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Tag: Michael West

  • Women’s Day: Angel or Bitch, Who is She? – By Michael West

    Women’s Day: Angel or Bitch, Who is She? – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    Let me start by admitting that I love women! I’m not alone in this fad, virtually all men do! My kind of love is not mainly sensual; rather, it is the appreciation of their uniqueness, tenderness and spirituality. In my journey of life so far, I have been fortunate to encounter the angels more than the bitches among women. Without women, life will be boring, dry and scanty because there will be no multipliers and replenishers of the mankind.

    Last Tuesday, the world was agog with colourful celebration of the annual International Women’s Day. In 2018, I marked the IWD with an article that made some people labeled me a “feminist.” For the benefit of those who are yet to read it and because of its relevance to the event, I therefore represent it for your reading pleasure. Please read on:

    The woman was the crown of God’s creation being the very last in the line of creation. The woman exhumes the hidden treasures and potentials in her man and children. She oozes relief, confidence and safety to her family members with her presence and intuition.

    The woman smells danger miles away and she’s very sensitive to happenings around her. She’s being ignored sometimes by her man to his perils. She easily decodes messages, dissects the truth from flattery, reads between the lines, hears the unspoken, understands the unexpressed and gets the signals just at a glance. Unlike her man, she makes statements with her dressing, makeup, eye contacts and smiles.

    The woman is a stronger being because she multitasks, she’s more elastic and ductile at executing domestic and bedroom activities. She is attractive, tenderly, motherly, intelligent, energetic, protective, and satisfactorily romantic. She actualizes her dreams, translate the vision of her children to reality and propel her husband’s aspiration into fruition. She’s an incubator of progressive ideas, nurturer of profitable ventures and custodian of family investments.

    ‘Angels’ among women are those that sacrifice for the good of their husbands and children. It is a worthy idea to pay tribute to the ‘angels’ among women. Celebrating them every day is a sure way to getting them to do a lot more. Female ‘angels’ are not vindictive. They don’t pay evil with evil. They easily forgive and let go offences in order to keep their homes and nurture their children. Those who are unlucky to have randy husbands do see their men as ‘naughty big boys’ who will always hurt and betray trust especially with unholy affairs with their female ‘playmates’ otherwise known as girlfriends or ‘side-chics.’

    This season reminds me of a woman in 1998 who endured the tempest of life in virtually all fronts. Her husband abandoned her with four children and eloped with another woman to Europe. Luckily, she had a job that barely sustained herself and the children two of who were writing the West African Examination Council, WAEC, final examinations that year. She declined to file for divorce. She refused to go wayward contrary to the counsel of her friends and colleagues.

    She devoted the date of her husband’s birthday in each month of the year to pray and bless him wherever he’s. The man’s birthday was 3rd of an ember month, so she chose every 3rd of each month to lift him up before God in prayers asking God to protect him, bless his endeavours, deliver him from the claws and jaws of lioness of life, and restore him to a sweet father-son relationship with Jesus Christ.

    For four years, she was sending upkeep to her mother-in-law, accommodating her in-laws whenever they visited, shared Christmas gifts to her parents-in-law in the name of her husband. While everyone knew the man behaved irresponsibly and eloped with another woman, this beautiful and ever smiling mother of two boys and two girls never told anyone so. She told whoever cared to listen that her husband travelled with her consent and that he would be back later.

    Six years later, the man returned to Nigeria empty-handed. He lodged in a hotel and sent to her that he’s back but he knew she might not want to see him again. He acknowledged his wrong doing and begged for forgiveness. She came over to see him in the hotel and told him to remain there for two more weeks in order to “tidy up for his proper arrival.” She went shopping and bought designer wears, shoes and some other quality items. She bought a Toyota Carina II on loan and took everything to her husband in the hotel.

    On the day of his ‘arrival’, she went with her brother in-law who drove the car to pick her husband from the hotel because she had informed the family members that he had just arrived a night earlier. With the demonstration of this uncommon love, the man fainted! “I don’t deserve this, dear!” He said, amidst sobs. People got to know because his brother couldn’t stomach the benevolence of the woman. What an ‘angel!’

    These ‘angels’ are more prayerful and spiritually sensitive. They often ignore gossips, don’t act or react irrationally on rumours, keep a safe distance from bad company of friends and reject misleading counsels. They give without asking in return, and in moments of anger, they watch their tongues. If they vent their fury lousily, they are quick to make up for the hurtful or offensive utterances. They are not perfect but they are humane.

    However, it is impossible to have ‘angels’ among women without the opposite. There are women who, in every sense, deserve less because of their abrasive nature and inclement disposition to other people. They are not ready to sacrifice for anyone including their children under any circumstance. They are vengeful, excessively selfish, vindictive, deceitful, haughty, hostile, short-tempered, unforgiving, spiritually blank, emotionally snappy, having a sense of insecurity, disrespectful, quarrelsome and filled with mischiefs.

    I want to assert that these set of women are not in the majority; yet, because they still undergo the pangs and pains of motherhood and rigours of domestic duties in their respective homes and families, I celebrate the motherly and wifely attributes in them.

    Bamise: Another Hope Dashed!

    Nigeria is a land daily flowing with the blood of her innocent citizens. Since 2009 when the Islamic terrorist sect, Boko Haram, first launched its onslaughts in Maiduguri, Borno State capital, in which no fewer than 500 people, most of who were Christians, were slaughtered, till date, shedding of human blood through insurgency, kidnapping, banditry, armed robbery, ritual killings and other violence-induced killings has refused to abate. Since 2015 till date, there is no single day without recording unnatural death through one or two of the means highlighted.

    The reasons for the gruesome murder of 22-year-old Bamise Ayanwole is unfathomable. The level of insecurity in Nigeria is getting frightening by the day. Even while we cry “Justice for Bamise,” will the advocacy bring the beautiful young woman back to life? Will that fully compensate the loss for her aging parents? I hope her case won’t join the increasing list of unresolved homicide cases which are perpetually “under investigation” by the Police.

    In a veiled response to Ebun Adegboruwa, SAN,’s statement on the incident in which the rights activist lawyer raised an alarm of a possible intentional cover-up by the state, Mr. Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu cautioned against what he termed as “purveyors of evil intentions” which is capable of portraying the government in bad light over the yet-to-be unraveled crime.

    While I want to hold Mr. Governor accountable to his promises in ensuring that justice is duly served in this case, I want to also align with the senior advocate’s position so that it won’t be treated like “business as usual” – the way similar cases have been handled in the past. This is one killing too many.

    If boarding a government-supervised transport system is not safe, I wonder where else is safe? I want to pray that God will rest Bamise’s soul whose great future was cut short. May her bereaved parents receive the fortitude to bear the irrecoverable loss. Amen.

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • Emotional Divorce: A Catalyst for Marital Breakup – By Michael West

    Emotional Divorce: A Catalyst for Marital Breakup – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    “Sir, I want to walk away from my marriage now before something tragic happens. I had wanted to quit February 2021 but people mounted pressure on me to stay back. They said I should try and pray more saying the situation was not beyond remedy. I agreed not because I hope that anything positive would ensue but just to satisfy those who intervened. More so I didn’t want to portray myself as being rigid or as having a hidden plan for my action. Now it is one year after but the situation has rather gone from bad to worse. Because of that, I stopped having sexual intimacy with him for months till date. It’s getting to a dangerous level that hearing his voice usually stoke hatred and bitterness in me. He, too, told me last week that he’s feeling like harming me. My life is no longer safe with him in the house. I’m emotionally disconnected from him. Touching me is so hurting and irritating that it wells up anger within me. I think it is better we go our separate ways before the unthinkable happens!”

    That was a caller’s complaint to me last weekend. Since the beginning of this year, I have weighed in on a number of emotionally disconnected cases. Before a marital conflict could degenerate to physical separation, emotional divorce must have taken place. To stay together in a relationship, people must get emotionally connected. Some people call it “body chemistry.” Nobody can live or share stuff with someone they feel repulsive about their presence. It takes emotional stimulation and psychological appeal to feel attracted and attached to a partner. These are parts of natural indicators of compatibility. Emotional and communication walls are the first to break down in a relationship before a separation or divorce can take place. These are the pivots on which every purposeful and sustainable relationship revolves.

