TheNewsGuru

Tag: Marriage

  • An unforgiving and stone heart – Francis Ewherido

    Francis Ewherido

    A horrific and sadistic drama was staged at the God’s Glory Ministry, Jos last Saturday. The ‘actor,’ a certain Rufus Aplang and his fiancée, Judith, were billed to exchange marital vows.

    It was reported that when the presiding pastor asked Aplang if he was ready to take Judith as his wife for better, for worse, he answered ‘no.’ It was reported that the Pastor repeated the question and Aplang replied, “Pastor, I heard you clearly, and understand English very well and my answer is still, no.”

    The news report said “the curious Pastor then asked him ‘but you are well dressed and came ready for this wedding. Why?’ To which Aplang replied, ‘sorry, I made up my mind 10 years ago to disgrace her on our wedding day.’” He was reported that he left the church thereafter. The stunned bride fainted and was rushed to the hospital.

    As I read the story, many thoughts rushed into my head. First Judith’s family and well-meaning friends need to rally round her so that she does not do anything stupid to herself. They should keep a vigil around her. Aplang’s action is devastating, but she has to get over it and move on with her life. My people say that if you want to consider the length of a snake, you will never get a stick long and big enough to kill it. If she wants to keep remembering the 12 locust years she spent with Aplang, she will never recover from the shock. It hurts, but that too like some other heartaches she has had in life will pass. Time and family support are mighty healers.

    Once she stabilizes, she must head to church and do thanksgiving to God for saving her from 12 years of slavery (not courtship) and a potential lifelong servitude, if she had gone ahead with the marriage. Beyond the pains, she has every reason to thank God.

    This marriage would not have gone anywhere and it is better it ended before starting. I often tell my marriage course participants that a break up, even at the altar before exchange of vows, is better than an unhappy marriage. Aplang is not her God-given husband. If he were, he would not have hurt her this bad. Her next task is to pray to God to send her the husband the author of marriage has destined for her. I intend to join her in that prayer.

    Judith has every reason to thank God. Anybody who bears a grudge for 10 years is not a marriage material; he cannot be a good spouse. Forgiveness is at the centre of every happy and successful marriage. We all are fallible beings and we go into marriage with our good, bad and ugly traits. Every spouse must be ready for the total package. A happy marriage is not that where there are no conflict, but that where there are conflict-resolution mechanisms. Couples quarrel, argue, get on each other’s nerves and then reconcile. No marriage can survive without forgiveness.

    Is Aplang a Christian? If they were at a registry, I would have concluded he is not, but they were to be joined as husband and wife in the church. The bible is replete with passages on forgiveness.

    The Lord’s Prayer, which Jesus personally gave us said “…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us…” Another passage says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

    A good Christian cannot bear a grudge against someone he intends to spend he intends to spend the rest of his life with for 10 years!

    Aplang is also very petty. At a time his mates were planning their families, careers and future, he was hatching and perfecting a plan to disgrace Judith on their supposed wedding day. Did he succeed? Hell, no. He only succeeded in making a complete fool of himself. If we were operating in a more nuclear space, Aplang will never get married again because who will allow his/her daughter to marry such a vindictive man?

    I hope Aplang is not preparing to get married anytime soon. He is not only mean but too immature for marriage. The Gospel of Matthew 1: 18 – 20 records that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was engaged to Joseph, but before marriage, Joseph found out that she was pregnant. Being a man of honour, he did not want to disgrace Mary publicly, but wanted to quietly break the engagement before the angel intervened. He wanted to break up the engagement immediately he found out, not 10 years later. That is class and maturity.

    What did Judith do 10 years ago to merit such treatment? Did she sleep with another man? Did she kill Aplang’s relative? Whatever she did, Aplang had two options: Break up the relationship 10 years ago or forgive her. To carry a grudge for 10 years? I am shocked he even spared the life of Judith. With this kind of bitterness, he could have killed her. He could also have destroyed himself because of hate. He could have suffered stroke or heart attack…all because he wants to carry out a mean act.

