Do”. Otherwise, your newfound vision can create division if it’s not in alignment.” This brings us to the definition of courtship and I am going to take excerpts from my book, Life Lessons From Mudipapa:

    “Dating can be described as a form of courtship and may include social activities undertaken by two persons (male and female) with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a life partner, while courtship is that traditional period before engagement and marriage when couples date to get to know each other and decide if they should go ahead with the relationship. Another definition by the Institute in Basic Life Principles…refers to courtship as: ‘a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other.’”

    On core values, which they also mentioned, I wrote: “What are your core values and what are your partner’s? Core values are principles and qualities that guide your internal conduct and determine how you relate with the external world. Your core values define who you are; they go to the root of your existence. They are sacred to you and non-negotiable a lot of the time. They might be ethical, religious, intellectual, social, appearance-related, etc. It is important that you share common core values with your potential spouse. If you don’t, then it is not advisable for you to continue the courtship. But if you do only in some and not all aspects, you need to check how acceptable or unacceptable what is lacking is to both of you. Are they things you can live with or without? Sometimes it is not the level of compatibility that holds the marriage together; it is the ability of couples to manage their inevitable differences.” My question is, what were they doing before they decided to get married. I guess every other thing, except ask for the face of God, ask critical questions and do critical analysis.

    Their second advice is, “even if you believe you heard from God, there’s no need to rush to the altar. Take your time and enjoy the process of courtship, or you’ll find yourself getting to know each other after you’re already married.” First, let me quickly say that you cannot fully know your spouse during courtship. The “knowing” continues after marriage. In addition, I will refer you to two bible passages. The first is 1 John 4:1 – “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” When it comes to testing the spirit as regards marriage, my favorite biblical passage is Genesis 24: the marriage of Isaac to Rebecca, God’s unseen hand, Abraham’s uncompromising stance and the extraordinary faith and faithfulness of Abraham’s servant.

    I will break their last piece of advice into pieces and deal with it one issue after another. “Don’t underestimate the amount of work that it takes to build a strong marriage…” True. Making a marriage work is a full time occupation. As I said some time ago, like your body, it needs daily nourishment, if not it will deteriorate. Like a bank account, you have to make deposits regularly because you make withdrawals knowingly and unknowingly. Unless you consciously make deposits, your account (marriage) can easily go into deficit.

    They also said, “…Go to marriage seminars together before getting married, learn what it really takes, and make sure you’re both willing to put in the work together.” Thankfully, religious and government organisations have realized the importance of pre-marriage seminars and have designed topics for people preparing for marriage. Marriage is a higher institution like universities and polytechnics and every potential entrant should prepare for it. If you fail to prepare for marriage, you are already preparing for failure. Finally, they said “…If you don’t grow together you’re gonna grow apart” (Go to https://www.vanguardngr.com/2017/08/marital-intellectual-disequilibrium/ and read more on this).

    In school, we were taught that oddity is news. That is why this couple’s story was in the news because it is odd for a newly-divorced couple to go out together for a “celebratory lunch.” But what are they celebrating? A failed marriage? Do people celebrate failure? I have seen one party in a divorce case “celebrate” after divorce for varying reasons. If you personally know the story of some of these people, you will empathise with them, your firm belief in the indissolubility of marriage notwithstanding. For some, it has become a case of stay in the marriage and die or get out and be alive.

     

    Get me right, there is nothing wrong with divorced parties meeting or having lunch together occasionally. They do meet to discuss the welfare of the children, go for lunch or dinner occasionally with the children and also get together with the children at Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving (America, Canada, etc). But a lunch by divorced parties to “celebrate” their divorce is meaningless and pointless; it is an aberration. I know that sometimes, people enjoy being in the limelight, but it is also important that we point it out that this former couple was in the news for the wrong reasons, so that those coming behind will not be misled.