    Higher percentage of troubled marriages are already in emotional divorce. Several of them are struggling with fitful communication issues. Reasons for these are as many as one can deduce based on experiences and the reality of situations. Disputing couples can share the same bed for months and years without body contact or sexual intimacy. That’s the zenith of emotional disconnect. If the situation is not addressed in good time, malice, rejection and deep-seated animosity would ensue.

    Emotional divorce often precedes a legal divorce. It is a psychological mechanism some spouses use to separate their emotions from the marriage when they feel the relationship has become a threat to their well-being. It is a marital relationship in which the partners live separate lives, with an absence of normal interaction between them. If a partner has decided to go for divorce, they will first attain emotional distancing; as convenient this may seem, it is usually a traumatic experience. Going through an emotional divorce means you’re distancing yourself emotionally from your partner. For some spouses, this happens before the divorce. For others, it doesn’t happen until after the divorce process.

    According to Virginia Williamson, an American licensed marriage and family therapist, “An emotional divorce is just as it sounds,” essentially emotionally exiting the marriage. During an emotional divorce, a spouse divests from trying to work on or repair the marriage and typically moves through the stages of grief in an effort to let the marriage and their partner go.”

    In practical terms, most divorce cases are one-sided. It is in rare cases will a couple mutually arrive at a decision to divorce. Usually, it is the spouse who has already separated themselves emotionally from the marriage that requests for a divorce. Already, the spouse that has gone through an “emotional divorce” now plans to be legally divorced from their spouse. And while divorce is certainly difficult on both sides, the partner who has gone through emotional divorce before taking seeking a legal divorce may find the process easier than the partner who is feeling rejected and shocked by the development.

    Some spouses struggle for years with feelings of emotional distance before they realize that divorce is the solution. These spouses are commonly referred to as a “walk-away spouse.” A walk-away spouse may become emotionally detached for a variety of reasons. Emotionally divorcing a spouse helps the person maintain a sense of psychological integrity if faced with what they feel is an emotionally demanding situation. The spouse who is left to deal with their emotions after the legal divorce is commonly referred to as the “left-behind spouse.”

    In a post on ‘emotional divorce’ during the week, a United States based counsellor, singer and gospel minister, Olubukola Adediran aka Sister Bukky, stated that “A lot of couples are emotionally divorced. This is a dangerous situation. One spouse has emotionally moved on while the other is suffering or still thinking, hoping and praying that things will change for the better. Husband and wife have moved on; they are both emotionally detached and disconnected from each other in the marriage. In fact, they live like flat mates. They engage each other only when things they own in common need attention or they have decisions to make regarding shared bills or facilities.

    “God created the beautiful institution of marriage but from the inception, it is a known fact that it is not devoid of problems. The very first union that produced you and I had problems. People often concern themselves with physical separation via formal divorce processes, but many more people are emotionally divorced, psychologically detached and mentally disconnected from one another. No feelings, no affection, no urges for sexual intimacy, no unity of purpose, no mutual understanding or agreements, and nothing in their union that typifies oneness in marriage. It is strictly business because there are financial obligations involved in running the home as well as care for the children.

    “Who are we deceiving? Couples like these are merely pretending as they consciously race on the slippery ground until the inevitable happens. Are relationships like this redeemable? YES, to some and NO, to some. It all depends on individual situation. The only people who determine redeemability are those involved, and most importantly – what God is saying or what He has said concerning the situation.

    “Society is often a very big problem. Religion without commonsense and knowledge, spirituality without insight or direction are serious problems. External interests, not considering the interests of the people involved in distressed marriages, are also part of the problems we have – ‘what will people say!’ This post does not oppose divorce and neither does it promote divorce. It strongly suggests that knowing what the problem is, you should deal with it appropriately. We should note that a good marriage is not one without problems! Marriage takes a lot of work. Forgiveness plays a great role. So, a right marriage may still have issues. Yes, serious issues at that. In turbulent marriages, some of God’s children have gone home untimely, families have lost sons and daughters unduly and prematurely, too. Individuals have lost direction and are struggling to get a life in life and find a path to rediscover and understand themselves.

    “Don’t overhype your problem, it may be dangerous. Calm down! Your situation may still be redeemable. Don’t underhype your problem either. See it as it is. Face it or face out! Get help! Seek the face of God. Be real! Know what you want and do what’s best in your situation. Be bold! Be strong! You deserve to live and be who you were destined to be. You are important! Yes! You’re!”

    “Emotional and communication walls are the first to break down in a relationship before a separation or divorce can take place. These are the pivots on which every purposeful and sustainable relationship revolves.”

    • West wrote via

    mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • Bad marriage: Women are wailing, men are dying! – By Michael West

    Bad marriage: Women are wailing, men are dying! – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    A foremost Christian faith father expressed his grave concern about the dangerous trend of increasing rate of divorce in the society, and in particular, among Christian couples which is the consequence of bad marriages. In a tone depicting a deep concern, the popular clergy believes that both sexes are endangered species in marital crisis situation that has been leading to tragic deaths of warring spouses.

    “I don’t miss any of your articles on marriage and societal ills. It is appalling to see what the institution of holy matrimony has turned to. By the privileged position some of us occupy in the Body of Christ, I can confirm to you that many men are also suffering, in fact, some are dying in silence. It is women’s ordeals that we get to hear more but many men are languishing in pains and regrets in their matrimonial homes,” he said.

    When I reminded him of the miserable condition and danger inherent in making wrong choices as the root cause of bad marriages, he said his concern was how best to intervene and curtail the sad cases of spousal murders which are becoming rampart these days. Like those who have expressed deep pity for spouses stuck in bad marriages, he restrained himself from recommending divorce as a possible solution but he’s of view that separation that would give room for peace during which contending issues can be resolved was preferable.

    Religious tenets, cultural and societal values will rather work to preserve homes than allow separation or divorce. The truth is that nobody ever wishes to experience broken home! It is harrowing especially when children are involved. But now that acrimonious marriages have become shorter routes to the grave, something urgent and feasible has to be done.

    I have listened to several marriage counsellors and relationship coaches giving analytical prognoses and offer solutions to diverse marital issues. However, where the causes of disputes are fundamental or spiritual, such troubled marriages do not respond to prescribed solutions. But in families where their issues are neither spiritual nor fundamental, then, those academic, professional and experiential approaches to character modification and attitudinal adjustment would work well.

    Beyond sexual immorality, factors leading to divorce these days are many. The choice of life partners we make is key. Whoever ends up with a wrong choice should not should not hesitate to quit when their life or health is in jeopardy. That is not to say good and promising marriages won’t have their own fair share of challenges; of course they do but it will be workable, amendable and bearable without regrets or much pains. It is in such a situation that God wants us to learn patience, endurance, increased faith in God, appreciating each other better and understanding love languages, working on self to become better, less snappy but more tolerant as well as interceding in prayers for the home.

    Leaders are often evasive in their responses whenever they talk about bad marriage. Save expressing pity and compassion on the victims, they’re cautious in offering suggestions on the way out of bad marriage. Sadly if the unexpected happens, people will blame the dead for staying put in a life threatening marriage whereas if the late had attempted to quit, it is the same set of people that would mount pressure on the person to stay back. They will use all kinds of reasons and sentiments including children, fear of the unknown out there, the religious and societal stigma etc until it becomes too late to help.

    Pastor E. A. Adeboye of the Redeemed Christian Church of God in a sermon that went viral on the internet said: “It is better to be single than marry the wrong person. If you marry the wrong person your hell begins on earth. It takes only the supernatural intervention of the Almighty God to rescue you if you marry the wrong fellow.” This is perfect! Absolute truth! It takes only God to RESCUE the victim! My question is how will the rescue operation take place? Certainly it is not safe to remain in the troubled or jinxed marriage and neither separation nor divorce was suggested, I’m sure death is not the rescue that Daddy G. O was referring to here, neither was it the rapture. I will leave the rest to your judgment.