    It is not only Judith that Aplang left in shock; he also left both families and his childhood friend and best man, Peter Sani, in shock. Sani attributed Aplang’s strange behaviour to “something diabolic.” I differ. Aplang knew what he was doing; he is just an unforgiving person. Aplang never really loved Judith and I am stunned Judith never knew for over a decade. You do not hurt someone you love this way. Those of us in marriage know that there are times your spouse hurts you and you really want to get back at him/her. Then you remember this is the love of your life and relent. Some couples talk things over and move on.

    The other bit that did not make sense was the length of the courtship. There is no universally agreed timeframe for courtship, but 12 years is way too long. I can understand two years and tolerate four years, but what are you court-shipping for 12 years for? Is courtship a university course? Any focused student, who spent 12 years in the university, will come out with a Ph.D and an extra bachelors or master’s degree.

    What did Judith get after over 12 years of courtship? Heart break. It means she learnt very little in 12 years. If she was very observant, she would have seen the handwriting on the wall long ago. May be, like many people in lust, she was blinded. But better late than never. Subsequently, she should know that courtship and marriage are schools. You go in there, learn and get wiser and better every day. She should be a diligent student and learn. An animal that has been previously ensnared runs away from any stick that is bent.

  • I will never apologize for being unmarried at 70- Odia Ofeimun

    I will never apologize for being unmarried at 70- Odia Ofeimun

    Nigerian author and poet, Odia Ofeimun has averred that he will never apologize for being unmarried at 70.

    The former Private Secretary to the late Premier of defunct Western Region, Chief Obafemi Awolowo, noted that he does not trust relationships that tended in any way to distract his capacity to function.

    Ofeimun made this known in a chat with Punch.

    “It is an irrelevant question. I always knew I would do most things in my life later. The amount of knowledge I needed in order to live the kind of life I wanted to live was difficult for me to acquire. I therefore did not really trust relationships that tended in any way to detract from my capacity to function as I wished to. I was bound to wait until I was no longer afraid that somebody would stop me from achieving the goals I wanted to. I so dreaded the possibility of not being able to do the things I wanted to do in the world, whether with a general relationship or with women. I ensured that whatever could tamper with my dreams was quenched.

     

    “ I have never apologised for it and I will never do that because as good as the people you relate to might be, they may just not understand your dreams and if they don’t understand your dreams and you want to spend your life fighting, you have actually destroyed the basis for realising those dreams. Once I knew what I wanted in the world, I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way. I have not quite become the writer I want to be but I assume that the labour I have put into trying to be a writer is enough to get me where I want to be”

  • Why I am scared of remarrying-Shan George

    Why I am scared of remarrying-Shan George

    Veteran actress, Shan George who is born to a Nigerian mum and British dad, has stated that she is scared of giving marriage another shot.

     

    George opens up on her fears about marriage, saying little things seem like a threat to her.

     

    “Marriage! Hmmm… to be fair, one of the reasons that would make me not to consider marrying again is that I am scared. I am an only child and all my life, I have always defended myself by myself, because it was just me. When people bully me, I man up and challenge them. So, right now, little things that seem like a threat to me, I could possibly overreact. It might have to take someone who truly sees me as a sister for anything marriage to happen again. I am just scared, let me carry my cartons of trouble and maintain my lane”, she told The Sun.

     

    Asked how she handles lonely moments, she said: “Honestly, with the kind of work I do, there is hardly a lonely moment. In fact, I am craving for that ‘me time’. Me being by myself. I really like to enjoy my time alone. I do some reading when I am free. Aside that, work takes much of my time. So, I hardly have time for such lonely moments you mentioned.”

  • Marriage goes with humility – Francis Ewherido

    By Francis Ewherido

    An-about-to-get-married young man overstepped his bounds recently. He was told to apologise, but he bluntly refused due to ego. He would rather cut his nose to spite his face than say, “I’m sorry.”

