By Francis Ewherido
I stopped following music since the 90s. Although I still like music and nod or dance when the music I like is being played, I cannot be categorized as a music lover. In fact, I am an audiovisual person, and even that too is under threat. I have been off television for the much of past seven months. It had to go because it was becoming a huge distraction. A man cannot be all things and as you grow older, you must become more definitive about what you want to do with your life. You adjust your value orientation and focus more on what adds value to your life, where your bread is buttered and what makes life more meaningful to you.
Why have I been rambling? I want to delve a little into unfamiliar waters, music and musicians, and if I goof, you know why. In recent years, I have listened to some great Nigerian music; if not the lyrics, at least the rhythm and beats. I often ask my children or music lovers and followers, “who sang this” and many of the great hits have been ascribed to P-Square (the twin brothers, Peter and Paul Okoye). For some time now, they have been in the news for the wrong reasons. They, along with their elder brother, Jude, have been squabbling. Initially, it was rumoured to be a publicity stunt, but I guess the handshake has gone beyond the elbow with some recent events, especially the video of their fight that went viral.
What are they squabbling about? I do not really know beyond what many of us read in the media. Their lawyer, my Urhobo brother, Festus Keyamo (SAN), has requested for restraint in jumping to conclusions. I do not know them personally, but I am very sad about what is happening and do not intend to dwell on the negatives. But in situations like this, there are lessons for the rest of us to learn and while I pray they resolve their differences amicably, the “rest of us” are my primary concern henceforth.
One, who anybody decides to get married to, is his/her business. The rest of humanity can offer advice, but you do not dictate to anybody who to marry and who not to marry. We are not the all-knowing God; we are limited beings, who only know in part, so we do not know who a God-given spouse is, except revealed by God. If you, as a parent or relative, feel so strongly about it, take it to the all-knowing and all-seeing God in prayers and let His will prevail. You can also decide not to be part of the wedding arrangement. But do not dictate to anybody on marital choices. If over time you are proven wrong, you apologise and move on. But if events later confirm your fears, valuable lessons would have been learnt by your ward. We just pray the damage then will not be irreversible.
Two, it is wrong to stereotype a whole ethnic group. Just five days ago, an Igbo woman was telling me that women from one part of Imo State are generally known to be promiscuous. I still believe that is generalization taken too far. God created every being uniquely and specifically. Even if there is a prevalence of certain habits in a geographical location as a result of the culture or certain practices, the individual, created uniquely and specifically, still deserves the benefit of the doubt until he/she proves he/she is no different. So, you cannot, on account of ethnicity or stereotype, deny people the opportunity to be with partners they have deep feelings for. In any case, why should the defective opinion of a dead parent be used to determine the marital fate of a sibling?
Three, for those siblings sharing apartment, once one or both decide to get married; it is to time to split accommodation. It is very difficult for two households to live under one roof. Every woman, especially today’s woman, wants her own palace (even if it is a single-room dwelling) where she can reign as queen. Sharing accommodation with an equally married sibling does not allow that.
Some people are blaming the P-Square wives for sowing seed of discord among the brothers, but I do not believe it is about the wives. We often say, marriage is for men, not boys and people mistake that for chronological age. We are talking about emotional maturity and wisdom. Every married man has a responsibility to be in firm control of his household. Nobody should blame the wives when the men fail in their responsibility. Once you get married, you must know how to manage your relationship with your wife, on the one hand, and your siblings, on the other hand. I have said it before, your wife is your attack dog, but you must never allow her to bite your siblings; take all the bites. From the P-Square video I saw ego, pride, lack of self-control and immaturity were at play; nothing to do with the wives. Also, the language they used on each other was shocking (“idiot,” “nigga,” “fuck you”).
In addition, when you vowed during your wedding to love and cherish your wife, you agreed, by extension, to protect her. Therefore you have a responsibility to shield your wife from attacks and abuse by others, including your siblings. If your wife and your siblings do not see eye-to-eye, simply put them in water-tight compartments. It is not written anywhere that your wife and siblings must be chummy for your marriage to be successful, although it is better if you are one big happy family.
Four, unknown to Peter and Paul, their constant squabbles can shake the faith of other siblings and other talented people who want to be partners in business or form musical groups. But I advise all such people to do their homework well and take the plunge. Nothing gets achieved by inaction. If you know your sibling well enough and you think both of you can complement each other (as I was told Peter and Paul Okoye were doing), why not? If things go wrong later, savour the good times and learn valuable lessons from the bad.
Five, you do not cut your nose to spite your. P-Square may be losing plenty of money with their endless squabbles.
These kinds of squabbles can rob them of new endorsements and renewal of existing deals.
Finally, from my little knowledge of the duo, they seem to be better together. They should not allow pride, ego and immaturity to ruin an otherwise brilliant music career. But if they can blossom in their solo careers and live peacefully, why not? But I just hope and pray they do not get De-P-Squared (go their separate ways) and go into musical oblivion. That will be very sad.
NB: I am just reading that P-Square have reconciled and Peter has apologized. Great news; I pray it is permanent. Everything under the sun can be resolved if there is empathic communication.