    This is one of the reasons I’m advocating for a solemn assembly of God’s Generals in this generation to come together and review the institution of marriage in view of the existing reality in order to stop spousal murders and curtail incessant marital breakups. In the days of the Apostles, knotty issues were tabled for robust debate and consideration in Jerusalem from where solid and acceptable decisions were made for the Church. Such resolutions are still binding on all believers till date. As representatives of Christ, the Church leaders have such mandate under the leading of the Holy Spirit to painstakingly juxtapose the reality of our situation in line with the scriptures to come up with new rules and guidelines regarding holy matrimony for us. Shying away from frontally tackling the problem is cowardly and it’s not helpful at all.

    For real, some men are not fortunate with good wives. No matter how hard they try, the little support they need from their wives to achieve something for the family is denied. Some women would rather spend their money on aso ebi, makeup kits and other frivolities than cooperate with their men for the good of the family. Such callous women hardly last in marriage. A number of men had died prematurely due to marital problems but they’re unsung victims because they are not women. Many are still weeping in their closets without anyone to comfort them. In case they choose to speak out, who will listen to or even believe their stories? Single dads are more in pains than single moms. Let’s be kind to each other in marriage please! Men are dying silently but nobody cares!

    I do receive calls at least three to four times a week from people complaining about the kind of ugly situation they found themselves in their marriages. Beyond the acts of infidelity and sexual immorality, women complain more about uncaring and gross irresponsible attitudes of their men. Candidly, stingy men are worse than philanderers! I have lost count of cases I could mention here but more homes have broken due to acts of irresponsibility as demonstrated by stingy and selfish behaviours than infidelity. A miser is a killer! He would rather watch his spouse being overwhelmed by financial challenges than part with his money to save her situation. Stingy men and violent husbands are the same. While one kills with punches the other kills with neglect and callousness. Misers are shameless lot who would not mind being fed by their wives even when they have money to give but they withhold it. They ignore and laugh off insults hauled at them provided their money remains in their pockets. Only a limited number of them are moved by the needs of their children. They smartly abdicate their responsibilities by pushing their primary responsibilities to their wives or at best share the bills. I’m not referring to jobless, struggling or needy men who have little to offer, no, I mean men that are able but unwilling. You know what? Such niggards are horse riders in the bedrooms who are always in the mood for their women’s attention. This is one of the reasons they quarrel often. Bad guys!

    ‘We’re all work in progress’

    Last week’s edition elicited widespread responses from far and near. I forwarded most of the responses to her. Emails are still dropping as I wrap up this column yesterday. As divergent as the views and opinions canvassed were, they’re all valuable even when some were judgmental. She sent in a word of appreciation to readers who took time to communicate their responses. She also spoke with some persons who had genuine reasons to contact her through me. Her message reads:

    “I wish to express immense appreciation to everyone who reacted/responded to my story. I patiently read all the analyses, suggestions and the criticisms. I do appreciate all. I intend to apply the useful pieces of advice to chart a course for the future, with God on my side. We’re all work in progress in the hands of our Creator. I believe in Him for the best in all things. Thanks so much good people and God bless you all. From Mrs. I. Anthony”

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • ‘My hubby is lazy, I want to quit!’

    ‘My hubby is lazy, I want to quit!’

    By Michael West

    The reality is staring at us in the face about complicated marital issues bedeviling many homes these days. In the ages gone by, divorce was nearly a taboo. It was like a stigma which was considered a dent on the family name and as an aberration against the conjugal institution. Beyond sexual immorality as a ground for divorce, today, the reality is that other issues like physical and verbal assaults, domestic violence, neglect, nagging, hot jealousy, bitterness, infidelity and acts of irresponsibility as well as frustrating one’s purpose or vision are recurring factors that engender increasing cases of divorce. Society and religion unknowingly are fertilizing grounds for spousal murders because when warring couples ought to have given themselves a space for peace and later reconciliation, ‘forcing’ them to live together for religious and societal correctness could lead to death of either of them. Again, sentiment about children is not helpful either. It takes a living parent to take care of children but when the parent dies prematurely in marital crisis who will then care for the children? To avoid another spousal tragedy triggered by bitterness and bottled up anger is the reason an avowed reader of this column, Mrs. Iyanuoluwa Anthony from Surulere, Lagos, sent in her story which I publish with her consent. Read on:

    “Dear Sir, please permit me to vent. Recently, the elegant stallion, Onyeka Onwenu came to the open about the circumstances that led to her divorce and I saw myself clearly in her story.

    “I have been married for more than 20 years. I met my husband in the university where we both graduated same year. I had always made it known that I would further my studies and I did encourage him to do same and he agreed. I probably chose him out of sheer innocence and naivety because with the benefit of hindsight, the telltale signs of the man he later became were all there ab initio. When we started our family life, I gave my husband all the support I thought was right including paying the house rent and giving him my first car while I went to work by public transport. I did that because from day one, I had always earned higher than him. I did all these in the belief that I had to submit all to him as a Christian wife and I also believed that a better future awaited us. I have always been a stern believer in delayed gratification.

    “Well, time came and I went back to school and I earned three Master’s degrees in addition to my first degree. I encouraged my husband to also acquire more education because the future belongs to the educated. Of course, my husband didn’t budge. At some point, an uncle of mine even obtained a scratch card of a foremost university for him in order to go for a Master’s degree, the card expired eventually because he didn’t even bother to go to the school to apply for admission. I worked with a bank and the fact that I had those degrees facilitated my rapid promotion at work. I kept progressing and even moved across the banking industry rapidly, each time with higher remunerations.

    “By this time, it had become normal for me to pay our children’s fees and pick virtually all the bills at home. I also bought a land in our names and built the house while my husband looked on. If I tell the story of the building, some details would make it appear like scenes in a fictional movie. He knows how much I earn and so the complacency became heightened. At some point, depression set in despite maintaining a stoic silence about my woes in the burdensome marriage. Then, I began to talk and nag. Well, this cast me in a bad light among my people who thought I had become arrogant because they said I was “luckier than him.” I would weep at the drop of a hat, lay awake all night (even till this moment that I’m writing). They thought I was disrespecting him because up until I began to talk, people saw us as a perfect couple.

    “About two years ago, he got sacked at the small company where he had worked for 26 years without adding even a single diploma to his first degree. The company sent him packing because it had evolved and no longer needed dead woods! Now, he stays home permanently while I go to work and bring food to the table for him to eat. When his dresses get worn, I also make it a point of duty to buy new ones for him because I do not want him to bring shame to me and our children. I set him up in a business after he lost his job but he spent the capital on gambling, games and betting apps. Now, he stays at home all day loitering and eating food he does not provide. He occupies his time with television viewing all day without knowing how cable TV subscription is paid. Our children are now adults and they are angry because they see the difference between their dad and their friends’ daddies.

    “Dear Sir, I have endured all these with equanimity for years and now I am tired, frustrated and infuriated. Anytime I come back home and meet him watching television, I weep. I’m foot dragging on filing for divorce partially because of certain considerations. However, I have asked myself time and again if this is how I intend to live the rest of my life. Anytime I attend wedding ceremonies, I wonder what ‘nonsense’ the couples are entering into because marriage has lost its value in my estimation. I find myself envying widows now because, at least, they are free from the woes of this over-hyped institution.

    “The sadness I feel every time I come back home to see him glued to the television screen can sink a ship but he carries on as if we have a perfect relationship. I am so bitter because I know I am hurting myself. I am dying inside while the world thinks all is well with me. He is also fond of boasting to people about the schools our children attend and how the house was built whereas he added not a dime to anything, all he does is to tag along with whatever I do. I would have been happy if he has a job that enables him to function as a family man no matter how small. I would celebrate him if he does that and makes himself a good example to the children. I am not expecting to make a Dangote out of him, all I want is a man who recognises his roles and carries them out without leaving the rudder of his family to his wife alone! The financial, emotional and physical pressures are eating me up. His presence in the house does more harm to my psyche than good. At work, I’m usually cheerful and happy but returning home after close of work becomes a heartache. His siblings are aware and they keep begging and praying for me. Sometimes when I lose my cool with him, he begs me and tells me how much he appreciates my efforts.