    As I thought over his case, I felt pity for him and even more pity for the fiancée. A potential spouse, who does not know how to apologise when he is wrong, is a monster movie in the making. For his marriage to work, it needs to be lopsided so that the wife will apologise when she is wrong and behave as if nothing happened or also apologise to him when he is wrong. It is not workable on the long run. It will never work in this age.

    It might have worked some 50 years ago when many marriages were tilted in favour of the man. Even then, these lopsided marriages were not happy marriages. I knew some while growing up. At least two of the women in such marriages died suddenly. There were no proper diagnosis then, but you know what causes sudden death in such situations: heart attack, heart failure or stroke.

    The young man is immature. Quite often, wherever pride dwells, its neighbours are usually immaturity, inferiority complex and insecurity. I have said it all in my book, Life Lessons from Mudipapa, “Humility is a virtue that many purpose-driven people have… Purpose-driven people have undergone a journey of self-discovery and are self-assured and very secure…They have so much to brag about, but simply stay humble…Many arrogant people are insecure and their arrogance is armour to protect their vulnerable low self-esteem. Wealth, power and positions do not cure insecurity; self-discovery, truly accepting who you are and inner peace are the cure for insecurity.”

    This young man probably suffers from low self-esteem and insecurity. He is not ready for marriage. Marriage is for people who are physically, psychologically and emotionally mature. Each party coming into marriage should be self-assured and comfortable with himself/herself. As the late Steven Covey said, there should be self-mastery and victory over self, ‘private victories must precede public victories’ and only independent people should go into marriage because interdependence (that marriage is) is a decision only independent people can make.”

    The problem with many marriages today is that too many dependent (immature and insecure) people went into an interdependent relationship that a marriage is. Any slight storm, their pride gets in the way of finding solutions; sometimes they run to friends or family for solutions that are within. If the people they ran to are Ahithophels, they give ruinous counsel and before you know it, the marriage is over.

    Forgiveness is often touted as a virtue necessary for the success of any marriage. That is very true, but forgiveness goes with a concomitant responsibility. We call it a contrite heart, which flows from a humble disposition. Even God demands a contrite heart from us to receive forgiveness. There is no way you will continue to offend your spouse without apologizing and he or she will continue forgiving you. Maybe you are reading too much of Matthew 18:21, where Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother who wronged him and Jesus said 70 times seven, which means always.

    May be you should now read Matthew 5: 23-24, where Jesus preached about reconciliation: “Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” How about also reading Matt 18:15-18, where Jesus, just before issuing the statement on unlimited forgiveness to Peter, also said that an unrepentant person may be cast out of the community after three tries to get him to say he is sorry? Only the humble seek reconciliation.

    Communication is another ingredient that is often mentioned when talking about successful marriages. It is not just communication, but empathic communication. Covey says empathic communication means first to listen to your spouse, empathise with him/her to know and understand where he/she is coming from. It is after you have understood him/her that you can respond, based on your understanding of where he/she is coming from. The other bit of empathic communication is that you do not necessarily have to agree with the views or position of your spouse, but it helps to know and understand why he/she reasons that way. That way, you can respect your spouses’ contrary views even if you do not share them. Will a proud spouse go through this length? Not likely. Only his/her ways are likely to be right. Only humble people engage in empathic communication.

    Mutual respect is another very important ingredient for a successful marriage. Marriage works better when the spouses respect each other. “Respect begets respect,” so they say. I do not see how a marriage can work where instead of respect, the other spouse gets insults, gets put down, gets humiliation privately and publicly; the marriage will not survive. There are a few of such marriages where the couples are still under in the same roof, but what you have is a walking corpse, not a marriage.

    The couples should not only respect each other but extend the respect each other’s extended families. One of the valuable pieces of advice my elder brother, Fr. Tony, gave us while we were preparing for marriage is that we must respect each other’s family. After over 20 years in marriage, I fully understand and appreciate the advice. If you hear some of the cases of divorce today, the main reason is that he/she “does not respect my family.” When a man leaves his parents and joins his wife, they start a new family (nuclear family). That does not obliterate the love for the families they came from. People remember the owner of the breasts they sucked as infants, the man who toiled to give them the life they live today and the siblings they shared the earlier parts of their lives with. Do not toy with your spouse’s extended family. But can a proud husband or wife understand this? I doubt.