     

     

  • I have not lost hope in marriage-Fredrick Leonard

    I have not lost hope in marriage-Fredrick Leonard

    Handsome actor, Fredrick Leonard is no doubt one of the most eligible bachelors in Nollywood at the moment.The talented role interpreter has averred that he has not lost hope in marriage.

    Speaking in a chat with Allure, he said: “”No, I have not lost hope in marriage. It is just the time we live in. I believe in marriage and even the Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone. I do not want to end up alone. I do not want to end up miserable,” he said.

    “I want to be with someone who I have a lot of things in common with; someone I’m compatible with. I believe in the institution of marriage, and I think that people should be more realistic with themselves when it comes to picking a partner.”

     

    Leonard debuted his career into the Nigerian movie industry in 2001 where he played brief one scene roles and took a break from acting almost immediately as he debuted in order to complete his university education and obtain a degree. Upon completion of his university education, Leonard returned to the Nigerian movie industry referred to commonly as Nollywood in 2008 and obtained his first ever lead role character in a movie titled Indian Doctor.

  • Why I don’t want to get married, have children-Monalisa Stephen

    Why I don’t want to get married, have children-Monalisa Stephen

    Monalisa Stephen, a rising social media influencer and actress has opened up on why she doesn’t want to get married or have children.

    Stephen noted that she is not against marriage, but added that marriage is not the purpose why we are on earth.

    “I am not against marriage but I don’t want to be married or have my own children. I would rather adopt children. I am not the ‘marriage’ type. I don’t think marriage is the main purpose why we are on earth. I don’t also like the Nigerian mentality where people think that at a certain age, one has to be married. Marriage is not a do-or-die affair. That is why people are getting into wrong relationships. There are people that live together as partners and they are even doing better than legally married ones. There is a man in my life and it is a committed relationship but it is not one that will lead to marriage. We advise each other and I love it that way”, she told Punch.

     

  • Society blames marriage failure on girl-child- Toyin Abraham

    Society blames marriage failure on girl-child- Toyin Abraham

    Popular actress and filmmaker, Toyin Abraham has stated that in Africa, the boy-child are not trained on how to do some basic house chores.

    The Alakada actress made this statement via her YouTube channel.

    According to her: “We don’t train the boy-child in Africa. Growing, my parents distributed house chores to everyone. Sometimes, I wash the toilet, sometimes my brother cooks. This is what developed my brother’s culinary skill. Most homes just train the girl-child for marriage. For example, if a young girl unconsciously opens her laps and a boy passes by taking a look at her private part, the parents will blame the young girl, telling her to close her laps. We know such a girl is meant to close her laps, but the boy too should be told not to look at a girl’s private part.

    Speaking further, Abraham said that when it comes to marriage failure, the society blames the girl child

    “Even when it comes to marriage failure, the girl-child is always blamed. When a boy child and a girl child are having a fight our parents would tell the girl to leave the boy saying he is stronger. Why can’t the boy be told not to maltreat his sister? If a lady is raped, you hear people asking her: ‘What did she put on’? A woman can decide to wear whatever she likes though I am not in support of a woman exposing her body. There is no manual to life, just live your life and be happy. We need to train our boys to be better. Learning how to cook has nothing to do with gender”.

     

  • Court dissolves 18-year-old marriage as wife starves husband of sex

    Court dissolves 18-year-old marriage as wife starves husband of sex

    A Customary Court in Mapo, Ibadan, on Friday dissolved an 18-year-old marriage between a teacher, Juel Olutunji and his estranged wife, Blessing over nagging and sex starvation.

    Delivering judgment, the President the court, Chief Ademola Odunade held that the marriage was dissolved, in order to allow peace to reign between Olutunji and Blessing.

    He awarded custody of the first two children Olutunji and the last to Blessing.

    The arbitrator also ordered Olutunji to pay a monthly feeding allowance of N5,000.

    Earlier, Olutunji, told the court that he was completely frustrated with Blessing.

    ”I do not have any peace of mind due to the psychological and emotional trauma his wife had subjected him to.