    “Aside his acute indolence and complacency, he is a man of prayer. He can fast for a whole year but is that what makes a responsible husband? Does the Bible not describe a man who does not take care of his household worse than an infidel? (1 Timothy 5:8). Does the Bible not say that he that does not work should not eat? (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Is this how we would remain until we grow old?

    “I have long lost the sense of being married. I feel so single and lonely especially since we don’t even have sexual intimacy again. I think we have had sex only four times in the last four years – that is a generous one time per year! Sex is the last thing on my mind as it has paled significantly in the light of the burdens I bear. How can I get out of this? Please help me before I go real crazy. Thank you sir.”

    Please respond to her story by suggesting the way forward for her as deem appropriate. Happy weekend.

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • ‘Warn Yahoo Boys, ‘Bad Girls’ are Coming!’ – By Michael West

    ‘Warn Yahoo Boys, ‘Bad Girls’ are Coming!’ – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    Danger is looming! We are still praying and strategizing how to peacefully navigate the cloudy political atmosphere between now and next year but the onslaughts of Yahoo ritualists is swelling the rank of predators like Boko Haram, killer herdsmen, kidnappers, bandits and armed robbers. Yahoo ritualists are more dangerous because they live among us. They are well known. They are encouraged by the corrupt and socially disoriented society. They’re role models to some indigent, jobless and misdirected youths who crave for nothing but riches by any means humanly possible or forcefully attainable.

    The dimension that Yahoo scammers and ritualists are going is sadly dangerous as compromised parents that are aiding and abetting the crime like the proverbial rider of a tiger, may end up in its belly. Parents of Yahoo boys are potential preys within the reach of their mindless sons. Previously in this column, January 29, 2021 edition precisely, I mentioned the case of mothers that were arrested for providing spiritual fortification and logistical support for their Yahoo sons. I remember a woman who had wished her six years old son had grown up to become a Yahoo boy, she promised to buy a laptop for him. Some parents, mothers in particular, were reported as sending their teenage boys and jobless school leavers on the streets to go and do what their mates are doing to get money including Yahoo. This kind of latitude could extend to robbery and pickpocketing. The most shameless aspect of the whole saga is the formation of the inglorious Mothers of Yahoo Boys Association (MOYABA).

    Tuesday, February 2, 2022, at about midday, a young woman called to express her opinion on the January 28, 2022 edition of this column: “Money Rituals: Yahoo Boys on the Prowl.” She spoke frankly with instances she witnessed while dating her former Yahoo boyfriend. She blamed the scourge on bad parenting, corrupt leadership, ostentatious lifestyle of the privileged class and lack of job opportunities – unemployment. I took interest in her call because she offered a revealing narrative about an impending clash between those she called “Bad girls” and the killer Yahoo boys. “Sir, I want to use your platform to reach the heartless Yahoo boys that ‘Bad girls’ are coming for them. They should get ready for a fight!” Since she wanted me to sound the alarm warning to Yahoo boys and their parents, the battle line, according to her, has been drawn. Read her:

    “I read your article online last weekend. I also saw it on other social media platforms, that makes me to know that the article is well circulated.

    “Sir, those Yahoo boys maybe in for a big trouble in no distant time from now. ‘Bad girls’ are coming steaming hot for a revenge! I’m not a member of the deadly ‘Bad girls’ gangsters but I have friends among them. I dated a Yahoo guy when his activities were limited to cyber space but I left him when I discovered that he decided to go fetish contrary to my advice. Some of his friends who had gone deeper into rituals lured him into it. It is not all rituals that involve physical death, the common ones are those that snatch women’s virtue, glory or destiny through sex. It takes only one round of sex to render a woman empty. Subsequent sexual encounters are mere fun. Most of them don’t even touch the ‘used’ women again. In your article, such women are described as ‘empty shells and walking shadows of their old selves. They may not amount to anything great or meaningful in life again.’ The unfortunate thing is that the girls don’t get meaningful things in return. They are fond of asking for material things iPhones, wears, makeup kits, shoes and bags, shawarma, pizza, weekend treats and money for upkeep etc. That’s the worth of their lives!

    “As gruesome killings of young women by Yahoo boys continue, some girls have embarked on ‘spiritual power adventure’ to neutralise the diabolical powers of Yahoo boys and render their rituals useless. When Yahoo boys sleep with fortified ‘Bad girls’, every power in them (boys) will be destroyed; and if they make further attempt to sacrifice the girls for rituals, they will run mad. Parents of Yahoo boys will weep seriously because their sons will run mad in droves. ‘Bad girls’ are now returning from their ‘power hubs’ to unleash vengeance on the notorious Yahoo boys.

    “A ‘Bad girl’ told me that the spiritual fortification costs a lot and it involves some strenuous rituals details of which I can’t divulge here, but it is worth the efforts. ‘Bad girls’, like other women, became disturbed and angry at the height of betrayal by the guys they loved. They wondered if it is a crime to relate and accept love from the opposite sex. The wickedness is so deep and hurting that only revenge could stop it. Can you imagine how ladies are now afraid to hangout with guys for fear of death? The scary aspect of the situation is that fiancés, too, can no longer be trusted as they spare nobody when they need to perform their blood rituals. I support the ‘Bad girls’ because Yahoo boys are heartless murderers. No human feelings or compassion at all for the women they profess to love. Some of them have been running amok due to the repercussions of their evil undertakings. A growing number of the guys are daily falling into the trap of ‘Bad girls.’

    “Every woman dating Yahoo guys knows she’s at risk; and she is a prey in the net, but most of the babes think they are in true love or relationship for the future. Because the guys spend money to entice them, they refuse to heed the warnings. Just imagine the guys eating excreta, bathing nude in public places, walking half naked and undergoing rigorous fetish processes including agreeing to difficult and strait ritual conditions all in bids to get mysterious money without legitimate sources of income. They can’t continue to kill women like animals to satisfy their bloodthirsty demons. Girls have determined to turn the table against them. Nonsense!”

    Recently, I watched a video from Goroso Ekiti, an online comedian who said Yahoo boys should desist from killing girls for money rituals because if women should start their own, it will be disastrous. As if he knew what was in the offing, the comic actually guessed right.

    I watched another video which was said to be a ritual by women. A woman laid on the floor stark naked while another naked woman excreted on her body. The chief priestess was issuing instructions on the process while the disgusting scene lasted. I also saw a photograph online where young girls were in handcuffs for allegedly killing their parents through hired assassins in order to lavishly spend their parents’ money with their boyfriends in wild parties and sex orgy.

    Some offensive video clips where minors, three to six years old boys expressed their desire to become Yahoo boys are in circulation. They said it is rave of the moment business and fastest route to making money. This wrong, misleading and disoriented propensity for illegitimate money making idea stems from the widespread poverty and the superficial ostentatious lifestyle of celebrities as demonstrated in musical videos and Nollywood movies. The damage this negative idea has done to the psyche of our younger and incoming generation is enormous.

    Government should legislate against the crime by extending the present extant laws beyond cyber space. They should find a way to cover the murder and homicide cases involved in Yahoo boys activities under the law. Likewise, spiritualists and herbalists that superintendent and administer oaths and perform rituals for the boys should be investigated and arrested for prosecution. My fear in this regard is lack of the political will on the part of the political leaders and security agents as many of them are clients to the same spiritual godfathers and witch doctors.

    On this note, I want to appeal to parents to be firm on their wayward children as the days ahead portend unpredictable retributive justice for evil deeds and their perpetrators.

    Do have a safe weekend!

    Quote:

    “Parents of Yahoo boys will weep seriously because their sons will run mad in droves. ‘Bad girls’ are now returning from their ‘power hubs’ to unleash vengeance on the notorious Yahoo boys.”