    I have seen husbands/wives treat their spouses’ families like filth.
    Frequent arguments are also likely to happen in a marriage where one or both parties are arrogant. The falcon will not hear the falconer and things will fall apart. Abuse is not far away in such cases. Abuse can be mental, sexual, emotional and physical. Once abuse creeps into marriage, it must stop or the marriage should end. My belief in the indissolubility of marriage does not include abusive marriages.

    Our young man and his sorts have their work cut out. They need to grow up fast. As far as I am concerned, they should put marriage on hold and grow up first. Why marry today and jump out tomorrow?

  • Yvonne Jegede blows hot, condemns those shaming her over failed marriage

    Yvonne Jegede blows hot, condemns those shaming her over failed marriage

    Actress, Yvonne Jegede has thrown a jab at trolls who bash her on social media over her failed marriage to Abounce Fawole.

    TheNewsGuru recalls that Yvonne Jegede and Abounce Fawole’s marriage crashed in 2019.

    An irritated Jegede took to her Instagram stories on Tuesday, March 17, 2020, where she slammed those who have been attacking her on social media over her failed marriage.

    According to her, if anyone is bothered about her ex-husband, then the person should go ahead and get married to him.

    “If you come for me with insults based on my failed marriage, you plus the person you are standing for will hear from me. It is my failed marriage, not yours. If it hurts you that much, go ahead and marry him and give him the happiness you so wish him,” she said.

    I am not the type of woman anybody can intimidate. What you see is what you will get with me. If you must act like a fool, don’t do it here. I nor dey find trouble but I certainly like trouble.”

    Jegede’s statements might be connected to a recent photo she shared on Instagram which provoked a lot of people online.

    Recall that her marriage to rapper turned actor, Abounce hit the rocks in 2019 over infidelity issues.

     

  • I met the wrong person at the right time- Monalisa Chinda opens up on failed marriage

    I met the wrong person at the right time- Monalisa Chinda opens up on failed marriage

    Talented role interpreter, Monalisa Chinda has opened up on her failed marriage to Segun Dejo Richards.

    TheNewsGuru recalls that Monalisa’s first marriage to Segun Dejo Richards hit the rocks after five years.

    In a chat, the light skinned actress noted that she got married to the wrong person at the right time.

    Asked if she sees her previous marriage as a mistake, she said:” No, I don’t see it as a mistake. I was just young and naive. I met the wrong person at the right time. The person was wrong for me, so what I did was to dust the dirt off my body and move on.Every individual has his or her way of dealing with emotions. It is very difficult I must confess, but when you keep speaking positivity into your life, that helped me a lot. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I am better than before. I had a child who was 16 months old at that time. I told myself, I must move forward. I must look after my child”, she told The Sun.

    Speaking further, the ‘Lagos Cougar’ stated that everything that happened in the past built her and made her a better person.

    “Everything that has happened to me in the past has been a blessing that has built me to be a better person. It’s an eye-opener, which has made me wiser. I didn’t kill anybody neither did I steal, it’s just flesh. Sometimes you think you are taking the right decision for yourself, not knowing it is a grievous mistake. Don’t stew in your juice, if you have made a mistake in life, move on, don’t try to carry out revenge or get angry over what you couldn’t control. My advice is, let your hurt go so that you can be a better person. Let love lead and find you again”. as getting married.

     

  • Make your marriage work, Buhari urges I-G’s son, Hassan

    Make your marriage work, Buhari urges I-G’s son, Hassan

    President Muhammadu Buhari has urged Hassan Mohammed Adamu, an Assistant Superintendent of Police and his wife, Shamsiyya Abdullahi Goje, to do all they can to make their union work.