    “Immediately after our wedding in 2002 when Blessing delivered our first child, she became a monster, nagging day and night.

    “Blessing denied me of sex since we had our last child who is about seven years now.

    “Worst still, she has taken all steps to prevent me from seeing my children,” Olatunji said.

    Blessing was not in court.

    The court bailiff confirmed that Blessing was duly served hearing notices.

  • Revealed: Six signs your guy has plans to marry you

    Revealed: Six signs your guy has plans to marry you

    Both of you are lovebirds and you enjoy each other’s company. He ticks most of the items on your “Perfect Man” list, he loves you, he has a good character. However, you are not sure if he has plans to marry you, below are the sign you should look out for.

    • He Mentions Wanting To Marry You

    Contrary to what some may think, a marriage proposal doesn’t just pop out of thin air.

    Most men who are ready to settle down would have had discussions with their significant orders relating to marriage before actually proposing. Remember that marriage is designed to be a life-long journey and no one would want to go into it if they weren’t sure about the person they’d be spending the rest of their life with.

    He Discusses Important Issues Concerning Both Of You

    If his discussions with you surpass shallow matters and actually cover important topics such as your goals, dreams, starting a family with you, a future with both of you in it together, having kids, etc then this guy could mean serious business.

    Additionally, if his discussions include plans bothering around “we”, meaning the both of you, and not just “I” revolving around him, then this could mean he is hinting at a future of which you are part of.

    It’s important to note that this point on its own doesn’t conclusively mean this guy wants to marry you. However, it definitely hints that he is thinking of building a more serious relationship with you. And essentially, it will be up to you to figure out what exactly his intentions are.

    • He’s Dating You Exclusively

    If your man is dating you exclusively, then he must mean business. Then again, this could mean otherwise. However, it is a pro and indication that a man’s ready to settle down.

    Only a serious guy would have his attention fully focused romantically on you.

    • Your Opinion Matters To Him

    Does he take your opinion seriously? If he does, he’s probably ready to settle down with you. But as usual, don’t get it twisted as this is not conclusive.

    Men are naturally engineered to be full of ego and it would take a man who deeply respects you and sees you in his life long term to take your opinions seriously.

    At the end of the day, do not take marriage advice from us as we are not marriage counsellors. However, we do know a thing or two about relationships.

    • Your Relationship Is Public Knowledge

    Do not confuse this to mean that your relationship is posted everywhere on social media. Your relationship being public knowledge means that you two have a relationship where the key people in your life such as; friends, parents, family, colleagues [optionally], and people of interest, know about your relationship. When a man is comfortable with having your relationship in the open, it means he might be heading towards the marriage road with you.

  • Fear of leaving my children worried me when I contracted COVID-19 -Lola Alao

    Fear of leaving my children worried me when I contracted COVID-19 -Lola Alao

    Veteran actress, Lola Alao has recounted her fears and worries after she contracted the dreaded COVID-19.

    The role interpreter said she now sees life in a different way.

    In her words: “There is a price to pay for being famous and that includes always being in the news. I know a lot of things have been said about me, some for good and some, bad. But I don’t care and I am not bothered about people’s opinions. If I know that whatever I am doing is right and if some persons can vouch for me on some of the negative news, why should I be bothered? I have always been in the news and I have grown a thick skin over time. However, if the news about me is very bad, I would endeavour to clear the air.

    “Because I see life in a peculiar way, I do not regret the things I have done or what happened to me in the past. When I contracted COVID-19, the fear of leaving my children and family behind worried me. I was also worried about my adopted children in Nigeria and my foundation. I kept praying to God and told Him to spare my life for the sake of my children. I am grateful and thankful that I got a second chance to live”, she told Punch.

    Sharing her thoughts on giving marriage another shot, she said: “It is a case of never say never, I can tell you ‘no’ now and another thing would happen tomorrow. As long as I cannot predict the future, then I can’t predict events (that have yet to unfold). If marriage comes, (that would be) fine, and if it does not come, I am also good (with that).”