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  • Parental failure: Impetus for crimes, societal problems – By Michael West

    Parental failure: Impetus for crimes, societal problems – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    Our society is in moral and spiritual quagmire largely due to the negligence and compromised disposition of parents towards the training of their children. From the cradle, parents are the moral compass, role models and counsellors-in-chief of their children. The abdication of these noble responsibilities is the reason we are contending with festering criminal issues.

    Parents, to a large extent, are guilty as charged on the waywardness of their children. Parents or guardians that fail to provide proper upbringing based on discipline, integrity, cultural mores and societal values are complicit in the moral decadence plaguing our land these days. The reason for blaming the parents is because everybody comes from a family unit. Nobody drops from the sky. Proper care in form of feeding, shelter, medicare and education must be provided while religious tenets, cultural and moral ethics are impacted. These are like the blocks that mold the character and attitudinal makeup of each person from the homestead.

    There are parents who put in their best in training their children but peer influence and absurdities in the society had thwarted their efforts. Some of them engaged in unthinkable immoral practices. Except God intervenes, what lies ahead of them is unpredictable.

    Almajiri is another source of our problem. How can parents breed children like maggots for the purposes of fulfilling population drive to satisfy religious agenda? Almajiris of yesteryears are today’s bandits, kidnappers and terrorists that have killed thousands of innocent people, collected over N5 billion as ransom across the northern states of Nigeria. Besides, since 2009 when Boko Haram first launched its major onslaught in Maiduguri which claimed over 500 lives most of who were Christians, well over N8 trillion has been spent so far to prosecute the war. This is a costly consequence of parental failure to the nation.

    In Africa, children are the identities of their families while their character depicts the kind of the parental nurturing they have. In the past, Nigerian parents were reputed for strict home training. Starting from eye contacts, body languages, singing, making ironic statements, deafening silence, scolding, hot slaps, punishments like canning, kneeling down, constant rebuke and correction at every point of misdemeanour were the hallmark of parents. That was when parents were truly in charge unlike now that children are too big for parental control, correction and chastisement for wrongdoings.

    To complement parents in the business of training children into responsible adults, teachers and the clergy are partners. But they, too, seem to have become helpless given the prevailing circumstances. In addition to academic and moral training, religious doctrines that emphasis probity, justice, hard work, righteousness, love, kindness, forgiveness, unity and godliness are spiritual meals that should feed their souls from childhood. The combination of the nurturing tripod is a sure way of fulfilling the Biblical injunction: “As the scripture teaches, `Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ (Prov. 22:6.). Any child raised on sound moral and discipline background will not cheaply stray into criminal acts.

    It is getting risky everyday to blindly trust school managements to look after their students in view of what’s going these days. While still mourning Sylvester Oromoni’s untimely death, a five-year-old girl was kidnapped and later killed by her school principal in Kano. This kind of tragedy is becoming a daily news item in the media. Whereas in the time past, schools and worship centres are places to go for safety and protection. Teachers are becoming predators and nemeses to their students just like some bad spiritual guardians are molesting those under their watch. Nowhere is safe!

    We are daily confronted with embarrassing images of minors who are being arrested for crimes ranging from rape, ritual killings, burglary, cultism, Yahoo plus and cyber crime. My concern is that the future ahead of us is so bleak, shrouded in misery and looming disaster. The complete collapse of moral society is imminent. The government is not sensitive enough to respond to the dangerous situation. Failure to detonate the ticking time bomb that millions of jobless youths and out of school children represent will sink the society. The implosion may happen sooner.

    In our religious centres, teachings that will discourage covetousness, greed, corruption, immorality and sundry crimes are not as emphasized as it ought to be. Instead, examples and testimonies of monumental financial breakthroughs and donating offerings in millions and billions of naira dominate the pulpits. These further drive our desperate youths into fast routes of making money without legitimate sources of income.

    A maverick pastor in Nigeria is notorious for spraying money at random during service in his church. His weird and unconventional conducts make his worship centre attractive to suspected Yahoo guys and cyber crime kingpins. It is nauseating to see how those guys fling naira notes while dancing with the pastor on the altar. It is a replication of wild parties and orgy of ostentatious recklessness.

    Parents must wake up! It is better late than never. They should go and look for their children wherever they are. Bring them back home and take care of them. How do they feel seeing their children being paraded on national television are crime suspects? State and local governments should please assist jobless and indigent parents with money for businesses or engage them as workers. Scholarship awards and free lunch should be extended to the children returning from the streets with habitable shelters for them as a way of nipping crimes in the bud.

    Stop Dating Ingrates, Help Unconditionally

    A couple of weeks ago, two similar cases of alleged betrayal were reported in the media about those who sacrificed their vital organs for the survival of their loved ones.

    A young woman, simply identified as Colleen, is regretting being kind to her former boyfriend for jilting her 10 months after donating her kidney to him. Media report stated that the unnamed boyfriend had been going through dialysis as his kidneys were functioning at just five per cent of the average capacity.

    Her words: “I decided to get tested to see if we were a match because I didn’t want to watch him die.” The tests were positive hence one of her kidneys was donated to him. The surgeries were a big success and both made a full recovery.

    However, Colleen said that he cheated on her seven months later. In a follow-up video on TikTok, Colleen explained how her ex-boyfriend told her he was going to Las Vegas for a bachelor party with some guys in his church. At the time, Colleen was in the middle of her final exams and trusted her boyfriend completely so didn’t think any more of it. Later, he confessed to cheating on her when he came visiting.

    “A lot of arguments later, I eventually forgave him and gave him a second chance,” she said. But three months later, the boyfriend dumped Colleen over the phone.

    According to her, the guy was quoted as saying: “If we are meant for each other, God will bring us back together in the end.” Colleen said the break-up only got messier from there. She said he told her: “You only donated your kidney to look good”.

    Similarly, a teacher, Uziel Martínez, who donated his kidney to the mother of his girlfriend has disclosed that she got married to another man a month later. Martínez, a Mexican, made a series of videos recounting the sad experience.

    The resident of Baja California, Mexico, took to TikTok to narrate how he donated his kidney to his ex-girlfriend’s mother. His girlfriend left him not long after and married someone else within a month of their break-up. Martinez’s video has now gone viral as people sympathise with him.

    Reacting to the messages of support he received, he insisted that he does not hold any grudge against his ex-girlfriend despite the heartbreak.

    He told the media that: “I don’t have anything against her; we’re not friends but we don’t hate each other. I only made the video for TikTok, I didn’t think it would get out of control.”

    My Take:
    While it is humane to empathize with these folks, the reasons for offering themselves to save others should be reasonably convincing and meritorious. Human life matters a lot but how those vital organs were procured should not be fraudulent or deceitful.

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk
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  • Money Rituals: ‘Yahoo Boys’ on the Prowl – By Michael West

    Money Rituals: ‘Yahoo Boys’ on the Prowl – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    The increasing gruesome killings of women, especially young girls, for money rituals by bloodthirsty, heartless and desperate Yahoo boys are worrisome.

    The craze for quick money, fame and material wealth is driving the inordinate propensity of our youths into despicable and fetish practices like diverse blood rituals, eating of excreta, incestuous sex, sacrificing blood relations, spraying money in the public for rituals, bathing in the public places, eating human body parts, consuming hard drugs and fetish concoctions, walking naked in the open among other bizarre rituals. How our youths got to this mindless desperation for money without working to earn a living on their own is frightening. The Creed: “There’s dignity in labour,” does not make sense to them any more. They even detest to hear “hard work” as they often ask “who hard work helps?” The kind of flashy and ostentatious lifestyle they desire is not affordable by those who got their money through legitimate means. They venture into the crude and devilish activities for the wrong reasons.

    A video went viral recently which led to series of warning posts on social media to parents on the need to warn their daughters against befriending Yahoo boys. The girls are also warned to desist from attending parties not held in public places like event centres and open fields.