    Malam Garba Shehu, the President’s Senior Special Assistant on Media and Publicity, in a statement in Abuja on Saturday, said the president, who gave the charge in a message to the couple, described marriage as one of the greatest blessings of life.

    In the message through the Chief of Staff to the President, Abba Kyari, President Buhari told the groom, who is son of Inspector General of Police, Mohammed Adamu, that by choosing Shamsiyya as his wife, he has made one of the most important decisions of his life.

    He said: “It is important that you face the future together. You must make the relationship work.

    The President’s delegation to the ceremony included two Senior Special Assistants to the President, Sarki Abba and Garba Shehu, Personal Physician to the President, Dr Suhayb Rafindadi and Permanent Secretary, State House, Jalal Arabi.

    Others were Director General of National Intelligence Agency, Ambassador Ahmed Rufai Abubakar and State Chief of Protocol, Amb. Lawal Kazaure.

  • Video: Why women shouldn’t see partners’ manhood before marriage – Pastor Ibiyeomie

    Video: Why women shouldn’t see partners’ manhood before marriage – Pastor Ibiyeomie

    A Port Harcourt based Pastor and General Overseer of Salvation Ministries, David Ibiyeomie has advised ladies not to be tempted to see their fiance’s manhood before marriage.

    In a post shared by lalasticlala Lala, a member of his church asked him if it was okay for a lady to see the sex organ of her partner before marriage.

    https://youtu.be/nzAbqJone7o

    Pastor David Ibiyeomie said ‘NO!’

    “Marriage is honourable when the bed is undefiled, and you can’t see a man’s organ without you tasting it.”

    “How can you see a man’s organ and your eyes will leave it?”

    “Stop deceiving yourselves, marriage is honourable, you don’t see your man’s organ before marriage.”

    Pastor Ibiyeomie however, advised partners to learn to open up to their intending partners in case of any medical issues. The video was posted today.

  • Having peace in marriage is not women’s job alone – Daddy Freeze

    Nigerian on-air-personality and social commentator Daddy Freeze, has said keeping peace in a marriage should not be left to the woman alone.
    The Controversial OAP said this while reacting to a post by a Ghanaian marriage counselor, Charlotte Oduro, who said that a wife will never find peace if she refuses to give her husband peace.
    Freeze said that he would have agreed with the counsellor 10 years ago but relying on experiences he had gained, giving peace is the job of both parties.
    He wrote, “Ten years ago I’d have agreed with her wholeheartedly.
    “Today, with the experience that I’ve gained, it’s a totally different ball game.
    “Giving peace’ is the job of both parties. I give @tastebudzng peace, she gives me peace in return; or she gives me peace and I return her peace and the peace is maintained.
    No woman can continue to give peace to a man who doesn’t reciprocate her gesture and no man can give peace to a feisty and troublesome woman.
    Peace has to be Equilibrium. This doesn’t mean you won’t have issues from time to time or you won’t have quarrels but being peaceful and peaceable should be the utmost priority of both.

  • Meet love hungry Nollywood actress, 56, who wants to give marriage a second chance

    Veteran Nollywood actress, Ngozi Nwosu has revealed that if she finds true love, she is ready and willing to settle down in husband’s house.

    The talented 56-year-old single actress, disclosed this in an interview with LegitNg, saying marriage is still an option for her once she finds the right partner.

    The actress who plays the role of ‘Mama Tiwalade’ on ‘Skinny Girl in Transit’ is also a producer with over thirty-one years in the industry. After a break from her career in 2011 due to health reasons, she came back and taking the industry by storm.

    The actress who was once married for three years but since her divorce, she has not remarried said she is now ready to get married again.

    “Why not? If I find the right ololufe,” she replied in an interview.

    She added that she cannot accept her husband to marry another woman but if he has some indiscretions and perhaps has a child outside, she will weigh the situation and see if it is something that she can endure.

    “I don’t mind taking the love child in and training him or her like my own child but i would not accept the child’s mother to live with my husband and I,” Ngozi Nwosu confessed.