    In the video, girls in skimpy dresses were seen begging for mercy while some were being dragged into the inner part of the party venue. Their boyfriends had suddenly turned to ‘demons,’ clothed in red wrappers, tied red bonds on their heads with daggers firmly held in their hands to butcher the girls. Now, the girls were begging for their lives to be spared by the guys they accepted to be with. While the beginning drama was going on, “dorimen” music was blaring at the highest volume to overcome the screaming and cry for help by the unfortunate girls who became preys in the net of their Yahoo boyfriends. Like the devils that have no mercy or value for human life, the girls were stabbed several times, slaughtered and beheaded. Pleadings by the dying girls fell on deaf ears because their heartless lovers had to perform the rituals.

    A few days ago, a video surfaced online of a guy in Owerri, Imo State, who invited his mother to visit him in a hotel. The innocent mom went there with a bowl of fruits to give her son not knowing that she was a target for money ritual by her Yahoo son. It took the Providence for the mom to wrestle with the macho man to escape untimely death by jumping out of the window despite the burglary proof but not without sustaining serious injuries from several stabs in the course of the struggle.

    Only last week, the suspect that allegedly killed his 300 level university of Jos undergraduate girlfriend over a night in a hotel has been arrested. Her eyes, breasts and other vital body parts were removed. Until then, nobody knew that the innocent looking guy is a Yahoo boy.

    Middle of last year, a pregnant student was invited by her boyfriend and they went somewhere in company of his friends, she was killed, ripped her tummy open and removed all her internal organs including the foetus. Her lifeless body with empty stomach was seen in the bush.

    In November last year, a woman was invited by her Facebook friend to a hotel. After rounds of sex, the next day, her lifeless body was found with her tummy ripped open and her vital organs missing. Till now, the suspect has not been apprehended.

    Students of a particular university are known as specialists in Yahoo rituals. As far back as 2009/2010, the institution had become the training ground for what was then known as Yahoo plus. Today, virtually all institutions of higher learning have become breeding grounds for the crime.

    However, it is not every ritual that leads to physical death. The common ones are those that will appropriate the virtue of the victims for fortune and money rituals. It is done through sex!

    A friend told me of an undergraduate who wanted to renew his money ritual. He took one of his girlfriends to the spiritualists. Upon checking, it was discovered that the girl had since been “used.” Meaning she has lost her virtue or glory through sex. He brought another girl, he was told the same thing that the new girl also had been rendered empty. The student, who is said to be a big boy with a fleet of cars in the university town became desperate knowing the repercussions if he failed to meet up, began to take girls one after the other to the spiritualists. To his surprise, by the time the number of “used” and rejected girls reached 100, he broke down in tears. He was not sure if he will ever find a complete girl for the ritual before it is too late. My friend said “the implication is that many of our beautiful girls in schools are no longer real and complete daughters of their parents. They are mere empty shells and walking shadows of their old selves.”

    The “used” girls are just existing and not living. Such daughters may never amount to anything great or meaningful in life. What a pity! Apart from Yahoo boys, “aristos” who are mostly businessmen and politicians, also use the girls for fortune, fame and power rituals.

    Parents should stop pretending to be too busy to look after their children. They are partly culpable in this horrendous crime. Their boys left home as “good boys” only to return with weird hairstyle, studs or earrings in their ears, keep strange company of friends and spend money lavishly without asking to know the source is condemnable. That things are so rough economically is not an alibi to entertain criminal tendencies by looking away from a potential danger that may later consume the parents themselves as “items” for money rituals.

    The same thing goes for the girls. The girls start with being rebellious to parental control. They want to feel among, roll with “ruling” cliques of wave making girls in town, adorn unaffordable trendy designer wears and be buoyant enough to live big without legitimate jobs. Parents must clip their wings while they are still able to do so. Hailing daughters for doing what their parents can’t afford is an impetus to sliding deeper into immoral lifestyle. Such compromised parents will regret their negligence and act of dereliction when it is too late to reverse the situation. It is advisable for individuals to watch carefully while predators like Yahoo boys are prowling. Indeed, perilous time is here!

     

    From the Mailbox

    Re: ‘Callous Men are Devils, Please Run!’

    Thank God for her making and taking her stand against all odds. First to disabuse her mind about what will people say. Two, for her to realize she has a life and dreams to fulfill outside of a man and marriage. Three, that she is responsible for herself and accountable to God. I hope other women will come to terms and their senses to know this truth and live it. Life first, then, anyone and anything else may follow. – Olayode S., Lagos.

    I can relate with the ordeal of this woman. This was similar to my case. Mine was 16 years of constant abuse and denial. So mean, stingy and selfish. He hated to see me being appreciated by anybody else whether man or woman. He made me developed a self low esteem. He hurt me badly and nobody was available for me because my people believed his lies having successfully isolated me from my friends. I did exactly what that woman did. Inside the aircraft, I called him and said: “I’m calling to say goodbye. If God permits, we will meet again, definitely not as husband and wife. It’s good riddance to your bad rubbish. I’m gone for good. My children are here with me. Carry on with your miserable life. Bye!” Before he could say ‘jack’ I switched off my phone because the pilot was already on the runway. That’s I got here. I perfected everything under his nose without knowing. Thanks for the good job you’re doing. God bless you sir. – Mrs. B. A, Canada.

     

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  • ‘Callous Men are Devils, Please Run!’ – By Michael West

    ‘Callous Men are Devils, Please Run!’ – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    A Lagos based businessman called to ask for help because he wanted to “secure” his wife so she can always obey him. “When I had money, I was ‘king’ to her and her family but since things have not been rosy with me in recent times, my wife has become stubborn and confrontational. As we speak, she has refused to return from the East since we travelled for Christmas last December. Surprisingly, she said she is no longer interested in the marriage. Can you imagine? I want to ‘secure’ her so she can obey me and stop listening to her mother and her influencers.”

    The caller didn’t know that powers sourced through mediums and alternative means are ephemeral. Such powers have expiry time as well as consequences. There’s nothing as peaceful, dependable and lasting as the power of prayers which has no consequences. Many of the forced marriages or relationships don’t end well. After I explained these to him, he agreed to drop the idea and chose to embrace interventions that will bring back his wife to him through dialogue.

    Not a few women called to share their gory tales in bad marriages. While some have “escaped”, others said they are still taking their time but are hell-bent on quitting. Two callers said they have settled for what they termed “marriage of convenience” – this means they live apart but still married. In case either of the party chooses to move on or decides to end the union, filing for divorce will not be a problem since separation as a precondition is already being fulfilled.

    Today, I decided to publish one of the stories available. The 44-year-old woman explained that: “From the onset, I knew my marriage won’t last; because it was more of a reluctant union. I almost backed out at the last minutes but the fear of what people will say goaded me into it.

    “The early sign I noticed was that he was hostile to my friends. Later, he restricted his own family members from visiting us, a decision that made it possible for him to stop my own family members from visiting us, too. He did that knowing it will enable him to do whatever he liked with me.

    “I read Banking and Finance in the university but when I had a job offer from a new generation bank he rejected it. He said the job will expose me to men and they will chase after me in the course of duty. Every appeal to allow me pursue a career in my field fell on deaf ears. Months later, I got another job offer from a telecommunication company, again, he also declined approval, saying it will expose me to men. There and then I knew I got it wrong in the choice I made in marriage.

    “To be honest, I didn’t like buying and selling kind of business. I preferred corporate jobs. I went for my MBA with the aim of floating a consulting firm, he allowed me to go through the course sponsored by my parents but disallowed me to prospect for business opportunities. At the end of the day, my parents suggested I should consider buying and selling if that is what he wanted for me. Alas! He said he had no money to invest in or fund my business, not even a loan. He said I should raise the capital by myself. That was when I fully realised that I was into a big marital trouble.

    “All the while, I suffered physical assaults and dehumanized treatments whenever we had altercations. Twice I had miscarriages due to abuse and domestic violence. At some point, he stopped me from visiting my parents because they warned him against further assaults. He was a top executive at work, (but now retired) yet, he scarcely provide enough for us at home. He told me during a quarrel that giving enough money to women for family upkeep is a subtle way of empowering them because they will manage it to their own advantage. Callous men are not generous at all and they deliberately deny financial support to their wives in order to weaken, subdue and humble them. The little women have in savings will be spent to augment the needs at home because of children. As a result, abused women will stay longer in lack, insufficiency and in suffering. Whenever such men show a little kindness, feebleminded women easily forget all the torture they have been subjected to. Some will even go as far as telling their men how they had been advised to quit.

    “One day, alone in the house, I reviewed my marital journey so far, 12 years had gone without a glimmer of hope for improvement. My dream and passion are being frustrated. I had no sustainable means of income. There’s no future here if I stay on. I decided to quit. I knew that he would pretend to be remorseful whereas if he succeeded to hold me back, getting out will be more difficult, I then mapped out a strategy that took three months to perfect without informing anybody about it. The day I was ready to quit, I invited his youngest sister to please see me. When she came, I entertained her and made her to relax till the school bus brought my children from school. After feeding the children and while they settled to do their homeworks, I told her to look after the children that I wanted to pick some items at the nearby store. That was how I left with only my handbag at about 5pm.

    “She won’t leave until I return and her brother met her at home. They started calling my line. I didn’t respond until I got to Abuja the next day. I told him that I’m done with the marriage. He should tell his sister to take care of the children. I needed to progress and pursue my own dream.

    “He ran to my parents, got in touch with my friends he said he didn’t want to see around me. At the end of the day, I agreed to allow the children to stay with me on three conditions:

    • That he must agree to a divorce which he accepted before I allowed him to bring the children to me in Abuja.

    • That he must agree to provide for the monthly upkeep and regular payment of school fees for the children. He consented.

    • That our discussions thenceforth must be about and not beyond the issues concerning our children. Nothing more. He was initially hesitant but he budged eventually.

    “I got a lawyer to draft the agreement and we both signed. That was how I escaped from the lion’s den. Previously, I had made an attempt at separation which he thwarted by prevailing over my parents and friends to beg me to return. Yet, this man won’t change. After each disagreement, he would demonstrate fake attitudes of a changed man. In fact, he pretended for almost three months at a time during which I almost cancelled my divorce plans. I got so convinced and carried away that I concluded that nobody is perfect after all. A situation later arose which brought out his concealed person. They can only pretend to buy time until it will be too late for their ‘victims’ to quit.

    “I left my children behind as a strategy to have my way and to get them to live with me without yielding any ground to his advantage. If I had gone with my children, he won’t be responsible for their welfare and education, and the journey to get my bearings may not be as easy and fast as it was that time. I took to a wise counsel of a confidant and it paid off.

    “I want to advise women in similar situations to please run for dear lives. Callous men are devils, and devils never repent of their deeds. Your sanity, human dignity and purpose in life matter a lot. It is foolish for any woman to die or get mentally deranged because of marriage. I have since been remarried to a valued friend who celebrates me beyond the beauty that my ex was killing me over. He also supports my dream and passion wholeheartedly. The fear of what people will say still keep several women in bad marriages while some are dying in it daily, untimely and silently.”

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

    08035304268

    08059964446

  • Bad marriage: Why men ‘secure’ their wives – By Michael West

    Bad marriage: Why men ‘secure’ their wives – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    Saturday, January 8, 2022, as early as 6:30am, I received a call that cleared sleep out of my eyes. The caller, who hide his caller ID, explained why some men do seek spiritual help to cage their wives. The caller, who later disclosed his identity said “it is not evil to ‘secure’ a good wife especially when you know that her presence brings favour and prosperity into your life.”

    His words: “I ‘secured’ my spouse for good reasons. I love her so much and I don’t want her to lose her because men chase after her everywhere. Besides, I don’t think what I did is evil since I didn’t harm her in anyway. I’m a hotly jealous man and I become temperamental whenever I see men trying to woo her whether online or offline. Some men are so daring, because she is beautiful, they can’t hide their admiration for her even when they see us together. I became abusive as a result. I do beat her silly and that’s why she’s been threatening me with divorce. I deny her financial support as a way to weaken her willpower. I did a few other things to subdue her. I did all that to secure my home.

    “I didn’t know about the ‘native security’ until I shared my fears with a friend. He took me to a man who, to my amazement, said that women with good and prosperous aura are in short supply these days. ‘If you are lucky to have one, you have to secure (tie) her from going away.’ He did some findings about my wife in my presence and told me things I have never shared with anybody that had happened to us. The man was so accurate that I admitted that I needed his help immediately. That was how I’m able to keep her till date.”

    I asked to know in case she finds out, he said it is not impossible because she attends a praying church where anything can be revealed but I did nothing wrong. I simply make her uninterested in any other man except me. That’s all. Besides, she may not believe it because she has never seen charms or any juju with me before. The spiritualist didn’t give me anything and the work is very effective. He doesn’t have to give you anything. It is the target’s details that are only required.”

    As revealing and scary as this appears to be, most of those who engage in such practices see their innocent spouses as ‘captives’ in their marital cells. This brings to mind the trust issue in relationships and the need for abusive partners to make conscious efforts to have a change of attitude rather than going spiritual to manipulate their spouses. However, the way men hook their wives from divorcing or separating from them, likewise, there are women who subdue the willpower of their husbands in order to gain control and enjoy the latitude to do whatever pleases them.

    I’m aware of the potency of God-given power to humanity. As a believer, I know the power of God is attainable through prayers, fasting and living a consecrated life. However, it is also possible to access other form of powers through alternative means through mediums, invocation of metaphysical rituals and elemental beings. Therefore, the users of alternative means to influence things in their favour do not see anything wrong with it.

    Through interactions I had with some senior citizens over this issue, I discovered that the use of native means to stabilize marriages is not new to our society, though discreetly applied. An 81-year-old community elder who spoke to me explained that “Our fathers and grandfathers used native means effectively and silently to prevent good women from leaving them. Naturally, women dislike rivalry but patriarchal authority, wisdom and traditional nuances were deployed to maintain the balance at homes. Men were ‘kings’ in that era. Their words and actions were authoritarian and unquestionable. However, our mothers at the time, too, had their own subtle methods through which they checkmated and defied their husbands without acrimony. The fathers at the time didn’t have the animalistic nature of beating their wives. They used abstinence from sex and rejection of foods as major weapons to discipline erring or recalcitrant wives. Have you wondered why a woman who had moved out and remarried, after having one or two children elsewhere, she will return to her first husband and they will still live in peace as if nothing had happened? That’s elders’ secret at work. In addition, our fathers graciously applied tolerance, patience and forgiveness as key factors that sustained their marriages. Those three virtues are needed to keep marriages working in this generation. However, a virtuous woman can still divorce especially if her marriage is largely abusive; and, importantly, if she has a strong family support, but not without the man making efforts to prevent her exit.”

    There are two major ways people keep their spouses in bad marriages. One, through delay tactics and, two, through spiritual means. There are two major categories of spouses that people won’t let go out of their lives easily: spouses that have positive and prosperous aura or what people refer to as good luck. Also, kind-hearted, faithful, responsible and industrious spouses.

    According to a clinical psychologist who is also a relationship coach but preferred to remain anonymous, “The most effective strategy that men use to keep their abused spouses in marriages is superficial change of attitudes and begging. They apply this method to buy time. They’re ready to say sorry whenever their wives are provoked or they threaten to quit. The men usually plead for another chance over and over again. Through this approach, weeks will roll into months and months into years and still counting.

    “They use delay tactics to keep women blessed with great attributes and godly character in bad marriages. The women will merely rant, threaten and weep but going nowhere. They often rationalize their continued stay on factors like children, people’s opinions and religious affiliations without thinking about their own lives, sanity and wellbeing.

    “The abusive and mean men are known through failed or partially fulfilled promises, selfish behaviours, suggesting ideas or projects that will take some years to accomplish while still exhibiting their hurtful traits, feigning to be caring and romantic only when they need sex, pretending to appreciate their spouses using flattery and cajoling them into believing that they mean well. They isolate their wives from family and friends that can influence them. Some of the men do cover up their sinister motives with religious facade etc. Unfortunately, softhearted women who fall for their lies and tricks would regret when it is too late to quit on account of age. At that time, the man will totally relapse into his hard, selfish, vindictive and abusive character without restraints knowing that it is no longer in her interest to quit the marriage no matter how frustrating it may be.”

    Conversely, this scenario also plays out against men. It is even worse for men because such unfortunate men are treated as slaves, rendered financially incapacitated and in some cases, imbecilic. I know a man who became so retarded that he would accompany his wife to the waiting car of her lover. A number of times, he would advise the man to please take care of his wife till the next day in case they finish their ‘meetings’ late because he’s not comfortable with his wife returning home at night. I think you also can cite one or two similar cases you know or you have heard of. While men ‘secure’ their spouses from divorcing them, wicked women do manipulate their men into becoming somebody that can’t challenge or curtail their excesses.

    In conclusion, the octogenarian alluded to the fact that “Nobody throws stones or sticks at fruitless trees. Men will go the extra mile to keep beautiful women of value. They are great assets and blessing to their husbands. Those frustrating and inflicting pains on their spouses should change before it is too late. They may beg, make promises (most of which are usually not fulfilled) and ‘settle’ those who have a say or influence on the spouse’s family but if the abuse continues, the marriage will ultimately collapse. Some men are aware that if their spouses should go, they may likely experience dwindling fortunes thereafter. Warnings like these are the reasons they become desperate and use all means possible to help themselves.”

    • West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk

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  • Ending the unroyal squabbles at Ooni’s palace – By Michael West

    Ending the unroyal squabbles at Ooni’s palace – By Michael West

    By Michael West

    Considering the messy and scandalous level the controversy generated by the separation announced by Queen Naomi has assumed especially on social media, I think His Majesty, Oba Adeyeye Eniitan Ogunwusi, should back off and allow Queen Naomi Silekunola go away. I propose this as my humble and sincere counsel for the royal father in order to preserve the dignity and sacredness of the highly treasured throne of Arole Oodua.

    The controversy keeps mutating and rolling in the orbit of rumoured accusations and counter-accusations between the two camps. While those on the side of the throne heap blames on the Queen and her family members for alleged unruly and fraudulent behaviours, those who are sympathetic to the beautiful Queen are blaming the Kabiyesi, his sisters and the palace clique of “jealous” oloris for the unconventional behaviour by Queen Naomi. I don’t want to recapitulate the dirty details and gossips flying all over the social media about the dispute since none of the rumoured allegations has been verified or made official by the disputing parties.

    To start with, Queen Naomi erred! She committed a big blunder by first externalizing what supposed to be a family issue. Going on the social media to announce her separation from the throne is antithetical to African culture and tradition. Her action has caused a big stir in the palace. In the first place, she ought to know that marrying an oba, the most revered monarch in Yorubaland for that matter, is not going to be a normal marital deal like she would possibly have with any other man out there. Queen Naomi, by the virtue of marrying the Ooni has become the royal mother of Yoruba people. Her position is so valued and celebrated that she can’t just do whatever she likes. Becoming the Queen is tantamount to sacrificing her privacy, social life, and, to a large extent, her missionary assignment for the throne. That is why some people are insinuating that perhaps she was enamoured with the opulence, prestige and benefits attached to the throne. I refuse to debate this thought because she is not available to defend herself. One thing I desire to know is whether she received divine approval for her marriage to the Ooni. We have cases where good believers have married obas successfully without denying the faith. However, such women are not gospel ministers like Queen Naomi. This is why many Christians disapprove of her marriage to Ooni in the first place. “Knowing what it entails to be a Queen to a deep-rooted traditional throne like that of Ooni is practically irreconcilable with her faith and calling as a minister of God. If she has left on the basis of her faith, it would have been a different matter altogether.” A female gospel minister has said in her comment. And since the Queen has not made it public if she had divine leading to go into the marriage or not, it will be preposterous for anybody to assume what nobody is sure of.

    From the snippets obtained from sources, Queen Naomi might have been wrongly advised to act in an unroyal manner by those she listens to. Apparently, she’s now overwhelmed by the turn of event which is contrary to her expectation. I perceive the Queen to be a strong-willed young woman. I have been conscious of her strong personality way back at the beginning of her marriage. While speaking, her tone and choice of words depict a bold and intelligent personality. Her beauty and calling as a missionary ostensibly fleece over her real person. She is not disrespectful but fearless and vocal. I have never met or encountered her one-on-one but the unfolding scenario seems to lend credence to my opinion and perception of the Queen. Initially, she may not have envisaged the ensued uproars trailing her separation, but when the issue became festered, she’s scared of her missteps and the manner in which she handles the matter.

    As it is now, the public is aware of deft moves to reconcile her with the Ooni. But I want to sincerely advise her not to return to the palace no matter the pressure. Regardless of who is involved in the peacemaking efforts, if she truly loves herself, she should agree to any arrangement that would engender a lasting peace and forgiveness but excluding returning to the palace. Returning to the palace might not be in her best interest, and it should not be part of the conditions for peace and forgiveness. His Royal Majesty should please let go. He should also plead with those who may feel slighted by her action to please forgive the ‘uninitiated’ Queen from their hearts so she can live her life in peace. It is feared that the traditional high command in Ile Ife may want to ‘discipline’ the Queen in their own way. Kabiyesi and Ile Ife traditionalists should consider the grace of the crown and the interest of the prince, Tadenikawo, and let go. The mess is too much for the throne such that her return cannot atone for the violation of palace rules which could mean a passive affront on the royalty. In fact, Kabiyesi should demonstrate his love for the Queen by not bringing her back to the palace. Instead, he should be more concerned with protecting and preserving the dignity of the throne. This suggestion is to protect the Queen from the backlash of her action, as well as for the sanctity of the ancient throne.

    The whole issue is basically marital. Gossips, lies and disparaging stories flying all over the place should be ignored. Going forward, Ooni Eniitan Ogunwusi should please allow due diligence to be executed in the choices of new oloris. Cases of desertion and acrimony in the palace is not adding credit to the image of the throne. I see this as a challenge in the life of the monarch. This is the time to support him and not to vilify or harshly criticize him for his choices and the manner in which the women were quitting. This is a serious challenge that requires the intervention of the elders. In the time past, apart from the wife or wives an oba already had before ascending the throne, many other wives came in as ‘gifts’ or through matchmaking; yet, the women were made to go through the rigours of screening and spiritual purification as prerequisites to qualify as oloris. Ooni Eniitan Ogunwusi is a cross bearer in this respect. He is not the only traditional ruler that keeps a harem of women in his palace. It is their norm. The fact that it is becoming an issue for him should rather be a source of concern than attracting scathing remarks or reprimands.

    I want to conclude by advising Queen Naomi to embark on a prayer retreat in order to rediscover herself and realign with her assignments and purpose. She should watch videos, listen to online conversations and read diverse stories and gossips about her family members. I’m not sure everything said about them is true but she should frontally address and work on the areas that she knows are dishonouring. It will be disappointing if some of the things said about her family members are true. If and when another opportunity presents itself for her, she would handle things differently knowing that she’s the one going into marriage and not her entire family. Let them remain respectful in-laws they ought be without constituting any problem to her life again.

    From the Mailbox

    Re: Bad Marriage: ‘Why We’re Scared to Quit!’

    May God deliver everyone in the prison of bad marriage. May He give them the courage, strength, wisdom, ability, boldness, resources, and everything they need to break free from the prisons. And for the captors, an end shall come upon their activities and set their captives free in Jesus’ name. – Becky Olorunpomi, Lagos.

    Many crazy women who would not allow their husbands to sleep at night by tormenting them with endless quarrel and nagging are the ones you are defending. Please let’s not make it look as if men are the only problem. – Chief Emo Diadenaru.

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    Quote:

    “The mess is too much for the throne such that her return channot atone for the violation of palace rules which could mean a passive affront on the royalty. In fact, Kabiyesi should demonstrate his love for the Queen by not bringing her back to the palace.”